The Solace of Water

by Elizabeth Byler Younts

  I shrugged. “I’m feeling a lot better.”

  “Good.” He nodded.

  “Mama said you’re moving away.”

  “Kentucky. A new Mennonite community is starting there.” His blue eyes brightened.

  I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t want him to move away, but I could see that he wanted to go. Maybe, like my family, they needed a fresh start. I was glad it wasn’t because he was running away.

  “What happened?” I asked him. I knew he knew what I meant.

  He shifted how he was sitting. “After I said good-bye to you, we drank and then we argued and got in a wreck.”

  “’Bout what?”

  He looked over at me. “You.”

  “Ruined your plans, I guess.”

  He shook his head. “No, it saved me. You saved me.”

  I smiled and just watched the creek. Looking at him made me wonder if I wouldn’t just melt into a puddle of water in a second.

  “Whatever happened to—” I stopped.

  “Arnold?” He shrugged. “He left town. Don’t know where he went.”

  He quickly talked again.

  “You look really pretty today.”

  “You mean it?”

  “I’ve always meant everything I’ve said to you.” He pushed his shoulder against mine. I giggled.

  The warmth from my face traveled through my body and settled in my stomach. It swirled a little and I didn’t remember ever feeling quite like that before. I finally knew I don’t got to question everything he said no more. I trusted him and I figured that was even better than love. But with that feeling came sadness. He was leaving. Probably would never see him again. I wondered what girl he would kiss next. I stared down at my hands that were twisted together.

  Then my dark hand was in his light hand and it looked so nice like that. Our fingers all braided up together. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it.

  “Do you think we’ll ever see each other again?”

  His gaze went all over my face. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He let go of my hand and brushed the back of his finger against my jawline. He took off his hat and put it on my head.

  And then he kissed me.

  DELILAH

  From a distance I could see that little spot of green grass I was sure Emma would be at. She was picking weeds and tossing them to the side. She put a handful of some bright-yellow black-eyed Susans in the center and brushed dust and dirt from the large rock marker. I watched this because it reminded me of myself not so many months ago. It was different but it was the same.

  “We thought we’d find you here,” I said with a smile. She smiled back and I saw that old mixture of joy and sadness in her eyes.

  “Hi, Ms. Emma.” Sparrow gave her a warm, breezy kind of smile. She bent down and hugged Emma and my friend’s hold on my daughter was tight.

  “In a few minutes I get to go for ice cream with my friends,” Sparrow said when she pulled away but stayed kneeling next to her. “And I get to start school on Monday. Right, Mama?” She turned toward me.

  “Sure you can.”

  Sparrow turned back around to face Emma. “I’m sad you’re moving though.” She stuck her bottom lip out like a young child, and it reminded me that she’d grown young in the last month and was almost all back to that silly, wild girl I’d raised on buttermilk and whippings.

  Emma nodded but didn’t speak—like she couldn’t trust her voice. Sparrow gave her another hug, like she knew Emma needed it.

  “I don’t want you to go,” she said into Emma’s shoulder. She pulled away and two big tears streamed down her face. Emma’s trailed too.

  “I know.” Emma cupped my girl’s cheek in her palm. It was just about all the beauty I could handle for the moment and I turned away to blink the tears gone.

  “I love you, Ms. Emma. Mama said I could write to you.”

  Emma smiled at me. “Ich liebe dich,” she said and Sparrow giggled.

  I knew what she’d said—they were the only Amish words I’d learned. Sparrow had taught me.

  “Now run off and be back before dinner,” I said and Emma and I both watched Sparrow run off.

  “You’re not afraid anymore?” Emma asked. “That she’ll hurt herself or—?”

  I shook my head and my sigh filled the woods. “No. I can’t explain it. It was like when all that happened at the pond, everything changed. Like something lifted out of me and I got to see who she was again.”

  I’d told her all of this before but I repeated it often—like it was a testimony of what a miracle was done.

  “I thought she was dead.” Emma said this every time I saw her too.

  I raised my eyebrow and looked at Emma with that expression that said me too. I’d admitted to Emma another time that if my girl had died, it would’ve been my fault.

