Wanted

by ML Ross

  “Oh my God Vanessa! Do you remember that party at Todd Parker’s house in our sophomore year? You were totally smashed and got up on a table and danced like a stripper? Remember, all those guys were putting dollar bills in your pants and then James showed up and carried you out of there.” Yes, I danced a lot on tables at high school parties. It became my thing but James always came to my rescue.

  “I do remember that. James never let me have any fun.” I pout. “I can’t help it. I love to dance.”

  “I say.” Megan says with a twinkle in her eye. ”I say we walk downtown and have a few more drinks at a bar and do some dancing! Maybe find a few nice guys. Maybe Vanessa can find one that would be nice enough to give her a birthday present. A present that begins with a big O.” She winks.

  “Sound like a plan!” I have been with James since I was 15 years old. I have never flirted with a man. On one hand I feel free and giddy. On the other hand, I’m feeling a bit anxious.

  After fighting over the mirror in the tiny bathroom, we all grab our purses to head out with our hair fluffed and lips glossy. We walk hand in hand zigzagging our drunk asses down the street, giggling nonstop until we come across a little dive bar called the Bubble Lounge and head inside. A Blue Grass band is playing and the place is buzzing. We head over to the bar and we each order martinis. I’m usually a wine or sometimes beer girl. I’ve never had a martini but we are celebrating and they look fun so I go for it. There is no table to sit down at so the four of us stand against the wall watching the band and stirring our martinis with the toothpick stabbed through an olive. The band is entertaining but I’m glad when they finish their set and the radio starts to play some club mix music we can dance to. There is a very tiny dance floor but people are starting to use it. I love to dance and after all that wine and now this martini, I can’t stand still anymore. I look over at Lisa, Megan and Kate and nod to the dance floor. It’s a small place and with the amount of people, I can already feel the sweat run down my back. The four of us are laughing and shaking our asses and having the best time. All of my thoughts about James and all of my anxiety about safe cars are no longer holding me back. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a cute guy watching me from the edge of the dance floor so I put on a little show for him. Unfortunately I’m not dressed very sexy but I make do. I’m wearing my skinny jeans and a black tank top. I left my hoodie in the car. I didn’t bring anything for hanging out at a bar. I don’t know what I was thinking. My long hair is sticking to my cheeks with sweat. I run my hands slowly up my body all the way up to my hair. I pull my thick damp hair from my neck and hold it to the top of my head as I sway my body back and forth sensually and then I let my hair loose again, shaking it until it spreads over my shoulders. I lift my arms over my head and continue to gyrate my body with my eyes closed. I may not be able to flirt but I know I can dance. Suddenly, I feel strong hands on my hips and when I open my eyes, the cute guy is standing in front of me. He has sandy blonde hair and blue eyes and cute little dimples in his cheeks. He smirks at me and bends to whisper in my ear. “You want to get out of here?” My heart rate increases as I realize what’s happening. I know the rules about getting picked up at a bar. I can’t leave with this guy alone. I’m not sure what to do.

  “Um, I can’t. I’m here with friends.” I nod to Kate, Lisa and Megan. “And, I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.” I say biting my lip nervously.

  “I hear ya. Are you from around here?”

  “No, we’re only here for a few days. My friends and I are staying in a cabin and doing some skiing tomorrow.”

  “Maybe we can catch up at the ski slopes tomorrow? I’m here with a couple friends too.”

  “Yeah! Sure!” He’s pretty cute and seems really nice.

  “My name’s Matt. I’m not much of a skier but my buddies are. They’ll probably drop me off on the bunny hill.”

  “I’m not either. I’ll look for you. Vanessa.” I reach out to shake his hand.

  “Nice to meet you Vanessa. Listen, I guess I should probably warn you. We’re obviously both on a trip with our friends and headed home in a couple of days. I’m really just looking to have some fun, ya know? You up for some fun?” He gives me a questioning look.

  “Um, Yeah, of course! …..um same here.” I try to say it as normal as possible like I do this all the time. Is this how it works? Did I just agree to a one-night-stand? Is this what I’m looking for? I’m all of a sudden all kinds of nervous.

