Wanted

by ML Ross

  The news stations finally cleared my name and I am no longer being hounded and harassed by reporters so I’m able to leave the house now. I caught up on all my bills. I got my FJ back from the police and I called the Lieutenant in charge of my brother’s case. I left a message stating I wanted to see him. I also called Western. I re-enrolled for the fall. I decided to take some time off instead of going back immediately.

  Kim’s working at Perky’s today so Landon and I are having some guy time. Modern Warfare and beer.

  “Landon, I haven’t been able to talk to you about Kim. What’s going on with her?”

  “I told her how I’ve felt for her over the years. She confessed that she had a crush on me the night of the party as well. Of course, you cock blocked us. I think it was for the best though. I didn’t want to be one of those guys in the line waiting for my turn. I wanted more than that from her. I don’t think she could have given more at the time. She was going through too much. I don’t think I would have been able to commit to a friendship with her like you did either. I was going through my own shit and I was selfish. You were good for her at that time. I think we’re good for each other now. I care for her. I want to be there for her. She’s letting me. I talked her into going to counseling.”

  “I’m glad. I think she needs it.”

  “She does. She has night terrors. They gave her meds to help.”

  “Take your time with her Landon.”

  “I’m not stupid man. I’m not that kid anymore. I know what she needs.”

  “I’m glad she has you. You’re a good guy Landon.”

  “Shit.” He says shaking his head. Any luck finding Vanessa?”

  “No. I’m going to find her. I’ll think of something. I’m not giving up.”

  Just as we’re really getting into our video game, my cell rings. The call is blocked and my heart rate immediately spikes. I quickly answer but instead of a sexy feminine voice I was hoping to hear, I hear a gruff manly voice.

  “Ryan Jenson?”

  “That’s me.”

  “This is Lieutenant Marcus returning your call. I have received your message and yes, family does have visiting rights. Jacob is being held at a correctional facility in Canon City. You will have to complete an application before you can visit. The form will have the information and everything you need to schedule it. I can email you one.”

  “Thanks,that would be great. I appreciate your help. You have my information?”

  “Got it. Good luck, son.”

  “Who was that?” Landon asks curiously.

  “The Lieutenant from Jacob’s case. I want to see him. Don’t say anything to Kim. She doesn’t understand. I know just saying his name brings back bad memories for her. I need closure. I need to know why. I can’t sleep or rest until I know.”

  “I won’t man. I hope you get what you need so you can move on. We all need to fucking move on.”

  ***

  The next week, I find myself standing outside the correctional facility wondering if this a mistake. The facility is huge and intimidating. For a moment, I wonder how I would have survived in here if things didn’t work out the way they did.

  As I enter the building, there is a whirlwind of activity. I’m padded down, stripped, sent through metal detectors. All my shit is taken from me. I feel like a fucking criminal. They lead me to a large space that looks like a waiting area. It doesn’t look so sterile like a hospital waiting room. I feel the need to leave and shower. The place smells like smoke and mildew. I wait patiently as I shift in the metal chair uncomfortably until an officer calls my name and motions me over. He leads me to a row of cubicles with glass partitions separating the chairs on the other side. He points to the third cubicle and I sit staring at a glass wall or whatever this stuff is. I’m sure it’s bullet proof. It’s dirty and hard to see through.

  “Jacob Matheson will be here shortly. You can talk through this receiver here.” He says pointing to the phone on the table. “You have ten minutes. Do not stand from your seat. The guard will immediately dismiss you.”

  “Yes officer, thank you.”

  Not two minutes later, I hear the squeak of the large door being opened and Jacob in his orange jumper with his hands handcuffed behind him is being led over by the guard. He sits in the seat and just glares at me. I swallow hard. My throat tight. I almost want to leave. Why am I here? He’s my twin and I see the resemblance which freaks me the hell out but his head is shaved now and his face is harder. Rough. He probably smokes. He has a scar over his eyebrow and his eyes are dark as night. He’s thin and gaunt. Probably from drugs. He picks up the phone so I do the same. I think a minute has already passed and I only have nine left.

