Black & White Croakies

by Sam Cheever

  I felt my eyes go wide. “Does the food and water do something to you?” I asked the distraught man.

  Otis swung a hand in front of his face. “Buzzing.”

  “It’s probably safer not to eat the food or drink the water if we can help it,” Rustin said, frowning.

  As soon as he said the words, my stomach twisted in pain. I was starving. Nausea bloomed as I realized I wasn’t going to be able to eat.

  I was going to die!

  It could be that I was suffering from a bit of hunger hysteria. It happened occasionally.

  Okay, full disclosure, it happened every time I realized it was going to be more than a few minutes before I ate again.

  Hobs had given up on the refrigerator and was sitting at the table. It took me only a minute to notice the glossy coating around his lips. He stopped chewing when I spotted him, his eyes going wide.

  “Hobs? What are you eating?”

  He shook his head, his eyes like golf balls in his head.

  “Hobs?”

  Grym leaned over and snatched something from the hobgoblin’s lap, holding it up for us to see. “Look familiar?”

  It was the artifact I’d brought from home. The never-ending slice of pie artifact. It had returned from Aberdeen’s place.

  The glossy dregs of a slice of cherry pie was all that was left there, but as we watched, another slice of pie began to form on the pretty, china plate.

  Coconut cream!

  Looking at it, my mouth watered. “That smells delicious.”

  We all stared lustfully at the plate, licking our lips.

  “That’s not from here, though,” Sebille said after a moment. “It should be safe, right?”

  I hoped so, because Hobs and I had already eaten from it. I grimaced at the thought, shrugging.

  Suddenly, Grym reached out and snagged the slice of pie, shoving the endpoint into his mouth and eating a third of it in one bite.

  “Hey!” we exclaimed.

  He closed his eyes on a moan. “So good,” he said, buttery pastry crumbs shooting out of his mouth.

  Another slice formed on the plate. I grabbed it.

  Two minutes later, we all had a slice and Hobs was eating his second.

  Wicked trotted in, yowling unhappily and I gave him a chunk of my banana cream slice.

  I was scraping whipped cream off my nose when Lea walked into her own kitchen, a paper bag held in her arms and her eyes wide.

  We all stopped mid-chew, looking guilty.

  “Umph…” I started to say, snagging an errant crumb with my fingertip before it escaped my mouth.

  “What are you doing here? Is that pie?” She glared at me as if I were the only culprit, but I didn’t miss the way her eyes slid hopefully to the triangle of pie in my hand.

  I swallowed hard. “Lea, I mean Thelma, you need to eat some of this pie.”

  She shook her head, forcing her gaze from the slice. “I…I’m on a diet.”

  Dangling duck doodles! The witch’s diets were going to be the end of her. Literally.

  My plea turned to inspiration. If Lea were sitting on the razor edge of confused, maybe eating pie from a plate that had come from home would fix her. “I must insist,” I told her, grabbing the plate and advancing on her with a glossy slice of chocolate meringue.

  She shook her head and stepped back, dropping her bag. “I don’t want it!”

  “It’s sugar-free!” yelled Sebille, apparently picking up on the same thought I’d had.

  “You’re beautiful just like you are,” Rustin added, earning an odd look from…well…all of us. He shrugged. “It’s true.”

  I forced myself to stop chasing her across the room. “Thelma, I’ll be honest. This pie will be good for you.”

  She blinked, staring at the pie like a woman who’d lived on a desert island without food for a week. “It will?”

  “Yes. Chocolate is medicinal. And you look like you really need it.”

  That wasn’t a lie. And, I was pretty sure chocolate was medicinal. It certainly was for me.

  When she still hesitated, Hobs reached his long fingers toward the plate. “She doesn’t want it, Miss…”

  Quick as a snake, Lea growled, diving on the slice of pie. She turned to Hobs and hissed. “Mine!”

  Whoa, girl!

  We all backed up a step and waited as Lea eased it gently between her lips. A moment later, she was licking chocolate from her fingers, her eyes closed in pleasure.

