The Unforgiven Sin

by R. Twine

  ‘I’d like to give a farewell dinner in a restaurant before I leave. Only the nearest and dearest are invited. By the way, guess who called me a couple of days ago?’

  ‘Who…?’ Nat asked.

  ‘It was Veronica, the pediatric psychologist who once visited me in the hospital after the car crash. To be honest I was really surprised she called because we lost contact with each other a long time ago. She said she was glad I’ve become famous, while I was glad to hear her voice again,’ I said, sharing the news.

  ‘She called you up because all the magazines have been doing lately is writing about you. When you become wealthy or famous, a lot of people tend to crop up, the ones you haven’t seen for years.’

  ‘She asked me to recommend her fifteen-year-old daughter to my agent… Some of my classmates suddenly materialized, too – even those I had studied with in Paris…’

  ‘I told you so! Everybody starts reaching you on the phone, asking to do them some favor; everybody is trying to get something. You can’t do anything about it; it’s human nature. I’m quite sure nobody would remember you if you weren’t famous, Miriam. You’ll have to get used to it, girlfriend. And if the film is successful, there will be still more of them to come,’ said Natalie. ‘As a star, you’ll have to hire bodyguards; your life may turn into a real hell. All these paparazzi and fans… global celebrities live very restless lives…’

  “I’m quite fed up with invisible eyes and dark shadows that incessantly follow me wherever I go,” I thought.

  With three days remaining before my departure all my things were packed, and all the formalities settled. We were sitting in the restaurant when my mobile telephone rang.

  ‘How do you do, Miriam?’ said a pleasant male voice. ‘This is Samuel Gore; I’m your future partner in the film.’

  ‘Glad to get to know you,’ I said in reply, trying to hide my confusion. ‘I’m glad you called me…’

  ‘Can we call each other by our first names? Miriam, I’m looking forward to your coming, to getting to know you better. Jack showed me your clips – you’re simply gorgeous! We are supposed to be very much in love, Miriam…’ Samuel made a meaningful pause but, having got no reaction from me to such a provocative phrase, he went on jokingly, ‘I mean, according to the film.’

  ‘Thank you for calling me, Samuel,’ I forced myself to speak, feeling a chill on my spine.

  He didn’t insist on continuing our conversation, and said goodbye. I felt confused and alarmed: Samuel Gore, a renowned American actor, was famous not only for his film, but also for his love affairs. Half of Hollywood went through his bed; he made women swoon. Something told me I was in for a lot of surprises from him.

  My flight landed in New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport. It was in New York where the first part of the film was to be produced. My heart was racing – to the violent rhythm of my life.

  ‘Welcome to the United States, Miriam! How was your flight?’ asked Jessie, a thirty-year-old woman I saw for the first time in my life, but with whom I had often spoken on the phone before my arrival. She was my personal representative in charge of practical arrangements.

  ‘Thank you, Jessie,’ I said good-naturedly. ‘Everything went well.’

  ‘Let me help you, Miriam,’ she offered, taking my wheeled suitcase. I was left with a small traveling bag and the sheathed painting slung over my shoulder.

  ‘You don’t have very much luggage, Miriam. Some actors often need a truck to squeeze everything in,’ she laughed. ‘Do you always travel so light?’

  ‘I can buy everything I may need here. A pile of suitcases just scares me.’ I said and smiled back at this pleasant American woman.

  We left the airport building and got into a big black SUV that had just driven up.

  ‘Miriam, I’m glad to have met you, and hope we’ll become friends,’ said Jessie, starting the conversation. ‘Is it all right if we call each other by our first names? It’ll be simpler this way. I have never been to the country of the great Napoleon Bonaparte! I’m hoping to visit Paris – just once – the city famous for its tourist attractions and magnificent monuments of the glorious past… to walk around the Champs-Elysees… I always took a particular interest in France and its great history: the Louvre alone is amazing!’ Jessie was clearly trying to make herself seem agreeable.

