To Obama

by Jeanne Marie Laskas

  The air force recruiter must have been pretty convincing is all he can think. Germany was one place Crissy came home excited about going to. Paris. Japan. She was excited about the military sending her out to see the world. She always did like Epcot. Where you walk from country to country? That could have factored in too.

  Special enforcement was her job. Military police. She worked the gates at Lackland Air Force Base. She said it was boring. He told her, “That’s what it is being an adult; you have to do a lot of boring things.” He was trying to instill values.

  Lackland is fourteen hours away from Killen. So she couldn’t just drive home. She would facetime Stephanie at least once a day. Usually a lot more. That one time she facetimed to show her mom a flame. Just a big flame on the stove. They were like, “Crissy, throw some baking soda on it!” But she left the iPad there in front of the flame, not saying anything. Maybe she thought it was funny. She didn’t know how to cook.

  So.

  The first time she got DNA’d he didn’t know what it meant. She was home on leave, and she said it casual. DNA means Do Not Arm. It means they take your weapons away for like a week because you said something that made them think you wanted to hurt yourself or someone else. She made it sound stupid, like they were being so ridiculous, like she was a kid getting caught chewing gum. So he didn’t think much of it.

  By the way, those figurines next to Stephanie are all Disney. All the princesses. There are more on the mantel. Then this candleholder is decorated with flowers from the funeral. That’s a service you can get, making candleholders with flowers from the funeral. Yeah, he didn’t know they did that either.

  There was a relationship Crissy got in. Long distance. Crissy was air force, and the girl was army, and there’s a thing—if you’re married, they station you close together. So they got married. They didn’t have a wedding. It was just quick. They got an apartment right outside Lackland. Him and Stephanie had different opinions on the relationship. But, look, this was Crissy. She could have loved a tree, and it wouldn’t make no matter.

  The second time she got DNA’d he probably should have thought more of it. Look, he had no experience with the military. They would give her somebody to talk to if it was serious, wouldn’t they? She was fourteen hours away. They owned her. Here’s where the anger comes out. He tries to keep it in. You would think they would want to protect their investment. Because that’s what she was to them. An investment. But you don’t have to protect your investment when you’ve got a busload of soldiers coming the next night. And the next night and the next. You don’t have to care about any one person. If you’re the commander at Lackland, you sit behind your desk watching them roll in, knowing they can be replaced.

  The last Christmas Crissy ever had was in 2015. She saved up all her vacation so she could come home and go with them to Disney. His parents, Stephanie’s parents, cousins—eighteen of them total. The fireworks over the castle were probably the biggest thing. They did the Bippity Boppity Boo breakfast. Crissy bit into the strawberry pancakes, and he looked over at her. “Crissy, are you crying?”

  “It’s just so…good,” she said.

  After that trip to Disney, she did not want to go back to the military. She said she wanted out. She was willing to accept dishonorable discharge in order to get out. Him and Stephanie were trying to keep her in. Stephanie has a ton of guilt over that. Being nineteen, you try to get them to follow through with their commitments to set them up for their future. But he should have just run off and brought her home. Let them do whatever court case they had to do with her. He could live with his child having a piece of paper that said they left the military. Hell, he’d frame that piece of paper.

  The call came one month and four days after Disney. January 30, 2016. Him, Stephanie, and Cassie were shopping in Nashville, like two hours away. Good stores. Something to do. And at some point Courtney, their oldest daughter, in Texas, called to say, “I can’t reach Crissy. Something feels weird.”

  And then it was just tiny bits of information. Basically nothing. They were shopping. They were starting to get worried. It was hours later, in the car headed home, that Stephanie got the Facebook message. “I’m so sorry about what happened to Crissy. I wish I could have done more.”

  What? What happened to Crissy?

  They pulled the car over into a parking lot. A mall. They called everywhere. “No additional information at this time.” They called the Red Cross. “Can you get us information?” They kept calling the military. “No additional information at this time.”

  Stephanie gets up, leaves the room.

  He finally got on Twitter. He found Crissy’s Twitter name. He found her partner’s Twitter name. He tweeted. “Please call us. If you know what’s going on, please call us, because no one will give us any information.” Five minutes later the partner calls. Stephanie answers. Shane knew just by her face. Then she collapsed. Him calling the military again. “No information at this time.” Stephanie talking to Crissy’s partner. They weren’t together anymore. She was the one who found Crissy. Stephanie collapsing. Him throwing up. Cassie in the back seat watching all this.

  He doesn’t remember driving home. He remembers the airman coming to the door. He felt sorry for that airman. Nobody should have to do that job. He remembers sitting in his room all alone. Roast beef. No one he felt he could talk to. He’s not a person who talks to people, not like that, not about pain. And ugliness inside you.

  Why she did this makes no sense. If she left a note even. If she had said something. They took her weapons away. Did they even talk to her? They treated it like it was the flu. She’s in their hands. You would think they would want to protect their investment.

