Sicko

by Amo Jones

  The thought of Jade being in any kind of trouble is enough to have me seething.

  “She said that some of them were kids.”

  Isaac leans back on his squad car, crossing his legs at the ankles. “Not often. The ones that were passed through were up from their parents for debt, money. The children that she mentioned, they weren’t trafficked for sex or slavery. That was for the adoption trade. A lot of rich folks out there who can’t have kids and have too much money to wait in line.” His hand is on my shoulder, squeezing. “Seven months, you’ll receive a text from me. Follow the instructions and you’ll get your wish. In the meantime.” His eyes went to the van and I followed, that same guilt eating up my stomach. “Be there for your girl, and your mom, man. They’re going to need it.” He turns to leave and just as I make my way back to the van, I pause in my steps.

  “Isaac?” I call out, turning around.

  He catches me. “Yes?”

  “The tip you got?”

  I watch as a smile truly curves up on his mouth. “Well, let’s just say it was Anonymous.”

  Fucking hell. Thoughts twist into knots over what and how I’m going to come to terms with not just everything that has unraveled, but handling the one thing I don’t think I’m strong enough to deal with.

  Guilt.

  Jade is the one person on this earth that I would straight-up kill, die, bend, snap, do anything for. She had me at her feet, ready to do whatever she wanted, but what if what she wants is to let me go.

  I remember feeling fear for the first time in my life. It was when I saw Royce fall off his skateboard and skin his knees so bad that you could see bone. I cried for days because I thought he was going to die.

  We’re back at the clubhouse an hour later, the realism of everything falling around the SUV like a heavy cloud. No one has spoken a word to each other, and Royce hasn’t so much as flinched near me. That same fear I felt when I was a kid, I feel now too. Please don’t leave me.

  Wicked turns the car off and we all pile out, my knees weak and eyes sticky with fatigue. My phone starts ringing in my pocket and I take it out, seeing Sloane’s name on the screen.

  I swipe it to answer. “Hi.”

  “Oh my god! I just saw the news.”

  I gulp past the nerves. Here comes the next part that we will have to live through. The shame. The pity. The “Oh my god, I wonder what he did to her!” All of that doesn’t mean anything to me, though.

  “I know,” is all I manage to say, my throat parched and lips cracked. My skin itches to be washed, my eyes desperate for sleep.

  “Are you okay?” she asks, and I love her for it. The simplicity of Sloane and I’s friendship has played a big part in my survival over the years. She helped keep my feet grounded, helped provide a normal life for me when I wasn’t with Kyle.

  “I will be. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “I love you, Jade.”

  “I love you too.” We both hang up and I take a moment to really look at the damage of the clubhouse. The shooting where Bonnie was standing, the blood on the ground from Kyle being dragged to the back of the house, the wired gates at the front shattered in the explosion.

  “Royce,” Lion interrupts, but I’m still lost in the midst of the chaos that I don’t realize the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. “Take her home and come back tomorrow.”

  Royce is by my side, his hand in mine as he directs me toward his car. “Come on.”

  Wicked calls out as I slide into the passenger seat. “We’ll catch a ride.”

  Forgetting that Wicked has been living with Royce, I slip the belt on across my chest and rest my forehead on the cool window. My arms are around my torso protectively, my lips trembling. It’s over. I don’t trust those words, even though my muscles relax at the thought. I don’t trust that he’s not going to escape and chase me, throwing me back into his world.

  Car doors close behind me.

  The V8 rumbles beneath my seat.

  I close my eyes and blindly reach for the radio. I want to talk to Poppy, but right now I need nothing but music to fill the empty parts of myself. Music is the only thing powerful enough to fill the voids in your soul. Music is the language of healing, as Seether “I’ll Survive” plays through the speakers.

  We arrive back to the cabin just under an hour later. Walking through the wooden doors was like coming home for the first time. I kick off my shoes near the door and begin undressing out of, tossing my clothes before I’ve even hit the hallway that leads to the bedrooms.

  “Ahhh,” Royce says from somewhere behind me. “I get that Wicked has seen you in every which way, but we’re still going to need boundaries.”

