His & Hers

by Francheska Fifield

  “What’s going on?!”

  “Get your ass into the kitchen now!”

  He ran out likely thinking there was a fire. He looked around saw nothing amiss and turned back to his office. I stepped in front of him and refused to let him go in. With an annoyed look he tried to go around me. I wasn’t budging.

  “Are you crazy?”

  I slammed the tray into his chest and he grabbed it so it wouldn’t fall on the floor.

  “You are sitting at the island and eating that or you aren’t going back into that room.”

  “I have work…”

  “So do I. I have dishes to do, a deadline to meet once those are done, and my agent needs some tail feathers smoothed because I up and moved on her. I can’t do anything until you have eaten so I can put away leftovers and clean the dishes. Now sit your ass down and eat or I swear I will hit you with a skillet!”

  He sat down and took a bite at a time watching me the whole time. Likely the fact that I stood there glaring after threatening him with a skillet had left him wondering if I lost my mind.

  “I eat…”

  “Less than my mother’s pet mouse and much less than my toothless great grandmother.”

  “You don’t have to wait for me to eat to do all that other stuff.”

  “Of course I do! I'm not letting the dishes get crusty again! Its gross and I refuse to live like that! Maybe you don’t mind dying of food poisoning, but I do!”

  I put my hands on my hips and tapped my foot. He picked up the pace and finished the whole plate. Normally he ate half if that. I smiled and grabbed the dish putting it in the dishwasher so I could do a load later. He rose and quietly walked towards his office. Slow and scared. I didn’t turn around when I spoke to him.

  “Every morning at 8 am I want you out here, same with lunch and dinner time. You know what time every meal is done. You come out here or I swear I will come in and drag you out by your ears.”

  I watched as he stopped and turned to glare at me. I smiled, slammed the dishwasher door, and put the leftovers away. He watched me, glare in place until I was done. I went over and gave him a hug.

  “I'm not letting you waste away because you’re an idiot and workaholic. If I have to ground you from sleepovers I will. So let’s do this the easy way and you just come eat with me.”

  “Don’t you work for me?”

  I pull back and smile at him.

  “Yes, and as your nanny I'm gonna make sure you live a long and healthy life. Oh, and I want you to come on my evening walks with me.”

  “I’m busy and…”

  “It’s that or my morning run. Walk or run which do you prefer?”

  I put my hands on my hips again and glare. He is taller, but I am far more intimidating and I know it.

  We stand there for a moment both glaring. He sighs and looks down. HA! Victory!

  “Okay. Come let me know when the mealtimes are. I lose track of time a lot, but I promise to come out and eat as soon as you come in. Just give me time to save everything in case. Deal?”

  “And the walk?”

  “I’ll do that too. You shouldn’t be out alone in the evening anyway.”

  I smile. “Okay you can go back to work now.”

  He sighs and goes into his office and closes the door. I hope I haven’t put a hole in the wall of his office with the door when I slammed it open.

  The next few meals are a bit tense. I would talk about something I had read on the internet, an anime I watched recently, a book I read. Anything I could think of really. Will just nods and says nothing until I ask him what he thinks of the food. We are in a learning process. He told me what he likes or dislikes about different recipes I try so I could make note of what to make again and what not to. He goes on my walks with me, but he doesn’t say anything then either.

  Other than that, my main conversation is with Bobbi. He lives nearby and is a professional driver for a living. When he isn’t busy he takes me to the store. I don’t drive and though Will does he doesn’t go places often enough to have a car. So Bobbi told me his schedule and we work around it. I keep offering to pay him, but he said since I am shopping for Will he says he will bill him. I’m not sure if he ever does or not.

  Bobbi tries to help find stuff for me to do by taking me to the local Y with him. I signed up and paid a couple months of dues (I do have money from my book sales saved up and figure this is a good use of some of it). I then had something else to do.

