Loathe at First Sight

by Suzanne Park

  “Well, if you choose doctor or lawyer career like we want, you not have this problem. Those job you don’t have people stalk you. Unless you are psychiatrist or criminal defender, maybe that is problem.”

  I sighed deeply. For once, I’d have to agree with them about this. “That may be true about doctors and lawyers, but I still don’t want either of those careers.”

  My mom asked, “So what you do now? You have a plan?”

  “Of course I have a plan. Don’t worry about me.”

  I had no plan, but there was no way in hell I’d tell them that.

  My dad got on the line. “Melody, you okay? You farmer friend Nolan, he helping you?”

  “Yeah, he is. A lot. He’s been a big help.”

  “Good. Good. He is nice guy.”

  I laughed nervously. “Yeah, he is.”

  We quickly said our goodbyes. What were you supposed to talk about with your parents when you had originally called to let them know a madman stalker was hunting you down and they tell you that for once, they actually like a guy that you like, but he maybe doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and you can’t date him anyway while he works at your company or you’ll get fired? Not exactly something Google could help answer.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  First thing Monday morning, my phone buzzed with an international text from my hacker friend. Traced UltimateDDay’s IP to your company. BetaGank user login UltimateDDay changed from HashAsh four months ago. More to come.

  HashAsh?

  That was Asher’s college nickname.

  He was the one who leaked the news to BetaGank? Why did he lie to me?

  I hunted down Asher in the kitchen. Where all could see and hear, I simply lost it. “Asher, you fucking son of a bitch! You leaked my game info on BetaGank? You destroyed my reputation online and then you acted like we were buddies at work? Fuck you . . . you . . . fucking fuck!”

  Onlookers stood up from their workstations to get a better view of the spectacle. A crowd of coffee drinkers had gathered around, like we were opponents sparring in a spectator sports arena. People had probably never seen anyone unleash fury to this level during working hours.

  Color drained from Asher’s face, and he took on a chalky, sickly hue.

  I shouted, “You’d better not get sick on my new Chucks!” His green pallor and sad, downcast eyes almost made me feel sorry for him, but I didn’t. This douchebag was my enemy. “You thought I wouldn’t be able to trace it back to you, is that it? Stupid, naïve Melody? Well, I did figure it out. If you’re going to troll online, at least be smart enough not to use a work IP address.”

  Asher looked at the crowd of people around us and said to me in a hushed voice, “Melody, I need to talk to you in private.”

  “Oh no, Asher, there’s no private anymore!” I looked around at the onlookers. “Get your popcorn ready, folks.” I turned back to Asher and poked his chest hard with my index finger. “NOTHING is private now. You made sure of that when you started posting shit about me online. Because of you, people are doxing me and sending my personal information around for everyone to see. Did you know that there’s a picture of my mom, dad, and me eating hot dogs from the Puyallup Fair floating in cyberspace now, thanks to you? And people are now making obscene comments about me and my affinity for hot dogs? I don’t even like hot dogs unless they’re on a stick and wrapped in cornbread. But whatever. Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of our jury here of gaming peers.” I made a sweeping gesture toward the bystanders. Screw Asher and his request for privacy.

  He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Um, okay. We can talk here then. Ian told me to leak the game info online. He might deny it now, but this was all his idea, not mine. But honestly, he didn’t mean for it to turn out the way it did. And I certainly didn’t. He wanted to create some buzz around the game and thought it would be interesting to give BetaGank exclusive access to insider information. But as you know, they kind of mocked the game and then things got waaaaay out of hand. Ian saw this as a marketing or PR strategy, to generate excitement around the game. It was never supposed to deliberately target you.” His shoulders slouched and he looked back down. If he vomited on his own shoes, I’d be happy with that.

  Was he telling me the truth? It seemed plausible that Ian had orchestrated all this shit.

  He bit his lip and looked back up. “And there’s more to the story. After GameCon, someone hacked into my BetaGank account and changed all the passwords. I didn’t get around to dealing with that because that’s the time when Ian gave me Girls of War and I got distracted. So if any doxing came from that account, I swear it wasn’t me. I’m not smart enough to do that sort of shit.”

