Hester's Story

by Adle Geras

  ‘Oh, Hugo, I’ve got to dance in a moment. I have to get hold of myself before I go on stage. I won’t be able to concentrate. Please. I think you ought to go.’

  ‘Okay. But later. I’ll see you after the dress rehearsal.’

  He kissed her once more, briefly, and left. Silver sat down again in front of the mirror. She was trembling all over. Her legs still felt weak. Pull yourself together, she said to her reflection, you’re an angel. She smiled, and lifted her arms and imagined the wings she would soon be wearing. I’m going to do it, she thought. I’m going to fly.

  *

  Hester loved dress rehearsals. There was a particular moment, just before the curtain went up to reveal what the Wychwood Festival ballet was to be that year, which was almost pure happiness. All her attention was concentrated on the stage, dark for the moment but about to be illuminated by light that was like no other she could think of – warm with colour, and capable of transforming everything it fell on into something magical. The Mike Spreckley Trio, who were going to provide the live music, had already set up their instruments downstage left. Edmund had spent half an hour with them before the start of the rehearsal and they’d been overwhelmed to meet the composer of the original score.

  She could remember, also, exactly what the dancers would be feeling as the time approached to come out on to the bright stage – a slightly sick feeling in the pit of the stomach, a sudden sweatiness of the hands, and, as you dipped your shoes into the rosin box in the wings, a blinkered vision that reduced everything to what you were about to do when you began to dance.

  Edmund was sitting next to her. He was excited at the thought of seeing how his music had inspired Hugo, and his eyes shone. How young he looked! It was all Hester could do to stop herself touching him. Ever since they’d kissed earlier that morning, she’d wanted to kiss him again. Part of her wished that the rehearsal was already over. She longed to be alone with him, and he held her hand as though he didn’t intend to let it go. He’d always been the perfect dress rehearsal companion, not too serious and ready with a light-hearted remark to cheer her up if he felt she needed it. He was also knowledgeable enough about ballet to discuss with her the finer points of anything they were watching.

  ‘Don’t look so anxious, Hester,’ he whispered. ‘It’s going to be a great year, this year, I’m quite sure.’

  ‘I hope you’re right.’

  ‘Oh, I am, I am. Look who’s written the music. And those players are the best, you know. Great chaps. It’ll be fantastic. Hugo’s obviously very talented and so’s his company, aren’t they?’

  ‘I think so. I hope so. I’m really longing to see them. Especially Silver. Hugo’s been concerned about her.’

  ‘Many people say she reminds them of you. I don’t see it myself. She’s very much taller. Probably more energetic and less lyrical.’

  Hester smiled. ‘You’re so lovely to me, Edmund. It’s wonderful to have someone around who remembers how I used to be.’

  ‘I remember everything about you, Hester. I don’t think there’s been a single day since I met you that I haven’t thought of you.’

  ‘And I’ve thought of you, too. But now I’m thinking of you in an altogether different way.’ She leaned over and whispered in his ear. ‘You’ll come to my room tonight, won’t you?’

  Edmund was silent for a moment and then he turned his face so that his mouth was very near Hester’s. She could feel his answer whispered against her lips: yes, my darling.

  The door which led from the stage to the auditorium opened and Hugo emerged, looking pale and rather worried. He saw Hester and Edmund sitting in the fourth row of the stalls and, waving, made his way towards them. They sat up straighter as he approached.

  ‘May I sit with you? I need the company. I don’t know why I’m so nervous,’ he said, sitting down beside Hester.

  ‘Of course, of course,’ said Edmund, and Hester smiled at him.

  ‘I’m sure you’ve no need to be nervous, Hugo,’ she said. ‘They’re fine up there without you breathing down their necks. Everyone knows what they’re doing.’

  Edmund sat forward in his seat as the music started. ‘They’re great, aren’t they? I never thought my stuff could become such wonderful jazz.’

  *

  Alison stood in the wings and looked at the list she’d taped to the props table. She went through everything again, just to make sure, even though she knew she’d put each prop where it was supposed to be. Cushions on the couch thingie her mother lay about on rather a lot; basket of roses downstage left, and Silver’s wings hanging up and waiting for her to have them put on just before she went on stage. Ruby didn’t want them mixed in with the rest of the costumes in the dressing room.

