Shattered Illusions

by Laura Greenwood

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing bringing her here?” the man growls at Remus, who doesn’t surprise me with his response. All he does is raise an eyebrow, and give the man an assessing look that’s far more intimidating than any growling.

  “Dimitri asked me to bring her, that’s all you need to know, Bram.” He’s so stern that it sends a little thrill through me. Until I tamp it down, anyway. I can’t be thinking about him like that. I can’t be interested in any vampire. Especially when he’s as much as said he won’t do anything with me.

  I find that far more disappointing than I should.

  “Dimitri shouldn’t have brought her here in the first place,” Bram says, the anger still completely there. He really doesn’t like me. What a surprise.

  “Look, Bram, is it?” I ask, and he looks at me in complete shock. He probably didn’t expect me to actually address him. Must be one of those centuries old vamps that still think women should be seen and not heard. I have some major news for him if that’s the case. “I don’t know what I did to you, but whatever it is, it can’t be changed. I’m here now, there’s bugger all you can do about it.” I put my hands on my hips as I finish speaking, aware it pushes my breasts out, and made more so by the male eyes that are now fixated on them.

  Men.

  So easy to predict.

  “You’re a vampire hunter, what more do I need to know?” he hisses.

  “A hell of a lot more,” I return. “Don’t think I won’t stake you if you mess with me.” I channel as much of my piss offed-ness into my eyes as I can. It’s not my fault I’m here. Neither is it his. We both need to suck it up and see what happens with it.

  “How many vampires have you killed?” he snarls.

  Not an awkward question at all. Or you know, one that involves me actually working it out. I try and run the numbers in my head, and, for the first time in my life, I feel disgust over what I’ve done. Who was I to decide who should live and who should die? And yet, I have done. Time and time again I’ve made the decision for someone. What if some of them were like Remus? He’s been nothing but kind to me. Or even like Dimitri, who hasn’t been unkind? And if I’m being completely fair, and I should be, then even Bram isn’t being rude for no reason.

  “You don’t know do you?” he demands. “And you wonder why you’re not welcome.”

  “No, I don’t know,” I snap back. “But if you think it’s as easy as just saying you’re not going to do it, you’re in for a real surprise.” I spin on my heels and stalk off in the direction of the table Dimitri’s sat at. It has several spare seats, two of which I’m assuming are for Remus and myself.

  I can hear the two men muttering, but I have no idea what they’re actually saying. I don’t care either. Why should I? It’s not like anything they say or do is going to change me as a person. Nor the other way around. Regardless of anything, I am who I am. And I’m here now. There really is nothing any of them can do about it.

  Reaching the table, I collapse into one of the chairs, and lean back in it, huffing to myself. On my left, Dimitri chuckles, as if knowing what it is that being here costs me.

  “I see you met Bram.”

  “Thanks for the warning,” I mutter. I like to prepare, especially when not doing so ends up like this. Dimitri chuckles again.

  “Did you really expect there to be no backlash, Ashryn? You’re infamous round here.”

  “Infamous?” I perk up. That’s the kind of word a woman doesn’t mind hearing.

  “Up until last night, you were one of the most successful hunters they had. You can’t say you hadn’t noticed?” He’s still amused, I can tell, but there’s also something akin to admiration in his voice. I can go with that.

  “I had,” I respond. Now isn’t the time or place for false modesty. As far as I can tell, vampires are a lot like human men. Or at least, the human men I encountered at the guild. They respect people with power. Whether that’s physical strength, or something a bit more, I guess it depends on the man. Dimitri is one who respects the other stuff, I think. And I’m not just talking magic or supernatural powers either. I think he respects brains, and discipline, and determination. I may be wrong. But I don’t think so.

  “Exactly, it’s not gone unnoticed in our society.”

