Fine By Me: Chaos Novella (A Songbird Novel)

by Melissa Pearl

  “What?”

  I crossed my arms. “Most guys would jump all over a statement like that, somehow trying to convince me into their beds. You’re acting like a Catholic priest right now.”

  He forced a smile and shook his head. “I’m not after some one-night stand. I’m looking for a girl to hang out with, eventually fall in love with.”

  I couldn’t help a laugh. “Is there something wrong with you?”

  He was nice enough to grin at my insult, then muttered, “Highly likely.”

  “Unless you just play Mr. Nice Guy as one of your pickup tactics.”

  His smile dropped away and he took a step toward me. I wanted to step back, but the hint of his cologne drew me in. My chin came up to his shoulder. If I took two steps forward, I could rest my head against his cheek. He was the perfect height for a dance partner.

  My eyes began to sting as I blinked up at him.

  “Whether you want to believe it or not, we did have a connection the other night…and we’ve just spontaneously met on the street. Not to mention the fact that I can’t stop thinking about you. To me, they’re all signs saying we’re supposed to get to know each other.”

  I can’t reply.

  “Now, I get that a pretty girl like you probably has to deal with shallow bullshit from sleazy guys all the time. I understand why you don’t want to take a chance on me.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his wallet and wriggled a card free. Checking the front, he nodded, then asked Gavin for a pen. “If you change your mind.” He wrote something on the back of the card. “Here’s my number.”

  He held it out with another one of his kind smiles, and my hand reached for that stupid little card before I could stop it.

  I glanced at his scrawly handwriting before wrapping my fingers around it.

  “It was nice seeing you again, Jenna.”

  With that, he walked away like my rejection had wounded me more than him.

  I couldn’t understand why it felt that way.

  I’d sworn off men and relationships. I knew better than to make myself vulnerable again.

  Guys could always talk the talk. Seth won me over in less than twenty-four hours. I was a foolish girl.

  Opening my fingers, I gazed down at the digits written in black on the wrinkled white card. I spun it over and saw it was a business card from some pizza place in Claremont.

  My throat felt thick as I swallowed and tucked the card into my pocket. Spinning around, I walked away on shaky legs, my heart bleeding just a little over the fact that I’d probably never find the courage to dial Jace’s number.

  I walked up the stairs and paused outside Dorothy’s door. Like I always did, I hesitated before knocking. The whole “being independent and putting myself out there” thing still felt foreign. But Dorothy was always so pleased to see me. I needed a friend, but in order to get a decent one, I had to be one too.

  Sucking in a breath, I held it and rapped my knuckles on the pale green wood.

  The piano music immediately stopped, and I listened to the sound of light footsteps rushing to the door.

  Dorothy pulled it back with a big smile, her dark brown hair tumbling over her shoulder, still damp from her shower.

  “Hey, gorgeous lady,” she chirped. “How’s you?”

  “Me’s good.” I laughed.

  She giggled and wrapped her hand around my forearm, yanking me into her apartment.

  It was a messy disarray of half-folded laundry, empty coffee mugs perched on any clear surface, and sheet music scattered across the coffee table and piled up around her piano.

  “Excuse the mess.” She said that every time I popped in.

  With a soft smile, I took the dirty breakfast dishes off the corner table and walked them into the kitchen.

  Dorothy didn’t miss a beat, grabbing the glasses and following me. I got busy filling her sink while she found a fresh dish towel. It was the normal routine for our visits: I’d tidy while she talked.

  I liked it. Felt as close to normal as I’d had since my parents died.

  “So, Phillip and I got into a fight last night.” She sighed.

  “What about?”

  “Money. What else?”

  I snorted and shook my head. We’d had this conversation so many times.

  “It’s always going to be our bugbear. It’ll never split us up or anything, but man, it’s frustrating. He just gets so worried about the funds…and I just want to live! It’s not like I shop at Rodeo Drive.”

  I nodded, knowing it was best to stay quiet until she’d vented it all out.