  Greetings Mr. President and First Lady,

  I know my letter will 99.9999% never get read by either of you, but I feel like for the first time in my adult life I must reach out to someone. My 19 year old daughter is dead. She took her own life Jan 30th at Lackland Air Force Base. She left home in 2014 the most happy girl you’d ever meet. If I could attach photos I’d show you a smile that would melt your hearts. I feel like the military failed her on many levels. She had made comments that screamed “get me help” and yet all they did was DNA’d her twice (took weapons away) for like two weeks at a time.

  They advised her to get some help but low and behold her “amazing” military insurance would not cover the costs of speaking with someone weekly, if it had my daughter may still be able to pick up a phone and call home, but instead she’s laying in Lackland, waiting on a plane ticket home in a casket. Like I said I understand you wont get this, or be able to personally reply to me, I’m sure I’ll get an automatic reply, because what’s my daughters life worth to anyone who isn’t her family? Nothing. She isn’t a priority to anyone in Washington DC, but if it was your family member laying in a casket you’d be upset to. I did not vote for you, I didn’t vote for anyone, but I believe your family is the best, and most truth worthy family that’s been in the White House since our founding fathers. I believe you all have tried very hard to correct the wrongs in our country and without hidden agenda. I don’t care about oil, immigration, or any of that stuff. What I care about is another family doesn’t get a knock on their front door letting them know our Military Failed to help their own. We send our babies to you, and you sometimes send them back to us in a casket. Mr. President, and First Lady, I thank you for your time if by any chance you see this.

  —Cristina’s Dad

  Reading that now, he’s surprised. It’s not a good letter. He wishes he would’ve been angrier. If he wrote it now, it would have been angrier.

  She had her weapons back. She wasn’t DNA’d anymore. But she didn’t use a weapon. That’s not how she did it. That’s where you think, Well, was she just staging something to get someone’s attention, and then…slipped? You come up with all kinds of explanations. If she left a note. A clu
e. Something.

  They waited for the military to send Crissy’s body back. The waiting was a lot of extra pain. Over a week. That’s too long to make a family wait to bury a child. “We’ll call you when we know when we’re sending her back.”

  They sent a video of a memorial they did at Lackland. The main guy over at the base talking about Crissy. Stephanie watched it. She told Shane, “Don’t watch it.” She said the video implied that a person who resorted to killing herself was maybe somebody who was weak. She said, “Don’t watch it,” and so he hasn’t. He doesn’t want to put himself in a situation where he would go down to Lackland and confront a man with that much power. It would not end well. Shane would end up in jail.

  The military preys on people who don’t know what the military is. That’s how they do it. If you’re wondering how they do it, that’s how they do it.

  He doesn’t blame President Obama, which maybe is odd. If anything, he felt like Obama would be on his side. It’s weird to think about. He felt the Obamas were human beings, at least. He did not know he felt this. It’s weird to discover. You’re alone in your room, numb. You’re not a guy to talk, but you need to talk. You pick the president of the United States to talk to?

  Maybe father to father, is what he felt. He never uses that computer. He doesn’t know what compelled him. He doesn’t remember hitting send.

  The military did an investigation into what exactly happened. They haven’t sent the report yet. It’s been two years, and they still haven’t sent anything. She wasn’t DNA’d anymore. That’s not how she did it. There were no signs. She spent the two days before cleaning her car. Playing with the dog. Just out of the blue. She wrote something on Twitter about missing her mom.

  The recruiter who told Crissy about Germany, about Paris and Japan, he never said anything. He lives like fifteen minutes away, and he never called to say he was sorry to hear that Crissy killed herself.

  August 5, 2016

  Dear Shane:

  Thank you for your heartfelt email. I was deeply saddened to learn of the loss of your daughter, Airman First Class Cristina Silvers, USAF. As the father of two daughters, I am profoundly and personally saddened by your loss.

  Too many Americans suffer from depression, and our service members are no exception. Cristina’s suicide is tragic and a powerful reminder of why we must continuously work to improve access to mental healthcare. It is still not a perfect system and we are working every day to close the gaps so we can move toward a future where other military families are spared the pain suicide has brought them. I will continue doing everything in my power to help ensure other families do not have to endure the terrible loss you suffered.

  At this difficult time, Michelle and I hope cherished memories of your time with Cristina help temper your grief. You and your family will remain in our thoughts and prayers.

  Sincerely,

  Barack Obama

  Shane put the letter away. It wasn’t like he showed it around. The main thing he took from it was Obama spelled “Cristina” right. Most people put the h in there. The guy that has more power than anyone. More responsibility than anyone. For that brief moment, he’s thinking about you and your family. Your daughter is in his thoughts.

  From: Mr. Patrick Allen Holbrook

  Submitted: 1/14/2016 10:37 PM EST

  Address: Honolulu, Hawaii

  Dear, Mr. President

  It’s late in the evening here in Oahu, and the sun will soon be sinking behind the horizon into the ocean. I sight that gives me comfort when times are confusing, and peace at the end of a long day. Sir, I was injured in Afghanistan in 2011 it was my first deployment, and my last. I was medically retired from the US Army, and after some discussion with my family moved here to help heal the wounds—it is slow in coming, but I remain hopeful. I started college when I arrived here it has been a difficult experience, but this summer God willing; I will be a college graduate. It’s a funny thing fear, I wasn’t afraid in Afghanistan, but I am horrified at thought of my future. I want to serve my country, make a difference, and live up to the potential my family sees in me. I am scared I think, because I have no plan on what employment to pursue. It is something that is extremely difficult to me, and with my family leaving the island soon; I am truly lost. Sir, all my life I’ve tried to find what a Good man is, and be that man, but I release now life is more difficult for some. I’m not sure where I am going, and it is something that I can not shake.