  On the way back to the cabin, I tell the girls about Matt and his friends and we squeal like 6th graders. I’m excited but James’ words ring in my ears; “they’ll use you and throw you out like garbage.”

  The next morning, I’m the first to wake. I always have a hard time sleeping. I was used to getting up at all times of the night when my Mom was sick so I sleep light and I’m always up before everyone else. I make a pot of coffee and scroll through the messages on my phone. James called two more times last night while we were out. Yesterday I had no doubt I made the right decision. This morning as I sit here drinking my coffee and thinking about Matt, I second guess myself. I’ve never had a one-night stand. I have strong desires that James didn’t fulfill but the thought of having a one-night stand makes me feel cheap. I may experience a thrill and feel things I’ve never felt before but I’m not sure I will feel good about myself afterwards, giving myself to a stranger. My Mom certainly didn’t raise me that way. Maybe I should try to fix things with James when I get home. He knows me. I feel comfortable with him. Maybe if I talk to him about things that I feel are missing from our relationship, we can fix it. Maybe my feelings will change for him. I know James will be a faithful loving husband and a really good father. I do want a stable marriage and have kids someday. He wants that with me. I know he loves me. He may be a little selfish and maybe the sparks aren’t there but is it stupid to throw away a good, stable future because of sex?

  Megan joins me at the counter. Her dark curly hair is all over the place.

  “Why are you in such deep thought this early in the morning? Watcha thinking about?”

  “James. He called again last night. I’m afraid I’m making a mistake. I know James loves me and would be a great husband and an amazing father. Maybe I’m just being stupid. The sex isn’t that bad. Maybe the passion and butterflies that I want will come or maybe it isn’t even real.”

  “Vanessa, you’re twenty-one! Live it up! You made the right decision. You should be having fun, not thinking about marriage and butterflies. You should be thinking about how many times you might be able to orgasm in one night!”

  “The thing is, I don’t feel like I’m only 21. I feel like I’ve matured 10 years after taking care of my family for so long. I don’t know if I can live it up. I’m not sure I’m the type of person that can have a one-night-stand. Yes, I want orgasms. Lots of them. I also want passion and I want that person to care about me. How do you do it, how do you give yourself so intimately to a total stranger?”

  “I’m not a slut, Vanessa. I don’t just sleep around either but you have to loosen up a bit and step out of your comfort zone if you want to meet a guy. You don’t have to have sex with a stranger.” She seems frustrated with me. “Is this about Matt? He seems nice, you don’t have to do anything your uncomfortable with. But for crying out loud, let loose a little! Flirt. Have fun. Having sex with him wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world either. You can test him out! Get a taste of some non-vanilla sex! Then, you’ll never see him again.”

  Megan has always been a free spirit. She’s never had a relationship. She just goes with the flow. She’ll hook up here and there. She has no problem sleeping with one guy and letting a different guy take her out to dinner the next night. If the guy doesn’t call again, she’s okay with that. She might see the same guy for a few weeks but she never seems to become attached. Megan can be a bit pushy sometimes. I know she just wants me to have fun but I’m also not programmed like her. I get attached. That’s how I ended up with James for six
years. I realize this is exactly why I need to make a change. I’m just not sure sleeping with strangers is the right change for me.

  “Relax! Listen, I’m jumping in the shower before Kate and Lisa get up. Don’t drink all the coffee! I still need some. Remember, this is about you taking care of you for a change! What happens in Telluride stays in Telluride!” She throws over her shoulder as she makes her way to the bathroom. I wasn’t going to shower but then I think about Matt, and I decide I better, just in case.

