His & Hers

by Francheska Fifield

  “And geeky guys are your answer to that? Think we are super desperate and need help getting girls?”

  I don’t think he understands anything I just said. I have a theory that certain things can’t be explained between genders because penis and vagina don’t speak the same language. I have a feeling this is one of those times.

  “No. It’s just because I can relate to them better. I know more geeks than anything and though I’ve never had one fall in love with me or fallen in love with them I guess they are closer to my ideal guy type than any other type of guy. Besides I think geeks have the potential to be more romantic. If they get the love of their life they are less likely to mess it up as a guy used to getting his way and always being the boss.”

  “So your ex wasn’t a geek?”

  “Sort of I guess, but not really human. I think I prefer someone human.”

  “Most people would.”

  He is laughing at me on the inside I just know it. “Yeah. So how about you? What’s your ideal girl type?”

  “I don’t think I want a type. My parents had me date the arm candy nit wit for brains type. All I know is I don’t want that.”

  “Eye candy is beautiful. That’s the point.”

  He shrugs and looks at the ceiling.

  “There are different types of beauty. I didn’t think of her as attractive simply because I didn’t really see her as human. How could I? She was brainless, high maintenance, and possessive. Not really a big catch. Personality makes someone more beautiful than looks. Looks fade but personality just gets bigger and bigger.”

  “I suppose that is true. And not a common look on relationships for either gender to have. I guess we all try to fit into some mold.”

  “You don’t.”

  I couldn’t if I tried. I am a weird one. I love astrology and history; I’m a writer of multiple genres. I love camping, fishing (but I always name the fish and let them go), hiking, rock climbing, swimming, and things like flying kites. Anything outdoors. Food of all kinds…well most kinds. I love cooking and having barbeques. I love reading, writing, gaming, and watching anime. Dancing around the house while I clean and singing the songs I am listening to. I am an anomaly. Everyone says so.

  “I can’t find a type to fit into. Is there a type for everything?”

  “Maybe you are just your own person. I think it’s a good thing.”

  “Thanks. I don’t think it will help me get a guy though.”

  He shrugs and turns to face me.

  “I think it’ll be what finds you the right guy.”

  What is he thinking? He isn’t looking blank now he is looking intense. I think for a second he might be feeling attracted to me and is going to kiss me, but it doesn’t happen. A beep sounds and I jump so bad I roll off the bed. Will rolls to the side I had been on and looks over.

  “Are you alright?”

  He looks ready to laugh, but lucky for him he doesn’t.

  “I’m fine. Damn oven alarm scared the crap out of me though.”

  I get up and walk into the living room and head for the kitchen, rubbing my lower back and butt once I am out of sight. I hear Will follow and stop. I wash my hands, pull out the pork chops and stab into them. They are done. I grab the potatoes with oven mitts and stab them. Done as well. Let's hear it for precooking so I only need to reheat.

  “Dinner is served once I finish set up.”

  I cut all the potatoes in half, pull out the sour cream and butter, grab plates, and put the pork chops on the stove top. Oven is turned off. Food is set.

  “What you want for a drink?”

  “I can get it Trisha.”

  I shrug holding the fridge door open. “I’m right here grabbing my water.”

  I bought a water purifier for the fridge because I hate tap water and warm water in general. I pour some into a cup and grab an empty glass.

  “You?”

  I look over and he shrugs. “Coke.”

  I put the empty glass back in the cupboard and grab a can from the fridge.

  “I will break you of this unhealthy habit eventually.” He laughs and shakes his head.

  “I gave in to three meals a day outside my office for the most part and evening walks with you. As well as the occasional eating on the porch because I don’t get enough sun. Which you call picnics for some reason.”

  “In the summer we are going swimming too. You do know how don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good because I am horrible at it.”

  “Then why go? Don’t you run the risk of drowning or being stung by a jelly fish or eaten by a shark?”

  I give him a ‘haha smart ass’ look and dig into my baked potato.

  “Yes, but not knowing what will happen is half the fun.”

  “What’s the other half?”

  “Being a part of something so large it takes up more than half of our planet. The ocean has more in it than land. More creatures, more life, more everything. Being in it is like being a part of it, even if only for a little while.”

  He looks at me for a solid five minutes before responding or eating. He takes a bite, chews, swallows, and looks at me again.

  “You are very different from anyone I have ever met.”

  I don’t know what he means by that, but it doesn’t sound bad the way he says it. It sounds like awe, but I’m not sure why I think that. His poker face is on again. Well what I call his poker face, I’ve never actually seen him play poker.

  “Thanks, I think.”

  “It is a compliment. You are so…well; I don’t know the word for it. You look at the world very differently than anyone I’ve ever met. Its…refreshing.”

  “That is definitely a compliment. Thank you. If it makes you feel better I think you have good qualities to.”

  He doesn’t stop eating, but is getting pink. Ahh, he is blushing…he is so cute when he blushes. I take my plate and decide to sit instead of leaning against the counter across from him to eat.

  “Yeah you have a great work ethic. I mean crazy insane work ethic. And you are super smart so your kids have a good chance of being at least average or better. Looks good for retirement purposes.”

