Sunder

by Tara Brown

  I nodded.

  We got up slowly, rounding the couches in an odd way but giving the plate of food a wide berth.

  I shuddered, cold suddenly. “Okay, that was spooky.”

  “I know. My mom said my grandma was weird, but dude, that was crazy. Her bread must be, like, stoner bread.”

  It made me giggle again the way she said stoner. We looked and sounded like stoners.

  She pointed at a white door. “Meet you out front? I just have to grab something.”

  “Yup.” I walked down the stairs and walked into the shop. Her mom wasn’t there. I went to the back door we had come in and walked out into the grey day of the alley.

  “Come here often?”

  I grimaced as I spun around. “Seriously?”

  He smiled and my stomach burned. How was Briton, my new teacher and the guy who had humiliated me, also now standing in a random alley staring down on me. His dark eyes were like magnets. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t even want to.

  “I have to see the new owner.”

  “What?” What was he talking about?

  He pointed at the door. “To the shop—Liz’s mom.” He seemed like he was being nice, but I didn’t want to trust it. He was one of those head-game dudes, and my freaking teacher now. He took a step towards me, speaking quietly. “I wanted to tell you, I’m sorry you think I’m a jerk. I honestly had to talk to an old friend before I could dance. I wanted to dance, with you. I took the job at the school because of you. I had to see you.”

  What a confession. He blushed and looked down, then looked up at me through his lashes. My heart stopped for a second and then started back up with a vengeance. He took my hands in his, holding them like they were fragile—so tenderly I could barely feel the heat from them. In fact, there was no heat. He was cool, from the alley no doubt. He squeezed a little. “I want you . . .”

  My breathing was lost in the sentence. But then he finished it. “To give me a second chance at my first impression with you.”

  I nodded. I didn’t even want to.

  He smiled and everything got funny. My hands were sweaty and clutching to him. He seemed so controlled and cool for such a vulnerable moment.

  He lowered his face close to mine. His cheek brushed against mine and I froze. I had frozen long before that, but it got worse. His face tickled against mine, and then his lips brushed my cheek. I leaned into it, savoring the nothingness of a cheek kiss, and yet, it felt loaded with everything we hadn’t said. What was there to say? We didn’t even know each other.

  “I want to take you out for dinner, tonight?”

  I was about to accept, but I leaned back slightly, pulling back into the headspace I needed to be sane. “You’re my teacher, you can’t.”

  His eyes narrowed. “I will quit. I’ll go do that now. See you at your house at seven?”

  “No. My father’s wife doesn’t like you. I will meet you.”

  His sexy smile crossed his lips. “No. You will change your mind. I will meet you one block from the house. It’s called Fern Avenue.” He turned and walked away.

  My brain fought tooth and nail to change everything that had happened in that two minutes but my heart smiled, just like my dumb face. The smile owned me, inside and out. I didn’t even know I could smile inside, but I was. He made me glow. I was already planning my outfit. I pulled my cell and looked at the time. I opened the door to the store and called up. “LIZ! I HAVE TO GO! SEE YOU TOMORROW?”

  She rounded the corner, breathing deeply and looking wild eyed. “Yeah, that actually works out better. See you in the morning.”

  I slapped my hand against my forehead. “The party tonight. I’ll pick you up, like ten?”

  She nodded and waved weakly. I closed the door, hoping she was okay.

  She must have been still freaking out about the weird egg sandwich. It was probably just something in the sandwich, like off mayonnaise or something.

  I pushed that to the back of my mind and turned, running the entire way home to start getting ready.

  Every time I stopped myself, reminding my heart we had spoken a whole three times and he was an ass, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. My eyes were filled with hope and the smile owning my lips was ridiculous and expectant. I couldn’t recall a time ever feeling that excited.

  Ever.

  I didn’t care that he was the wrong choice and he was the wrong guy and the wrong age. I didn’t care that he was a teacher for a day or that he had been a jerk at the ball. I wanted to give him a chance to explain. I wanted to see what was behind those dark eyes and that sarcastic smile.

  I just wanted to feel that thing I did when I was with him, that lost feeling. As odd and slightly demeaning as it was, I couldn’t wait to be eaten up by his gaze.

  I bathed, showered, shaved, plucked, loofahed, moisturized, and then started the process of hair and makeup. Dad came in as I was blow-drying my hair. He frowned.

  “I have a date.”

  His eyebrow cocked. “With who?”

  “Boy from school.”

  “The Michaels boy?”

  I shook my head. “No. A different one.” It wasn’t entirely a lie.

  He sighed. “What’s the plan? Is he coming here?”

  “Dad, you have to stop the whole ‘city dad’ thing here. You wanted me to move to this hellhole—let me enjoy the few things about it that are fun. Freedom is one of them. I am going to dinner and then I am going to a party. The kids here deke out the po-po and parents by partying on Mondays. It’s whatever. I’m going. I need a life again.”

