How a Cowboy Stole Her Heart

by Donna Alward

  “I’m very familiar with death,” she said sharply. “More familiar than you can imagine.”

  “And it scares you. You faced it and won but you’re not so sure you can again. You think I don’t understand? Do you think it’s been easy for me knowing there are no guarantees? At least I’m still here.”

  Anger flared in Meg’s chest. “Well, bully for you. I’m sorry I’m not the perfect Clay Gregory who has made all the right choices. Do you have any flaws, Clay? Any weaknesses?”

  He didn’t reply, but the answer may have just as well been spoken since they both heard it. She was his weakness. How many times had she been tempted? The words were there waiting to be said. In would be so easy right now to just give in and pretend it was all okay. But Meg had been through the fire once before and she knew what it did to a person. And every time she thought about giving in, she felt the lick of those flames and knew she couldn’t do that to him.

  “When are you going to stop running?” he demanded.

  She scrambled to make sense of things. Clay always opened up all these feelings she’d rather keep shuttered away. He kept pushing but not hearing her! “You don’t listen,” she said, letting go of the saddle horn. She folded her arms around her middle, trying to hold on to her emotions but they were bubbling way too close to the surface. “You don’t get it. I’m not running anymore, Clay. If anything, I’m seeing things clearly. I see you. I really see you. And you need someone who can be there for you always. I can’t give you that. You’re right, okay?” Her voice lifted but she was unable to stop. “I am afraid to face it again. I am afraid that the next time I won’t win. And if I don’t win, that means I die. It means losing everything! You need more than that. You need someone who will be there forever. You need someone who can give you lots of babies and a happy house and…and security. I can’t give you those things, Clay, and I want you to have them.” Her voice was high and shaking now. “I can’t make you happy! So please. Please, find someone else!”

  Clay stepped forward. “There is no one else!” he yelled. The air in the room vibrated as the words rang out.

  Then, to Meg’s dismay, Clay dropped his head. “There is no one else.”

  Those words, quietly uttered, shredded her emotions more than any angry outburst. She felt like crying but knew it wouldn’t help either of them. She’d never truly seen Clay defeated before, and if her heart hadn’t been broken before, it was now. She had wanted to save him from pain, and all she’d done was destroy him.

  Meg held her breath as Clay raised his head. His eyes glittered and everything in her melted. She hadn’t seen Clay cry since the one time she’d caught him crying in the pasture after his mother’s abandonment. He was right. She had promised him she would always be there for him but she hadn’t kept her promise, because she had held herself back from loving him when he needed her most.

  Not in all the years she’d known him had she seen him this emotionally naked. And it was because of her.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “DON’T,” she whispered. “Oh, Clay. I would give anything not to hurt you.”

  He let his gaze drop to her mouth, her beautiful, bow-shaped mouth that just now was quivering with emotion. He understood now and rather than ruin him he felt the glimmerings of hope. She was afraid, but afraid for him. It changed everything. He took another step closer and he could see the sheen of moisture sitting on her lower eyelids. If she blinked it would surely spill over on to her cheeks. But she didn’t blink. He held her gaze, drawing her to him like a magnet. He lifted his hand and ran it down her arm until he clasped her hand in his.

  “I went into this with my eyes wide open,” he said. “I was so afraid, Meg. You’d always been there for me. It was easy with you and suddenly all that was gone. All the hateful things I said before you went to Calgary—they ate at me for months. I tried to get through to you and I failed. I thought of you alone, taking your treatment, and it nearly drove me out of my mind, wondering how you were. Yes, I was afraid. But not knowing was worse. The mind can think up horrible scenarios.”

  “I was afraid to let anyone see me that way.”

  “I know,” he answered. “But I missed you. I missed seeing you all the time and laughing with you and I missed just knowing you were there.” He squeezed her fingers. “I missed you,” he repeated simply.

  “I missed you, too. Thought about you when I was alone, wondered how you were, wished I could talk to you. But I knew it would be too hard for you…”

  “So you tried to protect me, too,” he murmured. How many times over the years had she tried to spare him from pain? How had he never seen what was right in front of him before—how much he loved her?

  He rubbed his thumb along her wrist. “When you came back, I tried again. I told myself it was because there were years of friendship between us. I tried to ignore how I really felt because I was scared, Meg. I admit it. I watched my father die, and I watched it destroy my mother. She didn’t just leave him, she left me. And I didn’t ever want to give anyone the power to leave me again.”

  “This is exactly what I’m saying.” Meg nodded, but Clay put a finger over her lips.