  ‘I live between Paris and Cannes. The Cote d’Azur is a lot different from Paris – it has a mild Mediterranean climate; there are palm-trees and the sea… While Paris is, first of all, history and culture, as you rightly put it. I’m sure you would love France, Jessie,’ I said, playing up to her.

  Jessie paused for a minute, and then went on,

  ‘As you already know, Miriam, we’re going to spend two months in New York, and then our filming crew will set off for Los Angeles.’

  ‘The City of Angels,’ I echoed. ‘I’ve been to New York once, but never flew as far as Los Angeles.’

  ‘I see,’ said Jessie, smiling agreeably.

  ‘Jessie, you’d better tell me – what should I be ready for?’

  ‘As a matter of fact, I never interfere with actors’ personal lives, but I want to warn you right away: in time there will be many eager to explore your lingerie. The promotional campaign is already underway, and journalists are interested in the actors who get leading roles. This is quite normal. You’re effectively unknown in America, for us you’re just a model, a façade of a prestigious French brand, “a cover girl”. I don’t think there’ll be lots of fuss around you or anything like that. Samuel is of much greater interest for the public – he’s in for a hard time; with the paparazzi after him already… Americans are whimsical and overfed. Now you’re famous and lionized by all, but tomorrow everything may change drastically. Showbiz is a very complicated thing. Personally, I still can’t wrap my mind around why it was precisely you they chose for the role… There were hopefuls who had a striking resemblance to the real Liz – just like twin sisters. One of them was almost approved, but then, at the very last moment, you appeared…’

  ‘Well, it is strange, really… I don’t even know how to explain it…,’ I said, bewildered by Jessie’s revelation. ‘Partially, you’re right: I’m not quite like Liz. We do have something in common, but, maybe, this isn’t enough to remind film-goers of the great actress. I don’t understand, either, why they decided in my favor.’

  ‘The ‘something in common’ between you and Liz is not the similarity in appearance, but rather the similarity in inner qualities. You are – just like Liz was – a magnet that attracts everybody’s attention. Your glance is capable of putting a kind of spell upon the world around you. Your aura is magnetic. That’s why I think they chose you. Miriam, you are not like Liz; you are not like anybody else. You’re one of a kind. And this uniqueness of yours must have made a great impact on Jack, and Liz was the same way.’

  I didn’t know what to say. I just sat and listened.

  ‘From this day on you’ll have a heavy burden weighing upon your shoulders,’ Jessie went on. ‘Everyone around you will be looking for some trait or other to remind them of the late beautiful Liz. You are going to be picked to pieces! They are already getting at me with their questions, and soon your turn will come to answer them. This is why I prefer being up front with you, Miriam.’

  ‘Thank you for your help, Jessie. You, like all the rest, would definitely like this role to be played by a fellow American, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘My desire wouldn’t change anything. Jack knows best. But now you simply must personalize the image in such a way that everybody would feel that you are Liz,’ said Jessie in a business-like manner. ‘And you have to be cautious. Don’t give hasty and ill-considered answers to journalists; don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. You’d better wrap up your persona in a veil of mystery and evasiveness. And then the public is sure to go wild!’

  Our SUV was already moving through the city – that is, dragging slowly through endless traffic jams.

 
‘My mom once went to New York to see an exhibit,’ I said, changing the subject abruptly. ‘Dad and I went with her. We had a nice time together going around the city, days and nights. New York is a metropolis that never sleeps,’ I said thoughtfully.

  ‘People themselves created this violent rhythm, and now they just have to be as busy as bees. Americans are known for being industrious; there are wide opportunities in this country for those who can turn ideas into reality,’ said Jessie enthusiastically, but didn’t let herself be diverted so easily, and switched again to the benevolent and business-like tone of a confidante with lots of good advice. ‘Miriam, talking with the press is an important stage of spinning the movie. Sales at the box office may depend upon how you behave. Therefore it is crucial that the reporters fall for you.’

  ‘But it’s impossible in the movie biz to predict the success of a film, isn’t it? I’ve always been of the opinion that a good movie stems from a good script, good acting and good filming, and not from sucking up to the mass media,’ I said, interrupting Jessica.

