Baby Momma Drama

by Carl Weber

  “Damn, I guess we both planned on getting some tonight, huh?”

  I finally looked down and blushed. I’d completely forgotten I was wearing my red G-string underwear. I felt like a fool, but at least she wasn’t laughing at the size of my dick.

  “To be honest, I need to do laundry. These are my only clean drawers,” I told her, and it was the truth.

  “At least you have somethin’ sexy to wear. When that happens to me, I gotta wear my old granny briefs.”

  We both laughed as I slipped out of my G-string.

  “Where you from? I know you’re not from Richmond. You sound too country.”

  “Georgia.”

  “So you one of those big-ass corn-fed niggas, huh?” I didn’t even answer her. I hated the word nigger.

  “I got a cousin lives in Georgia. She’s from Atlanta. You from Atlanta, big man?” She was still rubbing her hands across my chest.

  “Nab, I’m from Waycross.”

  “I don’t know where that is.”

  “Well let’s put it this way: Waycross is way across

  Georgia.”

  She laughed then changed the subject. “What’s your favorite position, Travis?”

  “Sixty-nine.”

  She laughed hard. “You the first country nigga I ever met that admitted to eating pussy. I like your honesty.”

  “Thanks. But if you ask me that question in public, I’m gonna lie.” We both laughed and I kissed her again.

  “What about you? What’s your favorite position?”

  “I like a sixty-nine,” she said, smiling. “But nothing beats a nice, long pony ride.”

  “Pony ride? What’s a pony ride?”

  She pushed me on the bed and straddled my legs. Ripping a condom open, she slid it onto me effortlessly. She took my penis into her soft hands and rubbed it against the warmth between her thighs.

  “Dammmn! That feels so good,” I moaned. She slid all the way down on my manhood, letting out a soft moan when it was all the way in.

  “A perfect fit,” she purred.

  “Yeah, a perfect fit,” I moaned.

  “Now that I’m saddled up, it’s time for a nice, long ride.”

  Stephanie and I made love that night in every imaginable position. She was down for anything and everything, and I’m not embarrassed to say she taught me a thing or two. What she thought was going to be a one-night stand turned out to be an all-weekend thing. I hate to sound self-serving, but once I slept in her bed and she wrapped her arms around me, I got comfortable and I didn’t wanna leave.

  She was serious about not wanting a man. Her daughter’s father had turned her off to the thought of relationships and love. At least, that’s what she told me. Somehow, despite what she said, I found my way over to her place every night and she never turned me away. She called it a sex thing, but Stephanie and I had a bona fide relationship going on. It was fine with me if she never wanted to admit it. A few of the local brothers I’d met living in her project tried to warn me about her reputation, but I didn’t really care. I knew she was a freak the first night I met her. But now she was my freak.

  We played that little game for almost nine months. I guess after a while Stephanie started to realize what I already knew, that she wasn’t getting rid of me so easy. So that Thanksgiving, out of nowhere she invited me to her grandmother’s house for turkey dinner with all the trimmings. To my surprise, she introduced me to her grandmother as her boyfriend, and from that point on that’s who I was. Her boyfriend. Not that I’m complaining. It’s been a wonderful three years we’ve shared together, and with the baby coming in the next few weeks, I’d decided to make that couple of years a lifetime.

  I smiled at Stephanie as she set the large pan of macaroni and cheese down on the table. She’d just finished helping Big Momma bring out the last few trays for this year’s Thanksgiving dinner, and sat down next to me. In the three years we’d been together she’d traded in her shoulder-length perm for long box braids, and her skintight clothes in for more conservative skirts, slacks, and blouses. Except, of course, when she went out to the club. But even with her new, conservative look she couldn’t hide the fact that she had a big ass. Matter of fact, ever since she got pregnant that ass seemed a little bigger. Not that I minded. Like most black men, I liked a big ass. As far as I was concerned, my girl had it goin’ on. Not just in the looks department, either. Her shit was together in all aspects of life. She was going to school to be a nurse, working at Wal-Mart to help pay the bills, was a great mother to her daughter. And she showed me all kinds of love. She was a great woman and I loved her for that. That’s why I wanted to make her my wife.

