The Place I Belong

by Inez Kelley

  “Mom, don’t.”

  Dragging himself to his knees, he used the edge of the bed to lever his body off the floor. His entire lower body throbbed in agony but his mind was numb. He forced his feet to walk to the closet. A heavy canvas duffle sat on the floor. He’d used it to carry the snakes to and from church before they’d gotten the locked wooden transportation boxes. Grabbing a handful of white shirts, he jammed them in the bag before dragging yet another one on, one he refused to button past the middle of his chest. Leaving his throat bare felt wicked and wild and—he forced the word into his mind—damned good.

  Pants were next to go in the bag. Then he stumbled to the dresser for socks and underwear. His extra shoes went on top.

  “Where will you go?”

  The quiet defeat in his mother’s voice grated against his newborn independence. “Anywhere that isn’t here. I’ll sleep in the car until I find a place, then get a job somewhere.”

  Jonah frantically skimmed his room. What else should he take? The Bible? No. He’d had more than enough of God in his life for now. He’d worked all summer to buy his rusted heap of a car but it worked well enough to take him away from here. There was thirty-seven dollars in his wallet and a handful of change in his pocket. Using a shopping bag from the dresser top, he packed a few books and a couple pictures off his nightstand. For no reason, he added his alarm clock. Anger welled again. His sad life didn’t even fill two bags.

  Tears had dried on his mom’s cheeks. The left side of her face was swelling and her hair had come loose from its knot. She sat on his bed, her trembling hands clasped in her lap, and stared at her knees. It was far too easy to walk away from this house. It was far too hard to walk away from her. “Mom, come with me.”

  Her head jerked up, her eyes wide with fear. “I can’t do that, Jonah. He’s my husband.”

  “Please. I’ll find work. I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to live like this. I can’t anymore.” His stomach was watery, with pain, with fear, with sadness. But his mind was firm. “Mom, please. I’m begging you. Come with me. We’ll take Noah and escape.”

  She stood and cradled his face in her palms. She was so much shorter than him, he had to look down to keep eye contact.

  “My Jonah, my dove. Fly. Go find your own path. My place is beside him.”

  A new ache sprang, one far under his ribs that had nothing to do with the whipping. It was his heart breaking for the very first time. He pressed her hand to his face harder, then kissed her forehead and strode out of the room.

  Noah sat cross-legged on his bed, his eyes wide in confusion and fear. Leaving him wasn’t easy either but Jonah had no choice. He had no idea where he’d sleep tonight, let alone how he was going to feed and clothe himself. He couldn’t subject a twelve-year-old kid to that kind of life.

  “Be good, little brother.”

  His back hurt too much to swing the duffel strap onto his shoulder so he carried it in his hand down the stairs. A plain white envelope sat on top of the newel post, several bills peeking out. Reuben stood beside the open front door.

  “No man will ever say I threw you out without recompense. That’s your share of my estate, what I have on hand right now. Take it and go. Don’t ever come back. Don’t write or call or contact any of us ever again. You’re no longer my son.”

  The envelope crinkled in his hand as he walked out, never to return.

  Chapter Eleven

  Hickory smoke tends to add a distinct taste to cooked foods.

  The nuts of a hickory tree are edible although some varieties are bitter, hence the common name Bitternut. Hickory is often called “pecan” in southern states.

  Jonah blinked as his youth faded away and he faced the paddle on the pegboard. The now grown Noah stood behind him in silence. Guilt crashed down, bowing his back as much as that last beating had. He’d left Noah in that house. Not one time had he tried to check on him. He’d simply walked away and never looked back. Shame burned and he hung his head.

  “Did you get whipped much after I left?”

  A brittle smile appeared. “Not a single time. Mom swore that if he ever laid a hand on me again, she’d leave him. Said he cost her one son, he wouldn’t take another from her.”

  Jonah’s mouth parted in shock. “And he didn’t...?”

  “Hit her? No. I think he knew he’d crossed a line and was close to losing everything. She meant every word she said. He never touched the paddle again.”

  “Thank God.” He rubbed a hard hand over his face. “Still, I should’ve at least tried to call you.”

