His & Hers

by Francheska Fifield

  “Well let me give you some advice than. I am all bark no bite. I will threaten you until I'm blue in the face, but I wouldn’t actually do it. Except in self defense.”

  “Noted.”

  After that we walk in silence again, but this time it isn’t awkward. We stop at a street vendor selling hot dogs. She piles all kinds of stuff on hers and looks at my hot dog and bun in humorous disgust.

  “There’s nothing on that hot dog you know.”

  We are walking back to the house eating. Each carrying a super long hot dog and a soda. I shrug and nod at her.

  “Yeah just the way I like it.”

  Her face scrunches. Humanoid pug. I can’t help but laugh. She looks pretend offended.

  “It’s not funny. That’s so plain it’s gross.”

  “Oh I'm not laughing at what you think just how you look.”

  Her jaw drops in shock, she hadn’t been excepting that. She slaps my arm lightly. I thought girls quit hitting after high school.

  “How mean!”

  “I don’t mean it like that.” I roll my eyes. I know she isn’t really offended.

  “I know I'm just messing with you.”

  “You enjoy that don’t you?” She did too. She seems to take every opportunity to do so even when we only talked online.

  “I talk to you and Bobbi. I don’t have many people to tease.”

  “That sounds dirty.”

  She rolls her eyes and laughs.

  “Men. Everything is a perverted comment waiting to happen with you all.”

  I finish my drink in silence. If I comment it will make her blush.

  “I mean I haven’t really made any friends. There’s a girl in my yoga class that says hi to me when she sees me there whether it’s in class or in the gym, but we haven’t gotten past the ‘hi’ part yet. I’ve only been to the Y a few times.”

  “You don’t have to stay home all the time you know.”

  “I know. That’s why I joined the Y. Yoga twice a week and access to the gym for rainy days. It’s nice. But working out doesn’t inspire much conversation. The yoga instructor gets mad if you talk during class. She kicked two people out for whispering.”

  “Harsh.” Note-to-self, be glad I don’t take yoga. Though I am always impressed with people who can bend into the weirder positions required.

  “Well it’s supposed to be relaxing so I guess I get it. But couldn’t she just put up a sign? I mean how….well… mean.”

  What’s relaxing about contorting yourself into weird positions?

  “Says the woman who threatened me with a skillet.”

  “Like I said, I wouldn’t have actually hit you!"

  Now that I know that I won’t give in to her next demand so easily, unless it is something I want to do anyway. Not that eating meals with her and the walks are so bad, and likely will get better now that we are on speaking terms.

  “I’m glad.”

  “Yeah I wouldn’t want you to die when I hit to hard. I’d have to find a new job. Job hunting sucks.”

  I’m not sure if I should believe her or not. She doesn’t have a serious face, but it isn’t one you’d expect to be cracking jokes either. Still I am moderately sure she is joking.

  “Ha-ha.”

  I wash my hands; hot dog grime on my computers isn’t happening. I head back to my office, but feel the need to warn her about the guys coming over this coming Friday. We skipped last week because I wanted to give her a change to settling in and get used to everything before having twelve more males thrust at her.

  “The guys want to know if it’s okay to come over again.”

  She looks almost disappointed, and then rallies herself before I can mention anything. I don’t think it pertains to my question, but I can’t be sure. Should I tell them to give her more time?

  “It’s your house you know.”

  “You live here to.”

  “Just as your housekeeper.”

  “Still, it’s your house too. If we need to find a different place to meet we can. We could likely go to Tommy’s. They just like my couch better.”

  She smiles and shrugs.

  “It’s fine. I knew about the guys before you even offered me the job. I assumed when I took it Friday night was still guy’s night at your house. I promise to stay in my room until I make friends with others. Then maybe I can make it a girl’s night and crash elsewhere.”

  I shrug. They won’t mind if she stays. They are all looking forward to meeting her. They can’t believe I gave in to my doctors demands, they expected me to be so stubborn I would have be admitted to a hospital first. No way. I hate needles and I know an IV would be the first thing I get from them, or a home nurse.

  “You don’t have to leave. I don’t mind if you are here when they are.”

  She nods as I go into the office and close the door behind me. Well, this Friday will be interesting to say the least.

  I try to spend more of the following week lingering in case she is lonely. That and I want to make sure her mother doesn’t upset her again. I haven’t seen her call her family again, so maybe she is on strike. I am too, five years and counting. I see them once a year at a corporate party I go to, when a lot of their friends and my clients get together to celebrate. It is a business meeting in disguise. Disguised so you could bring your wife and she can’t complain you are out to late. We say hi and that is all. I want to keep it that way. Still, Trisha doesn’t mention her family again and I feel rude bringing it up first, so we talk about everything but them.

  Chapter Three

  “Wow! Where did this all come from?” I say as Trisha walks into the living room from her room and looks at me like I am dense. What? It wasn’t there last time I came out here.

  “I got it all today. The pizzas I had delivered. They take credit cards over the phone. I gave them a nice tip to have it here in time for me to set everything up, but late enough it’ll be warm when everyone arrives.”

  “There’re paper plates. Usually we just use our hands.”