  ‘You look efficient, dear.’ Claudia came up behind her. ‘Quite the little stage person, after all.’

  ‘Break a leg, Mum,’ Alison murmured, and thought again how beautiful her mother was. You had to admit it, even when you wanted to hit her. Alison had learned how to whisper backstage. You had to make almost no sound at all, and form the shapes of the words very clearly with your lips, so that the person you were speaking to was practically lipreading in the light that spread even into this darkest of corners. She looked at Silver coming down to get her wings put on, and thought she’d never seen anything quite so beautiful in her whole life. She really was exactly like an angel. Her white dress, more drifting and chiffony than the usual rather stiff ballet skirt, floated round her legs; her ballet shoes were white satin and her hair and skin and face glowed as though she were made of some pearly substance. Alison knew it was just glittery face powder because Silver had shown it to her, and even dusted a bit of it on her nose, but it made her look silly and she’d rubbed it off at once.

  Silver smiled at Alison and went to stand in front of Ruby, who had the wings in her hands, ready to put on.

  ‘How’s it going so far?’ she mouthed. Alison made a thumbs-up signal. Signals were used a lot in the wings as well. On stage, her mother was bending and swaying, Andy was prancing around downstage left, juggling three glittery balls, in an effort to amuse Claudia’s Princess, who remained defiantly unimpressed by his efforts. The musicians sitting on stage made the music wash over everything, louder than it was in the rehearsal room and somehow sharper, and for the first time Alison understood what the fuss was about; why Hugo loved it so much. It was like a stream of sweetness poured out over the dancers, over everything, and it made you want to dance yourself.

  Silver’s arms were raised, so that Ruby could pass the bands (made of wide ribbon, sewn with feathers) round them, and then tie them up at the back, where they would be hidden by the wings. Alison was rather proud of these: her job had been to sew feathers and stick sequins on to the gauze.

  ‘Turn round, please,’ Ruby whispered. Now Silver was facing her, with her arms down. Alison waited for someone to say something – that the wings looked great; that they were very comfortable; even a mere ‘thank you’ would have been okay, but Ruby looked as though she’d been punched in the stomach. She was staring past Silver and seemed to be completely absorbed in Claudia and the dance she was in the middle of performing. Her hands gripped Silver’s shoulders and she had stiffened all over. ‘Is anything the matter, Ruby?’ Silver asked her.

  No answer. Ruby was stumbling backwards, with one hand over her mouth because there were funny sounds coming from it, stifled cries and a cross between gasping and sobbing. Her eyes behind the lenses of her spectacles were panic-stricken. She had her other hand stretched out, pointing, as though she’d seen a ghost, somewhere behind Silver’s shoulder, pointing at Claudia on stage.

  ‘Hester,’ she whispered. ‘Fetch Hester.’

  ‘But it’s the dress rehearsal …’ Alison ventured, but then Ruby made a choking sound and slid to the ground in a faint. Silver bent to catch her and break her fall. She sounded fearful. ‘She’s fainted, Alison. Quick! Call Hester and Hugo. Go out on stage and tell them.’

  ‘On sta
ge?’

  ‘Yes, at once. Go on. This is an emergency.’

  Alison ran out on to the stage and was nearly blinded by the light. She put her hand up in front of her eyes. She could hear her mother exclaiming angrily somewhere behind her, ‘What’s the bloody child think she’s up to …’ and noises of seats springing back as everyone in the stalls stood up to see what was going on.

  ‘It’s Ruby,’ Alison said anxiously into the blaze. ‘She’s ill. She’s fainted in the wings.’

  The stage lights went off at once and the house lights came on. George would be down immediately, Alison realised. Hugo had vaulted on to the stage, and Hester was at the door that led from the auditorium.

  ‘Okay, everyone, take a few minutes,’ said Hugo. ‘We can resume when we see what’s going on.’

  Alison went back into the wings. Hester was there now. She was kneeling next to Ruby who had revived a little and was sitting up. Silver stood over them.