  After the four of us shower and get all geared up for the slopes, we take the gondola up to the top of Village Mountain. Even though the sun is shining and it’s mild for December, the wind is whipping around on top of the mountain making my eyes water so I pull out the brand new goggles I bought for this trip and put them on. My hair is hidden underneath my pink knitted tube ski hat. Even if I ran straight into Matt, he probably wouldn’t recognize me. In fact, looking around, I don’t think I’d recognize him either. I’m not sure whether this makes me happy or not. Kate and Lisa decide to test their skills and start down a hill I’m not too confident about so Megan sticks with me and we keep to the easy hills. We agree to meet back for dinner at Tomboy Tavern at 6pm. It’s a cute little bar and grill type place at the top of the mountain. I’m feeling completely out of shape because after the third time down, I am totally exhausted and ready to hang at the bar. I remove my hat, pull the scrunchie from my wrist and pull my sweaty hair back into a ponytail and then slide my goggles up on top of my head. I drop down onto the snow covered ground with my legs stretched out in front of me at the bottom of the hill and wait for Megan. She isn’t hard to spot. Her ski pants are bright orange. As she comes down swaying back and forth down the hill, I try to stand several times and fail. These boots suck. I try to use my poles to assist but it’s not working. All of a sudden I see a hand in front of me. I look up, and well looky there, it’s Matt.

  “Looks like you need a hand.”

  “Thanks.” I grab his hand with both of mine and he pulls me up without a problem.

  “I waited for you by the bunny hill.” He winks.

  “Oh, Megan and I have been sticking to this hill.” I nod towards Megan.

  Megan slides to an impressive stop right beside him. “Hey! Matt right? Megan.” She says holding out her hand.

  “Yeah. Hey Megan.” He shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you. So what are you guys up to later?”

  I look down at my watch. “Actually, we’re running a little late. We’re meeting our other two friends at Tomboy Tavern for some drinks.”

  “Really? You want company?” Before I can get an answer out, Megan interrupts me.

  “Sure! The more the merrier.” She winks at me.

  “Cool, I’ll go find my buddies and meet you there!”

  Matt skis away and I give Megan an evil glare. “What?” She asks innocently.

  We find Lisa and Kate already seated with drinks in hand at the restaurant. They have a table for four so I’m a little relieved that maybe we won’t be able to sit with the boys after all. But then, of course, the table right next to ours opens up and I see Matt and two friends being guided over to the table by the waitress. The first thing I notice is the waitress’s double D fake breasts. The second thing I notice is Matt’s eyes like lasers on them. The third thing I notice is that it doesn’t even bother me. Not one bit. Matt is attractive. He looks like a surfer with his golden skin and sandy-blonde hair. He seems nice but I don’t feel an intense attraction towards him. At all. As I pull myself from my thoughts, I glance over at Matt and he’s still eyeing the waitress as she takes their drink orders. Then I see him catch my stare and he turns to me and winks. Matt is definitely a player.

  After we all start our second round of drinks, we start moving our chairs around. I notice Kate and Lisa have their eye on the same guy. Matt’s friend Nate. He’s taller than Matt with darker hair but they all look like surfers. Lisa is totally flirting with Nate even though she has been with Brad for over a year. They seem to have some kind of understanding. Even though he has “put his tongue in places it shouldn’t be” as Lisa put it, they are not exclusive. Kate is quiet and just sits there stirring her drink listening to Nate and Lisa talk about college. Apparently all these boys are in their third year at The University of Colorado Boulder. Megan has been in a quiet discussion with Matt’s other friend, Davis. She has her arms placed so that when she leans over to talk to him, her tits are squished together. I’m not sure he has even looked up at her face yet. Matt comes over and straddles the chair next to me backwards. “So where are you guys from?” Matt asks.

  “We’re all from Colorado Springs.”

  “That’s cool. Where did you go to school?”

  “I haven’t. I had to take some time off to take care of my Mom. She had cancer. She’s healthy now so I think I might go back. I just haven’t thought about where yet.”

  “Cool. You should consider University of Boulder. It’s a blast. Hey, can I get you another drink?” He nods to my empty glass.

  “Um, sure.” Matt waves the waitress over and orders us each another drink.

  After the third beer, Matt and his buddies start ordering tequila shots. I’ve never done one. The waitress comes over with a tray of shots and a bowl of limes. I notice her trying to make eye contact with Matt.

  “Let’s do a toast!” Slurs Lisa loudly. “To Vanessa turning twenty-one and getting a birthday orgasm!”