  She looks ready to tell me exactly what she thinks of that, but bites the side of her cheek before saying something that likely is more polite than her original thought.

  “Well if you get pizza sauce on the couch you are cleaning it up. Also where did they all sleep before?”

  “Before what?”

  She opens the cabinet by the door against the wall. I had never put anything in there. What was she doing?

  “I bought two of these. Full size airbeds and extra blankets and pillows so two can fit on each. We don’t have room in the living room for a lot of them, but less people will have to sleep on the floor. If you buy a reclining futon you could put it against that wall and pull it out away from the wall a little for sleeping and have it sitting like a couch the rest of the time. It wouldn’t take up a lot of room and they convert to a full size bed also.”

  “They all just sleep on the floor or fight over the couch.”

  “Wait you sleep in your room?”

  Of course I did, I wasn’t fighting over a piece of the floor when I have a perfectly good bed in my room with my name on it. Figuratively speaking.

  I hear a car and she looks out the window. What the hell….

  “There’re curtains…”

  “Really Will? I got these two days after getting here when I filled your kitchen with things to cook with. This wall faces the road and is half windows. It’s creepy at night. Or it was. It isn’t now ‘cuz people can’t look in the window.”

  She picked out what had to be the least girly curtains I have ever seen. They are plain green. Just a dark green.

  “They aren’t girly.”

  She rolls her eyes. What? It is a safe assumption that if a girl buys curtains, they will likely be girlish because they pick out what they like, they always do while shopping.

  “Yeah well you are a male. I figured plain solid color curtains were less likely to bother you. Besides, I'm not the girliest person, I hate pink. No matter
the color I didn’t think it would take you almost two weeks to notice them.”

  No way have they been up that long. We just went walking and the coat hanger was right next to the edge of the curtain. I would have noticed them by now.

  “Have you really had them up that long? We’ve been walking almost every evening for the past week.”

  She nods and walks very quickly to her room.

  “Yeah I’m sure of when I bought them. I gave you the receipt with the purchases on them. You said you’d read them and let me know if anything wasn’t okay so I could return it.”

  I don’t respond. I didn’t read them. I told her that so she wouldn’t buy weird girly things we don’t need, but I trust her not to so I just keep them in case I ever have her buy something work related. She hadn’t abused the credit card yet, and I don’t think she will. She is so responsible when it comes to her job.

  “Okay well I’m off to my room.”

  “You aren’t staying out here to meet everyone?”

  “No I’m hiding out in my room. Don’t mind me. It’ll be like I’m not even here.”

  “Why?” It comes out before I can stop it. I don’t know why I care if she comes out to hang or not. I want the guys to meet her. To understand why it is I like her so much. They hadn’t understood how we met; of course I haven’t told them one email talked me into working for her to make a website, something I haven’t done in years.

  “Really Will don’t you understand the point of a guy’s night?”

  I shrug. Who cares if it is all guys? They would likely bring girls if they could get them. Tommy is the exception, but he gets girls because he has a big trust fund. He has sex, gets bored, and dumps them. He doesn’t want to actually spend time with them and get to know them. Some of the other guys wouldn’t mind the eye candy, but I refuse to let them be here.

  “They all know you live here. They are all shocked I let you invade my home, as they put it, and are curious to meet you to be honest.”

  She smiles. Her grin really is sexy. I have to stop thinking like that, she is still technically married. It was bad enough when she still lived elsewhere and hadn’t been planning her divorce. I found myself intrigued by her and wanting to get to know her more. Her living here is making it worse, but she had filed for divorce and that is better I suppose.

  “Well you likely don’t even notice I live here. Or you wouldn’t if I hadn’t made you come out for meals and walks.”

  “I would know. I knew the first week. It felt different here.” I am hyper aware of her even when I’m not around her. I have never lived with a non-family female before. It makes me aware of her being here more than I am comfortable admitting.

  “Ummm sorry.”

  “Not a bad different. That’s not what I meant.” She seems relieved.

  “Well enjoy your night. I’ve got my pizza and soda. If you all want me to make breakfast in the morning let me know.”

  Breakfast…yeah right, lunch was closer to it. “Breakfast won’t be before 10 am for all of us. They all sleep through most anything so feel free to get up and eat whenever.” It won’t bother me anyway. I will be in my room. If they don’t like it we can meet elsewhere. She lives here I’m not making her starve because we have been up all night.

  “I can sleep in no problem.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to hang out with us?”

  “I don’t want to interfere Will. They are your friends.”

  She is my friend too and she has been so sad lately. After her family upset her I’m afraid of working and coming out to find her curled up and crying like I had the first time she called them. We hung out more, I worked more normal hours since, and watched anime and movies. I even came out after finishing up early and found her listening to music and singing and dancing her way around the house. I only smiled and snuck back into my office so she wouldn’t be embarrassed I had seen her.

  I kept my door open and watched until she had come closer. I hadn’t wanted her to notice I was watching so I closed it and went into my room to nap a bit before coming back out. I hadn’t actually been able to nap, every time I closed my eyes I saw her dancing with a huge grin on her face, singing to herself.