  I offered her another slice. She snatched at it, taking the whole plate.

  Five minutes later, she settled the plate on the table and fell into a chair, groaning. “I was so hungry.”

  “You went to the grocery?” Sebille asked, picking up the discarded bag and looking inside.

  Lea shook her head. “The drug store. There’s a new pharmacist. She’s pretty, but there’s something in her eyes that makes me uncomfortable.” She frowned. “There doesn’t seem to be a grocery. There’s only a diner downtown. I…” She frowned. “I might have eaten there once. But everything’s a blur.”

  We shared a look. I knew somebody had to ask, but I was afraid to know if the pie had worked. Finally, when it seemed no one else was going to do it, I asked, “Lea?”

  She laid her head back, her eyes still closed. “Hmm?”

  Joy filled me.

  Then her eyes shot open and she fixed them on Sebille. “What in the world are you wearing?” She frowned. “And who are you?” She sat up again, waving her arms around the room. “What are you all doing in my kitchen?” Her gaze fell on Otis. “Oh, hi Otis. How are you?”

  His only response was to swat the air in front of his face.

  She sighed. Spotting Wicked, she reached out and tugged him off the table, burying her face in his fur. After a beat, she pulled him away and frowned. “You’re not Hex.”

  Wicked rubbed his head under her chin. “Meow!”

  “That’s Wicked,” I said. I pointed to Hobs. “That’s Hobs, he’s a…”

  “Hobgoblin,” Lea murmured. She looked at Grym. “You’re Grym.”

  He nodded and I felt a spurt of excitement. But then I remembered she’d met Grym earlier.

  She stared at the ghost witch for a beat. “You have a dragon. An amalgamate.”

  Hope flared.

  “I do. Sadie. She wanted to come, but it was too dangerous.”

  Lea nodded. “Color is energy for them.” She lifted her brows at Sebille. “You know, you look like a circus freak in this town.”

  Sebille rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a shrew, witch. We gave you pie.”

  Lea chuckled. “You guys, that was scary. I didn’t know who I was.” She wrinkled her pert nose. “This place is weird!”

  And with a squeal of pure pleasure, I threw myself at her.

  Heavy, insistent pounding shook Lea’s front door.

  We all stilled and turned our gazes toward the front door, past the gray couch, darker gray chairs, and the table with the vase of colorless flowers.

  I looked at Lea. “Were you expecting someone?”

  She laughed. “I wasn’t expecting you, and yet here you are.”

  She had a point.

  “Yeah, but it was a happy surprise, right?”

  Lea grinned. “I got pie out of it.” She started for the door. “Stay back just in case it’s…you know anybody who wants to turn you permanently gray.”

  We all dodged out of sight, peering into the living room as Lea opened the fake-wood-grained front door.

  A man pushed past Lea and hurried into the room, his hair a disheveled mess.

  Hex trotted in on Old Mr. Aberdeen’s heels.

  One of them was still dressed just in his underwear.

  Lea eyed the old man’s outfit. “Well, at least you added boots.”

  And he had. Combat style, with saggy cotton socks drooping on his skinny calves. “You’re in danger, Lass.”

  Lass? I mouthed at the sprite. She lifted her brows, her gray freckles dancing in
surprise.

  Lea scooped up her cat. “I’m glad to see you. I was getting worried.”

  “Thanks, but I can take care of myself,” Aberdeen responded.

  Lea looked as if she was considering telling the man she hadn’t been talking to him and then apparently changed her mind. “What’s going on?”

  “You need to come with me. Things are coming to a head, and you’re not safe here anymore.”

  “What do you mean they’re coming to a head?”

  The old man expelled a gusty breath. “Don’t be difficult now, Lass. This is serious!”

  Her front door opened again and two more men came in. They had chin-length black hair, mean faces, and black eyes.

  I grabbed Grym’s wrist. “Wizards!” I said in a harsh whisper.

  “Who was that?” one of the wizards demanded as he strode toward us, something long and pointy in his hands.

  The sprite sprang.

  Okay, that was fun.

  The sprite sprang.