  “Travis, would you mind blessin’ the food?” Big Momma set the steaming tray of greens down on the table and took her seat. A big, heavyset old woman, Big Momma was the head of Stephanie’s family and had an opinion about everyone and everything. She was the kind of woman you did not want on your bad side. And since Stephanie had gotten pregnant and we weren’t married, guess where I was. But that was about to change.

  “Sure, Big Momma, I’ll bless the food.” I looked over at Stephanie’s Uncle Mark, who was staring at Big Momma. For as long as I’d known Stephanie, Mark had been blessing the Thanksgiving table. And from what she told me, he’d been doing it ever since his father died twenty years ago. So I know he wasn’t too pleased with Big Momma asking me to bless the food.

  “Momma, why he gonna bless—”

  Big Momma cut Mark off with a quickness.

  “’Cause I said so. That’s why. Now, bow your heads, so we can give the Lord thanks.” Like everyone in this family, Mark obeyed Big Momma. He lowered his head so she couldn’t see his scowl. “Now, Travis, you bless the food. It’s Thanksgiving, and we hungry.”

  I bowed my head and took a deep breath before beginning my prayer. I made it short, sweet, and to the point, and ended it with a chorus of amens. When I lifted my head I tried to smile at the fifteen adults and five children sitting at three tables reaching for food, but it was hard. I was about to make the most important speech of my life. I tapped my spoon against my glass to get everyone’s attention. They all turned toward me like I’d lost my mind. All except for Big Momma, who’d been expecting my announcement.

  “I know y’all hungry, but before we eat I’d like to say something important.” I stood and ignored the grumbling among some of the hungrier people at the tables. “Unofficially, I’ve been a part of this family for three years. Y’all been more of a family to me than my own down in Georgia. So I wanted you all to be here when I did this.” I turned to Stephanie and took her hand. With my other hand I reached into my pocket and slowly knelt down on one knee.

  “Stephanie, I love you more than anything in the world and I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?” You should have seen the look on her face when I took out the half-catat diamond ring from my pocket.

  “Oh, my God.” She looked over at Big Momma, who was smiling and nodding. “Yes, yes, Travis, I’ll marry you.” I slid the ring on her finger and we both stood to embrace. Stephanie wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me to the sounds of a few family members applauding, the others grabbing for their Thanksgiving feast.

  3

  Dylan

  I was so full, I thought I was going to burst. I unhooked my belt buckle to give my stomach some room to breathe as I drove down River Road, back to my house in Petersburg. My girlfriend, Monica, and I had just left her parents’ place in Chesterfield County, Virginia, where her mother had put together one hell of a Thanksgiving feast. Turkey, ham, candied yams, collard greens. You name it, we ate it. Mmm-mtnm, it was some kinda good.

  I looked at Monica in the passenger seat. She was staring into space, no doubt still upset about the argument we’d had at her folks’ house. Even angry she was a beautiful woman. At five foot nine, Monica was a good two inches taller than me. Her body was slender with long, sexy legs, and beautiful curves in all the right places. Big, dark-brown eyes highlighted he
r smooth mahogany complexion. As far as I was concerned, she was the sexiest woman on earth, and I’d traveled quite a bit.

  “You still mad at me, boo?” I asked.

  “What do you think, Dylan?” She cut her eyes at me, then turned away.

  “Look, baby, I think you’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion.” She whipped her head around and pointed her finger in my face.

  “How can I be blowing it out of proportion? You humiliated me in front of my family.”

  “All I did was answer your mother’s question. You’re acting as if I farted at the dinner table or somethin’.” She wanted to laugh. I could see it in her face. But she stifled it and shouted instead.

  “I spent six, almost seven years of my life with your ass! And you can’t tell my ma when we’re gonna get married? You ain’t shit, Dylan Taylor!” She turned her head back toward the window.

