I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain

by Courtney Robertson

  I slowly started remembering only the happy moments with Ben and stopped feeling anger toward him. And when that release was true and genuine, in July 2013, he finally reached out to me in an e-mail with the subject “Long time …”:

  Hey Courtney,

  Just wanted to reach out and say a quick hello … I just wanted to clear the air a bit in case we ever run into each other at any point … I don’t harbor any negative feelings about you and wish you nothing but the best in your future relationships, endeavors, and life. With the little bits of info I hear about you through the grapevine it seems you’re super happy and that makes me happy.

  Take care.

  I was genuinely heartbroken when Ben and I broke up. The failed relationship was the greatest disappointment of my life. I loved being engaged to Ben and that peaceful feeling knowing the search was over. I thought he was my forever and was scared I would never love or care about someone so deeply ever again.

  But I’m not scared anymore. It’ll happen when it happens and there’s no rush.

  Like my mom always says, “You have the rest of your life to let a man screw it up!”

  The two biggest questions I always get from Bachelor fans is, “Is it real?” (yes) and “If you could to do the show over again, would you?”

  The answer to that question is … Hell no! Meaning, of course, I wouldn’t do it again if I knew then what I know now. But that’s not how life works. I think it’s okay to live with regrets and learn from failures. Even when things are over, they continue to influence and inspire you. This experience made my life fuller, my beliefs stronger, and gave me the patience to wait for the right person. In that way I’m “winning!” (I couldn’t resist.)

  So, no, I probably wouldn’t do The Bachelor again. But you know what? I’d be thrilled to be the Bachelorette, so I can do the picking.

  My only requirement for the guys?

  Must. Love. Skinny-dipping.

  EPILOGUE

  April 2014

  Ben Flajnik reached out to Courtney via e-mail on July 30, 2013, to clear the air. She wrote back to him and told him about this book. “Am I in trouble?” he asked. Within weeks, he’d auctioned a date with himself for $2,500 on Gilt.com, shot down rumors he was boning fifty-nine-year-old Kardashian momager Kris Jenner, and told a gossip site that he’d begun dating a “great girl” in the wine business who is “super smart.” No release date for his reality show Young Sonoma has been announced.

  Emily O’Brien was briefly linked to Mike Burns (Ashley Hebert’s Bachelorette season), but they called it quits because Emily was getting her Ph.D. in North Carolina. She is currently engaged to a Duke Orthopaedic chief resident named Donny.

  Nicki Sterling went back to her normal life after The Bachelor. She isn’t on any social media sites (at least publicly) and has a serious boyfriend who reportedly auditioned to be on Emily Maynard’s Bachelorette season.

  Kacie “B” Boguskie appeared on Bachelor Sean Lowe’s season, but was eliminated in the third episode. She did not say “fuck” in her second limo exit interview. She was surprisingly friendly to Courtney when they both appeared on Katie Couric’s daytime talk show in June 2013. While they were sitting in their makeup chairs, she told Courtney, “They pinned us against each other.” Kacie B got engaged to music producer Rusty Gaston in February 2014.

  Blakeley Shea Jones was briefly engaged to Bachelor Pad star Tony Pieper. She’s back in North Carolina waxing away as an esthetician at her new business Couture Artistry. She’s a big commenter on Bachelor alums’ Instagram accounts.

  Lindzi Cox lives in Seattle and is really happy. She’s single but looking for love and “gypsetting” around, as she calls it.

  Casey Shteamer is still Courtney’s best friend. Her passion is traveling and she recently spent a month backpacking in Peru. She lives in Chicago and runs her fashion blog ImperfectWonder.com.

  Jenna Burke not only hooked up with Jef Holm, but she also hooked up with Sean Lowe after a charity event sponsored by her iced coffee company RealBeanz in September 2012. A week later he was announced as the next Bachelor. Jenna was devastated. She truly thought they had a connection.

  Emily Maynard, perhaps after being burned by so many tools from The Bachelor, is now engaged to the preacher of her local church in North Carolina.

  Ali Fedotowsky is now a host for E! News—and even appeared in the Woody Allen movie Blue Jasmine. Ali, who is dating Kevin Manno, still defends Courtney to this day. In a recent interview she explained, “Courtney Robertson was portrayed as a complete bitch on-camera but she’s very sweet. I really love Courtney.”

  Trista Sutter avoided Courtney like the plague at an event at the Bachelor mansion. Coward.

  Arie Luyendyk Jr. is still racing Indy cars and super trucks. He dated Bachelor Nation’s Selma Alameri (from Sean Lowe’s season) for a short time. She called Courtney to commiserate, but got over him pretty quickly. Courtney and Arie are good friends and still keep in touch. P.S.: The Kissing Bandit is currently single.