  Yep, still fun.

  She stood like a throwing star in front of the door, a…fork clutched in her hand. “Don’t come any closer!”

  The Wizard looked at the fork, then at Sebille’s socks, and laughed. “Is the circus in town?”

  Sebille glowered.

  “Oh good, you’re here!” said the crazy man in his underwear. “You all need to come with us.”

  Grym stepped up behind Sebille, adding his glower to hers and thereby layering on the threat. “Not until you tell us what’s going on.”

  “What do you think’s goin’ on boyo? We’re bustin’ out of this joint.”

  “Why is Old Mr. Aberdeen talking funny?” I whispered to Sebille.

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Busting out of what joint?” Grym asked, his glower softening.

  “Don’t be stupid!” Aberdeen bellowed.

  “Shut up, old man!” The wizard closest to the door said. “They’re gonna hear you.”

  “Tell us what’s going on!” Lea demanded,

  Wicked slipped through our legs and trotted out into the living room. He stopped a few feet away from the wizards and hissed, the hair on his back lifting.

  “We’ll explain once we get there,” the first wizard said, eyeing my cat.

  I shook my head. “Not a chance. We don’t trust wizards. You either tell us now, or we stay here.”

  “Let’s just leave, ’em!” the first wizard suggested from his spot in front of the door. He had his eye to the crack and seemed to be lookout for the mangy operation.

  Aberdeen scrubbed a big hand through his wild mop of hair. “Okay, the short version is this. Like you, we were pulled into this goddess-forsaken place against our will. We’ve been tryin’ to get out for years. We’re getting’ closer and the thing is gettin’ a little peevish from our efforts. It’s no longer safe to be out here. We’re goin’ into hidin’, and we think you should come with us since it knows you’re here and you’re not fittin’ in.”

  “How much time do we have?” Rustin asked.

  The front yard exploded, blowing the front door inside and sweeping the wizard on watch inside with it. He skidded across the gray carpet and slammed into the wall, inches from where we stood.

  Aberdeen and the other wizard hit their knees, covering their heads as bits of Lea’s furniture pummeled them.

  “That answers that,” Grym yelled. “Let’s go!”

  Grym helped Aberdeen to his feet, and we started for the front door. Another explosion mere feet from the house convinced us we needed to go out the back.

  “Hurry!” the first wizard said. “Things change fast here.”

  I had no idea what he was suggesting until I noticed the back door shrinking away. The kitchen was darker than it should have been, and I realized the windows were already gone, replaced by more walls and cabinets.

  By the time we reached it, the door was six inches off the ground and only about eighteen inches wide. Hobs, Sebille, and Rustin jumped through, quickly followed by the two cats. Grym made me go next and then shoved Otis and Aberdeen through.

  The wizards shoved Grym aside and jumped through as the door continued to shrink. I screamed, seeing Grym’s face disappearing behind the closing door.

  “Festering frog farts!” I screamed, grabbing Sebille’s fork and repeatedly stabbing the stupid wizards with it.

  “Ow! You flaming gnack!”

  Aberdeen grabbed the wizard’s pointy stick before he could hit me with it.

  “Come on,” Lea yelled. “There’s a window in the bedroom.”

  We hurried around just in time to see that window disappear with a pop. The window on the other end of the small house was already gone.

  “Grym’s trapped! I wailed.

  “Not quite,” Rustin said. “The front door is still open.”

  As he spoke, a third explosion shook the ground.

  “And under attack,” I said. “We need a distraction.”

  Sebille sighed. “I guess it’s time for the circus to open for business. She looked at Hobs. You in?”

  Hobs grinned wildly. He grabbed a small, pink bicycle that lay forgotten in the grass of the house next door and climbed on, sounding the horn as he took off around the house, handle streamers jauntily flying.

  Sebille ran after him.

  “We’re out of here,” the wizards said and took off running.

  Aberdeen glared after then. “I really hate those guys.”

  “Come on!” I said. We took off running around the opposite end of the house. By the time we reached the front corner, I was dismayed to find an unleapable crater in front of the blasted-out door.