  P.S. I watched your final State of the Union, and I thought it was well spoken. I too dream of a sustainable future for the next generation.

  Sincerely,

  Patrick A. Holbrook

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  WASHINGTON

  Patrick—

  Thank you for your thoughtful letter, and more importantly for your service and sacrifice. I can tell from your letter you are already a good man; you just need to find the calling that will express that goodness or it will find you. So trust yourself, and remember that your Commander in Chief didn’t know what he would do with his life till he was in his thirties!

  Barack Obama

  From: Mrs. Kelli McDermott

  Submitted: 9/14/2016 12:37 AM EDT

  Address: Levittown, Pennsylvania

  Dear Mr. President Obama,

  My grandfathers have been shamed, exiled, and ridiculed most of their young lives. What made it more difficult for them is that they were an interracial couple. They do not like to be in the spotlight, but I wanted to share our story.

  My grandfather Richard and Vietnam Veteran Grandfather Al have been together for 35 years. I have grown up knowing that there relationship was perfectly normal. Surrounded by friends and classmates who would ridicule and even bully me whenever I spoke up about the LGBTQ community. To me, there was nothing wrong with love and my grandfathers truly love each other. They have been waiting patiently in Georgia to get married and I was so happy to see their wait was over. On June 26, 2015, Richard and Al finally married. However, a month late my Grandpa Richard was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He passed on November 22, just five months after they finally tied the knot.

  With a sad heart, I can live on knowing that my Grandfathers were able to make their dream reality. They were able to share their bond legally. My family and I miss him dearly, but it helps to know that Grandpa Richard passed as a married man to the love of his life. I wanted to thank you, President Obama and all the politicians involved that made marriage equality legal, from the very bottom of my heart. You truly changed the world for the better for my family and I. Thank you.

  With the Deepest Appreciation,

  Kelli McDermott

  Dear Mr President

  My name is William Johnson. Im In a Georgia prison serving a five year sentence for failing a urain test. I was self medicating because I did not have any Medical Insurance And I dont qualify for the tax Break for me to afford Obama Care.

  I have been in and out of Jails and prison my whole Life All Because of my Drug use. Without Regulations on the Drugs I have to get on the street the quality of the drugs very and so does the potency. Whitch makes for a vary dangerous Combination. Here is my point and why Im writing you. When I was working and had Medical Insurance I Had no problems with Law Enforcement! When I lost my Job and Insurance, I started Buying Illegal Drugs on the street for Depresion I use Cocaine and Meth for my Back Pains I Buy pain pills on the street to. As soon as I got caught with these types of Drugs I was put In Jail and then put on probation the Probation Department tells me I cant do any Drugs unless given to me from a doctor. Here Lies the problem. No Doctor Will See Me Without Insurance. And I Cant Afford Insurance. the prison system is full of people Just Like Me when I get out the state will give me a fresh set of clothes and 25 dollars. With no Medical Help. Letting Drug Users out of prison without accsess
to Doctors is a huge problem they will go Back to Self Medicating as soon as they feel sick. and then they will Be Back In prison. In Georgia you can Beat someone to death and get food stamps but IF you get caught with an once of pot you can’t. I think the Affordable Care Act should Include people coming out of prison. You want to lower the Repeat Drug Offenders this is a clear choice. the Working Poor can not Afford Medical Insurance even with the tax Break most Jobs are keeping there Employee’s under 40 hrs. So they dont have to pay there Insurance that Loop Hole Needs to be Closed. More and more people are buying Street Drugs because of these problems.

  Thank you

  William Johnson

  Can you please reply back with a photo

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  WASHINGTON

  January 13, 2017

  Mr. William Johnson

  Griffin, Georgia

  Dear William:

  Thank you for sharing your story with me. It’s clear you’ve faced great challenges, and I want you to know I’m listening.

  I believe that all people, even people who have made mistakes, have the capacity to make the right choices and to have a positive impact on those around them. Your story shows that improving our justice system will require broadening access to health care and public services, including for those who have been incarcerated. That is why I’ve worked to support reentry programming for adults with substance use disorders and improve the provision of treatment options. This includes the Affordable Care Act’s provision to extend Medicaid to all low-income adults in all States. However, because of a Supreme Court ruling in 2012, each State must choose whether to expand Medicaid. As a result, Republican resistance in some States—like Georgia—has stood in the way of affordable coverage being extended to people like you, even though the Federal Government would cover virtually all of the costs. My Administration has been encouraging States like yours to expand Medicaid so more of our citizens can get the care they deserve, and your message drives us in that effort.