  He folded his arms, but I pointed at him. “Dad. This is what seniors do. If I’m gonna have any kind of life, I need to go out and have fun. How else am I gonna meet peeps? I need fun or I will die. It’s a friggin’ pit party in a hillbilly town. I got this.”

  “Frank, you leave her alone. I heard about this party already. It’s cool if she goes. Stop badgering the poor girl.” Judith shouted up the stairs. “Your dinner is ready, get down here.”

  I smiled. He held his hands up in the air and walked from the room muttering, “Take your cell and make sure you call me if you do anything you shouldn’t. I will come and get you.”

  I rolled my eyes and finished off the preparations. When had I ever done something I shouldn’t? Okay, I had done those things, but he hadn’t ever found out. I was responsible enough to get my own drunken ass home.

  When I finished and went downstairs, Judith slipped me forty dollars and a smile as I left the house. She was growing on me fast. My dad grumbled. “What kind of boy doesn’t come and meet the parents? What is this world coming to? Did he ask you out by text? Have you even met him or is this an Internet thing?”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “Dad, it’s like a group date. We’re meeting. Stop. I’m meeting a friend one street over. God.”

  I turned and ran down the street in a sexy beige miniskirt; light-blue, off-the-shoulder sweater; and my cutest almost-thigh-high riding boots. My hair had light curls bouncing along my back and my makeup was done to make it look like I didn’t have much on. Really it was caked, but boys were dumb about that. They saw perfection and were happy. They never saw the amount of work we put into perfection.

  As I rounded the corner, nerves built in my stomach.

  He was there, standing under the light of a lamppost. I shuddered when I saw him. He made my breath ragged from a whole block away.

  As I got closer I smiled. He was so formally dressed all the time. Luckily, I had anticipated it and dressed nicer than the town deserved. But when I got closer, I noticed he was dressed in jeans, but they were still European cut, and although they were slim, they weren’t skinny. They suited his body. He had a European-cut body, trim but cut. I could only imagine what was under those clothes. I could bet it was good.

  Boys in jeans with no shirt on were easily one of my favorite images.

  I almost laughed at myself when I saw his shirt. He was in a light-blue sweater too,
almost matching mine. Awesome, we would be those dorks that matched. He ran a hand through his unruly hair, looking around like he might run away.

  I felt the same. My insides were clinging to each other. In fact, my whole body was clenched. I looked around, wondering if anyone would see and tell my dad or Judith. I had a single flash of regret, but the moment I was close enough to see his eyes, it was gone. He smiled and everything else faded away.

  My brain screamed at me, not a warning but just begging me to think it through. When I got close enough that he would hear me, I spoke softly, “What are we doing?”

  He shook his head. “Going for dinner?” He said it like it was a question, like he was unsure too.

  “No, what are we doing? This is crazy. I don’t even know you.” I stopped walking. The ten paces between us felt like an ocean.

  He didn’t miss a single beat. The moment I stopped, he started to walk towards me. “It’s impossible—I know we have never met, and yet, I feel like we have never been apart.”

  He summed it up perfectly.

  How odd.

  I nodded. “I know.” My words were whispered.

  When he got close enough to touch me, he titled my chin. I thought for sure he would kiss me, but he just stared at me.

  He shook his head, like he was pulling himself from the trance we were caught in. Clutching my hand, he turned down the street. He didn’t walk fast, thankfully. My boots were super cute, but not made for walking.

  His voice was the only sound on the uninhabited street, besides our footsteps. “This is a very bad idea, Liv. I think when two people feel the way I think we both do, they’re smarter to walk away. You know the inevitable attachment that will come in a situation like this one? It’s a life-ruining experience.”

  I laughed; he was ridiculous, and yet not wrong. I could feel it too. I decided humor was the best solution. “Do you place that level of intensity and commitment on all your dates?”

  He gave me a sideways glance and smiled. “I don’t date. I have never actually dated a girl before. You are my first date.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, you seem the pillar of virtue I imagined in the man who would tell me that my love would ruin him.”

  “I am not a pillar of anything. I just don’t see the point in dating. I don’t stay places very long.” He chuckled.

  I slipped my hand from his, folding my arms around myself. “What is the point of dating? It’s a necessity. You’re getting to know someone, deciding if they are the person you want to spend at least some part of your life with. Spending a few moments in intimacy so you can see if there is something about that person you can’t live without. Dating is the start. It is the beginning point of any relationship.”

  He stopped walking and looked down on me. “I already know the answers to those questions. I already know everything I need to about you.”

  That scared me. I stepped back. “How?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you know?” My heart was racing.