  She closes her door and I don’t hear anything. She is editing.

  Everyone arrives in a couple of cars.

  “Hey Will what’s up! Where’s the girl?”

  “In her room.”

  “Wow look at all the food!”

  They all grab food and start munching. We start playing, well Steve and I do.

  “So what’s she like?”

  Amazing, stubborn, I can’t decide. “It’s different, living with a girl. She’s a good cook though. She offered to make us breakfast so you’ll see tomorrow if you all stay for it.”

  Tommy goes to her door, smile on his face.

  “I can’t wait that long to meet her.”

  “Tommy leave her alone!”

  He knocks on her door and she opens it looking slightly annoyed.

  “Wow Will you didn’t tell us she was hot.”

  She looks unimpressed and secretly I am glad. Tommy is a love’em and leave’em kind of guy and she has had enough guy trouble already.

  “Hi. Is there something wrong? Bobbi said if we needed another food run he would take care of it.”

  “I gave you a compliment and I get the cold shoulder. Harsh lady,” Tommy says.

  I pretend I’m not paying attention, but I am and I can’t help but smile. I try to not let it stay on my face too long so the guys won’t see and pick on me.

  “You didn’t technically give me a compliment so much as scold Will for not telling you what I looked like.”

  She is so damn clever. I like her more for it.

  “Oh great, a smart one. Well I drop out boys. Who is next in line?”

  If they did line up to flirt I would punch them in the face, all of them. Tommy is my oldest friend and he is pushing it.

  “Do you guys actually need anything Will?” Trisha asks.

  I pause and look up at her. No, but I want her to stay anyway.

  “No, but they wanted to meet you so I told them they could get you out here because I wasn’t interrupting your editing.” I hadn’t actually said any of that, but I told them to leave her alone. Same difference.

  “How did you know that’s what I was doing?”

  I un-pause the game and go back to it.

  “You don’t have a TV in your room. If you were writing there would be music playing. If you were reading we would hear you laughing or sighing more. If you were gaming on your computer we would hear cursing. If you aren’t doing one of those three things you are editing.”

  She looks curious as to why I would know. I notice everything she does. I can’t help it. My home isn’t quiet anymore. There is always noise, except when she is gone. Then I regret her leaving.

  “You game?”

  She sighs. She hates sexist comments.

  “Just cuz I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t game you know.”

  Everyone is staring at her and out of the corner of my eye I can see she is a bit unnerved by it. They are going to be in awe of her for a while. I can already tell more than just Tommy is attracted to her. Not that she will want to hear it. Of course Tommy likes anyone with breasts so he doesn’t count.

  “You should just say hi and introduce yourself. They will stare less after.”

  She looks at me slightly doubtful before turning to face most of the guys and giving a small wave.

  “I’m Trisha. I write novels. I enjoy reading, gaming, anime, swimming, camping, and photography as hobbies. I’ve always wanted to have a pony, travel, and move far away from my hometown which I now have. Is that enough?”

  I want to laugh at the sarcasm, but I manage to keep it to a smile.

  “That was generic.”

  Tommy isn’t going to find her generic when he gets to know her. Good thing he doesn’t like complicated girls. That and he thinks I am
smitten so he won’t actually make a play for her. He has actually said smitten. Who the hell says smitten anymore?

  “Yes well, we can’t all have witty comments like ‘wow you’re hot’.”

  When she takes a bow everyone is smiling.

  “I think I like her. You should keep her Will.”

  Note to self, hit Steve if he ever speaks again. It’s not like I have control of how long she stays. Even if I agree with him.

  “She’s a person Steve. She will stay as long as she wants, I believe she said ‘three or four months so you can hire someone else and I can have time to find another job and place to live’.”

  “Thank you Will,” Trisha says.

  She comes over, sitting on my arm of the couch. She smells nice and it is slightly distracting.

  “Whatcha playing?”

  “Anything arcade style tonight. Want a turn?”

  I hand over my controller and the guys all cough, chock, and look on in shock. If they say anything about how I don’t let people play on my character I will kill them. It would be so embarrassing and she will likely pick on me.

  “What the hell is wrong with all of you?”

  I don’t want them to answer her, so I quickly do.

  “Ignore them.”

  I glare at them all until they shut their mouths and return to gaming and eating. She takes the controller and Tommy sits down, taking Steve’s controller. I will laugh if she kicks his ass. She loses the first one, but does manage to kill him once and do a double kill. For her first time she isn’t so bad.

  She squishes herself in next to me. I push over a little and the others do too. Three of us were already on the couch so there isn’t much room to squish together. She ends up mostly on the couch and a little on me. My heart beats double time and I try not to blush in embarrassment.

  She stays out with us for most of the night. She plays a few times, but mostly she is my personal cheerleader. The others complain about it, but she doesn’t seem to care what they think. She manages to win at least half of them over when she points out that she thought of buying airbeds for them so they don’t all sleep on the floor. Her breakfast in the morning will do the rest.

  She seems to most enjoy when they decide to tell funny stories about me. It is embarrassing and I spend most of the night blushing, but all in all it could have gone worse. I am glad she had fun and made some new friends.