Heartless

by Vanessa Marie

  "So, what happened last night?" Jules asked accusingly.

  "Magic," she beamed.

  "Spill it. I thought you were just going for a bike ride? How'd that go anyway? We're you like freaking the fuck out?" He sat down on the couch across from her and leaned forward.

  Rolling her head to the side to face him, she thought about each kiss, each touch and every tender moment.

  Jules waved his arms back and forth. "Hello. Earth to Charlie. Man, he really did a number on you."

  She shook her head and giggled. "He's incredible, Jules."

  "Dude, you're. Killing. Me! What happened?" He stared her down, waiting.

  She just smiled, thinking about Sam.

  "So... how was it being with an older guy? Did you do the nasty?"

  She smacked the cushions and sat up. "Oh my god, he totally knows what he's doing," she giggled. "He did things to me I didn't even know were possible. Definitely blows previous experiences out of the water. And yeah, a couple of times." Her cheeks flushed.

  Jules laughed and shook his head. "Are you guys like a thing now?"

  "We didn't really talk about it. I mean, it's not like he asked me to be his girlfriend. People don't really do that anymore, do they?" She wasn't sure what they were.

  "Well, did he ask to see you again?"

  She nodded. "Yeah."

  "I'd say you're together then. Did you guys make plans for the holiday tonight?" He kicked his feet up on the coffee table between them.

  "Huh?" Holiday?

  "Dude, it's New Years Eve."

  The last week had been such a blur, it didn't surprise her she didn't know what day it was. Her phone pinged in her back pocked and excitement poured through her. It had to be him, since Jules was sitting two feet from her. She reached back and pulled it out, smiling like an idiot at his name on her screen.

  Hey Beautiful, just wanted to make sure there wasn't another homicide. lol

  She beamed at Jules before her fingers danced across the touch screen.

  Haha, yeah I'm good.

  Good, I was worried I wouldn't get to see you again.

  Her head shot up and she held her phone out to Jules. "He wants to see me again. Should I see if he wants to hang tonight?" She shook her head from side to side and chewed on her lip, not sure how to respond.

  "Uhhhh..." He was holding something back.

  "What?" she demanded.

  "My mom is planning some kind of lame New Year's Eve party for us. She said something about it being the first one in so long and blah blah," he rolled his eyes. "I'm sure she won't care if you invite him though."

  Charlie looked at him like he was insane. "Do you think I'm stupid? There's no way in hell I'm bringing him around either of them. You should have seen how she acted when she first met him. If she knew I was dating him, oh God. No, no way."

  Her phone went off again. He'd sent another message.

  This may be presumptuous, but do you have any plans for tonight?

  She pouted and looked up at Jules. "He just asked me out for tonight."

  "Well, usually I'm all for blowing off our parents. But this time, I think it would be kinda shitty. She's been working hard this last couple of days."

  Setting her phone on the table, she sank back in the couch and sulked. "Okay."

  "I better get home and help her finish getting junk ready. I think the weather said it's supposed to rain later, so she wants a back up plan."

  "All right. I guess I'll see you later then." She frowned.

  "Don't look so excited, jerk."

  Charlie held her hands up like scales and moved them up and down. "Hot, sexy guy or you clowns, hmm."

  He threw a pillow at her as he stood up. "See you tonight."

  "See ya' tonight."

  She grabbed her phone and texted Sam back as soon as Jules left.

  I have some stupid family thing I have to go to tonight.

  Have fun. If you get bored, I'll be home.

  Haha, ok.She smiled to herself and rolled over on her couch, falling fast asleep.

  ♥♥♥♥♥

  They'd arrived at Callie's around eight o'clock that night, and Jules was right, she'd gone all out. There were balloons, decorations and dozens of people everywhere. Callie walked over and pulled her into a hug. "Hi honey, Happy New Year."

  Charlie smiled. "Happy New Year."

  Callie grabbed Joe's hand and as soon as she started talking about someone Charlie didn't know, she tuned out and walked away.

  Ever since she'd woken up from her nap earlier, she'd been a tide pool of emotions and it was consuming her. The crowd downstairs was suffocating and she needed to get out of there. She took the stairs two at a time to Jules' bedroom and disappeared inside. He was at his computer with his headphones on, oblivious to her.

  She smacked the back side of his head as she walked behind him and crawled on his bed. Cowering forward, he slid them off and turned to face her.

  "Hey, I didn't see you come in."

  "Obviously. So that, is what you made me come over here for?" Charlie scowled at him.

  "Dude, I had no idea that's what she was planning. She made it sound like we were just hanging out. I didn't know she was inviting everyone she knew." He held up his hands defensively.

  "It doesn't matter anyway." She rolled over onto her back and stared at his ceiling.

  "Wait, what do you mean it doesn't matter? Did something happen today? You were on cloud nine earlier and now you're all Debbie Downer, what gives?"

  "Just a wake up call." She let out a breath and closed her eyes.

  "Did he say something? I mean, from what I saw of him, he's huge but I would totally try to kick his ass for you."

