by Chloe Walsh
“Do you think I’m a bad person, Kyle?” she asked me, her voice wobbling. Clutching the pillow to her chest, she added, “Because I sure as hell do.” Shaking her head, she exhaled a ragged breath. “After all she’s been through and all she’s suffered . . . I’m still bitter.” The uncertainty in her eyes crippled me. “What the hell does that make me?” she whispered. “To know how badly she suffered, to hear her pain and remorse, and still not be able to let go?”
“Human,” I said softly. “It makes you human, Lee.”
“It makes me cruel,” she countered, her voice pained and full of self-loathing. “It makes me like him.”
“You are nothing like that bastard,” I snarled, taking a step towards her. “And as for feeling bitter? I doubt there’s a person on this earth who would feel any different.”
“Is she still here?” she asked nervously.
“She’s in the kitchen,” I told her. “I’ll take her to Thirteenth Street soon. I just wanted to check in . . . see if you were okay with all of this.”
“No . . . I mean, yeah, it’s okay by me if she stays there,” she mumbled before adding, “thank you, Kyle.”
I blinked. “Thank me for what?”
Blinking back the tears that were filling her eyes, she whispered, “You saved me from following in her footsteps. I could have ended up in her shoes.” Her brows furrowed. “I . . . I’ll never be able to thank you enough or repay you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Shaking my head in frustration, I folded my arms over my chest and gaped at her. “Repay me? Lee, I don’t have a score sheet in my ass pocket, marking down what we owe each other and neither should you.”
“You heard what Tracy said,” Lee argued, ducking her face. “She was the same age when she met my father as I was when I met you . . .” Her voice trailed off as she hugged the pillow with a death grip. “Her story is painfully similar to mine. The abuse, the miscarriage, the fear . . . there’s only one difference.” Stroking the engagement ring on her finger, she looked up at me. “You, Kyle,” she whispered. “You are the disparity in our stories—the difference. Imagine if I’d never met you? If I’d stayed in Montgomery instead of getting on that bus?” She groaned as if in physical pain. “You quite literally saved my life when you got me pregnant and made me stay with you. I would be dead if I had gone back to him. How I ever thought he’d change is beyond me,” she hissed. “I would have been walking myself–walking Hope—into a grave if I’d left you.”
“Let’s get two things straight right now, princess,” I growled, forcing the image of Lee in that shitty run-down house with that child-abuser from my mind. “One, I was never letting you leave me.” Tipping her chin up with my fingers, I wiped the tears from her cheeks. “And two, if you hadn’t come here, where do you think I’d be right now?”
“Kyle . . .”
“Lost,” I continued, ignoring her pleas and look of embarrassment. Fuck it, she needed to hear this. “I would be the same asshole sleeping around, looking for something I didn’t know existed, because if I hadn’t met you then it wouldn’t have.”
“Kyle,” she whispered. “I’m trying to make you understand how much you’ve changed my life, saved my life . . .”
“So am I,” I shot back angrily, feeling pissed the hell off that she wasn’t hearing me. “Jesus Christ, Lee, you healed shit I didn’t even know was broken inside me. You did that, Lee. No one else.” Cupping her face in my hands, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “The moment I saw you, I knew I was in trouble. Two years later and I’m fucking drowning. Ruined. Stripped fucking bare by a woman.” Taking the harassed pillow from Lee’s hands, I flung it on the bed and pulled her closer. “A tiny woman with the sexiest damn hips I’ve ever seen.” Ducking my head to her neck, I trailed my lips over the soft skin of her jaw. “Ruined, princess.”
“You always do this,” she breathed, clutching my shoulders. She shivered in my arms before sagging against me, the scent of her strawberry shampoo poisoning my senses. Jesus, even the smell of her drove me insane. “Distract me to the point where I can’t remember my name . . .”
“Good, because you tie me up in knots,” I confessed as I dropped as kiss on her hammering pulse. “You have me wrapped around every single finger on both of your hands.” Stepping back slightly, I grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head, freeing her curls with my hand. “And you are the best person I know.” Placing my hand on her chest, I battled down the surge of desire that was threatening to overcome me, and pressed my forehead against hers, my breathing coming fast and heavy. “There’s not a bad bone in your body.” Her eyes locked on mine, snaring me, pulling me into her, making me crazy with need. “Let me prove it.”