  “All I bought was a new microphone and a pop filter.” She rolled her eyes. “The way he reacted, you’d think I’d bought Paris.”

  “He does get that you’re trying to make music your career, right?”

  “Yeah.” She sighed and took the plate I’d just washed. “I just don’t think it’ll be valid to him until I start making some money. I guess we are kind of hard up. He wants me to find a full-time job, but then I’ll have no time to write and record.”

  “I know.” I gave her a sympathetic smile, which seemed to bolster her.

  “So, anyway, I’m writing him a new song. I’ll perform it for him tonight in my underwear or something. It should be enough to help him forgive me.”

  I snorted out another laugh as I rinsed the suds off the glass. “I’m sure he’s already forgiven you. He just needed time to cool off. Man, compared to—” I bit my lips together.

  “Compared to what?” Dorothy dried the glass and put it away.

  My nostrils flared as I clamped my teeth against the truth.

  Dorothy’s soft hand on my shoulder made me jump.

  “Compared to what?” she repeated, her voice gentle with concern.

  I shook my head and forced a smile. “You’re just lucky. Phillip’s a really great guy. Relationships are hard, but when you guys get mad at each other, you just say a few words and get huffy for a while. That’s nothing compared to what some women go through.”

  Dorothy’s eyes began to narrow so I quickly looked back to the sink, busying myself with wiping down the counter.

  “Is that why you never date? Because of a bad relationship in the past?” She took the final plate from the rack and started drying it.

  I swallowed and tried to find my voice but ended up jumping out of my skin when the plate slipped from Dorothy’s hand and smashed onto the floor.

  My mind flashed back to another plate on a different kitchen floor and the thunder punch that followed my mistake.

  Gripping the counter, I fought the burning tears as Dorothy fussed around in front of me, gathering plate shards and calling herself an idiot.

  I was still back with Seth, whimpering as the side of my cheek felt like it was going to explode. Cowering against the kitchen cupboards, I remained still until his torrent of abuse had come to an end and he stormed out of the room.

  “And clean that shit up before I get back!”

  The back door slammed behind him, but it still took me a few minutes to uncurl myself and do as he’d told me.

  “Jenna? Jenna!”

  I jerked to attention and glanced down at Dorothy. “Can you grab me a paper bag from under the sink? I keep a pile of them on the bottom shelf.”

  My head bobbed stupidly as I came out of my stupor and reminded myself why I could never be in a relationship again.

  Kind smiles and smooth words could turn ugly, and I wouldn’t risk putting myself through that again.

  6

  Jace

  I slumped on the couch at the end of practice, watching the banter between Flick and Nessa. Jimmy stood back and grinned while the two creatives butted heads over our latest song. Flick had written the music, Nessa the lyrics. She wanted to change it up in the bridge, but Flick wasn’t having it.

  “If we change that part, the whole tone of the song is ruined!” Flick argued.

  “Oh horseshit! Stop being so precious. We’re talking about four bars of m
usic!”

  Ralphie caught my attention, then rolled his eyes as he sauntered over to me.

  “Here we go again,” he muttered, plopping down beside me. “Flick’s hormonal.”

  I snickered and glanced at the fighting pair.

  Jimmy stepped a little closer to his wife as Flick’s voice rose high.

  As soon as Flick caught sight of him, he threw his arms up. “Of course you’re going to side with her!”

  “You don’t know how uncomfortable the couch is down here. It’s okay for sitting, but sleeping on that thing for the night…” Jimmy shook his head and got rewarded with an elbow to the gut.

  He doubled over and hammed it up, groaning while Nessa rolled her eyes and planted her stump on her hip. “I don’t need you to stand up for me. My point is valid, Flick. Why are you being so damn stubborn about this song?”

  “Because I wrote it for Fliss and I don’t want you fucking it up!”

  Nessa’s lips twitched as she looked to the ceiling with a groan. “You are a pathetic sap. This is a song for our next album, not some avenue to romance your woman. It’s business.”