  She smirked knowing there was no way in hell Jules could take Sam on. It broke the tension enough for her to talk to him about what was going on in her head.

  Rolling over onto her stomach, she pulled a pillow under her chin and wrapped her arms around it.

  "What am I doing Jules? I mean, I am not the relationship girl. Yeah this all seems, great and exciting in the beginning but what happens when I get sick again?" She shrugged.

  "Who says you will get sick again. Why can't you just go along for the ride for once. You always do this." He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

  She furrowed her brow, "Always do what?"

  "Talk yourself out of something before you give it a real chance. I thought we already talked about this."

  "Nevermind, you don't get it." She rolled her eyes and turned her head away from him.

  "You're right I don't. So explain it to me. All I want is for you to be happy, Charlie."

  Propping her chin back up on the pillow, she brought her eyes up to his. "I don't know how to do this. How to let go and just be free. My life isn't carefree. I haven't been feeling well for a couple of weeks and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop again."

  He rolled his chair to the end of the bed. "First of all, if you're not feeling good, we need to get you to the doctor. But you can't live your life in fear all the time because that's not a life, dude. You found a guy that seems pretty cool and I can tell you really like him. So let yourself."

  "I don't know how."

  "Yes, you do. I saw you at the concert. When you were talking at the table and dancing with him. You looked like you were exactly where you were supposed to be. If you didn't, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have spent an entire night with him."

  Thunder crackled and startled her, making her heart race as rain drops pelted his bedroom windows.

  "Well, shit, there goes the fire works." Jules pouted.

  "So what am I supposed to do then?" She asked.

  "Go see him. This party is lame. I'm pretty sure no one will notice you dipped out for a while."

  "How the hell is that supposed to help me figure things out?"

  She didn't know why she was listening to anything he had to say, it's not like he had all kinds of vast knowledge about relationships. But if he did know ab
out one thing better than anyone, it was her.

  "Because, stupid, you'll know what's right when you see him."

  "Can I borrow your car?"

  He reached in his pocket, pulled out his keys and tossed them to her.

  Climbing off the bed, Charlie kissed Jules on the head and sprinted out of his room, down the stairs and out to his car. She had no idea what she was going to say to him as she drove to Sam's house. It wasn't like she had a lot of relationship experience under her belt and the only time she'd opened herself up before Sam, she was crushed. She vowed to never let herself feel that devastated again. She didn't know why she was allowing herself to get in so deep with Sam. Especially that fast.

  The rain was heavy as she pulled into his driveway and put the car into park. She shut the car off and sat back in the seat. This was a mistake. She laid her head on the steering wheel and shook it back and forth. "Jules said you'd know when you saw him. Maybe he's right."

  She got out of the car and walked up to the front door with the rain soaking through her clothes. Charlie just stood there, unmoved, soaking wet.

  Raising her hand slowly she knocked twice and hoped Jules was right.

  ♥♥♥♥♥

  Sam sat on his couch, watching "Smokey And The Bandit" when he thought he heard a faint knock on the door. He glanced at the clock and wondered if Alex had forgotten her key or something. As he opened the door, he found Charlie standing in front of him soaking wet with confusion in her eyes.

  "Hey, are you all right?"

  "I don't do relationships. I mean, I can't do this. I... I'm no good for you," she rambled out at lightening speed, unmoved.

  "Come in out of the rain, let's get you dried off." He stepped back and guided her inside as confusion swept though him. As far as he knew everything was great between them and there she was rambling a different tune.

  He led the way into his bathroom, with her a few steps behind.

  "Here, why don't you come hop in a warm shower and I'll get you some dry clothes." He handed her a clean towel.

  She nodded her head but it seemed more to herself than to him. Worried something had happened, Sam hoped she'd open up when she got out. He heard the water turn on as he dug through his dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and t-shirt. Waiting a few moments to make sure she'd gotten in, he pushed the door open and set the clothes on the counter and gathered up her clothes.

  Sam tossed everything into the dryer and turned it on. He put on a pot of tea and headed into the living room to wait for her. About ten minutes later, she padded into the living room in his clothes and combed though her hair with her fingers.

  He stood from his chair. "You okay?"

  "I don't know what I am." She shook her head and walked toward him.

  They sat down on the couch together and he turned to face her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

  She shrugged.

  "Did something happen since I talked to you last?" he asked, searching her face.

  She shook her head, not meeting his eye. "No."

  "Then what's going on?"

  Twisting her hair around her finger, she looked up to meet his gaze. "I don't know."

  "I'm not trying to beat a dead horse here, but something has to be going on. Most people don't just stand in the rain when nothing's bothering them. You can talk to me about anything." He wanted to reassure her, but something was holding her back she needed to work out.

  She huffed, and looked away. "I can't be happy, okay?"

  He frowned, having no idea what she was talking about. "What do you mean, you can't be happy. Isn't that a choice?"

  "No it's not." She got up and paced the floor.