  “We ain’t over it all,” I said. “I ain’t over my grief or that it just seems like it shouldn’t have happened. But Sparrow and I—we’re working through it.”

  I paused for a moment and considered what to say. I had so many words like water flowing around in my head. “But I can’t lose a second child because I’m so sad over losing the first.”

  We both looked down at Emma’s little oval plot. There wouldn’t be a time now that I’d walk these woods—if the next owners allowed it—that I wouldn’t notice this little one sleeping below the ground. “You know you can’t run away from all this. Wherever you go, you pack it with you.”

  Emma snorted. “Is that your way of keeping me from moving?”

  I shook my head. “No.” I sat on the ground next to her and patted her hand. “I think y’all need a fresh start. But you got to know that all the good and the bad go with you. You still going to remember this little tiny soul you lost but also all the good you gained here. You taking with you everything. You ain’t losing nothing.”

  “I’m losing you”—Emma snuffled her tears—“and Sparrow.”

  I shook my head again. “Don’t you say that.” I smiled to keep my mouth from shaking in my own tears. “And just think. There’s an Emma waiting for you somewhere in Kentucky. She gonna find you out and take care of you like you done took care of me and my girl. And I’ll write to you. I promise.”

  She was quiet for a moment and I knew it was time.

  “I’m sorry, you know,” I said.

  “For what?”

  “For what I said to you and John—that day with the dress and—”

  Emma shook her head and interrupted me. “You don’t need to say sorry. It was time he knew.”

  “But it wasn’t my place.”

  She released a little chuckle that got sadness mixed through it. “I don’t know. I think friends are supposed to keep each other honest.”

  We both got up from the ground and walked toward Emma’s house, mostly in that nice, quiet way that friends could do with each other. When we got to the pond we both looked over it. The soft, sandy shore was at our feet. The pond seemed new again. Like I never seen it before.

  “Let me teach you to swim?” I giggled. I started taking off my shoes.

  “What?” Emma laughed. “Like this?” She gestured to our dresses. “Right now?”

  “Right now’s all we got,” I said and I saw something spark in her eyes. She took off her shoes and stockings and covering and her gaze skimmed over the pond once more.

  I reached out my hand to her and she took it. Together we stepped into the water.

  The water was the same color as my hand and the same color as Emma’s hand—but the difference in color didn’t change what it was. It was still water. And in that, I found solace.

  EMMA

  Water pulls at us

  Believe

  Drawing us together

  Trust

  Wraps coolness around

  Us

  Plunge into the deep

  Breathe

  We are reborn

  Together

  Solace
/>   BY EMMA MULLET

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  1. When Deedee and her family arrive in Sinking Creek, Pennsylvania, they encounter a new type of racial segregation. How is what they discover different from what they knew in Montgomery?

  2. Emma’s entire life is clouded over by shameful secrets. What is the effect of burying a secret for many years?

  3. Deedee and Emma have experienced unique losses, yet their pain binds them together. How can grief or painful experiences help us better connect with others?

  4. Describe Sparrow and Emma’s relationship. Why do they take to one another, and how does Deedee understand their friendship?

  5. Why do you believe Emma is afraid to have another child? Why does she take the herbs?

  6. Deedee’s grief over Carver manifests itself in various ways. Can you relate to any of them? How have you experienced grief, and if anything, what has helped you cope with it?

  7. Both Deedee and Emma feel that they are outsiders in the communities to which they should belong. How does that play out in the story? Have you ever felt like an outlier?

  8. Though the novel is set in the past, does it echo within the present? Have times changed? How do we see racial and religious differences playing out in our modern world?

  9. Why do you think Deedee helps Emma after her bout with drunkenness? What role does vulnerability and transparency play in their relationship?

  10. What does Sparrow’s young perspective add to the story? How is her experience with loss unique from her mother’s?

  11. Can you imagine a time or place in which Sparrow and Johnny could be together?

  12. How do the characters in this novel perceive God? For them, what role does God play amid their anguish and loss?

  13. Both Emma and Deedee have strained relationships with their husbands. How does grief burden a relationship, and how do you see the women’s marriages evolving throughout the book?

