Far from Perfect (Perfect, Indiana: Book One)

by Longley, Barbara

  “Mommy, more milk, please.”

  “Coming right up.” Ceejay set her cell phone on the counter and crossed the kitchen to the fridge. “Almost finished with that sandwich?”

  Lucinda nodded as Ceejay filled her cup. “What would you like to do this afternoon, Luce?” The phone on the kitchen wall rang, and she crossed the room to answer. “Hello?”

  “This is Edward Langford.”

  Her heart rate surged. “Noah’s not here. Maybe you should try his cell.”

  “I’m not calling for Noah. Is this Ceejay?”

  She took the handset from her ear and stared at it for a second before bringing it back. “Yes?”

  “My wife came home in quite a state. She says you’re unwilling to let her get to know our granddaughter.”

  “That’s right. I don’t appreciate the way you Langfords have barged into my life uninvited.”

  “I’m hoping I can change your mind. We’re in a position to make your lives easier.”

  She frowned. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “We have money, and—”

  “You’re trying to bribe me?” She wanted to laugh. What arrogance.

  “Lucinda can go to the best private college available. She’ll always have whatever she needs. Call it bribery if you want. I see it as providing for my family.”

  “Look, we’re doing just fine, Mr. Langford. I’ve already started a college fund for my daughter, and just because Matt was her father doesn’t make us family.”

  “Think about it. We—”

  “Lucinda is not for sale. Thank you just the same.” She hung up and tried to get her anger under control. “Who does he think he is?”

  “Who, Mommy?”

  “Um, nobody important, baby. Finish your lunch.”

  There it was again, that twinge of guilt. Intellectually she knew the Langfords had nothing to do with Matt’s actions, but emotionally? She was still too raw with shock to think rationally. Maybe once she had a new job and her new life had begun, she’d feel strong enough to deal with Lucinda’s grandparents. Not now, though.

  Sweet Pea kicked up a ruckus from the backyard, and the rumble of a large truck pulling up in front of the house had Lucinda scrambling out of her booster. Ceejay followed her to the front door already open to let in the breeze.

  “Uncle Noah,” Lucinda cried with delight as she slipped out to the veranda.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” Noah greeted her from his place on the gravel driveway. A white truck with “Johnston’s Rental Equipment” written on the side maneuvered around and backed up onto the grass as close to the house as possible.

  Ceejay leaned over the railing. “What’s all this?”“What’s that supposed to mean?”s . His

  “It’s the scaffolding equipment I need to start working on the house.”

  “I never agreed to the deal.”

  “I know.” Noah glanced her way. “Jenny gave the OK for the work to be done, and I’m doing it whether you agree or not. I’ll keep paying rent.”

  “You’re not taking off with that fancy camper?” Should she tell him about his father’s attempt to bribe her? No. For all she knew, Noah had put him up to it.

  Noah moved to stand beneath her. He didn’t have his cane, and his limp was barely noticeable. His eyes met and held hers. “I’m not leaving.”

  Her heart and her stomach fluttered in tandem. Confusion swirled through her until she couldn’t think straight, let alone breathe. “Doesn’t matter to me one way or the other. I’ll be the one leaving once I find a job.”

  “When you do, you let me know. I’ll be there to help you get settled into your new place.”

  Noah’s gaze never wavered from hers, and his intensity sent her back a few steps.

  “I don’t wanna move.” Lucinda hopped down the stairs and ran to put her hand into Noah’s.

  “Don’t worry about that now, Luce. Let’s go finish your lunch, and then we’ll call the Offermeyers to invite Celeste and Brandon over to play. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” The sound of another vehicle coming down the gravel drive drew her attention. Her cousin Teddy pulled his old beat-up Chevy pickup next to Noah’s newer, shinier Ford.

  He swung out with a broad smile. “Hey, Ceejay.”

  “Hey, Teddy. What brings you here?”

  He sent Noah a pointed look. “Jenny ordered me to help Noah with the work on the house.”

  Noah frowned. “I don’t need your help.”