  “You’re not supposed to know my name at all. No one outside the guild should.” I clamp my mouth shut. No way should I be revealing that. They aren’t even supposed to know the guild exists, never mind the names of individual hunters. There’d be a shit storm if this ever came out. A little part of me hopes it does. It would serve them right for sending me on a mission without backup. No wonder things ended the way they have. Yippee for me.

  “It’s kind of hard not to know it when you’re instilling fear into vampires the city over.” He studies his fingernails as he speaks, but I can still see him watching me under his eyelashes.

  I scoff.

  “I doubt that. You’re all far stronger than I am. Not to mention faster and older. Most of you have a lot more training…” I stop talking, realising I’m revealing far too much. Not about the guild this time at least, but about myself. Dimitri doesn’t need to know I’m so insecure about myself that I wonder about these things every time I go on a mission. No, went on a mission. I doubt I’ll be going on anymore now. If I turn up at the guild’s door in my current state, the only thing I’d get is a stake through the chest. Maybe they’d even lecture me about getting myself turned in the first place. To be fair, if it was someone else, I’d be first in line for giving the lecture.

  “Never underestimate yourself. That’s when other people start winning,” he says. He’s still only half watching me. Maybe he knows what my other power is, and he’s trying to avoid showing me his secret. I bet it’s a good one.

  “I’m pretty sure people underestimating you is a good thing.”

  “Really?” He leans back in his chair and raises an eyebrow. But I still can’t make out his eyes. Why does he have to make this so difficult? That just isn’t fair. “Underestimating someone tends to lead to silly mistakes. Ones you wouldn’t normally make. Surely that’s in the understimatee’s favour?” I point out, getting a satisfied smirk for an answer. The smug bastard.

  But I kind of like that. He’s open and honest about it all. Which isn’t normal in this day and age. Most people just don’t give a shit anymore.

  “Are you trying to tell me you didn’t doubt your capabilities before entering the house yesterday?”

  “Well...erm…” I wish I could deny he’s right. But I think we both know the truth. Then again, I’d be crazy if I hadn’t doubted myself. Ten to one is crazy odds. Even for me.

  “I reckon you could have taken them, if you hadn’t doubted yourself so much,” he says. Funny thing is, he looks serious. It’s crazy to think someone I’ve never met before has this much faith in me. No one has ever had this much faith in me. Maybe one day, I’ll trust that it’s real. But not yet.

  “Ten to one?” I quirk an eyebrow.

  “The only reason they took you off guard was because you stopped to try save someone.”

  “Hardly counts if its a trap,” I mutter. I’m still mad at myself for that one.

  “You had no idea that was the case though,” Remus says as he takes a seat next to me. I relax a little now he’s here. Odd that. I never felt this at ease in the guild. Yet here, surrounded still by people who may just hate me, I feel far safer.

  Maybe they aren’t wrong about someone at the guild setting up the trap. But who? It doesn’t make much sense.

  I should leave the thought for later. I should leave now for more pressing issues. Like the fact I’m going to have to drink blood some point soon.

  Some point very soon if the red liquid being poured into my goblet was any indication. Who uses goblets anyway? Does it make blood taste better if it’s all medieval like?

  I lick my lips. My eyes not leaving the drink. And it’s not going unnoticed.

  “You can drink
it, Ashryn.” Dimitri says my name like its a delicious treat. Maybe even as delicious as the blood in front of us. I can only hope so.

  What’s wrong with me? Why am I giving into this so easily? It’s like I’ve completely forgotten who I am.

  Reluctantly, I push the goblet of blood away. I can’t risk the temptation. I will give in, and then who knows how far I’ll fall? Maybe I’d become one of the vampires they warn about at the guild. The ones that taste blood once and never stop drinking.

  I hope not. That would be embarrassing.

  “It’s just the blood lust,” Remus says softly.

  “Great.”

  “If you drink it will go away,” he assures me. I give him a skeptical look. That makes no sense. As far as I’m aware, blood is like a drug, and the more I drink, the more I’ll want to. “Honest, Ashryn. We only use donors, and they’re completely aware of who they’re donating to. They’re paid too. And then we mix it with a chemical our scientists created. It suppresses the hunger, but doesn’t do any more than that.”