  14. Do you believe the novel has a hopeful ending? Why or why not? And if so, what is the source of that hope?

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  —To my mighty heavenly Father. Without You I would have no words to write. Receive my thanksgiving as I cling to Your Word that tells me that if You have set me on a task, You will see me through.

  —To my one true love, my dream husband, Davis. You deserve numerous accolades and awards for dealing with this author-wife. What a wild ride we have been on lately. Your love and devotion mean everything to me. I love you for all of time.

  —To my dear daughters, Felicity and Mercy. I love you both more than SkinnyMe chocolates and “I Ain’t Doin’ It” videos—true story. You are the most supportive children an author could ask for. You are my dream daughters.

  —To Natasha Kern, literary agent extraordinaire! What a journey. Your industry wisdom is unmatched, but truly our long talks about all the other parts of our lives are so special to me. So much gratitude and love to you.

  —To my publishing team at HarperCollins Christian Publishing. Daisy Hutton (I will never forget our first phone conversation), Jocelyn Bailey, Becky Monds, Amanda Bostic, Allison Carter, Paul Fisher, and the amazing sales team. I’m so honored to work with each of you. Your enthusiasm, support, and expertise are unmatched, and I am extremely grateful.

  —A huge shout-out to Kristen Ingebretson for designing the breathtaking cover. You are pure magic!

  —To Julee Schwarzburg for editing and editing and editing—and for befriending me, Delilah, Emma, and Sparrow. Their story is better because of you. I couldn’t have done this without you—but I did just add a boatload of words in these acknowledgments. Forgive me? ☺

  —To my amazing family. Big thanks to my mom and my sister, Emmalene (one of the inspirations for my name choice for Emma), for hosting my family while I was on deadlines. You have no idea how much I appreciate the understanding and for feeding my girls while I worked. An extra thanks to you, Mom, for answering my random Amish questions. And Dad, Brandalyn, Joseph, and Johannes for your cheers and prayers and for the laughter that reminds me to chill out. And a wink-wink to Emma Mullet, my great-aunt, for inspiring my name choice as well. I love you all!

  —To Pam and Alicia, to whom this book is dedicated. Without your constant friendship, prayers, and unwavering faith in God and in His work in our friendship, I could not remain sane. This story is about friendship and how God makes matches. As far as whose name came first in the dedication . . . I drew names because you are equally important in my life. I thank God for you both and for unlimited data plans. I dearly love you both!

  —To Kelly Long . . . for everything. You gave me a gift once that said our souls are old friends. Yes, they are. You’re so important to me, and I love you.

  —To Kim Cash Tate, Markus and Amber Hayes, and Erma Pointdexter for being willing to answer questions and read pages. Thank you for hearing my heart and looking past my awkwardness and nerves. I can say without reservation that your input and honesty have made this book what it is. You each have blessed me in the hugest of ways, and I pray the Lord’s blessing over your lives. I will always hold your openness and kindness close to my heart.

  —To friends and allies in life. Carla Laureano, who gives me courage. Carolyn Baddorf, because Orvieto and all our talks. Angela Crisp, for taking the girls for a whole day when I was on deadline. Amanda Dykes and Joanne Bischof, because pizza, new friendships, and encouragement. Jennifer Naylor, who gives amazing Christmas hugs. And so many more . . .

  —To my amazing Influencer team (you know who you are). To have each of you in my corner blesses me more than I can express. I truly couldn’t do this without you. I am humbled and grateful. I cannot say thank you enough.

  —To you, the reader! I thank you because a book isn’t finished until you’ve read it. Thank you for being on this journey with me. May we go on many more together.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Author Photo by VPPhotography

  Elizabeth Byler Younts gained a worldwide audience through her first book, Seasons: A Real Story of an Amish Girl, and is a RITA nominated writer. Elizabeth lives in Central Pennsylvania with her husband, two daughters, and a cockapoo named Fable.

  Visit her online at ElizabethBylerYounts.com

  Twitter: @ElizabethYounts

  Facebook: AuthorElizabethBylerYounts

  Instagram: @ElizabethBylerYounts