“No. No, I’m not. I’m furious with myself,” Dave said.
“You’re silly. You’re Dad. You…” Ewan began, but as the boy spoke it became obvious that he realised that his father wasn’t as perfect as he’d thought. Great job, Dave reprimanded himself. Go and shatter your child’s trust in you, why don’t you. “What about Lucy?”
“What about her?” Dave asked, the words now stifled as he felt it increasingly hard to breathe. He leaned back for a deep breath, but he nearly choked. The coffee, he realised, had burnt his tongue. And he’d taken it without sugar.
“What I said to her…”
“You have to talk to her about that,” Dave said. “But she’s your sister, and she’ll understand. We’ve got to stick together from now on, Ewan. And we’ll get through this. Together.”
“Can we… look at some photos again, please? I can’t remember…” Ewan’s voice faded as his emotions overwhelmed him. Tears began to roll down his cheeks and he nearly knocked the lemonade glass over as he moved to wrap his arms around Dave’s neck. A bit surprised by the sudden motion, Dave drew his son onto his lap and held him close as he sobbed against his neck. The poor boy was so torn between being strong and maintaining a role he had created to make himself heard over his siblings — quite unnecessarily so — and now he was falling apart under the burden. How had it gotten so bad? Hadn’t Rita and he always tried to treat all their children equally? Had they tried hard enough?
Dave took a deep breath, the lump dissolving into tears spilling down his cheeks. He held Ewan even closer and felt his son return the gesture.
-:-
“Rose?”
“Yes, love?” she said, straightening in her seat, adjusting the compress on Paul’s forehead.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He’s spending some time with Ewan. Your aunt will be here soon, though. Is it okay if I stay here until she arrives?” Rose said.
“Yeah,” Paul said, his breath coming out in little puffs.
“Are you having trouble breathing, love?” Rose asked, removing the by now warm compress. The boy was burning up, and as far as she could tell the meds hadn’t taken effect yet. She had a feeling they should have done so by now.
“A little,” Paul said. “Is Ewan… he thinks it’s his fault, doesn’t he?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“It isn’t,” Paul managed to say before he coughed. Red-tinted spittle exploded on Rose’s chest as he failed to cover his mouth in time. “Oh. Oh, I’m sorry,” he wheezed.
Rose tried to suppress the horror welling up inside her. She needed to stay calm for his sake. “Don’t worry, I have some clothes upstairs.” She stood and pressed the red panic button by his bedside. As she did so, Paul coughed some more and she helped him sit upright, tugging tissues from the box on the table next to his bed.
How long would it take Frankie or Dominic to arrive?
She held Paul upright with her own body, supporting his shaking frame, whispering to him to comfort him.
“Keep holding him,” Dominic instructed as he hurried into the room, whipping his stethoscope off his neck. “Frankie, we need some oxygen.”
Rose moved aside a little, never letting go of Paul as Dominic pushed up his pyjama top to check his lungs. She pressed a kiss onto the boy’s hair. What would she tell Dave when he came back and found out what had happened? He had been close to breaking when he’d called her. If Paul’s condition deteriorated now he’d need all his strength. Maybe it was a good idea to send Evie home with Lottie, or that aunt, whenever she arrived. Wasn’t there a grandmother as well? Grannies usually worked wonders in situations like this.
Paul’s coughing became violent and he dug his fingers into her. She could barely hold him upright, and his coughs dissolved into painful wheezing.
“Put him down,” Dominic instructed her.
“What?”
“Lie him down. Now!”
No sooner had Rose lowered Paul onto the now flat bed than he stopped breathing. “Move away now,” Dominic said, brushing her aside. “Frankie, we need to intubate him.”
“What?” Rose asked in horror as she stumbled away from the bed.
“It’s haemorrhagic fever,” Dominic said, glancing from her chest to Paul. There were thin trickles of blood at his eyes, nose and ears. “Get out now, dump your shirt in the container outside. You know where the scrubs are.”
Rose refused to go. She watched as Dominic and Frankie quickly worked a clear plastic tube down Paul’s throat and connected it to the oxygen outlet in the wall above his bed. She had clamped her hand over her mouth and looked on in horror. How could she possibly tell Dave?
She turned around to leave the room and found herself face to face with Dave. Ewan was with him, and they both looked at her first in surprise, then in disbelief.
“I’m so sorry, Dave,” Rose said in a small voice.
“No.”
-:-
“Please let me see him,” Dave said. “Just for a wee while.”
“He might be contagious after all, we just don’t know. It’s a haemorrhagic fever,” Dominic said, holding Dave by the upper arm to ensure he had his attention.
“Please. Please, I don’t want him to be alone,” Dave begged.
“He’s in a coma, Dave,” Dominic said. They must have been the cruellest words Rose had ever heard.
Dave was trembling as he listened to Dominic, biting the inside of his cheek and looking away. There was only so much the poor man could take, and Dominic was denying him the comfort of being with his sick child.