  I ignore him, heading straight for his bedroom and falling onto his bed. I know I should shower. I smell of death. But before I can fight with myself to get up, my eyes are already closed and darkness is taking hold.

  My phone says 3:04 a.m. Three a.m. Swinging my legs over the bed while trying not to wake a sleeping Royce, I pad to the bathroom and turn on the shower. The whole wall is glass, which overlooks the ocean with a claw-foot tub sitting in the middle of the room. There’s a rainforest shower behind with no walls or curtains, the bathroom sink is floating, bolted to the wall. I have to text India and give her props on the décor of his house. Her small touches made it feel like a home.

  Tossing my clothes into the corner, I step into the shower and sigh as the hot water pelts down over my skin. The water at my feet slowly turns brown as the day washes off of me. Squeezing soap and rubbing it into my skin, I rinse it off before working on my hair—thankful that Royce actually has decent shampoo and conditioner. Pretty boy.

  Hands are on either side of my head, caging me against the wall just as I’m washing out the rest of the conditioner from my hair. His lips brush the skin where my neck meets my arm. “Pretty fucking mad at you right now, Duchess.”

  “Ditto,” I murmur, flicking my hair over my shoulder nonchalantly.

  His hand is on my lower stomach, pressing my ass into him, his cock against my back. He wraps my hair around his fist and yanks my head to the side. “Yeah?” he growls, biting at my neck. His lips come to my earlobe. “Show me.”

  He spins me around and slams me up against the wall, his hand on my throat. I lick my lips, looking up at him from under my lashes. “Spit on me.”

  The corner of his mouth kicks up in a smirk. “Was wondering when you’d demand that.” He leans down, licking me from my jaw, up past my cheek. “When I want to.” He lifts me from my ass and lowers me onto his dick. I moan, my fingernails digging into his shoulders as his other hand comes behind my neck and squeezes tightly. He pumps in and out, until the sound of us fucking fills the air. His mouth is on mine, our tongues intertwined. My back scrapes against the wall as his fingers bite into my skin. He drops my feet back to the ground, his hand still secure around my throat as he directs me down onto my knees. His tongue curls out, a smirk on his lips as he spits on my face as I reach for his cock. Interrupting my ideas, he pushes me all the way down to the ground and climbs on top of me, slipping back between my thighs.

  He rides my body hard, my legs clenching around his waist. His fingers come up to my chin, clenching my cheeks tight as his cock hits every nerve inside of me. He spits on my face again and I fall apart, my orgasm ripping through my body in savage tremors.

  He continues, slowing the pace. Working my body past the point where I thought I couldn’t go further. I feel myself building as his hand comes to my cheek and he slaps me gently across the cheek. “Don’t fucking come until I say. I gave you that one.”

  He leans down and catches my lower lip between his teeth, bringing my leg up to flex straight against his chest while pressing my other wide. With both hands handled on me, he grips my body and slams me against his cock.

  I scream out, the pleasure and pain threshold damn near overflowing. His mouth is on my leg, his teeth sinking into my flesh, drawing blood as he continues to move my body into his
relentlessly. So strong. So good. His hands are at my hips, biting into them and flipping me over to my belly as water pelts down. He raises me to my knees and slaps me across the ass hard. “No more lies, Duchess…”

  A painful scream rips out of me. “Okay!”

  He slaps me again. “What?” I can hear the chuckle he’s hiding in his tone.

  He pumps me a few times and I clench around his girth. He pulls out and yanks me backward until I’m sitting on him reverse, one hand at the front of my throat. I ride him hard, so close to catching the release my body needs. He squeezes again, turning me around and laying back on top of me, his hand back at my chin and his body riding against mine. My clit swells, everything inside of me threatens to explode.

  “Slap me.” My nails dig into his back, scratching down over his tatted ribs.

  He snickers so low it vibrates over my neck as he raises his head, his eyes coming to mine. His hand flies across my cheek just as he dives inside of me roughly, his other hand on the side of my face to hold him up.

  “Harder,” I plead, my legs clenching around his waist.