  “Music is not business,” Flick gritted out.

  Jimmy gently touched Nessa’s neck, rubbing his thumb over the little birthmark behind her right ear. “He’s right, baby. This is music.”

  She huffed and crossed her arms.

  “But Nessa’s right too. This song can’t be just about Fliss. We all have to gel with it, and if Nessa’s not nailing those high notes in the bridge and can’t work that line into the melody, then it’s only fair we change it up.”

  “Four bars.” Nessa held up her fingers and pointed them at Flick.

  He flipped her the bird and replied with a smarmy smile. “Okay, fine. We’ll relook at it. But if this song doesn’t make Fliss weak at the knees when we perform it for her, I’m blaming you.”

  Nessa snickered and shook her head. “Love has changed you, man.”

  “For the better,” he retorted.

  “Jury’s still out on that one.” Nessa winked at him and instantly the tension lifted.

  Flick swung a fake punch past her head and she laughed before walking into the kitchen and grabbing ginger beers for everybody.

  Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I checked the screen and once again felt that wave of disappointment. No texts. No messages. Nada.

  It was freaking annoying.

  And the thing that was driving me most insane was that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Jenna had found a way into my dreams. She swam through my mind when I played; her voice singing “Songbird” filled my shower. I couldn’t seem to escape her.

  And she wanted nothing to do with me.

  I probably played it all wrong on the street the other day.

  When I asked Gavin his opinion, he just smirked and mumbled, “I couldn’t have done it better myself.”

  With a grimace I shoved my phone away. He had to say that because he worked for a rock star. Never piss off the person who’s supposed to trust you with his life. That kind of thing.

  Nessa held out the cold glass bottle and gave me a knowing smile.

  I frowned at her and took a swig of my drink so I couldn’t say anything.

  As soon as she’d handed out the cold ones, she perched her butt on Jimmy’s knee and grinned at me again.

  I worked my jaw to the side and looked away from her, not wanting to get into it.

  The phone in my pocket buzzed and I yanked it out, nearly spilling my drink.

  Checking the screen, I slumped back against the cushions, annoyed that it was just Mom asking me over for dinner and not some sweet text from Jenna.

  I shoved it back in my pocket. I’d reply later.

  “You know that’s about the fifty millionth time you’ve looked at your phone today.” Nessa’s nose wrinkled. “And then when it finally does buzz, you don’t reply.”

  “It’s just Mom asking me over for dinner,” I mumbled.

  “Ooo, yum, can Ronnie and I come?” Ralphie sounded like an excited puppy. “Your mom is the best cook ever.”

  Flick tipped his bottle at me. “If she’s doing those barbecue ribs, I’m there. Fliss will probably be in too.”

  “Hell, why don’t you all come.” My voice dripped with sarcasm as I wobbled my head, trying to make a joke of it.

  It didn’t work. Every band member nodded and took a turn to say, “Thanks, man. We’ll be there.”

  I cringed while they all laughed at me.

  “Only if it’s okay with your parentals, though, man.” Jimmy caught my eye.

  “You know it’ll be cool. They love you guys.”

  “So, what’s the problem, then?” Nessa gave me a pointed look. “Why’ve you been acting like a sad puppy dog?”

  “Yeah, man. For like two weeks now.” Flick sat forward so I could see his face. “You’ve been slumping around all agitated. It’s not like you. You’re the most chill guy I know.”

  “I’m just… I’m fine.”

  “No, not really.” Ralphie shook his head.

  Everyone nodded in agreement.

  Everyone but me.

  I shot him a glare that he countered with a grin.

  No one was giving me an inch. Knowing how relentless they all were, I finally gave in with a heavy sigh and quickly mumbled out the truth.

  “I met a girl at the wedding who I can’t stop thinking about, and I feel like we have a connection but she doesn’t want anything to do with me.” I cringed and sat forward in my chair. “But I thought she really did because of the way she looked at me when we talked, so I gave her my number and she won’t call me.” I slumped back into the couch with a huff. “Nine days! Nine days of friggin’ torture.”