  “Maybe not.” Teddy sauntered over to the men unloading the steel pipes for the scaffold’s framework. “But you might as well take advantage, because I’m not getting on Auntie’s wrong side on your account. Me and her have a deal.”

  Noah grunted, and one of the truckers approached him with a clipboard and a pen.

  “She and I have a deal.” Ceejay corrected Ted’s grammar for her daughter’s sake.

  “You have a deal with her too?” Teddy’s eyes widened in mock surprise.

  Ceejay scowled at him. “Lucinda, come up on the porch, and stay out of the way. I’ll go make that call.”

  “I’ll keep an eye on her.” Teddy lifted Lucinda and spun her around in a wide arc.

  Her daughter’s gleeful shrieks filled the air. “She just ate lunch. You might want to put her down before she throws it up all over you.” She smirked at her cousin before retreating to the house.

  I’m not leaving. Noah’s words sent ripples of emotion through her, touching off all kinds of internal chaos—hope and despair being uppermost in the maelstrom. Nope. She couldn’t afford to get sucked into the hopeful part. No matter how wonderful he seemed, or how her insides turned to mush under his green-eyed scrutiny, the potential for pain Noah eyes were riveted on herpp cLangford represented made him a risk she couldn’t afford to take.

  He’d said some words that had touched upon her vulnerabilities, that was all, and words didn’t mean shit. Picking her cell phone up from the kitchen counter, she swallowed the lump in her throat and punched in the numbers.

  “Mommy, Mommy! Can we have some jars? We wanna catch fireflies.” Lucinda hopped up and down on the wooden floor of the veranda while her playmates nodded away in happy agreement to the scheme.

  Ceejay’s hands were full with the plates and cups she’d cleared from their outdoor picnic of hot dogs, potato salad, and fresh strawberries. “Sure, open the door for me, honey. I’ll be right back with some jars, and we’ll poke holes in the lids.” Brandon beat Lucinda to the task, opening the door in an exaggerated show of male gallantry. “Why, thank you, kind sir.” She tipped her head, carried her load into the kitchen, and deposited the dirty dishes into the sink. She gathered three mason jars with lids, a hammer, and a nail and returned to the waiting children.

  “It’s going to be a while yet before you can spot fireflies.”

  “That’s OK. We’ll catch grasshoppers until it gets dark,” Brandon said.

  Nine-year-old Brandon was the oldest of the three, and Celeste was a few months older than Lucinda. “I’m counting on you to watch the girls. All of you need to promise you’ll stay away from the river.” She looked from one child to the next until certain they understood she meant business. “I’ll join you when the dishes are done, and I’ll be watching from the window.” She took a seat on the top step of the veranda and set the jars down. “Stay on this side of the walnut trees. Fireflies and grasshoppers love the tall grass along the edge.”

  “I know.” Lucinda flopped down on the step beside her.

  Ceejay punched holes in the lids under the watchful eyes of the three children. “Remember what I said. Stay clear of the river.” She handed them each a jar, and they ran off in a flurry of excited giggles. Sweet Pea followed behind with his tail in perpetual motion.

  How many times had she played the same game with her cousins and friends? Her aunt had issued the same warning about the river, had punched holes in countless jar lids with the same hammer and possibly even the same nail. Both were kept in a kitchen dra
wer and had been for as long as she could remember. Come to think of it, the nail was squared like the ones used in the nineteenth century. Ceejay studied the nail, imagining all the generations of Lovejoy children who had chased fireflies in the tall grass by the walnut grove.

  How would moving affect Lucinda? She surveyed the orchard and the sloping lawn leading to the Ohio’s banks. Rising from the step, she turned back to study the limestone home built by her ancestors at the turn of the century. The huge old house had replaced the original log cabin the family had lived in for decades. Lovejoys had occupied this land since 1868, and all her life she’d wanted to leave. Soon her dreams would be realized.

  Why did the prospect suddenly feel daunting? She shook her head. I’ve never gone anywhere or done anything, that’s why, and it’s about time that changed. It was nerves, that was all. Maybe she’d take Lucinda to Disney World before the move. colors, one for the basket of whites.t cThat would be a great start to her new life, and she could afford it. Once they were settled, the rest of the insurance money would go into Lucinda’s college fund.