  “Hush, and let me finish.”

  He slid his finger off her mouth, but his gaze dropped there just for a moment, almost like a kiss before he continued on.

  “It didn’t work. I fell in love with you, Meg. I knew it the night of the wedding. You were so beautiful. Transformed. I acted on impulse and kissed you but it changed everything. Suddenly you weren’t just my friend anymore—you were so much more. I tried to back off. I wanted to protect my heart so I told myself that I’d be better off keeping my distance and so I decided to help you with this place instead.”

  He swept his hand out to the side. “And it’s amazing. You’ve done it, and it’s going to be wonderful. I’m so proud of you, Meg.”

  “I owe you so much, Clay, I know that.”

  “No, you don’t. Because I didn’t give it freely, you see? I gave you this so I wouldn’t have to give you myself. I’m not proud of that, but I understand it now and I won’t make the same mistake again.”

  He took her hand in his. “And then you got sick and I nearly went out of my mind with worry and worst case scenarios. It was then that I figured it out. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to keep my heart safe. It’s already yours. I tried to show you that. Tried to tell you that it didn’t matter. I love you as you are. I accept that you come with risks. I want you anyway. No matter what.”

  “And I keep pushing you away,” she whispered.

  “Because you’re afraid. Because you think you’re not enough. But you are, Meg. Because there is no one else for me but you. There never has been, not since the day when you were seven years old and you took my hand in yours and said you would always be there. Why do you think all my relationships ended after a few weeks? It just took me a long time to figure it out. I had to face losing you to realize that I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to walk away. Because if I do that, I have nothing.”

  Her lower lip quivered as she whispered, “I love you so much that the idea of having you and losing you again is paralyzing.”

  His heart soared as she finally said the words he’d wanted to hear for so long. So close. It was all within his reach now. “Say it again.”

  She swallowed, seemed to struggle with the words. Gorgeous girl, he knew it wasn’t easy for her. But he’d wait. He’d wait forever if that was what it took to hear her say it again.

  “I love you.”

  “Now believe in it.”

  He held out his arms.

  She couldn’t hold out any longer. In all the weeks, the months since she’d come home, she’d fought the need to walk into his embrace. With a sob she took the final step into his arms and the security and acceptance waiting. His arms tightened around her, holding her close. She wrapped hers around his ribs, spreading her hands over his shoulder blades. This was where she belonged. It was where she’d always be
longed. How foolish she’d been to push it away.

  For long moments they stood that way, holding on to each other. Something happened in those moments; a recognition that there was no more fighting feelings, no more fighting fate. That whatever was to come they’d face together. The muted sound of the music outside disappeared. Meg knew she should be out there to see people off. The business was what she’d worked toward for ages. But this…oh, this. This was far more important.

  “Okay?” Clay finally spoke into the stillness, the word vibrating in his throat so that Meg felt it against her hair. She nodded, the stubble of his jaw rasping against the tender skin of her cheek. Nothing had ever felt so wonderful. It was okay. It was more than okay.

  “I’m sorry,” she murmured, lifting her hand and touching his face.

  “No more sorry. No more hiding and running, Meg. Only love and trust and being there for each other from now on. You don’t have to do this alone.”

  “Now I have you beside me,” she replied with a wobbly smile. “I’ve loved you for so long, Clay.”

  “How long?”

  She smiled. “A long time. Maybe since you gave me this.” She put her hand in her skirt pocket and took out the rock.

  “Good grief. You’ve kept that silly thing all this time?”

  “Of course I did. I was eight years old and my hero gave it to me.” She smiled up at him. “It’s my good luck charm, you know. I had it with me the day you asked me to be your date at the wedding. Where all this started.”

  Clay stepped back a little and the air around her felt cold, until he knelt on the dusty floor of the tack room. “In that case…I probably should have waited. Taken you somewhere romantic and made it special, but I don’t want to wait. I don’t want us to waste a single moment, or piece of good luck.” He held her hand in his. “Will you marry me, Meg?”

  She had no idea what the future held. But then, who did? She had been afraid to reach out her hand to him, afraid that he would not take it. But he had taken it anyway. And now that he had, she didn’t intend to let it go. Clay Gregory. Her childhood hero, friend and now lover.

  But one barrier still stood in their way, one thing that Meg knew she had to be honest about to be utterly fair to him. “Before I answer, Clay, you need to know that it might be difficult for me to have children. It could take a long time, or not at all.” She held her breath, hating the words, wishing she didn’t have to say them. Now that happiness was so close, knowing she truly might not have children of her own felt very bitter indeed.