  “Lisa!” How fucking embarrassing. I hear Matt snicker next to me. Everyone raises their shots.

  “Happy Birthday.” He says smirking raising his shot glass. “Have you ever done this before?”

  “Nope.”

  Matt flips his chair around and scoots it right up into my space. He leans over, our knees touching, as he licks his wet tongue up the side of my neck. Before he pulls away, he whispers in my ear “You taste good.”

  I’m a little shocked that he just licked me. Then he takes the salt shaker and shakes it over the wet spot. He then licks the salt off, slings the shot back and then sucks on the lime.

  “You try.”

  I hesitate for a moment and then lean over and drag my tongue up the side of his neck, shake the salt over it, lick the salt and then quickly gulp the shot down trying not to spit it back out while Matt shoves the lime in my mouth.

  “Burns huh?” He asks in amusement.

  “Yeah, holy shit!” I immediately feel a little light headed and dizzy and then the giggling starts.

  After two more tequila shots, I can’t see straight. I feel damp and sweaty. I can’t stop laughing and I can barely stand. Matt drags me to the dance floor and he holds me close to him with his hands firmly planted on my ass. He sucks on my neck and breathes in my ear as we barely dance. He pulls me tight to his body until I feel him hard against me and then he starts moving his hips like we’re having sex on the dance floor in front of everyone. As I start to feel a little bit humiliated, he must read my thoughts and whispers into my ear, “Want to get out of here?”

  “Yeah.” I have no fucking idea how we end up back at the cabin because I can barely stand. I am really fucked up. I’m slouched on the couch with my head thrown back. The room is spinning. I feel a hand on my thigh moving quickly up towards my center. I feel hot breath on my neck and then a wet tickling on my ear. I turn towards the source and see Matt’s blurry face. He attacks my lips aggressively thrusting his tongue in my mouth and then I feel his hand cup me between my legs and squeeze.

  “Can I take your shirt off?” He asks frantically.

  I try to lift my head to see where everyone went.

  “They’re still at the bar, we’re alone.”

  This is it. I’m twenty-one. I’m a free woman. I’m letting loose. I nod my head.

  He whips my shirt off and then lays me down on my back on the couch. While he straddles my legs, I stare up at his face but he’s looking at my tits. He slides his tongue slowly over his bottom lip and then hooks his fingers under the top of my
bra cups and pulls them down. After exposing my tits, he wastes no time dipping his head and sucking one into his mouth. I close my eyes and try to relax. It feels good. His hand wanders between us, unbuttoning my jeans and lowering the zipper and then he plunges his hand inside my underwear. His two fingers poke around until he finds my opening. I’m not wet and it hurts like a bitch when he slams them into me. I cry out but he thinks I like it so he finger fucks me harder. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to open my legs wider but my jeans are in the way. It’s uncomfortable. Finally, he pulls my pants and underwear off and I relax my legs as he undoes his pants, pushing them over his hips. He reaches into his pocket and opens a condom and rolls it over his hard cock. I try to get a good look at it to see if he’s bigger than James but I don’t have a chance. After he lays on top of me, I start having second thoughts. I push them aside quickly, thinking about Megan’s pep talk. I’ve only ever been with James. I’m not a slut. This isn’t going to make me one. He hesitates before pushing into me, waiting for my permission. I put my hands on his ass and push him in. I can tell right away he is bigger than James. It’s a bit uncomfortable because I’m still not wet enough so I relax and try to imagine the sex scene in the book I started reading recently. Once I start to feel slick, I start to meet his thrusts with my hips. He doesn’t kiss me on the lips. His face hovers over mine and his tequila breath is blowing strands of hair off my face with each pant.

  What am I doing? This isn’t me. This guy doesn’t know me. He doesn’t care about me. I feel nothing for him. There is no passion. It’s completely meaningless. I don’t even think I can orgasm.

  “I…I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” I push him off of me. It just doesn’t feel right. I’m so drunk. What kind of guy does that? One- night- stand or not. I just can’t let some guy I don’t know use my body to get off when I have no control. I can barely move right now.