“Please, Dominic,” she said softly but insistently.
Dominic sighed. “I’m not happy about it.” In his eyes Rose could see, however, that there was a part of him that wanted to say yes wholeheartedly; but he was a professional and he had to keep the safety and health of everyone in mind. “Just a short while. There are some tests we have to run.”
It was always about tests. He’d better alert Aquiouk to the new developments and urge him to hurry. Dave brushed past her and into Paul’s room, taking the flannel from Frankie who was cleaning the boy up a bit. It would take a while for the bleeding to stop. Somehow, she managed to get him to put on a pair of latex gloves.
Torn between comforting Dave and giving him some time with Paul, Rose lingered just outside the door. Ewan was standing beside her, staring numbly. Whatever Dave had said to him to draw him out of his funk, it was gone now. Rose draped her arm around his shoulders and drew him into her side. “Let’s leave them for a while, yeah?”
“What happened?” Ewan said, looking up at her, his eyes resting on the blood on her shirt.
“The fever became worse and he couldn’t breathe. That is why he has a tube down his throat now, to help him with it,” Rose explained. “It happened very quickly.”
Ewan hung his head. “And Dad wasn’t with him because he was with me,” he mumbled.
“He wasn’t alone when it happened. I was there,” Rose said, feeling a little ridiculous for telling him that. As far as the kids were concerned, she was the boss of Torchwood, trying to set things right, not a friend who was there to offer support; even if she had made dinner for them the previous night.
“He likes you,” Ewan said.
Rose looked at him in surprise. She hadn’t expected him to say that. Of all of Dave’s kids, Ewan was the one she found most difficult to understand, probably because he was the middle child, trying to find his place between his younger sister and older brother, to say nothing of Lucy. “What would you like to do?”
“I think I’d like to stay here with Paul and Dad.”
Rose sighed. Dominic didn’t like Dave staying one bit; she doubted he’d change his mind about Ewan. “How about helping me make some tea for everyone? They need to make Paul comfortable and we’d only be in their way.”
Ewan shrugged, his eyes never leaving his father who was gently mopping Paul’s brow with a flannel. Rose could see Dave shaking, and from time
to time he wiped his face. She wanted to go to him, but she knew he needed to be alone with Paul. She took off her shirt and tossed it into the hamper; she had put on a camisole as well, so she decided to change into one of her own shirts rather than the blue scrubs.
Lottie had started making tea as Ewan tried to tell her what had happened. She looked very worried when Rose returned to the guest quarters after she’d had a quick wash and put on a fresh shirt.
“What is a coma?” Evie asked, clutching Amy to herself. She was sitting at the table, her drawing abandoned.
“He’s so deeply asleep that we cannot wake him,” Rose said. “It helps his body fight whatever is inside him.”
“Aren’t the aliens going to come to help him any more?”
“Yes, they are on their way, sweetheart,” Rose said, replacing one of the clips in Evie’s hair that had come loose.
“Can I stay? I want to see them,” Evie said.
“I’m afraid that’s for your Dad to decide.”
“No,” Ewan chimed in. “No, we stay. He needs us.”
“I want Mum,” Evie protested.
Rose crouched beside Evie’s chair, her heart breaking. “I know you do, sweetheart.” She rubbed her arm.
Tears were pooling in Evie’s eyes. “Can I have a cuddle?”
“Of course you can,” Rose said, drawing the girl into her arms.
This was how Dave found them a couple of minutes later; Rose had included Ewan in the embrace. Lottie stood by somewhat helplessly. The sight of them brought fresh tears to Dave’s puffy eyes, and Rose let go of the children as he clamped his hand over his mouth. Evie looked on in horror as she saw her Dad break down. Rose took his arm and whisked him away to the bedroom; this wasn’t for the children to watch.
As soon as she had closed the door behind them he crumpled to the bed, his body racked with sobs. Rose climbed onto the bed beside him and enfolded him in her arms, her nose itching conspicuously in sympathy. She began a gentle rocking motion, rubbing his shoulder, whispering to him. Any pretence that the relationship was purely professional was blown now. But she couldn’t care less. They just needed to be careful about telling everyone.
“I can’t lose him too, Rose, I can’t,” Dave cried, his voice choked. He turned into her embrace, his face damp against her skin.
“You won’t. Dominic is doing everything he can,” she said. Holding Paul while he’d coughed had been terrifying; she’d thought he’d die in her arms, and there was nothing she could do.
“You keep saying that.”
“I know, my love. But I believe in him. And the Sheeryan. They’d never let us down.”
“He’s in a coma, Rose. A coma!”
“Yes, yes, he is.” What else could she say?
“Rita was by herself when she died. I don’t want that for Paul, but they won’t let me near him.”
“They’ll need to get things ready, Dave. They’ll let you back as soon as possible. He’s only a child. He needs to know he’s not alone,” Rose said. She pushed him gently away from her, cupping his face with her hands. “Look at me, Dave.”