  “I believe that one,” I muttered.

  “And I don’t have any smart-enough friends, either. All my bros are, like, cool.”

  I exploded. “Well, screw you! And your bros!” Too bad Asher was way too tall to put into a choke hold.

  Joe the PR guy broke through the crowd and motioned for Asher to follow him. He did the same for me. Damn, busted by the principal. Guess there would be no fight after school.

  We followed Joe to his office and he shut the door behind us. “Shit, you two, I could hear your yelling from here.”

  Asher said, “Actually, she was the yeller, not me.”

  My blood pulsed through my body, down to my toes. I said in a low voice, “You deserved every bit of it.”

  Joe gestured for us to sit down. “I could hear everything. And, Melody, Asher is telling you the truth about the game leak. That was intentional, by Ian. No one had the foresight to know this would turn into the chaos that soon followed. We are all deeply sorry for what happened to you.”

  I stared at Joe. “Sorry” didn’t cut it. “Why didn’t you run this by me first? My life is in shambles now because of your terrible plan.”

  Joe scooted his chair forward and took a long sip of water. Perhaps a stall tactic. “At the time, we didn’t think you could weigh in on it in a meaningful way.”

  This seemed like code for You were a noob, and female, so we didn’t involve you in this decision.

  “Well, thank you ALL for inadvertently ruining my life.” My fists clenched into two shaking balls, ready at a moment’s notice to punch both their faces if they pissed me off any further. I had the element of surprise on my side.

  Asher said to Joe, “Here’s the thing, though—I lost control of my account access sometime last month. Someone else used it to target Melody. I’d only submitted the game leak to BetaGank and that’s it. I didn’t do anything else, I swear.”

  Joe said to me, “Can we agree that Asher should reclaim his BetaGank account and make a public statement, explaining that he is your coworker and he vouches for your work? Do you have any objection to us doing this?”

  “Oh, now you want my opinion?” I rolled my eyes. “Yes. Fine. Can I go now?”

  Joe nodded. “I am so deeply sorry all this happened to you.”

  “You helped cause this, you at least acknowledge that, right?” I asked.

  Joe looked squeamish. Could the head of PR admit to any wrongdoing? Probably not. “Off the record? I advised Ian against this publicity stunt. But he’s the guy in charge.”

  Ian made this decision solo. Good to know.

  I hadn’t anticipated reentering the gossip spotlight when I left Joe’s office. Intense stares came from every direction, observing my every move as I walked to my desk. Nothing to see here, folks.

  Exhausted from the day’s events, I plopped down in my chair and buried my head in my hands. This was all Ian’s doing, and the fact that he didn’t take accountability for what happened to me as a result of his poor decisions really pissed me off.

  A vivid memory of Nolan and me eating dinner together flashed in my mind. The night he gave me a much-needed pep talk: You’re great at your job and the company needs you. I think you should demand a raise. Your game has such visibility, I bet they’d do it. Months had passed and I s
till hadn’t asked for a raise, even though I deserved it. It was time to channel Sheryl Sandberg. Chin up and chest thrust forward, I stamped down the hallway and pounded on Ian’s door. It creaked open with my final knock, revealing a dark, quiet office.

  His admin assistant jumped up from her seat and walked around her desk. “You don’t have anything scheduled.”

  I pushed the door wider. “That’s okay, I’ll wait for him.” Inside, I sat on one of his guest chairs just as a shadowy figure shot upright from the sofa.

  “Holy shit!” I flicked on Ian’s desk lamp to see better.

  From the love seat, Ian pulled himself to his feet and rubbed his eyes. “You scared me,” he said, yawning.

  “I’ll make this quick so you can get back to your busy day.” I rolled my eyes. “I know you asked Asher to leak the game info to BetaGank.”

  “I hear what you’re saying, Melody, and I appreciate you stopping by to express your concerns. Your perspective is valued at our studio, as you know. I don’t know what he told you but—”

  I cut him off. “Look, I don’t need you to throw your rehearsed, pseudo-pro-fem language at me. I’m not here to debate, because I’m telling you facts, not opinions. Joe also confirmed it. I just don’t get why you thought it would be a good idea. It had a huge risk of failing before we even got to development.”