  “Ryan. Nice to see you brother. I didn’t expect a reunion.”

  “I need answers.” My normally strong voice shakes.

  “Answers. Let’s see. What would you like to know? Do you want to know how Kim’s pussy tasted or do you already know?”

  I stand, pushing the metal chair out from under me. “You son of a bitch!”

  “SIT!” Screams the guard.

  I pull my chair back under me and sit.

  “You sick fuck.” I scream into the phone. He sits there with his arms crossed over his chest with a smug look on his face.

  “Hey now. We come from the same bitch, you and me. So you have no right calling me a sick fuck. So, tell me, how the fuck did you end up in fucking fairy tale land while I was watching my mother slowly kill herself and getting beaten by my daddy on a daily basis for spilling my fucking milk! Huh? Why is that? You and your sweet fucking mommy and daddy! Well, fuck you! Did you ever meet our Mama, Ryan? Do you know that she got married to a Doctor and had 3 children? Yeah, they were living the life. Too bad for her unfortunate car accident, bitch deserved it.” He spits.

  “You caused the accident didn’t you? You killed my parents too, you fuck!”

  “You and I are the same Ryan. You didn’t deserve them. I thought we’d be best buds for a while there. Neglected foster kid, drinking, taking advantage of girls…”

  “I never fucking took advantage of girls…”

  “Oh, of course, that was me! After those two bitches, I realized I didn’t hit close enough to home so I watched closely and I knew taking Kim would wreck you. Shit, I can’t even tell you how much I enjoyed fucking her ass and then watching you take the blame. It almost fucking worked too until the fucking blonde started snooping. I almost fucking had her too! Damn. She smelled so damn sweet.” He closes his eyes and breathes in like a sick mother fucker. “Her cunt was….”

  “You Fuck!!” I pound my fist on the counter and throw the phone down, standing again as the guard hurries over and grabs my arm. “Times up. Visiting time is over.” I watch the other guard drag Jacob away as he smiles wickedly at me. I turn to the guard holding my arm. “He fucking killed me parents. He just admitted it!” I yell.

  “It’s all recorded. I assure you. It’s time for you to go.” He leads me towards the check-out, gripping my elbow so I can’t go after Jacob and kill him. Smart guy because that’s exactly what I want to do.

  I collect me belongings and exit the building into the sunshine, such an extreme contrast from being inside that shithole. I breathe in the fresh air and just stand there. I think of Vanessa. I miss her face. I miss her sounds. I miss her body at night that used to wrap around me and help me sleep. I thought I’d have closure after seeing Jacob but I don’t feel any relief or closure. I need Vanessa.

  Chapter 20 - Vanessa

  After I left the police station, we checked out of the hotel immediately and my parents took me home. Sobs tore through my body the entire two and a half hours. I collapsed on my bed as soon as we entered the house, not even stopping to see Mason. I didn’t want him to see me like that. I slept for 12 hours straight.

  I wake the next morning to the sun shining bright. I turn my head to the corner of the room and open my eyes slowly, looking for the peeled wallpaper but all I see is pink. Brigh
t, vibrant pink paint. I blow out a long breath when I realize I’m home. My bedroom is decorated like a boutique. Painted in pink and accented in black. The black and white vintage damask curtains blow with the gently breeze. I love my room but something’s missing. Him. I miss waking up wrapped around his hard body. His crooked smiles when I tell him I need him. His smell. His kisses. The way his tongue darts out across his lip when he’s turned on. His messy long hair. His beautiful blue eyes. I stare at the curtains as my eyes fill with tears. My chest tightens. I didn’t think I could cry anymore. I hear my bedroom door slowly open and as I turn my head, I see Mason bounding towards me. I sit up quickly and hold my arms open as he jumps into them.

  “Mason!”

  “Vanessa, I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you so much.” He says squeezing me tight.

  “I missed you too buddy.”