  After breakfast on Tuesdays and Thursdays I had yoga/Pilates classes and Monday and Wednesday I jogged. Fridays I went to the gym and picked a random machine to use. Then I would go home, shower, do lunch, and then whatever cleaning needed to be done.

  I cycled through so I didn’t clean everything every day. Big cleans happened on Saturday since Will had his male friends over to spend the night on Fridays they would trash the place and leave Saturday. I haven’t met them yet; Will thought I would like time to settle in.

  After the first week or so of living with Will, I finally got the courage to call my family. Before moving I told them about my soon to be ex-husband’s affair and that I was moving out. I told them I wouldn’t have access to a phone for a week or more because I had to get my own phone contract since the one I had was a joint account with my husband. I didn’t want them to freak if they didn’t hear from me right away.

  The calls went as expected.

  “Mom remember when I said I was starting a new life and I would call you once settled?”

  “Yes. Though I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me or your sister.”

  “Yeah, well I wanted to pick what I was going to do with my life. I’ve never really had the chance since I lived with you until I got married, which was right after high school if you remember.”

  “Of course I remember. What’s that got to do with anything?”

  ” Well I decided to leave New Hampshire, which is why this call isn’t the same area code as home.”

  “What the hell were you thinking? Where are you so we can come get you?” She yelled.

  “California. And I don’t want you to come get me.”

  Mom was stunned into silence.

  “I got a job offer and…”

  She cut me off. “What the hell were you thinking moving way the hell out there?! Who cares what job you were offered you could get a job anywhere! How are you supposed to ever visit anyone?! This will kill your great gram you know! I can’t believe you would do this! You obviously weren’t thinking straight!”

  And it went progressively downhill from there. I got off and repeated the process with my grandparents, my great gram, my sister (who was slightly more supportive only because she wished the same would happen to her), and the rest of my family. Granted my mom’s reaction was the worst, but still it left me in a bad mood.

  Will and I were still not speaking. Now this wonderful day with my family was the not helping my mood. It was a Tuesday and I decided to skip yoga and text Bobbi so he wouldn’t come grab me before heading over himself.

  I sat on my bed and bawled. I know it is childish as I am twenty-two years old, but I was hoping my family would support the fact that I want to be a writer and that I want the right to decide my own future. Things like where I live and what I do to earn money in between royalty checks.

  “You know the one time I am out here before you can come harass me about lunch and I see nothing made.”

  I look up and upon understanding what Will said I look at my clock. Oh crap I had been crying longer than I realized.

  “I’m sorry I lost track of time. Let me make you something quickly.”

  I wipe my eyes and stand heading towards my door to get to the kitchen. He steps in front of me filling the doorway entirely. I turn away. Crying in front of people is embarrassing.

  “Are you crying?”

  “No.” The denial is automatic even if I wanted to say yes, I would say no.

  “What happened? Is someone hurt?”


  I shake my head. Just my feelings.

  “What happened Trisha?”

  “I called my family to let them know my new address. It…well it didn’t go well.”

  He sighs and puts an arm around my shoulder. If I wasn’t so depressed I would have put more thought into how comforting it really is. Will is, I have found, the type of guy someone can rely on. He is sweet and really nice, but too damn stubborn for his own good. Still he is a great guy. He just doesn’t seem interested in a lot other than work. Besides I am going through a divorce, hitting on my employer would be stupid. Especially while depressed, everyone knows girls make the biggest mistakes while feeling vulnerable.

  “Come on. I’ll treat you to lunch.”

  “You don’t cook.”

  He shrugs and puts on his shoes.

  “We will go out.”

  I put my shoes on and look around the house.

  “What about your work?”

  He opens the door and walks out forcing me to follow or be left behind. I did manage to grab the keys and lock the door before rushing out after him.