  “Just say fuckin’, man. It’ll make you feel better.” Flick, the potty mouth, smirked at me before taking a pull from his bottle.

  I snickered and shook my head. “It wouldn’t be so bad if I could actually stop thinking about her.”

  No one responded, and their expressions told me that they all knew what I was going through.

  “Not to sound arrogant, but I’ve spent the last few years pushing women away. Now I finally find one who intrigues me and she’s not interested.”

  Ralphie slapped his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Rejection sucks, man.”

  “It really does,” Nessa murmured. Jimmy wiped his mouth, looking guilty for a beat, before his wife grinned. “But if you’re meant to be with this woman, it’s gonna happen. Look at the shit I had to put up with before Jimmy and I got together.”

  Jimmy gave her a droll frown. She just winked at him, then shelled out a passionate kiss.

  We quietly waited for them to wrap it up, growing more uncomfortable, which I’m pretty sure they sensed because they just kept going for it.

  “Okay.” Flick stood from the couch and tipped the last of his ginger beer over their heads. “Get a room!”

  They yelled and jumped apart while Ralphie laughed. Jimmy plopped Nessa onto my knee, then took off after Flick. We could hear their boisterous laughter in the backyard as they tussled.

  “Forever boys.” Nessa rolled her eyes and stood up to go watch.

  Ralphie joined her but I stayed put, pulling out my phone and replying to Mom with a sad smile. She wasn’t the lady I desperately wanted to hear from.

  7

  Jenna

  What was wrong with me?

  Why couldn’t I stop thinking about Jace?

  Even as I walked toward my apartment, my feet aching from a full evening of work, he was there. Teasing me with his slow smile and sweet eyes.

  He was probably wondering why I hadn’t called him.

  “Because I can’t!” I muttered, gripping the cool railing and forcing my tired legs up the steps.

  Relationships were dangerous, and I didn’t want to have one with some rock star. It didn’t matter that he seemed sweet and unlike any guy I’d ever met. It would only lead to trouble.

  W
ith a huff, I reached the top of the stairs, annoyed with myself that I couldn’t buy into that argument the way I wanted to.

  Since coming to LA, it’d been easy to dodge guys’ advances. I hardly ever put myself in a position to get any, and when I got hit on while waitressing, Gabby or one of my other bosses was there to back me up, shoo the guy away.

  But I hadn’t needed backup with Jace. He’d let me go the first time, and walked away the second. He’d been completely undemanding, and I wasn’t used to it.

  It made me want to call him.

  But then images of Seth would scorch my mind, stealing my courage in a heartbeat.

  I was better off single.

  Blinking hard, I shuffled along the concrete balcony and slowed to a stop when I neared Dorothy and Phillip’s place. Music was filtering out through their open window.

  “How Long Will I Love You?”

  It was the sweetest song. A whimsical tune that pondered the awesomeness of love. The kind of love my parents had for each other.

  A breath caught in my chest and I held onto it as I peeked a glance in Dorothy’s window. The lights were on inside and the curtains were still open. It made their little place a fishbowl and turned their window into a large TV screen.

  In the center was a couple dancing. Dorothy had her eyes closed and a sappy smile on her face as she swayed in Phillip’s arms. He rested his chin against her cheek and my heart melted into a puddle of longing.

  Who was I really kidding?

  Single for the rest of my life?

  I hated that idea.

  I was just scared because I didn’t want another Seth.

  I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable to a man who was going to hurt me again. Part of the reason I fell so quickly for Seth was my desperate need to have someone take care of me. My parents were gone, my sister had split, and I’d been all alone. Rattling around in our house by myself had been a new kind of torture and Seth had become my knight in shining armor, quickly moving in with me and filling a gaping hole. We were like a newly married couple starting our lives together, and I was blissfully happy, until he started to transform into a beast.