  “Are you okay Vanessa?” The look on his face makes me sad. I know he didn’t see the news, my parents wouldn’t let him but he heard stuff at school.

  “I’m really okay, Mason. Really.”

  “I prayed for you ever day.”

  “Thanks Mason. I’m home.”

  “Guess what?” He asks, bouncing on his knees.

  “What?”

  “Today’s Christmas!”

  “Yeah?” One day we’ll celebrate Christmas on December 25th.

  “Yeah, and I didn’t peek at your present. Cross my heart.” He says drawing a cross over his chest with his finger.

  “Good. Give me a minute and I’ll come down okay?”

  “Okay!” He yells running out the door.

  This is the day I’ve been waiting for. Christmas with my whole family. Mom isn’t sick and Dad isn’t working at the hospital. It’s not December 25th but we’re all together. Still, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this day or the next. Every time I open my mouth to speak, I feel like I’m going to completely break down. Tears are constantly threatening. My head hurts from trying to hold it all in. I really just want to crawl back into bed. I need to do this for my family though. They’ve been without me and this means the world to them.

  I change out of yesterday’s clothes that I slept in, splash some cold water on my face and then brush my teeth. I make my way down the spiraling staircase and force a smile on my face. My Mom went all out with her Christmas decorations. Poinsettias are scattered around the house as well as garland and mistletoe. The mantel is covered with silver candlesticks and stocking holders that spell out NOEL. Mine is the E. The stockings are red and velvety with our names scrolled in glitter. Our Christmas tree is a fake 12’ pre-lit tree with red, green and silver bulbs scattered. Gold ribbons flows down the tree in waves. A gold angel sits on the very top. I immediately think of that 4 foot Charlie Brown tree that Ryan cut down just for us.

  As I approach the living room, I hear hushed whispers and then my Mom comes to me dressed in her Sunday best and apron holding her arms open for me. I walk into them and she wraps me in a hug. “Vanessa honey, we can do Christmas another day if you’re not up to it.”

  “I’m good Mom, just tired.”

  She holds me by the shoulders and nods. She knows I’m not okay but she’s giving me space. “Okay, go sit. We’ll open presents. Mason has been waiting patiently. He didn’t want to open his gifts without you. We’re glad your home.” She wipes her eyes and smiles. “Go.” She pats me like a child, pushing me towards the couch.

  I sit in front of the tree with my knees crossed next to Mason, just like every year.

  “Mason, this is my gift to you. I can’t wait for you to open it.” He smiles big at me and tears the paper into shreds tossing it over his shoulder. His cheeks are still pink from sleep and his hair is pokey. He still acts like he’s four years old when he opens presents.

  “No way!!!” He yells. “It’s a Mystery. This is so cool! Thanks Vanessa.” He lunges at me and almost knocks me backwards. We both giggle. I love seeing him this happy. I look over at my Mom and Dad sitting close on the couch together. My Dad has my Mom’s tiny hand in his. I feel a smidge better than I did this morning. A smidge.

  Mason opens a few more presents and I give my parents their gift from me and Mason. Mason pitched in a bit of money from his allowance and I used part of the money I had stashed from teaching dance class to a bunch of four years olds before my Mom got sick. We bought them a weekend ski package in Breckenridge. My Mom and Dad used to ski when they were dating and they just haven’t been able to go since we moved to Colorado. They were both ecstatic.

  The floor is covered in balled up wrapping paper and ribbon and empty shirt boxes. Mason has his treasures in a neat pile behind him but holds his skateboard in his lap. He has a mischievous grin on his face and he exchanges glances with my parents.

  “Vanessa, we have a gift for you.” My parents stand and Mason jumps to his feet giggling and jumping up and down. What in the world?

  My Dad hands me my jacket and I follow them out the front door. No way!

  “It’s brand new.” My Dad says dangling a key from his finger.

  I grab the key and run down the driveway to the shiny new red VW bug. “I love it!” I yell. I get in and inhale the new car scent. I love it. I run back to my parents and wrap my arms around them. “I love it. Thank you.”