I heard her breathing hitch seconds before our lips crashed together hungrily, devouring each other, as we quickly ridded each other of clothes. “Where’s the baby . . .” Lee started to ask, but groaned loudly instead when her back hit the bathroom door and my body covered hers.
“Downstairs . . .” I mumbled against her mouth, not giving her a chance to think. I couldn’t. I fucking needed her to the point of pain. The wetness between her thighs was driving me out of my goddamn mind. Clamping my hands around the soft skin of her thighs, I hoisted her into my arms. “She’s fine.”
“That’s . . . good,” she gasped between kisses as she wrapped her legs around my waist and tilted her hips towards mine. “We’ll be okay,” she breathed, her cheeks flushed. “Won’t we?”
“Always,” I told her as I stroked her nose with mine. “Now be a good girl and let me in,” I purred before thrusting my tongue into her mouth and my cock into her pussy. “Told you,” I crooned, slipping a hand between our bodies to thumb her pulsing clit, as I slid in and out slowly. “Nothing bad about this body, baby.”
Her cries and moans worked me into a frenzy and I began to thrust hard and with an urgency that was quickly overpowering my self-control. “Jesus, baby, you’re killing me,” I grunted, as my body started to over-heat. She was so slick, so goddamn wet, I had a hard time trying to stay in. “You feel like home.” I ground my hips upwards and slammed her down on my dick, growing harder with every moan that came from her throat. “So fucking beautiful.”
“I love you,” she breathed as she tugged on my hair and dragged my mouth down to hers and bit down on my bottom lip. “Kyle . . .” Rocking her pelvis into my thrusts Lee groaned the most fucking erotic guttural groan I’d ever heard and I had to close my eyes or I was going to lose it.
Burying my face in the curve of her neck, I suckled on the salty skin over her pulse, my fingers digging into ripe flesh of her thighs. “I love you, too.”
“Oh, god . . .” she hissed, digging her fingernails into my shoulders. “I’m close, Kyle . . . oh, god . . .” Clenching my eyes shut, my jaw strained as I desperately tried to hold back for her. The sudden convulsion in her core was too much. She clamped my dick in her hot little pussy, milking me—pushing me over the edge—until I was shuddering violently and releasing into her.
“I think you broke me,” Lee giggled, and it was a throaty sexy as hell sound.
“Sorry,” I panted, making no move to pull out of her, as I lifted my head from her neck and grinned sheepishly. “I got a little carried away.”
“It’s okay,” she teased, wiggling against me. “I can’t think of a nicer way to be broken.” Stroking my face with her hand, she poked her finger into my cheek. “I love your dimple,” she murmured as she continued to trail her fingers over my cheek. “It’s adorable.”
“Uh . . . thanks?” Shaking my head, I chuckled as I lifted her off my junk and set her down on the bed. “Did you take . . . ?”
“I took them this morning,” Lee said with a small indulging smile. “Pee’s fine. Weight’s the same as always. No problems.”
“Good,” I sighed. I knew Lee didn’t need me on her case about her kidney condition, but I couldn’t help worrying. She was getting
stronger though. Every day she moved a little more freely, was less out of breath, and I was trying to give her breathing space, too.
“Listen, baby, I’m gonna drive your mom down to The Hill,” I said as I pulled on a pair a jeans. “But when I get home we need to have a talk.” Inhaling deeply, I pulled my shirt on and turned to face her. “About the trial, Lee.”
“I know, Kyle,” she whispered. Picking up the pillow I’d thrown on the floor, she hugged it to her stomach and said, “I heard you on the phone talking to Kelsie last night. Eight weeks.”
I stood with my mouth hanging, gaping like an idiot. The fact that she knew about the trial wasn’t what had rendered me speechless. It was from the sight of her naked body, covered only by the white pillow she held. The sun shining through the windows illuminated the soft glow of her skin, her flushed cheeks, her wide gray eyes, her long dark curls cascading over her breasts. Jesus Christ, she looked . . . ethereal.