  “You talk to your dead mom, but you don’t tell her everything. You still lie to her, to keep her safe from the truths in your heart. You love clothes and makeup but you’re very smart. I can see that—smarter than a girl like you should be. You love your dad and dislike your stepmom. You have hordes of friends, but few people know you.” He walked to me as he spoke and paused when he was right in front of me again. He paused in his speech and dragged his thumb down my cheeks slowly. He looked pained when he spoke again. “And you don’t ever ask boys to dance, so when you asked me and I turned you down, I truly hurt your feelings, and for that I am very sorry.”

  My eyes watered. I cursed him silently. If the tear formed, I would murder him. My mascara was heavily applied. My whole face would be black.

  “How did you do that?” I asked.

  He shook his head, still holding my face. “I told you, I feel like I’ve known you as if we have never been apart a day in our lives. I don’t know why. I knew it the moment I saw you. I watched you walk into the ball with your family. The wind blew in behind you and you paused in the entrance, and I knew.”

  “This is crazy.” My heart was beating so hard, if I had looked down I would have seen it. But his tragic eyes held me captive. “You’re crazy, aren’t you? Like bipolar or mentally unstable.”

  “No! Are you actually hungry?”

  I shook my head. There was no way I could eat. I was in some strange version of butterflies-in-my-stomach hell.

  He lifted my hand and kissed it before turning and walking down the street again. “I want to show you something.” He led me down a dark street and my stomachache got worse.

  It was crazy but I wanted it and I couldn’t explain it, even if he was crazy.

  Chapter Eleven

  Briton

  She looked scared.

  Her blue eyes were more electrically charged as they darted about. He had seen it the minute she had rounded the corner on the sidewalk. He had heard it in her heartbeat.

  She was terrified.

  He couldn’t help but wonder if she knew. Had they told her what he was? Would the Michaels family do that?

  They would.

  He knew that. They would protect her. He needed to tell her himself. But first he needed to show himself to her, the man he was before he became the monster. It was his only chance at having something with her.

  Had Briton had a heartbeat, his would have been rapid like hers. But he was too overwhelmed to be afraid. Yes, he knew better than to do any of the things they were doing, but he couldn’t be scared of them.

  When her eyes met his, and he saw her face completely, all of his doubts were gone. She was so beautiful. There was something more to it. Something that matched him perfectly. He couldn’t name it, but he could feel it.

  He wanted her more than any single thing he could recall in two thousand years.

  But he needed her to see inside of him. She had to know the man he might have been, had he ever been given the chance, before he revealed the truth.

  Leading her down a dark street was a mistake though, especially after she had asked him if he was bipolar. He knew that, and yet, he was leading her into a dark alley. He could feel his fangs lingering just at the point where the tiniest thing might make them drop.

  He was holding her hand and taking her to a place that would make no sense to her. But to him it was a piece of mortality, even it if it was a small piece.

  He had to show her the only thing that he could, the only human piece. It was an insignificant place to anyone but to him—it had been his spot. He took deep breaths, preparing himself mentally for the fact the story in itself would out him.

  He pointed and spoke gently, “The town used to be considerably smaller. This was farmland here. There was an old barn where the chickens had been kept, but they kept getting out and things were getting in, killing them off. It was run down so the farmer gave up on it and built a new chicken coop. When I lived here before, I would come here whenever I needed to get away. I would sit in the loft, on the hay and just watch everything around me. When you’re still, the world moves around at a beautiful pace. The view of the sunset was perfect and no one would have thought to find me in an old run-down barn. It was my quiet spot.” He pulled her down another alleyway and pointed at a low-lying mountain range in the dark sky. “The sun sets there in the summer, and from the barn the view was uninterrupted. I was actually in this very spot the night my family died. I had five brothers, a mother and father. They all died in a fire and if Miles, the old man you saw me with at the ball, had not saved me, I would have died too. They burned to death and I haven’t loved anything since. I didn’t believe love was a possibility for me, until now.” He skipped over the part where they would have been poisoned before burning to death.

  He turned and looked at her. Her face was paused, like she was deep thought. “You were here before?” She had missed the point of the story completely. His chest ached as though his heart beat
still. What else could he say? What did a man of this age say to win a woman’s heart?

  “I lived here many years ago, sort of grew up here in a sense of the word. It was the safest place I had been, enabling me to be myself at all times.”

  “Dude! No way! This house right here is over a hundred years old. It was here when you were a kid. You’re mixed up. The barn is probably closer to the farm on the outskirts of town. It’s a sweet story though.” The way she said it, it sounded like a foolish story.

  It was not going well. She had bypassed his confession of believing in love because he had met her, really just seen her. There was something so magnetic about her. She made him feel alive again. He spoke softly, trying not to show his frustration, “It was a long time ago. My family was one of the first settler families of the area.”