  Will is lucky he lives in a nice neighborhood. It isn’t directly in town, but it is within walking distance. He doesn’t have much of a yard, but he does have one, and since he doesn’t do anything with it I guess it doesn’t matter. He has someone mow it, well the landlord does. Apparently, after discovering Will wasn’t really inclined to leave the house and didn’t mow, the landlord hired someone to come once every couple weeks.

  We walk silently until I just can’t stand it anymore.

  “So are you still going to ignore me?”

  “I haven’t been.”

  “Yes you have. You don’t speak to me except to tell me if you like the food or not.”

  For almost a week now, like I said, too damn stubborn.

  “I’m sorry. I'm not used to people telling me what to do.”

  I can’t help but laugh. No really? I never would have guessed.

  “Yeah, I kinda figured that out already. I wasn’t doing it to be mean.”

  He sighs and blushes a bit.

  “I know. I'm embarrassed about it. I was after day one, but I wasn’t really sure how to apologize for being such an ass.”

  “You could have just said something like, ‘sorry I overreacted, now about that book you mentioned.’ Didn’t have to be the book you referred to that’s just an example.”

  He smiles at me.

  “I’ll remember that. But for all I knew you might hold a grudge and actually hit me with the skillet.”

  I snort and laugh. “Well let me give you some advice than. I am all bark, no bite. I will threaten you until I'm blue in the face, but I wouldn’t actually do it. Except in self defense.”

  “Noted.”

  After that we walk in silence again, but it isn’t awkward. We stop at a street vendor selling hot dogs. I get a super long one with onions, sauerkraut, and ketchup. Will’s is amazingly plain and I can’t stand it.

  “There’s nothing on that hot dog you know.”

  We are walking back to the house eating. Each of us carrying a super long hot dog and a soda. The only difference is he is eating a hot dog with just a bun….nothing else.

  “Yeah just the way I like it.”

  He laughs as my face scrunches. I can feel my nose and forehead crinkle.

  “It’s not funny. That’s so plain. It’s gross.”

  “Oh I'm not laughing at what you think just how you look.”

  I gape at him and slap his arm. “How mean!”

  “I don’t mean it like that.”

  He rolls his eyes and huffs in exasperation.

  “I know I'm just messing with you.”

  “You enjoy that don’t you?”

  I shrug and dig the house keys out of my pocket with two fingers while still holding my drink. “I talk to you and Bobbi. I don’t have many people to tease.”

  “That sounds dirty.”

  Now it is my turn to roll my eyes and laugh. “Men. Everything is a perverted comment waiting to happen with you all.”

  He shrugs and finishes his drink abstaining from comment.

  “I mean I haven’t really made any friends. There’s a girl in my yoga class that says hi to me when she sees me there, whether it’s in class or in the gym, but we haven’t gotten past the ‘hi’ part yet. I’ve only been to the Y a few times.”

  “You don’t have to stay home all the time you know.”

  “I know. That’s why I joined the Y. Yoga twice a week and access to the gym for rainy days. It’s nice. But working out doesn’t inspire much conversation. The yoga instructor gets mad if you talk during class. She kicked two people out for whispering.”

  “Harsh.”

  I nod. “Well it’s supposed to be relaxing so I guess I get it. But couldn’t she just put up a sign? I mean how….well… mean.”

  “Says the woman who threatened me with a skillet.”

  “Like I said, I wouldn’t have actually hit you.”

  “I’m glad.”

  I can’t resist the urge to mess with him again. He has so little contact with people in general, and girls especially, he is never sure if I am serious or not, making our conversations so much more fun for me. “Yeah I wouldn’t want you to die when I hit to hard. I’d have to find a new job. Job hunting sucks.”

  As expected he isn’t sure if I am serious or not because he looks at me with shock on his face. He must notice my smirk, the one that screams sarcasm, because he gives a ‘ha-ha’ and walks inside.

  Once in there he washes his hands and walks back toward his office. Well it was nice while it lasted. He stops at the door and turns to looking back.

  “The guys want to know if it’s okay to come over again.”