  Cavan helped Courtney heal from her breakup with Ben and became her boyfriend briefly again in the spring of 2013. Courtney moved in with him in San Francisco, only to realize within two months that they still weren’t right for each other.

  Dylan texted Courtney on February 9, 2014. “For whatever it’s worth thank you,” he wrote. When she replied, “For what?” he never responded.

  Chris lives in Palm Beach, Florida, and runs the raw food empire Christopher’s Kitchen. He had a baby boy in December 2013.

  Jesse Metcalfe’s career was resurrected by his starring role on the revamped TV series Dallas. He’s engaged to Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 actress Cara Santana. Courtney is happy he found the right girl to settle down with.

  Adrian Grenier still booty-call texts Courtney to this day. The last time he wrote her, he asked, “Are you still on that show?” There’s a good chance he has no idea she wrote this book. Or that he’s in it.

  Courtney Robertson (that’s me!) is still single and ready to mingle. Her modeling career is on the upswing again after booking a DirecTV commercial in the summer of 2013 and signing with Wilhelmina Models in 2014. She is still a hopeless romantic and looking for a man who actually wants to get married.

  PHOTO SECTION

  My third-grade perm, 1992. It was all the rage, I swear!

  In 1993, the Phoenix Suns played the Chicago Bulls in the NBA Finals. I painted my window to support the home team.

  My best friend from growing up, Sara (right), and me (left), 1992.

  My amazing sister Rachel (right) and me (left) on our first day of school in 1994. Posing for a first-day snapshot was an annual ritual.

  A model in the making—my sixth-grade school photo, 1995. Hello, unibrow.

  Mom painted a sign to warn the whole neighborhood that I was fifteen.

  (John Urbano)

  These shots are from my first modeling job. Abercrombie & Fitch invited me to shoot on location in Tortola, British Virgin Islands, when I was a senior in high school, 2002. (John Urbano)

  I did local editorial modeling to gain experience. This is a shoot from Arizona Foothills magazine, 2004. (Jim Jordan, Arizona Foothills magazine)

  My first test shoot in Los Angeles, 2003. My career started backward—with a big first job at A&F, but no portfolio of work. I needed to build up a book and learn to model professionally.

  I took this test shot after signing with Ford Models and getting back in modeling shape. (Brian Kaminski)

  A behind-the-scenes look at a campaign I did for Izod in 2008. We shot on location on a glacier in Alaska.

  My big cover shoot for the April 2011 issue of Fitness magazine. We shot on location in Puerto Rico. Who knew I’d be back there six months later with the Bachelor crew? (Fitness magazine)

  The calm before the storm. My family and me at the Farm at South Mountain, right before my season of The Bachelor began airing.

  (Left to right:) Me, Rachel Truehart, Casey Shteamer, and Jaclyn
Swartz, having lunch around the time we filmed “After the Final Rose.”

  February 20, 2012

  Copyright © Us Weekly LLC 2012. All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.

  March 5, 2012

  Copyright © Us Weekly LLC 2012. All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.

  March 12, 2012

  Copyright © Us Weekly LLC 2012. All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.

  (Bill Reitzel)

  Life & Style shot these gorgeous photos for a spread on Ben and me moving in together—wishful thinking on their part. (Bill Reitzel)

  Ben and me in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, our first trip together after The Bachelor. (Josef Kandoll W)

  We stayed in the same hotel room that Richard Burton and Liz Taylor used. Foreshadow alert! (Josef Kandoll W)

  After the show, we spent most of our time together as a couple at Ben’s place in San Francisco. My favorite moments with Ben were spent at Baker Beach in the morning. We would both take turns running with Scotch. I took this photo, and had it blown up and framed for Ben’s birthday.

  A behind-the-scenes photo from our People cover shoot. Me in a pink dress, a rare occasion.

  The famous Neil Lane ring up close!

  We may have had our ups and downs, but we sure took a pretty picture when things were good. Ben and me at the Fairmont Sonoma Mission Inn & Spa, during my sister’s visit to San Francisco.

  Relaxing on the grass after a trip with Ben’s sister, Julia, to Cowgirl Creamery in San Francisco.

  Dancing at Pure in Las Vegas. This moment might have been the high point of a trip that ended in tears. (Erik Kabik)

  On-again, off-again, on-again . . . Here we are day drinking together in Santa Monica.

  We took a trip to the East Coast together to see Ben’s friend, who played for the Boston Red Sox.

  Ben and me, attending a Bachelor producer’s wedding at Mike Fleiss’s spectacular Malibu beach house.

  The wedding guest list was a who’s who of Bachelor Nation! (Left to right:) Me; Emily Maynard; Ali Fedotowsky; and my bestie, Casey Shteamer—all celebrating together.

  This is the last photo taken of Ben and me. You can feel the tension.