  I didn’t want to start our relationship with a quarrel so I was careful with words.

  ‘I have no illusions with regard to myself, Jessie. I don’t consider myself either a star, a celebrity or an actress. I have no experience at all in big cinema and I’ll have to work hard to make my Liz look realistic on the screen. I was approved for the role, now I have to live up to their expectations. And the press…the press is the last thing that interests me. There’s nothing accidental in our lives, Jessie. Everything was predestined very long ago…’

  Jessie was listening to me attentively, and nodded with an air of understanding – the way psychiatrists do when they face difficulties fathoming what’s going on in a patient’s soul.

  ‘You’re still a kid in the movie biz, Miriam, and you have no way of knowing how it works. If the film is a box office success, and if it gets favorable media coverage, it’ll be your success, too. Your career will skyrocket. Well, in time, you’ll see everything for yourself. You look smart to me. And I have to admit, you also look trustworthy to me. Everybody says you’re a serious partner. I hope we will work well together. Feel free to turn to me with any problem,’ she said amicably.

  ‘All right, Jessie, thank you. I don’t like bothering people with little things. I’m in the habit of solving my problems on my own, but if I ever do need help, I will turn to you. That’s for sure,’ I assured her.

  ‘You know, Miriam, the film crew never stops talking about you,’ said Jessica, clearly trying to get me intrigued.

  ‘Everybody asks the same question: “Why was it her and not somebody else,” right?’ I said in a joking tone of voice.

  Jessie broke out laughing.

  ‘Yes that, too. You intrigue them, Miriam. Everybody can’t wait to see you on the set because you’re like a dark horse with so much pain in your eyes…’

  ‘Liz seems to emanate a kind of dark desperation… It can even be seen in her photographs. I’ve learned a lot about her during the past few months. She drew a lot of inexplicable things into her life like a magnet – just like I did,’ I held my breath for a couple of seconds and then said quietly, ‘She was shrouded by a veil of death, because a lot of those she felt attached to died …’

  ‘Our task is to make a movie about her tragic love, while the other…mystical side of this woman’s life will not be depicted. The dark facet of her fate – how she inexplicably attracted death to her life and the lives of her loved ones – mustn’t be part of our movie.’

  ‘That’s a great pity, Jessie. This very facet is the foundation for explaining her character, and depicting it on the screen. The halo of death that surrounded Liz and her love of men which always ended in tragedy were tightly intertwined as one. It is not only the femme fatale who attracted love that the movie-goers should see; they should also see the woman with the plume of death trailing behind her…’

  ‘Everything that can’t be explained will be left out. As for Liz’s controversial inner being – it is your task to show it, Miriam. You do have talent and I’m sure you’ll handle it with the difficult tasks facing you.’

  ‘Jessie, you clearly overestimate my merits. I’m afraid, you may be disappointed…’

  Our SUV pulled up near a small building with a green fence around it.

  ‘Here we are,’ said Jessica. ‘This hotel is small but comfortable. It’s rather quiet here; the noise of passing cars doesn’t come this far…’ We went through a small well-kept garden with a fountain situated in front of the hotel’s entrance, and found ourselves in a rather spacious hall.

  ‘Follow me,’ said a uniformed woman who met us in a brightly-lit hall. We ascended to the second floor where my room was. The woman opened the door and made an inviting gesture.

  ‘Your suite has two rooms: the living room overlooking the garden, and the bedroom which is on the right-hand side. There’s also a bathroom and a toilet facility just across the corridor.’

  ‘Very nice,’ I said looking around. ‘I like this cozy nest.’

  ‘I’m glad you’re satisfied, Miriam… We always try to provide as much comfort for our actors as possible. Only the people involved in the production of the movie are going to live here. There will be no outsiders. Tomorrow you will be able to get acquainted with the staff and the cinema town; all the props are ready for the start of filming.’

  ‘I can’t wait Jessie, thank you.’