  “Sounds trustworthy,” I say, eyeing up the blood. I can’t lie to myself. I want to drink it. I really want to drink it.

  “It is, I promise.”

  “Would you stake your death on it?”

  Both men burst out laughing. Not my intention there.

  “Our deaths?” Dimitri manages to choke out.

  “You can hardly stake your life on it, we’re all dead,” I point out. Pretty impressed with myself for that one.

  “I suppose that is true,” Remus acknowledges, and I flash him a warm smile. “So, yes. I’ll stake my death on it. I was one of the scientists involved.”

  “A scientist and a doctor?” Colour me impressed. And a little intimidated. No offence to my former colleagues, but some of them aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. Others are. I can never decide whether the stupid ones, or the scarily intelligent ones, are the hunters to be the most scared of.

  “And many other things,” he adds.

  “And you swear this is safe?” I ask, nodding back towards the blood.

  “Yes, I swear it.” He chuckles slightly.

  Maybe it’s odd for me to trust him, but I find my hand closing around the goblet without me even meaning it to.

  I’m almost in a trance as I lift the goblet to my lips. The first touch of blood on my tongue is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It suddenly makes sense how some vampires can get addicted.

  I gulp it down, the sweet taste lingering on my tongue. But it isn’t just the taste. It’s how it’s making me feel. Everything sharpens around me. My hearing and eyesight sharpen. I imagine my sense of smell does too, but it’s less noticeable as that’s still taking in the sweet smell of blood. More than that, aches disappear that I didn’t know I had.

  “Whoa, slow down,” Dimitri says, snatching the goblet from me. I let out an involuntary groan of disappointment. Why has he stopped me from drinking? I lick my lips and stare at the cup. I’m one step away from making a grabby motion to get it again.

  “You said it was okay,” I protest, pouting and trying to give him the best puppy eyes I can come up with. Which isn’t to say they’re good. They’re really not. I’m a hunter not a flirter. Though maybe with men like these around, I can change that. Nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting every now and again.

  “To drink, not inhale. Inhaling is bad for you no matter what you’re drinking, and we don’t need you getting blood high.”

  Huh. That’s a thing? I suppose it makes sense. If you drink alcohol too quickly, you get drunk faster. Blood working the same isn’t too much of a stretch.

  “I think we need to send her to Eric in the morning,” Remus suggests.

  “You might be right. I’d hoped not to, but...” They both look at me, nodding their heads and looking satisfied with themselves.

  “Who’s Eric?” I ask. But neither of them answers. Bloody men.

  “Did you have a nice time, this morning?”

  I frown at Remus’ question, until I realise it’s nearly six am and we’ve just finished dinner. Nocturnal living is going to take some getting used to, that’s for sure.

  “Yes,” I answer, screwing up my face in confusion. I can’t say I expected that, but he and Dimitri are good company, and other than the blood incident, they easily had me forgetting they’re vampires. That I’m a vampire.

  This day has been as weird as they come. I’m really not sure how it happened. Well other than by vampire bite. I’m clear on that bit at least.

  “I’m glad.” He leans against my bedroom door, almost like one of those men from a rom com. The ones that always get the girl, and always manage to look suave doing it. Except, he’s not looking at me like one of those men would. The way he’s looking can only be described as soft. There’s emotion there. Not that emotion. But there is a little bit of caring there. And a lot of protectiveness.

  I’m really not sure how to process the last one. I’m not the kind of girl who wants or needs protecting. Hell, I can do the protecting of others too if I need to. But there is a small part of me that likes it. Probably the part that’s linked to the little girl l used to be. The one who did dream of being protected. Until she realised that’s not how the world works.