  “I would like to think you are joking with me, but I somehow think you are being serious.”

  “Half and half really.”

  He keeps eating and shakes his head at me. I laugh and continue eating. We finish in silence. He doesn’t move from the spot even when he is done. Usually he is running back to the office after dinner.

  I grab his plate and mine and put them in the dishwasher as I start taking care of the leftovers.

  “You are also really kind, extremely helpful, and fun. When you aren’t working that is.”

  He does a half-snort half-laugh and nods. I can see from the corner of my eye, though I don’t turn my head.

  “I don’t think you always think that.”

  I shrug. “So we argue sometimes. Everyone does sometimes Will. No two people can ever always get along. It’s not natural. It just means you are burying the problem and ignoring problems makes them get bigger and harder to control later. Trust me I know.

  “When you and I argue it’s not like it was with my ex. I would argue, fight, whatever it took to get his attention. He would stand there and let it go in one ear and out the other. Then he would just walk away. And that was the end. It’s not healthy. It festers.

  “There’s such a thing as healthy arguing. Arguing means you are still invested in making a relationship work. It’s when you ignore problems that you have a real problem. Besides, we are friends. Friends don’t have to like the same things or agree all the time. We are friends because of what we have in common, not what we don’t.”

  “Interesting logic.”

  “If we were in an actual relationship, like dating not just friends and employer/employee relationships, then we would have to worry.” Why did I say that out loud? He will think I am insane and hitting on him.

  “I’m afraid to ask
why, but now I’m curious.”

  I laugh. It is one of the traits Will and I share. Though my curiosity runs deeper than his.

  “Yes well, you tend to get caught up in your work a bit. If you were to get into a relationship with anyone you’d have to work at balancing your life.”

  “I never really had someone in my life I’d rather be with than work. It sort of started because I needed to work a lot at first. To make my company work. To show my parents I didn’t need them to succeed.”

  I nod. Independence, I understand. Obsession is another matter entirely and he is obsessed.

  “I’m a work in progress.”

  I laugh. “Aren’t we all?”

  I feel my pocket vibrate and pull out my cell. Cindy is calling. Geez she hadn’t dropped me off all that long ago. I will call her back.

  “I think Cindy misses me already.”

  “Missing you isn’t hard to do.” He gets up and walks into his office closing the door behind him. Sometimes I don’t understand him. I finish cleaning up the kitchen and go to my room to call Cindy back.

  Tomorrow is Friday, but she wants to hang out again today. I remind her of yoga and clubbing, and I mention I will need some time to cook and clean. So she decides to just pick me up around eight tomorrow night so we can do dinner beforehand.

  Great, all the guys will be here by then. Ready to meet her, and hit on her. Tommy will be impossible. I warn her and she is okay with it. Maybe one will be good looking. I shrug, but don’t say anything. Despite my liking geeks better, none of the guys are my type. They are more annoying brothers or cousins or something. Probably because I see them all as helpless and pathetic.

  I get off the phone and go through all my jewelry, trying to decide what to wear. The pants and halter top, the new hoop earrings, and shoes. All new stuff to celebrate my first girl’s night out. Here’s to being a girl! Not something you get to celebrate often when you think of periods and everything.

  After everything is ready I go to the living room and turn on Netflix. I open up an anime I have been watching. About five minutes in Will joins me. It is probably too girly for him, but I think it is cute. At least he doesn’t pick on me for yelling at the TV or crying when something sad happens.

  The next night I do all the ordering and organizing I can. I have everything that can be done, done. I go to shower since smelling like cleaning chemicals isn’t high on my priority list. I’m not likely to have much fun if everyone is avoiding me because I smell. Cindy said some of her other girl friends are going to meet us there. It will be a true girl’s night out.

  I jump out of the shower and hear the guys grabbing at food and annoyed that the pizzas aren’t organized. The guy must have gotten here while I was in the shower and Will hasn't taken the time to fix everything.

  I dress in my new tight leather pants, halter top, and heels. I throw my hair into a messy bun and am putting my earrings on when I go out. Key, ID, and cash in front pocket check.

  “Holy hell! I’m gonna have a heart attack! Why are you wearing that?” Tommy says.

  “I’m officially divorced Tommy.”

  “Well now I definitely want you to marry me. You just have to agree to dress like that every day for the foreseeable future.”

  “No thanks Tommy. You’ve become something like a brother to me it’d be so wrong to date you.”

  “Well don’t be shocked if I don’t think of you as a sister ever again.” I roll my eyes and laugh.

  “Thanks for the compliment anyway. Glad I look presentable.”

  “I didn’t say you were presentable. I wouldn’t let you out of the house like that if we were together.”

  Tommy is a flirt, but it sure does make a girl feel good when she is trying and gets the appropriate response from a guy.

  “Everyone else would agree, but they don’t want to be hit with a skillet. I think it’s worth it.”

  “I won’t hit you with the skillet.”

  I go over and give him a one armed hug. He hugs me back and even keeps his hands off my ass.

  “Tommy why are you harassing Trish this time?”