  “Okay, fine.” His voice dipped ice cold. “Yes, it was a gamble. There’s always risk in game production.” He waved his hand toward me. “Case in point. You.”

  My heart beat faster as I clenched and unclenched my fists. “But you wouldn’t have done what you did with our other games. Like Zooful Nation. Or the UFC Fighter one. Or even Girls of War.”

  He let out a grim laugh. “Well, it’s simple. That’s because I thought this game would fail. It wasn’t my idea and now it’s all the fucking board wants to hear about.” In higher falsetto, he mocked, “Tell us about Ultimate Apocalypse’s subscription model! Have you thought of merch opportunities? Have you thought about the next feminist game?” With his index finger pointing at his head and thumb finger up, he pretended to shoot.

  Ian had never supported this game. And clearly, he still didn’t. But the board was all up in his business about it, so his professional success was intertwined with mine. Now UA couldn’t fail anymore, because Ian’s success directly depended on it.

  This was my opportunity to seize the moment. “Ian, I want a raise.”

  He scoffed. “You haven’t even been here that long. Don’t be ridiculous.”

  My voice grew firmer. “The facts are clear. I’ve had to learn fast and I do a damn good job. I work harder than anyone else here, on the front line and behind the scenes. You need this game to launch on time. To do that, you need me to take UA to completion. Now that I think of it, I want double the game ship bonus, too, because I was on an accelerated timeline.”

  He sputtered, unable to form words.

  “I’m not leaving until you confirm we have a deal.”

  A soft knock at the door interrupted us. His admin’s head popped in. “Ian, you have your meeting with those board members who wanted a tour of the studio. They’re standing at my desk. What do you want me to do?”

  I jumped to my feet. “I’d be happy to give them a tour. I’m sure they’d love to know all about my experience working on Ultimate Apocalypse.”

  He glared at me, then shifted his gaze to his assistant. After flexing his jaw, he growled, “I’ll be right out. Also, please draw some paperwork for Melody’s five percent raise and double game ship bonus.”

  He stood up and looked back at me as he exited. “You better not fuck anything up, Melody.” And with that, he slammed the door.

  I took deep breaths and tried to calm my trembling hands by sitting on them. I got a raise! And a bonus! Without giving it any thought, I pulled out my phone and texted Nolan while I walked back to my desk. I asked for a raise and bonus, like you suggested. It worked! Celebration soon?

  He replied quickly. Cool! Can’t though, out of town a few days, east coast. Have fun!

  With my eyes glued to my screen, I ran smack into Asher on his way to the kitchen. “Boy trouble?” he joked as I recoiled from him.

  “None of your business,” I growled.

  He snuck a look over my shoulder anyway. “If you want my dude opinion, it looks like he’s hiding something.” He paused. “Or hiding . . . someone.”

  I didn’t ask for his opinion, but still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Nolan was on the East Coast for final interviews, or mending his strained relationship with his family to move back home, or maybe he was reacquainting himself with cropped-out-of-picture girl. For someone who just got a raise and a bonus, I sure didn’t feel like celebrating.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Did you see the email from Ian?” Kat barged into my office with wild eyes and a flaring nose. I hadn’t even had time to put my coffee down.

  “Not yet. What did it say?”

  “You need to read it.” She leaned over to see my screen.

  “I just got in, Kat, and haven’t logged in. Why don’t you just tell me about the email.”

  “Trust me, it’s better if you see it.” She continued to stare at my blank screen.

  Jesus Christ. I logged in to the network and accessed my mail, under Kat’s intense surveillance. She skimmed my unread mail and pointed. “There. Click on that one.”

  From Ian, subject line: “Congratulations Asher, for your feature article in WIRED’s Exclusive Game Issue!” I clicked on the link.