  Gazing back toward the orchard, she sought the peach tree her uncles had planted when she and her family had celebrated Lucinda’s birth. Her baby girl had been christened in that orchard, and the tree had been planted right after the ceremony, like all the trees preceding hers. The porch door hinges creaked behind her.

  “I’m off to play bridge,” Jenny told her. “What are you doing out here, Little Bit? I can hear the children in the backyard.”

  “Thinking.”

  Jenny came to a stop beside her. “You know, when Tobias Lovejoy returned to Atlanta after the Civil War, he found his mercantile burned to the ground.”

  Ceejay nodded. She’d heard the story a thousand times.

  “The surviving Lovejoys wanted to rebuild and start over. Not Tobias. He wanted to head west and start over somewhere fresh. Even so, he helped them rebuild their business before he left.”

  “Has Noah ever asked what side the Lovejoys were on in the Civil War?”

  Jenny chuckled. “No, he never has, and I haven’t mentioned it either.”

  She sighed and turned to face her aunt. “I want to leave Perfect. You know that, don’t you?”

  “I’ve always known. I imagine what you’re feeling right now is similar to what Tobias felt, and I’m sure it’s a mixed bag.”

  “It is. I’m excited and scared to death all at the same time. I’m suffering from an attack of nostalgia right now.”

  Jenny laid her hand on her shoulder. “You won’t be satisfied until you’ve seen for yourself what it’s like to live somewhere else. I understand. Just don’t forget your roots are here. You have a place to come home to when the world feels too big for you to handle.”

  “I’d better get those dishes done.” She blinked back the sting of tears. “Go play bridge, and say hello to Sheriff Maurer, Uncle Jim, Aunt Mary, and everybody else for me.”

  “I’ll do that.” Jenny gave her a quick hug and headed to her car.

  She returned to the kitchen and filled the sink with sudsy water. The children’s excited shrieks floated in through the window. Smiling, she watched them running through the tall grass in the gathering twilight, their faces alight with joyful innocence. She wanted to chase fireflies. She wanted to run through the tall grass and feel the tickle against her legs like she had as a child.

  Leaving the dishes to dry in the rack, Ceejay slipped out the back door, coming to a stop when she saw Noah watching the children from inside the small fenced yard. His hands hung by his sides. All his attention was riveted on the scene before him. Something about his posture, the way his shoulders were hunched forward, wrenched her heart. She approached, trying to see things the way he saw them. His breathing came in shallow starts and stops, and he trembled.

  Childish laughter and Sweet Pea’s frenzied barking filled the night air. The purity of their play held a glow all its own. Lucinda, Brandon, and Celeste hadn’t a care in the world. In a flash of insight she glimpsed what being a soldier had cost Noah. Compassion overrode her own petty gru">“Hmmm?” c pidges. She walked over to him, slipped her hand into his, and laced their fingers together. “Noah.”

  He tugged her into his arms, crushing her against his chest so tightly she feared he’d break a rib. His tremors reverberated through her. She stiffened for a fraction of a second, easing once she realized there was nothing sexual about his need to hold her. She put her arms around him and ran her hands up and down his back, offering comfort and acceptance.

  “I...” His voice broke. He cleared his throat. “I wanted to travel. I thought maybe it would help me remember...why I...why I went to war.”

  “I know,” she murmured in a soothing tone. The warmth of his shuddering breaths against the bare skin of her neck sent a delicious tickle down her spine.

  He straightened and rested his chin on the top of her head. “I don’t want Lucinda to see anything but good in this world.” He gave a shaky laugh. “Not very realistic, is it?”

  “Maybe not.” Ceejay pulled back so she could look into his eyes. “But I think I get it, or I might if you’d explain.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know if I can. It’s about how safe and secure they feel. They’ve never been touched by anything remotely evil. I’ve seen...things. Things done...children who were used to fight dirty.”

  “That can’t be easy to deal with.”