  ‘Hester, she’d just finished fixing my wings and suddenly she looked at Claudia, who was just here, near this side of the stage, as though she’d seen a ghost, and then she fainted. I don’t know what could possibly be the matter.’

  Hester helped Ruby to her feet. ‘Ruby, what’s wrong? Are you in pain? Could someone please find a chair for her to sit on?’

  Claudia had rushed in now, anxious not to miss anything, and was standing next to Alison.

  Hester had her arm around Ruby when she suddenly stared fixedly at Claudia and seemed to freeze.

  ‘Where,’ she said quietly, ‘did you get the necklace you’re wearing?’

  Alison thought her voice sounded funny. She’d turned pale and she looked terrified. She had started trembling too.

  ‘Hugo gave it to me,’ Claudia answered, fingering the necklace. ‘I felt the costume needed something to cheer it up, if you know what I mean. Isn’t it lovely? I’m so pleased you noticed …’

  Hester looked utterly bewildered. She put a hand to her neck and shut her eyes. She was making an effort to breathe, you could see that. Andy had appeared next to Ruby with a chair.

  ‘Here you go, Ruby. Sit down here,’ he said. ‘You’ll be okay in a moment. The lights have all gone out on stage, so your George’ll be here in a mo, I’m sure.’

  As he spoke, George came through the door from the auditorium.

  ‘Ruby? Ruby, darling, what’s wrong? Tell me.’

  He knelt beside his wife, and Alison saw, from the way he held her to him, from the way he touched her hair, stroking it over and over as though he were soothing an animal in distress, how much he loved her. For one moment Alison thought everything was going to be okay again. Ruby would say It’s all right, I’ve just been having a funny turn and the rehearsal would start up once more.

  But Ruby didn’t do that. She turned her face so that it was buried in George’s sweater and began to howl. That was the only word Alison could think of to describe the storm of wailing and sobbing that seemed to go on and on, as though everything that used to be Ruby was dissolving. The strangest thing of all was that Hester seemed not to be hearing what was going on. As though she’s forgotten Ruby’s existence altogether, Alison thought. She was standing in front of Claudia, looking dazed and frighteningly pale. Then she walked out on the stage.

  The others were sitting around, waiting to see what was going to happen. Nick and Ilene were perched on the edge of Claudia’s stage bed and Hugo and Edmund were standing together, peering into the wings. Edmund quickly moved to stand beside her and put his hand on her arm. She stood quite still for a moment and then spoke. Her voice sounded stiff and as though every single word was hurting her throat as she spoke it.

  ‘Hugo, I’m terribly sorry. Something has happened. I’m afraid you must cancel this rehearsal. Please would you come to the Office at once, Hugo. I’m sorry, everyone.’

  She turned to Edmund, who put his arm around her and they left the stage together. Alison could hear what Edmund was saying. ‘My darling? Hester, what is it? Tell me what’s the matter.’

  Hester didn’t answer him. They made their way quickly back into the auditorium and out of the swing doors at the back of the theatre. Alison watched them go. Hester’s left her shawl down in the stalls, she thought. I’ll take it back to the house. Everyone up on stage was buzzing and whispering. What on earth was going on?

  *

  Hester saw nothing. The sleet that had been falling earlier that morning had stopped now, but the wind was higher and blew her hair into her eyes. She wasn’t aware of that, or of anything. She was walking so fast that she’d almost broken into a run and behind her somewhere she could hear a voice calling ‘Hester! Hester, wait!’, and part of her knew it was Edmund, running after her, but he was far away and what he was saying was blown off into the grey air and she didn’t hear him. Someone – was it her? – was sobbing. The sound of it filled her head and her eyes stung from the tears. There was nothing as definite as a thought in her mind, only a throbbing pain all over her.

  What had she just seen? A gold necklace. There must be thousands – no, millions – of gold necklaces in the world, so maybe this one wasn’t the one she thought it was? But it was, it was. Why, otherwise, would Ruby have fainted? I’ve seen it, she thought. It’s the one. The one exactly like mine. Impossible for me to mistake it. It’s Grand-mère’s chain that Madame Olga and Ruby buried in Gullane with my poor baby. Claudia said Hugo gave it to her, but how did he get it? How has it come to be around the neck of a ballet dancer on the stage at the Arcadia? Hester had no idea, but one thing came to her clearly through the unhappiness that had come down around her like a mist: if the necklace was here at Wychwood, then it wasn’t there, in her baby’s coffin. Rage rose in her. Someone had stolen it, that must be the answer. Hester stopped walking, horrified.