  “Come on, Monica. You know I love you, baby. You know I want to marry you. All I want you to do is finish school. Why is that such a big deal?”

  Monica sucked her teeth and crossed her arms tight against her chest. She didn’t intend on answering my question. Hell, we’d been arguing about marriage for almost two years. She knew I wanted to marry her. I wanted to start a family more than anything in the world. I just wouldn’t give her an engagement ring until she graduated college. Yet she still insisted on starting this same argument at least once a week.

  Monica and I met almost seven years ago, when I was a junior and she was a freshman at Virginia State University. We quickly fell in love, and when I graduated, instead of moving back to New York I decided to stay in Petersburg while she finished her two remaining years of school. Well, she changed her major three times with less than a semester to go each time. I think she was afraid to graduate. Graduating would have meant getting on with her life. She would have to find a job and cut the financial ties with her parents. I don’t think she wanted to do that until she had a committed replacement, and that meant a wedding ring from me. But my parents had taught me the power of an education, so I kindly explained to her, over and over, that upon graduation I would present her with a rock that would make her eyes pop out. For whatever reason, that didn’t motivate her. She wanted things done her way.

  “Look Dylan, me finishing school has nothing to do with us getting married. If you really loved me, you’d marry me no matter what. One day you’re gonna wake up and my black ass is gonna be gone. Then what are you gonna do?”

  “I’m not going to justify that with an answer. You know how I feel about you, and if you don’t, maybe you should leave.” I was getting tired of this argument. I pulled into the parking lot of Colonial Plaza, in front of my business, Colonial Comics.

  “What the hell are we doing here?” She threw her hands in the air.

  “I just wanted to make sure Brett packed all the boxes for the comic convention in D.C. tomorrow.” I stepped out of the car as I spoke.

  “Goddamn it, Dylan! Can I have one day with you that you’re not worried about one of your fucking stores?” She got out of the car and slammed the door. “Why couldn’t you just have stayed an accountant—”

  Monica shut up when I shot her a look. There were very few things that could piss me off without a thought, and my old career in accounting was one of them. We’d had more than our fair share of fights about that. You see, Monica was a very materialistic woman and she liked having—no, she loved having—a man to show off. Someone she could brag about, who fit society’s idea of a successful man. For my first two years after college! I fit that role perfectly. It didn’t matter that after I left accounting I made sixty grand a year as a comic book dealer. She always looked down on me because I didn’t wear a suit and tie to work every day. This was the same woman who couldn’t seem to finish her own degree.

  I’ll never forget the expression on Monica’s face the day I told her I’d quit my job at PricewaterhouseCoopen and rented a small store to sell comic books. It was a mixture of shock, anger, and disappointment all wrapped up into one.

  “Wh-why’d you do that?” was all she could stutter. She took my career change as a personal insult.

  “Well, there are three reasons, actually,” I smiled, ready to state my case. I was happy about my decision and wanted her to understand and support me. “First of all, you know that I hate being an accountant. Do you have any idea how horrible it is to wake up every morning and go to a job you can’t stand? Second, I’m not the kind of guy who can work for someone else. I need to be my own boss. And third, I like comic books.”

  She gently held on to the lapels of my suit jacket and kissed me. I suppose she thought she could sweet-talk me into changing my decision. “Look baby, I understand you wanting to own your own business. To be perfectly honest, that’s what I want for you. But you’re an accountant, a CPA, a man of prestige. You’re not some insignificant shopkeeper. Why don’t you open up a tax office? Hey, I’m even willing to take my classes at night so you won’t have to pay a secretary.”

  “Monica, I’m going to open up a comic book shop with or without your blessing” I folded my arms defiantly.

  “Comic books? You keep talking about how much you want a family. How the hell do you expect to support a baby selling comic books? Jesus Christ! Southside projects here we come,” she mocked

  There is no word to describe how much that hurt me. Ever since the day we met, Monica knew how much I wanted to have a child. Now she thought I’d put that child in the projects if I wasn’t a suit-and-tie man. It was like a knife in my back, and it just proved that she had very little faith in my ability to be successful.