  Noah shrugged. “You did what you had to do, I understand that.”

  “Why don’t you hate me?”

  “Look, don’t get mad, okay? Just hear me out. You and Dad, you’re so different but, in a lot of ways, you are so much alike. You’re both so darned stubborn it’s like your head’s made of wood. Neither one of you can give an inch. For me, it wasn’t so bad. I’m not a fighter. But you had to leave. I knew that even as a kid. I never blamed you, Jonah, and I never hated you.”

  Some of the guilt lifted but he knew he’d never be completely free of it. Escape had given him his freedom but it had cost him so much. He’d never again seen his mother’s smile. He almost lost his only brother. His voice was gruff. “You’re a better man than me.”

  Noah shot a teasing glance at him. “If it makes you feel better, maybe I hated you a little when I had to start feeding the snakes.”

  Jonah shuddered. “God, I hate those damned things.”

  “Me, too. Got bit once.”

  Jonah frowned. “Bad?”

  “Wasn’t fun.” He turned his arm over, pointing to a divot in his forearm.

  The muscle puckered around the chunk of discolored flesh. He hadn’t gotten medical attention because their father’s religion forbade it. The thought of Noah sweating and squirming in pain cramped Jonah’s stomach. He could have died and Jonah would never have known. A sick queasiness twisted his belly. “Jesus.”

  “That’s when I decided his version of religion wasn’t right for me. According to Dad, I’m as big of a backslider as you are...almost.”

  Backsliders were those who had fallen away from the true way of God. From what he’d seen, his brother was a loving and devout Christian, just not one stupid enough to handle poisonous snakes.

  “Welcome to the dark side, bro. We have cookies.”

  Noah laughed. “There’re cookies in the house. But here.” He lifted the paddle from its hook and held it out. “I don’t need this. You should take it.”

  Jonah simply stared, unable to touch the damned thing. His heart thundered in his chest and echoed in his temple.

  “It’s just wood.” Noah looked straight into Jonah’s face. “The hand behind it has the power. Dad will have to face his own judgment but he doesn’t have any more control of me or you...or Mom. He can’t keep us apart unless we let him, and I’m not going to do that.”

  Jonah stared at the aged polished wood, the top edge thick with dust, for a long minute before he could lift his arm and take the paddle. It felt foreign in his grip, not smooth like an axe handle but rectangle, the corners digging into his palm. His throat clamped shut and wouldn’t let go until his chest burned for air. Tears filled his eyes and he sucked back hard, swallowing salt, regret and pain.

  “I’m sorry, Noah. I’ve missed having a brother. I shouldn’t have let this—” he hefted the paddle, “—and a frustrated old man separate us.”

  Noah rested a hand on his shoulder. “If you need the words, I’ll give them to you. Apology accepted. I don’t want today to be the end, Jonah. I want you to be part of my family. I want my kids to have an uncle and my wife to have a brother-in-law. I want my big brother back.”

  Jonah didn’t give a shit if it was unmanly or whatever, he hugged his
brother hard, letting the wetness leak from his pinched eyes. Noah clung just as fiercely.

  “Can you escape for a little while?”

  Noah stepped back and cocked his head. “And go where?”

  “The cemetery. I need to apologize to someone else.”

  * * *

  Zury watched until they disappeared into the outbuilding, then turned away from the window. An ache took root in her stomach, festering into true pain. Upstairs, Maya and Courtney giggled and water splashed. The sweet family sounds just accentuated her hurt.

  Not serious. Just having fun. It’ll destroy you.

  It was serious to her.

  She’d known it but hearing the words from his own mouth drove a knife straight into her heart. Her chest locked tight, stopping any air from getting in, and she squatted by the fridge, curling into a ball. Spots flashed behind her eyelids and her nose ran from sucked-back tears. A single sob broke free.

  I found him, Mami. He hurts and I want to bleed for him. He laughs and my heart sings. He cries and my eyes weep. ¡Ay Dios mío! I want him more than my next breath but he doesn’t believe in love. He can’t love me back.