  The article opened the way one of those interview pieces go with an actor or actress shown behind the scenes, catching him or her being “real” at home or at a café. “I met Asher, bright-eyed, midtwenties, at the low-key Jitterbug Coffee Shop on Lake Union. Ash, as his bros call him, wore a signature twentysomething striped shirt over an ironic T-shirt. I peered to get a closer look at the slogan. ‘PIES B4 GUYS,’ he pointed out, with a laugh. ‘A friend of mine had this shirt, and I had to get one too.’” The article went on to talk about how progressive Seventeen Studios was, and how epic the Girls of War game launch would be, with bigger, better explosions, and strong female fighters. Gaming analysts expected the title to shatter mobile game records and put Seventeen Studios on the map. “Finally,” the article pointed out, “we have an all-female first-person shooter game. Hello, twenty-first century!”

  Asher, a supporter of women, with these basically nude women running around with automatic assault rifles? What a heaping load of BS. And that jerk stole my shirt idea.

  Kat asked, “How far did you get before you felt the bile come up through your esophagus?”

  “Not far at all. Three paragraphs. How’d he get featured in WIRED?”

  Kat smirked. “I almost vomited at two. So, in women-bashing speak, you’re asking who he screwed to get this article written?” She snorted and shook her head. “From what I hear, his dad is very well connected.”

  “With all the marketing resources and publicity being put behind Girls of War, he’ll definitely have an impressive release.” I slumped down in my chair. And my game? The artists had made Ultimate Apocalypse a visual showstopper and the writers we hired kept the story line tight and made the banter lighthearted and fun. Even with amazing graphics and a punchy story, we needed rampant word of mouth to make UA a success. And my indefinite social media ban didn’t help matters one bit.

  I straightened in my chair. “Kat?”

  “Yeah? You look like you thought of something.”

  “I did.” I smiled and rubbed my hands together. “It’s time to feed the trolls!”

  CANDACE’S OB-GYN PLACED her on maternity bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy due to a potential placenta risk. Her too-active lifestyle made the doctor nervous. Bored and restless, she volunteered to help pull some strings to get my game featured on Seattle Metropolitan magazine’s homepage. The editor in chief was in Candace’s Lamaze class. I didn’t know how Candace managed to
pitch my story during their breathing and birthing exercises, but she did it!

  We had a few late-night publicity brainstorm sessions, and we agreed that going with a nontraditional route to publicize my game would serve us best. Rather than focusing our efforts on gaming/tech blogs and game magazines, we opted to target women’s interest and lifestyle publications. Seattle Metropolitan, Cosmo, Marie Claire, and Jezebel were the first to respond to our pitch. Women were my primary target, and if I’d gone with a “traditional” 18–34 male game publicity approach, my game would be DOA on launch day.

  The Seattle Met article started off with a bold, surprising statement.

  Chances are you’ve never heard of Melody Joo. And if you have, you’ve probably heard some terrible things about her from a small group of very vocal gaming hatemongers. She’d like to set the record straight.

  Melody is a junior producer and creator of the title Ultimate Apocalypse, to be released this November, just in time for the holidays. She’s been under a gag order to not respond to any attacks or harassment targeting her competency as a producer and as a living human being, but she’s agreed to do a first-ever interview to address the vicious online attacks that she’s been barraged with the last few months.

  When we began the interview she asked, “Would it be okay to do this in a Q&A or FAQ format?” and we thought she was kidding, but she wasn’t. We asked her a bunch of questions (some of them really personal) and she provided straightforward, genuine answers. We had so much fun that we didn’t extend this interview much more beyond the FAQs. Without further delay, here is Melody Joo, Gamer Girl extraordinaire:

  Melody, let’s just get straight to it. You’ve been accused online of being many terrible things, one of them being a ho. Are you a ho? No. I’ve had three serious boyfriends in my whole life, and I kissed two guys in high school. No hookups. And sorry, no girl-on-girl action.

  Are you a slut? See above.

  Are you a whore? Not the sex-worker kind, but the attention-seeking kind? I don’t like attention and barely use social media. When people sing “Happy Birthday” to me on my birthday I want to run away. But then I wouldn’t get cake.