  “Thanks for the glowing endorsement, Monica.” I shot up my middle finger and turned to walk away.

  “Dylan, comic books are a hobby, a fad. Do you really want to place our future in the hands of ten-year-old boys and drugged-out teenagers?”

  I was still too pissed off to answer. What she didn’t know was that before I handed in my resignation, I had sold my personal copy of Fantastic Four #1 to a man in D.C. for seventy-five hundred dollars. Would you believe I only paid ten dollars for it in 1973? I had started collecting comics when I was six years old. My stamp-collecting father forced me to keep my comics in protective plastic bags after I read them. Sixteen years later I was still collecting comic books, and my personal collection was worth a small fortune, thanks entirely to dear old Dad. During college I began selling and trading comics at flea markets and small shows around the Richmond-Petersburg area. Unbeknownst to Monica, who thought I was just going through a childish phase, I was making more money selling comic books than I was as an accountant, and having a lot more fun at it, too. I had developed quite a local following in Petersburg. Not only were the kids my customers, but I also sold to many die-hard adult collectors. It only made sense to me that if I gave my comic book business my undivided attention, I would quickly be on my way to prosperity.

  Despite Monica’s objections, I did open my first store, and then two more followed. I also traveled to conventions almost every weekend, where I made some of my biggest profits. Monica hated that I traveled so often, which is probably why she started yet another fight with me as I started checking the work my store manager had done for the D.C. convention.

  It had taken me about ten minutes to check the work that Brett had done. Before I could finish, Monica was already getting fidgety.

  “What the hell is Teddy Harris for, decoration?” She sighed loudly, checking her beeper.

  “Look, Monica, you know as well as I do that Ted isn’t worth shit. Why don’t you just let me finish what I have to do here so we can go home?” I guess she didn’t like my tone of voice, because she turned around and walked right out the door. I really hadn’t meant to upset her, but any time someone mentioned Teddy Harris’s name lately, I got pissed

  Teddy Harris was my business partner and full-time pain in the ass. I met him at the annual three-day Chicago comic convention a few months after I opened up my first store.
We were both young and living in Virginia, so we hung out after the show closed each night. Teddy, a tall, wiry white man, was a master salesman. He could sell you your own toothbrush three times and you’d end up leaving his booth thinking you got a great deal. He was without a doubt the smoothest talker I have ever met. Matter of fact, he was so smooth that over a pitcher of beer he talked me into forming a partnership to open my second and third stores.

  The partnership was great at first. Ted, who lived in Spotsylvania County, ran our Fredericksburg location, and I ran our Richmond location. Both of us worked shows each weekend, and we split the profits fifty-fifty. For a while it was like printing money. But after a year the Fredericksburg store was making less and less money. Well, at least that’s what Teddy was saying. The truth is, if anyone other than Teddy had been running that store I might have believed it. But like I said, Teddy Harris was a master salesman. There was no way that store was not making money. What had started out as a great partnership had quickly become a mess, with me doing most of the work and Ted sticking his greedy hands out for more money. We were making money, but nowhere near what we should have been. This is why the mere mention of my partner’s name made my blood pressure rise.

  When I finished in the store, I expected Monica to be waiting for me in the car, but she was nowhere to be found. I searched the entire area for about fifteen minutes, finally driving over to the cabstand two blocks away. It wasn’t unlike Monica to take a cab home when she was upset with me. I went in and asked the dispatcher if he’d seen a young lady fitting Monica’s description. Bingo! She had just left in a cab headed to Riverside, Petersburg’s most expensive condominiums. Just what I didn’t wanna hear.

  I was fuming as I drove over to Riverside. I didn’t know what Monica’s problem was lately, but I was getting sick of if She was going to give me some answers or we were through. As much as I loved her, the last few months had been one big, constant argument. Not just about getting married or us having a baby, but about stupid things like me watching too much football, or the toilet seat being left up. The only arguments started by me were the ones about her so-called friend, Jordan.