  “Fuck me, Jade.” He knows how I like it and how I need it. He knows.

  I scream at him, so close and near that I’m seconds away from releasing. “Royce!” I scream. “Please.”

  His hand comes to my chin, his fingers squeezing as he slows his pace down, riding me hard and slow. His pelvic bone rubs over my clit as soft growls escape me. “Royce.”

  “Shut the fuck up, Duchess!” he snaps at me, his fingers tightening around my cheeks. “Look at me.”

  I don’t. I just need him to slap me. To hurt me.

  He yanks my face. “Look at me right the fuck now.”

  I do, slowly my eyes lock on to his and my stomach flips, my heart swelling. Overcome with emotion, tears prick my eyes. He continues to pump inside of me. Not gentle, but slow. “Royce, I get emotional if I can’t come.”

  He smiles, flashing his white teeth. “You don’t need that shit with me. You hear?”

  “I know I don’t! I just like it.”

  He shakes his head, dropping down onto his elbow so he’s directly on top of me now, his lips on mine. “I won’t fucking hit here again.” He bites on my cheek so hard I know it’s going to bruise. “I’ll do other shit, but I won’t slap you again. Unless it’s on your ass. Deal?”

  My arm wraps around his neck. “Deal.”

  He rolls over, grinding inside of me, his lips on mine, his tongue down my throat. He flicks my tongue with his, nibbles on my lip, but never breaks contact. “Let go, baby.”

  I do, as he empties himself inside of me through harsh pulses.

  He falls down beside me as we catch our breath.

  “Jesus…”

  “I actually think we might kill each other in bed one day, and I am not joking.” He chuckles, standing back up.

  “Most likely.” I crawl up slowly, slipping back beneath the water and washing myself quickly again before turning the faucet off.

  “Duchess.” His words stop me in my tracks, just as I reach for the towel and wrap it around my body. I watch him through the mirror as he drinks me in with his eyes. They come back to mine. “We do need to talk.”

  “I know.” I squeeze the excess water from my hair, twisting it into a bun and clipping it to my scalp. “I’m hungry, though.”

  After he grabbed some snacks, I shrugged on his Wolf Pack MC t-shirt while he stayed partially naked. Laying on top of his covers, the early morning sun sets the sky to flames with a soft burnt orange hue behind me. It’s comforting to have the warmth of the sun on my back after everything that has happened.

  He reaches up and runs his thumb over my bottom lip. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I left. At the time, I thought I was doing it to save you, but I ended up hurting you.”

  “Royce, it’s not your fault.” I sigh, running my fingertips through my hair and resting my head on the palm of my hand. “I could have told you when you came home. I guess we were both doing things we thought were right for the other person.”

  Royce smiles. “Yeah. I guess.” His thumb slips between my lips and I would roll my eyes at the sexual context of it if I knew it wouldn’t turn him on. “Gotta ask you something and I need you to be honest with me.”

  I nod.

  “You thinking of running from me anytime soon?”

  I shake my head, biting down on his thumb.

  “Good.”

  “Why?” I ask once his thumb is out.

  He shrugs. “Don’t feel like chasing, and I will chase you if you run.”

  I reach for the pack of potato chips that are near him, popping it open and chewing. “I hope they find all of his clients.”

  “They will,” Royce says, looking up at the ceiling. He looks to the side, his eyes coming back to mine. “You know how many people’s lives you changed doing what you did?”

  Sucking the salt off my thumb, I smile sadly. “Wish I could have saved more.”

  He pulls me into his chest, pressing his lips against my head. “You know what you’re going to do with college?”

  “Yeah,” I say, tossing the bag of chips onto the floor. “I’m going to get my medical degree for Bonnie.”

  “Mmmm,” Royce says, pulling me farther into his arms. As a brother, he kept me safe, but as a lover, he keeps me sane. “Royce?”

  “Yeah?” he murmurs into my hair.

  “What are we?” It’s a question I should have been thinking about a lot more often than I have.

  Silence. His shoulders are shaking and it’s not until I pull away from him slightly and glare up at him from below that I realize he’s laughing.