  “Insurance totaled your car and we put in the rest to buy you a new one. You deserve it.” My mom says still wiping at her eyes. My poor Mom. God knows what she went through when I was missing. I grab her in a big hug and remind her how much I love her.

  “Love you kiddo. Glad you’re safe at home.” My Dad says, patting my head like I’m twelve.

  After a test drive in my new car, I sit on the kitchen counter in my spot, swinging my legs while watching my Mom bounce around the kitchen doing her thing. She loves to cook. I always sat in this exact spot with my legs dangling, watching her create masterpieces before she got sick.

  “Can I ask? What happened Vanessa?”

  “Kim.” I say quietly. “She loves him. I had to let him go.” Shit. My voice breaks and the tears fall before I can stop them. My mom grabs me a tissue and then continues. She knows I feel better after talking. I’ll combust if I hold things in.

  “”Does he love her?”

  “Yes. Not like that though, he says. She needs him and he doesn’t want to hurt her. I understand. They have history. Six years, like me and James.”

  “Speaking of James, that boy has called here each and every day. Vanessa you need to talk to him. He’s been worried about you.”

  “I will. I just can’t talk to him right now. I need to call Megan too.”

  “So, do you still think you’re in love with Ryan?”

  “Yes.” I whisper hanging my head. “I felt it, you know?”

  “You mean you found you’re something?” She asks chuckling.

  “He’s my everything.”

  “Vanessa, don’t give up. No regrets.”

  “I can’t compete with Kim.”

  “Maybe you don’t have to. Just don’t give up so easily.”

  Every time my Mom gives me advice, it’s the two words that I always refer back to. No regrets. I know she’s right. Deep down if I just give up, I’ll regret it.

  The house is soon taken over by the smell of her homemade apple pie. I eat two giant pieces until I can hardly breathe. I’ve lost about 10 pounds in the last couple weeks. I can afford to eat extra pie. Feeling full and sleepy, I decide to retire to my room. I grab my favorite sweats that I missed so much and pull my hair up into a pony tail and get comfy with my iPhone. The first thing I do is check my messages. I have 3 text messages since I got home. All from James.

  James: Please call me, I’m worried about you

  James: Please call. I miss you

  James: Vanessa PLEASE, call me, I just want to talk

  I blow the loose strand of hair off my face. I really don’t want to talk to him right now. I scroll through my contacts and land on Megan. She hasn’t tried to call but I know m
y Mom talked to her and told her I just needed some time. I hit the call button and get her voicemail.

  “Megan, it’s me. Call me.”

  I hit my Facebook icon. I deleted my account in the car on the way home. I had pulled it up and I had over 100 posts, mostly from people I hardly ever talk to, asking me about my abduction. I had over 20 new friend requests, I’m assuming some were reporters. I didn’t want curious people looking through my photos and personal information so I just deleted it. I decide to create a new account under Ness Cartwright. I scan through my recent pictures and decide to use the one I just took today of my red bug to use as my profile picture. I load the picture and smile to myself. As I’m holding my phone, it rings in my hand, startling the crap out of me.

  “Hello?”

  “Vanessa, I need to see you. Please. Can we talk?”

  Chapter 21 - Vanessa

  I’m sitting in my car, shaking nervously as I stare at the front door of James’ apartment. I haven’t seen him for over a month now and I’m scared of my reaction. James is a sweet talker. I’ve tried on three different occasions to break up with James in the last six years. He loves me and does not want to let me go. He usually gives me space for a few days and then sweet talks me into taking him back and I always have given in. He’s safe. He’s comfortable. I always know what I’m getting with James. This heartache I’m feeling right now is exactly what I’ve always tried to avoid. I take a breath and walk on shaky legs to his door. Before I even reach the door, he opens it. Before I can react, he has me in his tight grasp with his head buried in my neck. “Vanessa, I’m so glad you came.”

  “I’m sorry James. I should have come sooner.” I say, trying to subtly escape from his hold.