  ‘Hester! Hester, don’t … please. Come, let’s go inside where it’s warm. You’ll feel better inside.’

  There he was, Edmund, standing in the wind, with no coat against the cold and his hair blowing on to his forehead, making him look exactly how he used to look years ago.

  ‘Edmund, darling Edmund, it’s always you, isn’t it? Coming to help me.’

  ‘Come inside now. Tell me what’s happened.’

  ‘The necklace. It’s hard to explain.’

  ‘Try.’

  ‘I’m not clear myself what happened, but Ruby saw a ghost of sorts. Me too. The necklace Claudia was wearing is just like this one.’

  She put her hand into the neck of the thin jumper she was wearing and pulled out a chain. ‘This chain was cut in two by my grandmother. The other half was buried in Scotland with my baby. At least, I thought it was.’

  Edmund said nothing but put his arms around Hester and she breathed in the smell of his jacket and felt herself relax against him. ‘Poor Hester. Poor darling.’

  She stepped a little away from him and squared her shoulders. ‘I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll be all right now. It was the shock. Let’s go in. Let’s face it, whatever it is we have to face.’

  They went up the front steps of Wychwood House together and Hester felt the blood draining from her face. I won’t. I won’t faint, she told herself. Whatever happens, whatever I discover, I’ll try and keep myself under control.

  She pushed out of her mind the image that was always with her – her baby in his coffin, nothing now but a tiny skeleton with mountains of earth heaped on top of him. She had imagined the chain in some way lighting up the darkness of his grave and the thought that it hadn’t, hadn’t ever, couldn’t ever have done was almost unbearable.

  *

  They were like a lot of kids, Claudia thought. Pleased at being let off school early. Everything had come to a complete standstill just because Ruby had fainted in the wings. Probably, Claudia thought, a lot of fuss about nothing, but Hugo had made it clear that there would be nothing else happening here in the theatre for today and they’d all trooped off together to watch TV. It would be fun, as Andy put it, to do stuff most
people do every day, but which are special treats for us.

  Alison had some sort of secret going with Ruby and had vanished altogether. Claudia couldn’t be bothered to find out the details, even though she knew her daughter would let her in on it if she pushed it, but the fact was, she wasn’t all that interested.

  Someone was knocking at the door of the dressing room. Who the hell was this? Claudia called out, ‘Come in.’

  ‘It’s me, Claudia,’ said Nick. ‘Are you decent?’

  ‘Would you rather I was –’ her mood suddenly improved measurably – ‘or wasn’t?’

  Nick ignored the innuendo and went to sit down on the chair next to the costume-rail. He smiled at her and she felt herself going soft all over.

  ‘I’ve been having ideas.’

  ‘Really? Whatever sort of ideas?’

  ‘Subversive and naughty ones. You could come and see my etchings. In my room.’

  Claudia giggled. ‘How frightfully original. But I don’t think it would be wise, do you? Everyone else is in the house. Someone will notice that we’re missing, won’t they?’

  ‘Not necessarily. They’ve just started watching a movie on TV. They’ll be there for a bit.’

  ‘A bit? Don’t you want something more than “a bit?”’ She went over to stand in front of Nick’s chair.

  ‘Beggars,’ he pulled her down on to his lap, ‘can’t be choosers.’ He began to nibble at her neck and ears. ‘Or,’ he murmured, ‘there’s no one in the theatre. The whole place is quite deserted. We could stay here.’

  His hands seemed to be everywhere. Claudia closed her eyes.

  ‘You are very bad for me,’ she whispered. ‘You are very bad altogether. I shouldn’t be doing this.’

  ‘Why not?’ Nick’s hands were now under her robe, one on her breast and the other sliding slowly up her thigh. Claudia let Sarabande, Alison, Hugo, Ruby, her worries about her dancing career – everything that had previously been taking up space in her head – slide out of it and allowed herself to dissolve into pleasure.