  Ten minutes of holding wet paper towels to her face cooled the burn and erased any sign of her near breakdown, but nothing could soothe her raw soul. With a round of hugs and cheek kisses, with promises of staying in contact and future phone calls, they said their goodbyes and headed back to the hotel. Zury kept her face trained on the darkened scenery. Jonah was quiet, lost in his own thoughts. Not even the radio broke the stillness.

  In the hotel, Jonah showered while Zury tucked her things into her bag. Her options were slim. She couldn’t live a half life, waiting for a miracle and hoping one day Jonah could love her. She couldn’t live through him ending it, deciding their fun was over and walking away with a smile. But she couldn’t leave him just yet. Not yet. She wanted more.

  She knew it was selfish, a childish ploy to wring a few more nights of bliss from him, to hold him close and whisper words he didn’t understand that proclaimed her love. But that was a flaw she could live with.

  The water shut off and steam billowed from the room as he exited, white towel loosely tucked around his hips. Dios, he was gorgeous. The shower had left his hair darker than ebony, nearly blue-black in the muted hotel room light. Water beaded on his shoulders and chest, trickling down his legs. Just below the ridge of his hipbone, above the towel, his tattoo stood out. A curving line of swirly script read Montani Semper Liberi, the state motto.

  Her fingers grazed the tattoo. “Mountaineers are always free?”

  “Yeah. Reminds me I don’t have to answer to anyone.”

  The warm expanse of skin smoothed beneath her hand as she traced around his side and up his back. She pressed her lips to the barely visible S under his shoulder blade. “And this?”

  “My father. I disobeyed. That was his punishment.”

  On his other shoulder, the darkened line of a forming bruise bloomed. It’d be ugly by tomorrow but would fade fast. She rested her hands on his hips and dropped her brow to that temporary wound. His skin smelled of soap and the unique summer blend that was simply him. He gripped her wrist, dragging her palm up his stomach to the damp sparse hair on his chest. The boom of his heart pounded against her hand, so strong, so steady. She counted the beats one by one.

  He stroked down her arm as his weight shifted on his feet. Before he could turn and take her in his arms, she acted, grabbing control. Her hands dropped to the towel and untucked the edge, letting it pool on the floor. Her lower stomach pressed against his ass as her mouth fused to his back. That terrible letter S received a long, soothing lick. The I was dotted with tiny kisses and she skimmed the tip of her nose along the almost-not-there N.

  Sin. Jonah carried sin in his skin and she gulped it, sucked it down greedily and still wanted more. With a guiding hand on his side, she turned him and sank to her knees. He wasn’t hard but just a few strokes of her hands corrected that. His shaft plumped and stiffened, the broad head swelling. Zury licked across his tattoo, tracing the words with her tongue. He hissed as she sank lower.

  Along the side of his cock, she traced a blue vein from base to crest. His breath grew ragged as she nipped and nuzzled, sucking lightly at the corona. His feet slid apart, widening his stance as she took him into her mouth, swirling her tongue across him. The heavy weight of his balls filled her hand and she massaged them, drawing them closer to his body as she bobbed her head, taking more of him. Calloused fingers gripped her short hair, cradling her head as she sucked him.

  “Good hell, darlin’. Your mouth is sweet.”

  She showed him as much mercy as he’d given her the night before, namely none. The firm column thickened as she took him deep, then released him slow. One hand circled and stroked what her mouth couldn’t hold. She loved the feel of him gliding across her tongue, so heavy and rigid. Her cheeks hollowed as she sucked and her nails dug into his hip but he only moaned and rocked, feeding her more of his length.

  Huge hands gripped under her arms and lifted her, his mouth crashing onto hers. He pulled her close with one arm, the other flailing wildly behind her for his pack, for the toiletry kit and the protection it held inside. The fumbling of a zipper was nearly lost under the rampant banging of her heart. His mouth locked with hers, tongues dueling, Jonah stepped toward the bed.

  Zury didn’t feel like being passive. Planting her hands flat on his chest, she shoved, knocking him to the mattress.