“I . . .” Clearing my throat roughly, I tore my gaze away from her and tried to speak again. “I think you should go shower, baby.” Forcing myself to back away before I lost my mind and fucking ravaged her, I knocked up against the dresser.
Perfumes and sprays scattered to the floor and I crouched down to pick them up. Jesus, I’d never understood that word, but right now ravage was the only word thundering around in my head. Some fucked up primal instinct I couldn’t identify had awakened inside of me, probably instigated my raging hard-on, and was now coursing through my veins, demanding I seize, acquire and possess this woman’s mind, body and soul until she started and ended with me. Until she knew only my touch, only my voice, my everything. Brand her. Make her mine. Wholly and utterly mine. The only thing that was keeping me from acting on this intrinsic, carnal urge were the scars and wounds that covered her body, reminding me that the tiny woman in my bed was as fragile as glass.
“Are you okay, Kyle?” she asked, her voice laced in concern. “Is something up?”
“Don’t get up,” I warned her when she moved to help me. Ducking my head, I concentrated on picking up the shit I’d knocked over. “Please . . . just go shower.”
The sound of her soft laugh roused the beast and I groaned in relief when I heard the bathroom door open and close.
What the hell just happened to me?
I was still asking myself the same question when I walked into the kitchen a few minutes later.
“You look weird,” Derek accused as he wandered into the room after me.
“I feel weird,” I muttered as I clutched the edge of the sink and bowed my head.
Hoisting himself onto the counter beside me, Derek turned on the faucet and splashed me with water. “Care to share?” he asked when I didn’t flinch. “Kyle, what’s wrong, dude?”
“Something happened to me when I was looking at Lee,” I confessed guiltily. “Something really fucking intense and scary and it freaked the hell out of me.” Lifting my head I stared at Derek. “Have you ever . . .” Running my hand through my hair, I paced the floor. “Never mind, forget I said anything.”
“Pre-ejaculation is common, dude,” he said in a sympathetic tone. Jumping down from the countertop, he walked over to me and clapped my shoulder. “Happens to a lot of guys. Especially when they’re stressed. Don’t sweat it.”
“I didn’t pre-ejaculate, Derek,” I hissed. “I had an episode.”
“What kind of episode?”
“Well, it was more like an urge than an episode,” I mumbled, feeling really confused and panicky.
His brows raised in interest. “Like an urge urge?”
I narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean an urge urge?”
“You tell me,” he shot back, red-faced. “You’re the one with all the urges.”
“Jesus,” I growled in frustration. I inhaled a deep breath and let the words fall from my mouth in a rush. “I looked at her, she was sitting on my bed the same as always, but it was like something lit up inside of me, dude. Something really fucking intense. Like a weird thirst or a hunger came over me . . . Yeah, it was like the hugest fucking hunger pang and I wanted her—like really fucking wanted her, Derek, in every way I shouldn’t want her. And not just sex . . . it was like I wanted to take her over . . . and now I feel all weird and tingly and shit. I can’t stop shaking, my heart is palpitating and I’m using every ounce of my self-control to make myself stay in this room and not chase her down like a goddamn animal. She broke me, didn’t she? She flipped some goddamn switch inside of me that I can’t turn off.” Exhaling heavily I added, “Now please tell me you know what the hell just happened to me, so I can make it stop?”
Derek stared at me, un-blinking for a long moment, before a huge shit-eating grin spread across his face. “Make it stop,” he snickered. Laughing loudly, he bent over and clutched his side. “Oh, Kyle, you’re so clueless.”
“Well, why don’t you explain it to me if you’re so goddamn smart,” I snarled impatiently.
“You can’t stop it,” he chuckled. “It’s normal.”
“Normal?” I shook my head and glared. “Let me tell you something, Der,” I hissed in outrage. “There was nothing normal about what I wanted to do to that girl.” My anger grew as Derek’s laughter rose. “I’m no prude and you damn well know it, but earlier I felt like a demented wild-animal.” I shuddered in shame. “All I was short of doing was beating my fists against my chest and shouting Me Tarzan, You Jane.”