  Will comes out of his bathroom, takes one look, and his jaw drops. I’m taking that as a compliment. Or he thinks I look like a hooker and is trying not to say so. I am going with option A for the wellbeing of my ego.

  “Exactly Will. And here you were about to yell at me again. I wasn’t harassing her, but she looks smoking hot and someone should tell her.”

  A knock sounds and I open the door. Bobbi stands there with Cindy.

  “Hey Bobbi, thanks for agreeing to be our DD.”

  I grab a light jacket in case it is cold when we leave the club and wave to everyone.

  “Have fun boys. Try to leave a path for me in case I come home before tomorrow.”

  “Oh we won’t. Wait don’t I get to meet them?”

  I grab Cindy’s hand. “Next time. Let’s go.”

  We rush out and I am so ecstatic I forget to hug everyone good bye.

  Chapter Five

  It was 3 am by the time we were finally done partying the night away. I'm not sure I could do this often. I was exhausted and sore, but I had so damn much fun. Granted I’m making a call from a police station, but Bobbi is up and waiting for my call anyway.

  “Hey Bobbi it’s me. I only have a couple minutes so I will explain when you get here. Just, can you bring $500 to the police station near the club you dropped us off? I will pay you back as soon as we get home I promise.”

  He promises to come right over and I sigh and hang up the phone. If Will ever finds out about this he will kill me. Luckily we aren’t making it public knowledge that I am his house keeper. That would embarrass him and he would worry too much.

  When the cops come to get me they are full of apologies for the trouble I have been through and adamant that it won’t happen again. Oh shit, what did Bobbi tell them? When I walk out there is Bobbi smiling, and not alone. Will. Oh great, what did he tell the cops? Likely that he will crash their system if they don’t drop the charges against me. In my defense I hit the guy in self-defense.

  I hang my head and think about making a run for it. Or asking if it is too late to spend the night in jail instead. Oh I am so in trouble.

  Will says nothing as we walk out of the jail. He holds the door to the backseat open, making it clear I’m not sitting up front with Bobbi. He gets in after me and puts the tinted glass up between the front and back seats. Oh great, lecture time.

  “Are you okay?”

  Well that hadn’t started off too bad.

  “Yes.” I stick to one word answers and keep my head down. Don’t back talk the person who bails you out. He hasn’t said anything yet, but his stiff posture tells me he is definitely mad.

  “So what exactly happened? The police said you were arrested for being rowdy. The club called the cops on you. I told them you aren’t a violent person, that I’ve never seen any behavior like this from you before. So what really happened? Is it that new friend of yours?”

  Why does he assume it is Cindy’s fault? She tried to stop me, to talk me down. It didn’ work.

  “Well we were out clubbing, just dancing, having some drinks. There were five of us girls. Well one of Cindy’s friends was keeping our table for us, she’s new to clubbing, kind of shy, and dating someone, she was glad to just be out because she works all the time. So this guy goes over, she tells him she’s flattered, but no thanks. Our table is close to the bar so we hear the whole thing while grabbing drinks. She was so polite about it too, not at all mean or trying to start trouble. He didn’t take no for an answer. So I told him to buzz off.”

  Will sighs and put his head in his hand.

  “Shall I finish the story?”

  “Might as well, though I think I know how it will end.”

  I nod even though he didn’t look up.

  “Well he turns and tries to hit on me. I mean really, I had just told him to buzz off and so I told him again. His idea of a good r
esponse was to grab my ass…”

  Is it just me or does Will tense even more when I say that?

  “…Anyway I turned around, flung his hand off me, and smacked him across the face. So the bouncer asks if we have a problem. He says ‘yeah this bitch slapped me’ and I said ‘yeah this asshole is sexually harassing me’. He tells us all to leave and I asked what he had against women defending themselves?”

  Will sighs and I swear I see him physically stopping himself from banging his head on the window.

  “Anyway, he grabs my arm and I tell him if he doesn’t want me to knock his teeth in to let go of me. He squeezed and it hurt so I made him take his hands off me.”

  “How?”

  “I kicked him in the balls. These heels are amazing! Anyway, then they call the cops and say I’m being rowdy. I wasn’t rowdy I just refused to be punished because I defended myself in a sexual assault situation. I didn’t fight the cops, and I wouldn’t have fought the bouncer had he come up with a valid answer to my question instead of trying to man handle me.”

  “Only you could say all this like it’s perfectly rational.”

  I’d been looking up, animatedly telling my side of the story, but when he says that I remember I made him angry so I look down and shrink into the seat.

  “I’m sorry. Bobbi wasn’t supposed to call you. I told him I would pay him back if he bailed me out.”

  “It’s fine, but the next time you plan to go out on a Friday night you will have all thirteen of us in attendance. I was rudely awakened by Bobbi pounding on the front door. Which woke everyone in the living room up before it did me. Tommy came running into my room in nothing but his boxers. I’m scarred for life.”

  I physically cringe and Will nods to me.

  “Exactly.”

  Now I feel super bad. What guy wants to see his best friend at 3 am in the morning mostly naked? Ewwee.

  “I promise never to return to that club and not attack anymore bouncers should I go out.”

  “How about you avoid wearing those clothes ever again.”