  He hit with a bounce, his eyes wide and stunned. She wore only her nightshirt and tore it off, tossing it to the floor. She climbed onto the bed and onto him. Straddling his thighs, she leaned over him and ran her hands up and down his arms. She plucked the condom from his fingers while stealing kisses. He willingly gave up the packet, freeing his hands to cup her breasts.

  “I like you like this, domineering, commanding.” A sharp bite scored the curve of her neck. “Sexy.”

  “Be quiet. Let me have this.”

  “Take anything you want. I’m yours.”

  A sob cracked in her chest. He wasn’t hers. But his body was her playground and she used it, exploring with lips and tongue and fingers along his inner thighs, over his satiny sac, the defined line along his lower abdominals. Harsh gulps of air undulated his stomach as she took one long deep suck of him, reveling in the graze against the back of her throat. His hips rocked up, pushing deeper into her mouth.

  Zury pulled away, the seal of her lips popping. “Impatient?”

  “Hell, yeah. I want to be inside you.”

  Her inner muscles clenched around nothing at his words, hungry for the piercing burn of him buried inside her. But she wasn’t ready just yet to give in to him. She let her mouth play over his skin, gliding it across his inner thighs and dipping low to swirl her tongue over his heavy balls. She sucked one globe into her mouth and he groaned.

  “Say my name,” she whispered against his thigh.

  “Zury. Please.”

  The delicate junction of his leg and hip entranced her. A line of tiny bites left a glistening trail on his skin. Reaching up, she tweaked his nipples, adding a hint of pain to the pleasure of her mouth. Jonah gasped then growled as she wrapped both hands around his shaft.

  “Again.”

  “Zury,” he moaned as she stroked. Twisting both palms in opposite directions, she flexed each of her fingers, layering more sensation atop him.

  “Again.”

  She sucked the head of his cock into her mouth and he cried out, “Zury!”

  Hunger gripped her as she sucked and stroked, slicking his shaft with saliva and the salty liquid seeping from him. His breath came fast, heaving his chest and rippling his stomach. This time she didn’t have to ask, and her name fell in a chant from his lips. “Zury...Zury...Zury.”

  Skimming up his stomach, sh
e delved her tongue into his navel, lapping at him. She kept one hand curled around his throbbing cock as she slid higher. She licked his chest, nuzzled his sternum, sucked his nipples, bit his neck. Every kiss accompanied the rhythm of her pumping hand.

  “Tell me. What do you want?”

  “You. Sweet Christ, you. Please.”

  “Since you begged so sweetly...” Her fingers trembled with need as she rolled the latex down his shaft, taking time to feel the pulse in him, the way he filled her palm, the incredible heat pouring off him. She scooted up to his hips and gripped him, positioning the wide head at her apex. Her gaze snagged his and they hung, suspended in one perfect moment of anticipation. She basked in a woman’s power to enthrall. “Right now, who do you belong to?”

  His wet hair was mussed, framing his eyes with jagged edges. A wild, feral hunger carved his face into sharp lines and his fingertips bit deliciously into her hips. “You. I belong to you.”

  She took no mercy, sinking downward in one swift lunge. His mouth fell open, his fingertips digging hard into her skin as his belly clenched.

  Rising and falling, she squeezed every inch of him, rocking her hips forward to tweak her clit between them. Angling his shoulders off the mattress, he latched on to one bouncing breast, drawing the nipple between his lips and pinching the tip between his teeth. A whimper worked from her lips and she moved faster. Jonah kneaded her legs and thrust up.

  “Sweet holy fuck, yes.”

  She rode. Balancing her hands on his chest, she took him over and over, until her vision narrowed, capturing him in a tiny circle. Climax gripped her and her thighs clamped down, holding him immobile as her muscles quaked around him. His name and more peeled from her lips and bounced off the walls, echoing as she crested.

  “Te amo, mi vida. Te amo, mi corazón. Te amo, Jonah.”

  Her thighs turned soft and her shoulders sagged in completion. He still thrummed inside her and unfulfilled need dilated his eyes. With a growl, he grabbed her waist and spun her face down to the bed. The sheet beneath her cheek was warm from his body but it was nothing compared to the furnace of his skin covering her.