  When I was left alone I unsheathed the painting, and hung it in place of the picture I took down from the wall of my bedroom… I stood for several minutes watching the angel with a bouquet in his hand. The mysterious creature seemed to be watching me, too… “A hot shower will do me good,” I thought. Within several minutes the jets of water washed away all my stress that had accumulated throughout the day…

  The film production was scheduled to start in a week. The set was situated not far from the hotel. All the actors involved in making the film were already there, and it was for the first time that I saw the people I was to work with every day. They were chatting mainly about the weather and making small talk; no one said a word about the film itself. The set was like a different world creating the atmosphere of the second half of the last century. “How everything changed within the span of several decades, really!” I thought.

  ‘Places, everyone!’ commanded Jessie. ‘Today’s an orientation day, while the leading actors are going to be involved in a screen test.’

  Jack Nilsson entered the hall followed by his assistants, consultants and the actors, who came a little bit late; Samuel Gore among them. Smiling, he took a seat by my side and, leaning closer to me, said quietly so that nobody but me could hear him,

  ‘Good morning, Miriam, I’m glad to meet you personally. I have to admit that in real life you look even more beautiful than in your pictures. I’m dying to see you with the 1970s dresses on…’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said politely.

  ‘My name’s Samuel Gore, I’m pleased to meet you,’ he said, taking my hand in his.

  I pulled my hand away and admonished him.

  ‘I’m pleased to meet you, too. But I’d be even more pleased if you behaved in a slightly more professional manner.’

  ‘Sorry, I’m a man of passion: if I take a liking to a woman I feel an unstoppable urge to touch her. And I can’t do anything about it,’ he said in a whisper.

  ‘We’ll have a lot of opportunities to have a nice chat; let’s listen to what Jack’s saying instead,’ I said, interrupting him and focusing totally upon the chief director.

  ‘You’re right, we’ll have a lot of time to talk our fill; there’s almost a year ahead of us. We may even become lovers,’ said a restless Samuel.

  ‘Good friends,’ I corrected him.

  ‘Call it whatever you like. I just want us to build a warm relationship because this is a big love we are going to play, isn’t it? Therefore I’m trying to get into role ahead of time,’ he whispered confidingly without paying the sl
ightest attention to what Jack was saying. ‘By the way, I’d like to tell you that I wouldn’t say no to being more than friends – not without your consent, naturally. The closer we become in real life, the more true to life our love on the screen will be…’

  ‘Really, Samuel…’ I begged him.

  ‘Sam. Call me Sam.’

  ‘All right, Sam. But I’m not interested in any intimacy outside the process of filming, and I want you very much to realize this.’

  His reaction was quick.

  ‘You already have a lover?’

  ‘No. Not yet.’

  ‘You scare me! Ah, you don’t like men, is that it?’ enquired Sam. ‘You can trust me, I can keep secrets…’

  ‘Everybody here seems to be capable of keeping somebody else’s secrets,’ I said, smilingly. ‘But I don’t have any. That is, I do have some, but they are entirely mine.’

  ‘I suspect you’ve already been told a lot of nasty things about me. I’ll tell you what: people tend to exaggerate. I admire women and most of the time they go crazy about me…’

  ‘Not all of them, Sam. There must be at least one woman in the world who doesn’t like you. Let’s stop talking about it, and concentrate on what Jack is saying instead.’

  ‘This woman can’t be you, really! That would be quite a blow!’ he exclaimed theatrically without paying the slightest attention to my entreaties to listen to the director.

  ‘Ah, I see: I’m not your cup of tea. You don’t find me good-looking enough, do you?’

  ‘You’re very attractive, Sam, but…’

  ‘I see you’ve already found common ground. Well, that’s a good thing,’ Jack said, laughing when he saw us whispering.

  ‘I can’t help myself from talking to such a beautiful woman as Miriam,’ Samuel explained.

  ‘Keep your personal conversations for later on. Let’s talk first about work,’ said Jack. ‘I think many of you are already familiar with the movie production process quite well, but still I’d like to remind you that you may turn directly to me should any problem arise.’