  “What’s funny!” I shove him.

  “Oh nothing,” he says casually. “It’s just amusing that you think you’ll ever have a life outside of me.”

  “That’s not helpful, Royce…” I grumble.

  His arm slips between our bodies, his finger hooking under my chin to tilt my face up to his. “You’re mine, Duchess. In every fucking way that is possible for a woman to be owned by a man. You’re mine.”

  “Like, girlfriend, or like, old lady, or fiancée?”

  His eyes close as he attempts to contain his laugh.

  I shove him again. “Shut up, Roy! Your world is weird.”

  His voice is hoarse from his laughing, his hard chest against mine. “Jade.” He kisses me. “All of the above.”

  My insides melt.

  Wish I could say I never thought I’d have Jade sitting on my lap, all wrapped up in me, but I’d be lying. Her and I, it was inevitable. Bound to happen, it was just a matter of when time matched fate.

  Jade leans forward, placing the cards down onto the table and scooping up all of Lion’s money. “I should have mentioned I was good at this…”

  “You get it from me,” Lion says, a proud smile on his face. It has been two weeks since Kyle has been put away, and I’m itchy as fuck to get my hands on him. I’ve thought of a thousand different ways I can kill him, and I know how I’m going to do it. I fucking know. My mom has been busying herself with renovations of our family house to keep her mind off the fact that my dad turned out to be who he was. Jade and I are driving down tomorrow to stay with her for a bit. Keep her company. She has been drinking and struggling with the guilt of Jade, too, and I think it might offer her some kind of closure if she and Jade sit down to talk.

  Seeing Lion with Olivia was weird at first, soon after Bonnie passed. But if he feels even half of what I feel for Jade, then I get it. I understand it. Bonnie was important to him and the club, but Olivia is his Jade, and besides that, Jade gets to know her mom and dad. Together. After everything that she has been through, she deserves that. Bits were blurry as to how Jade came about in our house until Ollie cleared it up. Ollie had to keep her death story so that they could allow the plan to wash out. I also figure Ollie is, if not the, runner of Anonymous. She hasn’t admitted it, and probably won’t ever, but what she has been through an
d the way she carries herself with confidence reminds me of someone who leads an army, not a lost woman broken on the inside. I’d never tell Lion this, but Jade obviously gets her strength and heart from her mom. She had been tailing us for years, watching over Jade. When she gave birth to her, Kyle instantly had her ‘killed.’ He failed because Isaac helped her escape. I get the feeling that her story is a dark one, with the years unaccounted for before she joined forces with Poppy and the rest of the girls who Jade released.

  Speaking of Poppy, Wicked hasn’t let her out of his sight. At all. Motherfucker is hella protective over her. It’s not helping that she’s attractive, and you put someone like Poppy around men like Gypsy and you’re going to have yourself a problem, despite the fact that Silver and he have been fucking around behind Fury’s back. They can fool Fury, but I see it all over their smug little faces.

  Jade leans forward and ruffles Lion’s hair. “We can work on getting you better.”

  Lion gazes at Olivia, shaking his head. “She’s a smart-ass like you.”

  Olivia laughs. “Oh, I’m sure of it.”

  Today is the day we bury Bonnie James. My heart is soft and my pain raw. Bonnie was the first woman who made me feel like I belonged here, a friend. I look over the few texts she had sent me while she was alive and I can’t stop thinking about how fragile life is. We never know when the end is near, we just have to live each day in oblivion and wait for fate to show up on our doorstep with a bouquet of flowers hanging over its scythe.

  After I’ve climbed onto Royce’s bike, I press a kiss on the back of his neck, his hand on mine at his stomach. The bikes all roar together, pulsing loudly down the empty street as he kicks off and we begin our travel together for one last ride before burying her behind the clubhouse. Ollie is on the back with Lion, they are riding directly in front of us, and Wicked slightly to the right of Royce and I, with Gypsy on the other side of Wicked. I’ve come to learn that how they ride is their position in the club. A club that has become more family to me than I ever could think possible.