He looked at her, his eyes red and swollen, his bottom lip trembling. She wiped his cheeks and jaw dry with her hand.
“We’re doing everything we can.”
His lips crashed onto hers, taking her by surprise. He deepened the kiss, plundering her mouth. Rose had to push him gently away to catch her breath. Also, his urgency and neediness, while understandable, were overwhelming. He took both of her hands into his. “I need you so much, Rose. I love you.”
“And I love you, Dave, but you’ll have to keep calm,” she said. “The kids need you; I know it’s hard, but I’ll be there for you as much as you need me to. You’re not alone, but you’ll have to accept help.”
“We can’t tell the bairns about us now, Rose. We can’t.”
“Then what do you suggest?”
“I want to stay with Paul, and I want the kids to be there as well if that’s what they want. They can’t have Paul torn out of their lives like their mother was,” Dave said.
Rose nodded. “I’ll talk to Dominic. I’m not sure he realises just how raw your grief still is,” she said.
Dave’s eyes went wide. “You don’t think… we…”
“I hate leaving that up to you, Dave. I’ll support you whatever your decision. This is your family. I don’t want to… interfere,” Rose said, her heart clenching.
He ducked his head to look at their clasped hands. “I… thank you. I know. I feel a bit… weird and ungrateful for asking your comfort in bed but having to exclude you in the ward. It’s… difficult for me.”
“I feel the same.”
He sniffed. “We’ll have to tell them. Once this is over, we’ll have to tell them.”
“Yes, okay.”
Dave cupped her cheek. “I’m sorry for overwhelming you earlier.”
“Don’t be. You’re a bit of an emotional wreck.”
He chuckled.
“Now go and get yourself cleaned up. I believe Lottie has fixed you a cuppa. I’ll go and talk to Dominic,” Rose said, kissing his forehead. He nodded and stood, letting go of her reluctantly.
“Would you like me to call Sarah?”
“No. I think Anna has already threatened to come,” he said with a wistful smile.
“She that bad?”
“She’s very protective.”
“Ah. So I’d better be my best professional self.”
“If you don’t mind.”
“I told you I’d support you in any way I can, Dave.”
“Thank you. I’m so glad I found you.”
Rose laughed. “You and me both, my love.”
She left the bedroom, closing the door carefully behind her. Evie was standing at the other end of the hall, looking at her anxiously.
“Is he crying?” she asked softly. It occurred to Rose then that Evie was very shocked to see her Dad so helpless. How on earth, she wondered, had they mourned Rita? Had they mourned her together, or was it a more or less solitary business for everyone involved? Her heart clenched at the idea. She had been so grateful for the Doctor’s quiet company after her Dad had died. The Doctor had been quite helpless to offer her comfort, but he had been there for her, with her, as she’d sat in the library clutching a mug of tea he had made for her. That one time he had taken his time before he’d whisked her away for another adventure.
“He’s fine now, sweetheart,” Rose said. “But I think he’ll want to be by himself for a bit.”
Evie nodded thoughtfully, and Rose couldn’t help thinking that the relationship between Dave and his youngest had changed irrevocably. Just what it was she couldn’t say. For that, she didn’t know them well enough. It was, after all, still very early on in their relationship.
Chapter 38
Ewan and Lucy had come to the flat as well, probably after Frankie had kicked them, and Mickey, out of the infirmary. Mickey and Ewan were playing a game of cards while Lucy was peering around the corner to see what Evie was up to. Rose briefly caught her eye. Dave’s breakdown hadn’t only shocked Evie; it had affected Lucy too, albeit on a different level. She wondered if they had figured out that she had more than a professional interest in helping them. Rose had no idea when the children had become so important to her. Suppressing a smile, she walked towards Evie.
Lottie had joined Lucy and, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, asked, “Shall we make some cookies? What are Paul’s favourite? We can surprise him when he wakes up.”
“Could we make some German cookies?” Evie suggested, still looking at Rose.
“Oh, that’s a bit difficult,” Lottie replied, clearly crestfallen about having to disappoint Evie. “Our traditional cookies are really only Christmas-style. When we make them during the rest of the year we usually make British or American recipes.”
“I like that! We can make loads for Christmas!” Evie said in excitement. Then she held Amy up for Rose. “They won’t do up.” The
ribbons of the doll’s pinafore had come undone and Rose crouched to place the doll on her thighs so she could retie them.
“She’s beautiful,” Rose said.
“I gave her to Dad when Mum had her accident,” Evie said thoughtfully. “Do you think he’d like to have her now as well?”
Rose’s heart broke. “He’d love that, sweetheart.” She brushed Amy’s hair back and gave her to Evie. When she looked at Lucy she knew that she knew; or, at least, she had an idea that something was going on between her and Dave. So much for choosing the perfect moment to tell them.
Bigger on the inside: Space, Time Travel, Alien Criminals (A Space Time Travel Mystery Book 1) Page 41