“Kyle,” Derek laughed as he waved a hand in front of me. “You gotta calm down, man. It’s cool.” Letting out a contented half-laugh/ half-sigh, he added, “That urge hit me the first time I saw Cam without makeup.” His expression sobered quickly, his whole stance sagged, and I regretted opening my stupid mouth.
“It’s weird as hell,” he mused wistfully. “I’d been with her a year—already loved her like nothing else,” he added quietly. “And then I walked into my room one morning, saw her passed out on my bed, looking like a goddamn angel. I remember just standing there, barely breathing, and all of a sudden it hit me . . .” Shaking his head, he focused on me and forced a smile. “It’s the knock-out punch, dude. The final fall. The one you don’t get back up from . . . at least not in this lifetime. When a woman knocks you on your ass that hard, you’re fucked. Trust me.”
“Trust you,” I said flatly. “That’s your great advice? To trust you?”
“And to roll with it,” he said with a grin. He waggled his eyebrows and smirked before adding, “Unleash the beast . . .”
The sound a throat clearing caused me to pause and jump. When I saw who the throat-clearer was I could have fucking cried. “I’m sorry for interrupting, boys,” Tracy apologized as she adjusted Hope on her hip. “But I think this little one is thirsty.”
Stifling a laugh with his hand, Derek walked over to Tracy and took Hope out of her arms. “Come on, kid,” he chuckled as he grabbed Hope’s bottle from the table. “Let’s go watch some cartoons. Your dad’s having an episode.”
Shifting in discomfort, I reluctantly looked Lee’s mom in the eyes. “How . . . uh, how much of that did you hear?”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Tracy mumbled, red-faced. “I only came in when you were puffing your chest and quoting Tarzan.”
“Perfect.” I sighed heavily and grabbed my car keys. “Just perfect.”
Jesus Christ, I would never understand why women kept such clutter. It had taken five trips back and forth between Tracy’s cottage and my place—which could have been three if she hadn’t demanded to come with me and take up the front seat—to move all her stuff. After unloading and unpacking her things, I’d then spent an elongated amount of time–and an uncharacteristic amount of patience—calming the woman down before I could leave.
Derek was in the lounge watching a movie when I finally made it home, well after dark. “Hey,” he whispered when I stopped in the doorway of the lounge. He was sprawled out on the rug next to the fire, looking more content than I’d seen him in mon
ths.
“Hey. It’s freezing like a bitch outside.” I shrugged off my coat, hanging it on the door before walking over to the roaring fire to warm my hands. “Are the girls in bed?”
Craning his neck in the direction of the couch, he smiled indulgently and said, “They’ve been out cold for hours.” I turned around and my heart squeezed in my chest when I took in the sight before me.
Lee was thrown on her back, her eyelids fluttering lightly, mouth slightly open, her arms wrapped around our daughter like a vice. Hope’s tiny head was resting against Lee’s chest, her arms and legs wound around her mother’s waist. A man’s coat covered their legs. “I was worried they’d get cold,” Derek mumbled as a way of explanation for his coat. “I went outside to grab some logs and when I came back,” he sighed and gestured towards the couch in answer. “So, how’d it go with Tracy?”
Swallowing the huge fucking lump that had lodged in my throat I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “Well, she’s all moved into the house.”
Lowering myself to the rug, I wrapped my arms around my knees. “I put her in my old room,” I said as I gazed over at the couch, my eyes locked on the sleeping face of my daughter. “I locked Cam’s door. Yours, too.” Pulling the key from my pocket I tossed it to him without looking at his face. “You can figure out what you wanna do with the stuff inside when you’re ready. No pressure.”
“Thanks Kyle.” Derek cleared his throat roughly. “I appreciate this, man, although there’s not much left in her room.”
“It felt wrong to leave it open,” I confessed with a smirk. “She hated anyone walking in on her space.” Chuckling I added, “I don’t need any more ghosts. Especially not her cranky-ass.”
“You didn’t mourn her, Kyle.” Derek said, startling me. I turned to look at him. He gazed back un-ashamedly. “Did you ever give yourself a chance to sit down and cry?” he asked. “To grieve? She was your best-friend, too, dude.”