  I had hoped he was going to ask if I wanted him to hang out for awhile. I would have said yes in a heartbeat.

  “It’s your house you know.”

  “You live here to.”

  I nod. “Just as your housekeeper.”

  “Still, it’s your house too. If we need to find a different place to meet we can. We could likely go to Tommy’s. They just like my couch better.”

  It is nice of him to think of me and I can’t help but smile. Sometimes he is so absent mindedly sweet.

  “It’s fine. I knew about the guys before you even offered me the job. I assumed when I took it Friday night was still guy’s night at your house. I promise to stay in my room until I make friends with others. Then maybe I can make it a girl’s night and crash elsewhere.”

  He shrugs.

  “You don’t have to leave. I don’t mind if you are here when they are.”

  He goes into his office and shuts the door leaving me alone to wonder if he was just saying that to be nice or if he doesn’t understand the point of a guy’s night.

  I shrug and text Bobbi asking if he comes to guy’s night and knew what I should expect. He told me to buy large paper plates, order lots of pizza, and make sure most of the soda and chips in this hemisphere of Earth were in my kitchen come Friday night. I open the cabinets and notice the lack of unhealthy snack food.

  Will looks so pale and thin and unhealthy I bought things like granola bars and trail mix. Healthier than chips. I am slowly making him healthy. In a week or so he has gained some weight. He walks with me every evening and eats three meals a day. I was going to introduce snacks soon. He didn’t have a guy’s night last Friday so I didn’t get anything unhealthy.

  This Friday will be almost two weeks since I arrived. I want to make a good impression so I make sure to tell Bobbi to come get me for a shopping trip. I will need paper plates (I only bought real ones when I filled the house with things Will needed) and any junk food the guys might want.

  Chapter Three

  That Friday I was laying the pizzas out by toppings. The two cheeses were stacked with the top one open, the four pepperoni; the one veggie one had its own place and the one ham one for me. Also the two meat lovers and the one with anchovi
es as far from the others as I could get while still having it in the lineup.

  I dump the ice bag into a big container and put it next to the fifteen three liter jugs of sodas in various flavors and spread the bags of chip out. If they went through all this by morning I would just die. Good thing I have some leftovers in the fridge.

  I run to my room and changed. I don’t want to smell or anything. I through on jeans and a tank top. It is okay to walk around the house in sweats if I am cleaning; it is not okay to meet people in them. If I knew them, like I do Will, I wouldn’t care, but I want to look nice and make a good first impression so they won’t kick me out. I braid my hair and switch out my completely fabulous dangling earrings for studs. They are more practical and I don’t need to remind them I’m a female invading their all male domain.

  I grab my ham pizza, the sixteen ounce soda I got for myself and go into my room, closing the door behind me. I want to be as unobtrusive as possible.

  “Wow! Where did this all come from?” I hear through the door.

  I roll my eyes jumping off the bed and hurrying out to the living room to see Will in the kitchen. Is he really this oblivious?

  “I got it all today. The pizzas I had delivered. They take credit cards over the phone. I gave them a nice tip to have it here in time for me to set everything up, but late enough it’ll be warm when everyone arrives.”

  “There’re paper plates. Usually we just use our hands.”

  I roll my eyes and sigh. Barbarians.

  “Well if you get pizza sauce on the couch you are cleaning it up. Also, where did they all sleep before?”

  “Before what?”

  I open the cabinet sitting in the living room that I organized. He stared like he had never seen it before. Oh my God, seriously! I pull out a box with an airbed in it.

  “I bought two of these. Full size airbeds and extra blankets and pillows so two can fit on each. We don’t have room in the living room for a lot of them, but less people will have to sleep on the floor. If you buy a reclining futon you could put it against that wall and pull it out away from the wall a little for sleeping and have it sitting like a couch the rest of the time. It wouldn’t take up a lot of room and they convert to a full size bed also.”