  Clay got to his feet, the knee of his jeans dusty from the floor. He cupped her face in his hands, touched her lips with his, and smiled.

  “Then that’s how it is. If we want children, we will find a way, I promise. There’s always adoption. Where would I be now if Aunt Stacy hadn’t adopted me? Now,” he said firmly, “do you have any other objections or are you ready to give me an answer?”

  She loved the hint of a smile that flirted with his lips as he asked. “Yes,” she answered, letting her heart fill with joy where once fear had lived. “My answer is yes,” she repeated and gave a whoop when Clay lifted her in his arms and spun her in a jubilant circle.

  November was usually known as a bleak, gray month, but to Meg it was the most glorious month of the year. The harvests were in, the first snows from the Rockies had given the prairie a dusting of white, and today she would marry Clay Gregory and start her new life. Downstairs the guests were waiting. Up here, in the biggest room of the Inn, Meg was soaking in every precious minute of the day she’d never thought she’d have.

  Lily and Tara, dressed in bronze satin gowns, arranged Meg’s train while Jen handed her a bouquet of warm-hued roses threaded with pearls. Only Meg and the florist knew that in the center of the arrangement was an oval rock with a golden streak through the middle. Meg reached out and took Jen’s hand.

  “Thank you,” she said, then turned to look at Lily and Tara. “All of you. For being there for me, even when I made it difficult. For helping make today so special.”

  Jen stepped back and smiled. “You look gorgeous, Meg.”

  “So do you.” Jen’s dress was slightly different, the same rich bronze but featuring an empire waist similar to Meg’s style. The latest member of the Laramie family, MacKenzie Gerald, was only twelve weeks old and Lily had worked her magic. The result was flattering styles for the bridesmaids and a stunning, flowing gown in ivory for Meg. The sheer overskirt was the most romantic thing Meg had ever seen.

  There was a knock on the door. Jen’s skirt made the shushing sound that only long gowns make as she went to the door and opened it a crack. She came back with a smile. “Two minutes. And Drew says Clay’s as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Direct quote.”

  Meg wanted to laugh but could barely breathe. The girls picked up their bouquets and lined up at the door to make their descent down the stairs, where they’d wait at the door for their cue. Meg clutched her bouquet and followed. Her father waited at the door, slightly stooped because of his back but beaming in a tuxedo complete with jeweled bolo tie.

  “Dad.”

  “Sweetheart.”

  They started down the stairs but halfway down her father stopped and pressed his free hand to her arm.

  “Meg, I’m not the kind of man who expresses his feelings very well, or often. But I want you to know. I’m real proud of you, honey. Your mom and I both are. How you took on your treatment and how you built your own business. Clay’s a good man, but I made it clear to him he’s getting the real prize.”

  “Dad.” Meg was in true danger of ruining her makeup as she blinked rapidly. It was tantamount to a speech for her father. Not that she’d ever questioned his love. It had always just been there.

  “I didn’t tell you to make you cry. I just…” He cleared his throat. “Before I give you away to another, I want you to know that we have never considered you a burden.” At Meg’s startled look he smiled. “I may be a man of few words, but I see things, Meg. Having you as our daughter has been our privilege. Never a burden. Never forget how much we love you.”

  “Oh, Daddy.” Meg sniffled and the congregated guests could wait. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a hug.

  He smiled. “Now, let’s go get you married. You’ve kept Clay waiting long enough.”

  And she had, she realized. The summer and fall had seemed endless, even though she’d had the business to get off the ground and they both had ranches to run. Now their interests would be joined; she was still going to run the stable as part of the Briggs family business with Clay as her partner.

  The music started and the doors opened.

  Clay waited at the end of the aisle and the moment their gazes met everything else faded away. She didn’t see the faces of their friends, or the glowing candles, or the stands of flower arrangements. She only saw Clay, so tall and dashing in his tuxedo sporting his own bolo and spit-shined new boots. Clay, who’d challenged her at every moment. Clay, who’d believed in her when everyone else considered her a risk. Clay, who’d been so very sure of her when she hadn’t even been sure of herself. His lips began to curve and so did hers, until they were both smiling brilliantly at each other. She was no longer afraid. Instead she was looking forward to their future together, no matter what it held for them.

  Her hand was placed inside his, warm and secure. And when the minister asked, her answer was as crystal as a bell.

  “I do.”

  ISBN: 978-1-4592-1432-3

  HOW A COWBOY STOLE HER HEART

  First North American Publication 2011

  Copyright © 2011 by Donna Alward

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