  The Kissing Bandit himself. My chemistry with Arie was off the charts, but it wasn’t meant to be.

  (Left to right:) My sister Rachel, my dad, and me, shopping for my sister’s wedding dress at Kleinfeld. I pulled some strings and arranged for us to appear on an episode of Say Yes to the Dress together. After the difficult year I’d put my family through, it was important to put the focus on Rachel and her big day.

  My family has always been my rock. They’ve supported me through everything and they continue to challenge me to be the best person I can be. Here we are together in 2013, celebrating Rachel’s wedding day. (Left to right:) Me, Rachel, Mom, and Dad. (JeffplusAmber.com)

  Tell Your Friends!

  Did you enjoy this book? Please click below to share it with your friends. (Or, if you’re reading this on a device with no Internet access, type the Web addresses below into your favorite Web browser from any Internet-connected device.)

  Facebook

  http://share.hc.com/fb/9780062326706

  Twitter

  http://share.hc.com/tweet/9780062326706

  Tumblr

  http://share.hc.com/tumble/9780062326706

  Pinterest

  http://share.hc.com/pin/9780062326706

  Acknowledgments

  COURTNEY ROBERTSON

  I would like to thank my sister Rachel for being my rock; my mom, Sherry, for her strength; and my dad, Rick, for being such a fine example of a man. I’d also like to thank Amy Bean, Elan Gale, Casey Shteamer, Jaclyn Swartz, Arie Luyendyk Jr., Kalon McMahon, Ashlee Frazier, Graham Bunn, Michelle Money, Chris Bukowski, Mike Fleiss, Julia Flajnik, Garret Fitzpatrick, Chris (for his support and not selling me out), Sara Steinmetz, Darienne Arnold (my Mom away from Mom), Carrie Tivador, the entire Robertson family, Linda and Chuck Robertson, Grandma Angie, Liz Dysart, Ally Walsh, Kirsten Neuhaus, Brittany Hamblin, Heidi Metcalfe Lewis, and Michael Barrs. Most special thanks to Dibs, my friend for life, I’m forever grateful. We got this!

  DEB BAER

  I would like to thank my parents, John and Linda Baer, for making all in life possible, Kirsten Neuhaus at Foundry Literary + Media, Brittany Hamblin and Heidi Metcalfe Lewis at HarperCollins, Rick and Sherry Robertson, Rachel Molina, Marisa Sullivan, Mary Pender-Coplan, Khali MacIntyre, Potsch Boyd, Brett and Cathy Baer, Rachel Biermann, Hotel Valley Ho, Catalina Coffee Company, and, last but not least, Courtney Robertson, who is not only hardworking, smart, and kind, but now a lifelong friend. We, indeed, got this!

  About the Authors

  A model and actress, COURTNEY ROBERTSON has appeared in numerous print, runway, and television campaigns and in the pages of Vogue, Self, InStyle, and Fitness magazines. She lives in Santa Monica, California.

  facebook.com/CourtneyRobertsonFans

  @bugrobertson

  instagram.com/bugrobertson

  DEB BAER is a Los Angeles–based entertainment writer. She was the executive editor for In Touch Weekly, and has worked on-staff at CosmoGirl and Ladies’ Home Journal. Her work has appeared in Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Seventeen, and Vegas magazines.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

  Credits

  Cover design by Mumtaz Mustafa

  Cover photographs: author © by Khali MacIntyre,

  www.khalimacintyre.com; frame © by Shutterstock

  Unless otherwise indicated, all photographs are courtesy of the author

  Copyright

  This is a work of nonfiction. The events and experiences detailed herein are all true and have been faithfully rendered as remembered by the author, to the best of her ability.

  I DIDN’T COME HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS. Copyright © 2014 by Courtney Robertson. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  FIRST EDITION

  ISBN 978-0-06-232665-2

  EPub Edition JUNE 2014 ISBN: 9780062326706

  14 15 16 17 18 OV/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  About the Publisher

  Australia

  HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

  Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street

  Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia

  http://www.harpercollins.com.au

  Canada

  HarperCollins Canada

  2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor

  Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada

  http://www.harpercollins.ca

  New Zealand

  HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand

  Unit D, 63 Apollo Drive

  Rosedale 0632

  Auckland, New Zealand

  http://www.harpercollins.co.nz

  United Kingdom

  HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

  77-85 Fulham Palace Road

  London, W6 8JB, UK

  http://www.harpercollins.co.uk

  United States

  HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

  195 Broadway

  New York, NY 10007

  http://www.harpercollins.com

 

 

 
%); -moz-filter: grayscale(100%); -o-filter: grayscale(100%); -ms-filter: grayscale(100%); filter: grayscale(100%); " class="sharethis-inline-share-buttons">share