  That realisation is still with me to this day. Except now some of the facts are being turned on their head. Vampires are an open secret. Humans vary from interacting with them willingly, to just being aware of their existence. But no one seems to know how internal vampire structure works. Which is a little odd, come to think of it. There’s no reason for people not to know. Especially with some of the government making no secret of the fact they’re vampires. The one thing I’d always secretly admired about them was that they didn’t try and force through any legislation that would repress humans. As far as I’m aware, they haven’t even tried to pass any through that just benefitted vamps either.

  In hindsight, maybe that should have tipped me off that everything isn’t like the guild claims it is. Clearly vampires really aren’t that bad. I frown again, before coming back to myself and meeting Remus’ confused gaze.

  “You alright there, Ashryn?” he asks.

  “Sorry, got lost in thought.” And here I go again, realising that no one has tried to shorten my name. Dimitri’s either. If I had to, I’d respond to Ryn, but never, ever, to Ash. The name just isn’t me.

  “Anything interesting?” He seems genuinely curious, but I’m not quite ready to share my observations on society in general. That can wait for when we know each other better. There I go again, making assumptions we will. No one should assume. It makes an ass out of u and me. I can’t remember where I first heard that, but its stuck with me ever since.

  “Not really.” I smile as sweetly as possible, and he returns it. I’m already barely noticing the scars. They’re just a part of him. And while I am still curious, I don’t want to push my luck by asking. It’s something he’ll tell me about when he’s good and ready. If he ever does. As far as I’m aware, he’s clueless about my powers, and has no idea I know.

  I hope he is anyway. Though if he does know, surely he wouldn’t be looking at me the way he is?

  “You’ll be expected with Eric at nightbreak. I’m sure Dimitri will send someone to show you the way.”

  “Not you?” I ask without meaning to, sounding far more disappointed than I should. I really need to pull myself together.

  “I can, but it isn’t the best idea. Eric and I don’t get on.” He pulls a face that really tells me all I need to know. Whatever happened between them can’t have been pretty, but it’s another thing to add to the things-to-find-out-later pile. I don’t think I’ll get more out of Remus tonight at all, never mind on sensitive subjects. But there is one pressing question still burning its way through my mind.

  “Who is Eric?’”

  “A vampire,” he answers cryptically.

  “No shit,” I mutter.

  “I’m sorry, Ashryn. We don’t ge
t on. It isn’t fair to Eric for me to tell you anything about him. You’ll find out soon enough.”

  That’s reassuring. How am I supposed to prepare myself for the morning, if I have no idea what to expect? Silly vampires. No, not vampires. Just silly men.

  Chapter Seven

  I’m woken by an abrupt banging on my bedroom door, and groan loudly. I’ve got a splitting headache, whether from the burns, the blood, or too much sleep, I’m not sure.

  “Will you hurry up in there?” a familiar voice demands. “I don’t have all day to be babysitting a newbie vampire.”

  “And I don’t have time to babysit an asshole,” I mutter in the direction of the door, not intending for him to hear me. Then again, he may have done with his vamp super hearing and all that. I’m sure I’m safe though. Dimitri pretty much seems to be the one in charge, and he’s made it clear I’m okay. Ergo, even Bram can’t do anything to me. Even if he does hate me.

  I pull on the clothes that have helpfully been left at the end of my bed. My money, if I had any, would be on Remus for making sure they’re there. He’s exactly the type to do the little things like that.

  The clothing is practical, and pretty much what I’m used to. Definitely Remus then. The leather is new, so a little stiff, but it fits me perfectly. By force of habit, I add my holsters and weapons. Except for the holy water. Having seen what that can do to a vampire, I have no desire to carry it again. Sure, if someone attacks me, I can use it against them. But it could easily backfire and end up me covered in the stuff and melting into the ground. I’ll pass, thanks.

  I check myself in the mirror, the no reflection thing having long been disproved, and am only a little surprised to see I look healthier than before. My skin is brighter, my hair shinier, and I can almost swear my body is filling out in a very different way than before. Well, okay, not very different, but I certainly look like I have more curves than before. I can get used to this.