  The tea kettle whistled from the kitchen, and he went to turn it off. He wasn't sure what the night would hold, but he hoped at the very least, he could help her sort out whatever was upsetting her. By the time Sam made his way into the living room with all of the supplies for tea, Charlie was sitting crisscrossed on the couch with her head in her hands.

  "You want some tea?" He held the mug out to her.

  She looked up and accepted it. "Thanks. You probably think I'm some sort of psycho right now."

  "Not at all. Just wish there was something I could do to help with whatever is bothering you." Sam took a sip of his tea and settled back onto the couch.

  "That's the issue."

  "What is?" He wondered how wanting to help was a bad thing.

  "You, you're my problem."

  Puzzled, he just sat there, not knowing how to respond.

  "That came out wrong." She shook her head and set her tea down.

  "Look, you came here. No one is forcing you to stay. If you want me to back off, that's all you have to say." He scooted to the edge of the cushion.

  "No, that's not what I meant," she said, flustered.

  "Then explain it to me please, because I have no idea what's going on."

  "My life has always been really hard." she paused.

  "Okay..." he nodded, waiting for more of an explanation.

  She bit her lip and looked down, like she was contemplating what to say before she spoke again. "Nothing has ever been easy or fallen into place with ease."

  "What does that have to do with me being your problem?"

  "I don't know how to explain it."

  "Can you try? Because I am beyond lost here." He watched as her face softened.

  "Jules says I push people away before I give them a chance and I live in fear."

  Sam thought for a moment before he answered. "Well, what do you think?"

  Picking up her mug, she took a long pull of her drink and met his eyes. "I think I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop."

  It took him by surprise she would think that way. "Why?"

  She shrugged, "Because it always does."

  Grabbing her cup out of her hands, he set it on the table and pulled her into his lap. "Life isn't always what we want it to be. It sounds like you've had the short end of the stick for most of yours, but it doesn't mean you don't have the right to be happy. If you give me the chance, I'd like to be the one to show you what that's like." He searched her eyes and brushed her cheek with his thumb. She leaned her head into his palm and sighed.

  "I'm a mess, you don't want all of this," she nearly whispered.

  "That's where you're wrong." He crushed his lips against hers and they lost themselves in each other.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Charlie laid on her stomach with her face buried in her pillow and smacked the top of her nightstand. Her ear ached from her screaming alarm. The last smack hit the snooze button, her palm stung from hitting it harder than she anticipated. She rolled onto her back and stretched her arms over her head but refused to open her eyes. The thought of Sam made a smile grow across her face.

  It'd been a week since she showed up at his house a soaking wet mess, and laid it all on the line. Since then, they'd spent every day together, watching movies, talking and getting to know each other. Each time they were together, it got better and she didn't think that was possible. He made her unravel at the seams and she knew he would be the one to save her from herself. Her alarm blared in her ear again. She grimaced, sat up and pounded it with her fist.

  Charlie needed to get up and get ready, it was her first day of class. Every fiber of her body still felt heavy from sleep. She sat up and a twinge of pain shot through her sternum. Clenching her chest, she leaned forward over her knees and exhaled a slow deep breath. She was used to the always present dull ache but that was different and every morning it was worse. Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, she threw her legs over the edge of the bed. She knew admitting her chest hurt meant there was a problem and she didn't want to deal with it. All she wanted was to enjoy her time with Sam, not drag him into her world of hospital stays and surgeries. The longer she ignored it, the longer she could have time with him.

  As she forced herself off her bed, she padded her way half asleep to her closet. The wood floors were cold
against her bare feet and it made her shiver. She rummaged though her closet, pulled out a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and a gray hoodie. Her bathroom lights made her squint when she flipped them on to finish getting dressed. When she walked into the kitchen, a note laid on the counter next to the coffee pot.

  Charles,

  Have a good day kid, sorry I had to go in early. Hopefully it wont be as bad with Jules there.

  Love you,

  Dad

  P.S - try not to make anyone cry- it's only the first day, there will be plenty of time for that later haha

  She chuckled to herself, poured a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter taking a slow sip. The steam was warm against her face as she inhaled the aroma. If she had to be a morning person, Charlie was glad caffeine was in her arsenal. Her phone pinged, she pulled it out of her pocked and saw a message from Jules.

  Hey you ready for today?

  She frowned at the screen before she answered him.

  I guess

  Just a heads up Courtney is already giving me shit about meeting you today

  Lovely

  Yea — Well I guess I'll see you there since you didn't want to go together.

  I wanted to ride my bike.

  It's winter and you're insane.

  It's 58, that's warm enough to ride. I'm leaving here in a few

  Glancing at the clock, she realized it was only seven twenty. She decided to send Sam a text, it was his first day back at work after his vacation. Her mind drifted to the phone conversation they'd had the night before and the plan to meet up that afternoon for coffee. She was giddy at the thought of seeing him. With her stomach twisting into knots, she thought about how many days it had been since she saw him last. It was torture, but she knew spending time with her dad was just as important, because he didn't have much time for her since they'd been there.