  Adding to our challenges, the front of the house had caught fire and smoke was pouring out into the yard.

  “The big window,” Lea said as another missile was lobbed from the gray, roiling sky.

  The jaunty sound of a horn brought our gazes around to where Hobs rode the tiny pink bike down to the sidewalk, Sebille doing…cartwheels…alongside him?

  What in the goddesses favorite sparkly reading glasses was that all about?

  “Did you know Sebille could do cartwheels?” Lea whispered to me.

  “Not a clue,” I said, thinking that, if we lived through the current mess, I was going to blackmail her with it for the rest of my days.

  “And a roundhouse,” Rustin said, grinning.

  Insistent knocking brought our attention back to the problem at hand. Grym was inside the big window, pounding on the glass. “It won’t open,” he yelled. “See if you can break it.”

  We looked around for anything we could throw at the window, praying the clown show on the sidewalk would keep the hostile artifact distracted long enough for us to figure out how to break it.

  Rustin came up with a really big rock. He threw it at the glass and it pinged off, leaving only a divot behind in the window.

  “What the heck is that window made out of?” Lea groused.

  The ground rumbled slightly, and we jerked our heads around to find Hobs and Sebille making a run for it as another missile sailed toward them from the sky. They dove behind a tree as the missile hit, signaling an end to the distraction portion of our entertainment.

  We threw several more large rocks at the window with no luck.

  “I wish I had my shotgun with me,” Aberdeen lamented.

  “There’s only one thing we can do,” I told my friends. “Take cover.”

  “What do you have in mind?” Rustin asked, frowning.

  “Get behind something,” I yelled to Grym. “Take cover!”

  He nodded and disappeared. Taking a deep breath, I moved out of the bushes and stood in plain sight, waving my arms. “Hey, big ugly! Over here!”

  A silvery star blossomed in the gray clouds, shooting toward the ground on a trail of fire and smoke. I realized pretty quickly that they were right on target. If I didn’t move fast, there was going to be a whole lot more of me on the ground.

  “Naida!” Lea screamed
.

  I turned and ran as the magic missile whistled through the air, the heat it generated preceding it by several dozen feet.

  I leaped off the ground and hit the area behind a massive tree as the missile slammed into the earth, sending dirt and chunks of wood and glass into the air in a deadly spray.

  Aberdeen grunted as I landed on him, one of his bony knees finding my soft underbelly and knocking the wind out of me.

  An eerie silence followed the hit. A silence fraught with hesitation, as if the artifact was waiting to see if it got us.

  Smoke hung thick in the air as the broken building settled with a groan and glass tinkled musically to the ground. I shoved to a sitting position and looked on with horror as I caught a glimpse of what was left of Lea’s house.

  The front was a gaping wound, engulfed in flames.

  “Grym,” I whispered in horror.

  Rustin grabbed my arm. “We have to move, Naida.”

  I shook my head, tears sliding down my cheeks. “I killed him.”

  The smoke shifted and what was left of the window crashed to the ground, sparks spitting from its pocked surface. A beat later, an enormous figure slid through the hole to the debris-strewn ground.

  He lumbered toward us, smoke wreathing the entire top half of his frame.

  “See? He’s fine,” Rustin said. “Come on, we need to get out of here.”

  13

  An Evil Kind of Delight

  I threw myself at Grym. “I’m so sorry! It was all I could think of to do.”

  Grym wrapped his arms around me, holding me so tight it constricted my lungs. A tiny spark flared on the shoulder of his shirt and I smacked it down with the palm of my hand. Smoke wafted around us, creating a cocoon that turned Grym’s hug to something I hadn’t expected.

  As if he’d felt the change too, Grym lifted his head and looked down at me, his usually warm caramel gaze made inscrutable through the haze.

  We stared at each other for several beats, something coiling warm and interesting in my belly, and then the smoke burst apart and a hand snaked through, grabbing my arm. “Come on, Naida!” Sebille ground out, yanking me out of Grym’s arms. “We need to move now!”