  “I’ve lost the capacity for the simple kind of joy they’re feeling tonight. I’m afraid I’ll never get it back. I don’t know what it’s like to feel secure anymore. I don’t want that for Lucinda. I don’t want that for any child.” He drew in a shaky breath. “Watching them play brought it all back.”

  Ceejay held his face between her palms. “If I could take the pain away from you, I would. In a heartbeat.” Some of his tension eased, and his hold on her shifted from desperate to something softer, more tender.

  “Allison said the same thing.” He swallowed hard a few times. “I have nightmares.”

  “They’ll fade with time. You won’t always feel this raw. Things will get better.”

  “I wish...”

  She waited for him to continue. He didn’t. “What do you ure meeting yo

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CEEJAY SHOVED HIM AWAY WITH SO much force he almost toppled. Noah managed to remain upright, but the transition from warm, willing woman in his arms to empty air left him off-balance in an altogether different way.

  “Noah needed a hug, Luce. That’s all.” Ceejay ran a shaky hand through her curls and put more distance between them. “Run along and play. Mrs. Offermeyer is going to be here any minute now.”

  All three children stared wide-eyed for a few seconds before running off to huddle under one of the walnut trees. They placed the mason jars in the center of their circle and bent their heads to whisper over the captive flicker of firefly light. “News of that kiss will be all over Perfect by lunchtime tomorrow.” She scowled and crossed her arms in front of her.

  The movement drew his attention to her breasts. In the dim glow of the back-door light he could just make out the outlines of her hardened nipples against the thin blue cotton of her tank top. He ached to touch her and couldn’t tear his eyes away.

  “Brandon will tell his mom. She’ll tell Denny, and he’ll tell anyone who happens into the butcher shop.”

  He’d just bared his soul and begged for her forgiveness. Now she wanted him to apologize for kissing her? For a moment he’d been in heaven. There wasn’t anything sorry about it. “Ceejay—”

  “I need a death certificate to file a claim with the insurance company.”

  “Huh?” He ran his palm over the back of his skull.

  “A certified death certificate for Matt.” Her tone was all business now, like their tongues had never touched. “There wasn’t one in the envelope you gave me, and I need it to file the life insurance claim.”

  “Oh. Right. I’ll call Allison and have her send
one.” All sweetness and passion one minute, and shoving him away the next. He’d stepped into a field full of land mines and had no idea how to navigate his way through it to safe ground.

  She studied the ground and rubbed her hands up and down eyes were riveted on her9ta"> her arms as if she were cold, though the temperature was still in the eighties. “The Fourth of July is next week. I wanted to warn you. My extended family and half the town will be here for our annual pig roast. My ancestor is Perfect’s founder, and it’s a tradition for us to host the event.”

  What the hell was she talking about now? Focus. “Right.”

  She pointed across the river with her thumb. “The pyrotechnics set the fireworks off directly across the river from our place.”

  “Loud explosives and a crowd of unfamiliars. Got it. Thanks for the warning.”

  “Plus alcohol. Beer mostly.”

  “Great. Food, fireworks, and drunks.” Noah slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans to keep himself from dragging her back into his arms. “Will Sheriff Maurer be here on the Fourth?” He watched the corners of her mouth turn up. She bit her bottom lip to nip her smile in the bud.

  “He’ll be here, but he won’t be on duty.” Headlight beams swept over the lawn. “That’ll be Gail. Gotta go.”

  He watched her walk away. Had he imagined her response? No. She’d melted into him like chocolate on a s’more. Now her defenses were firmly back in place. No matter how often his stepmother had pushed his father away, what she’d really wanted was proof that he’d stick around.

  “Damn.” He hoped the same was true for Ceejay, because he didn’t think he’d survive the alternative.

  Erotic images of Ceejay naked and in his arms woke him. He forced his breathing to slow down and kicked the tangled covers off his overheated body. Lord, what he’d give to feel her beneath him, on top of him. Hell. He’d settle for anywhere in his proximity so long as she was naked. Noah blew out a frustrated breath. The physical discomfort he could deal with, but the ache of wanting her tied him into knots beyond his capacity to untangle.