Lose You Not

by Kristie Cook

  I nodded. “Dad was, too, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know. He had me take over when you wouldn’t.” Then he shrugged, as though it were no big deal. And they wondered why the Rocas had the reputation that we did. “Anyway, so when you’re dealing, you have to hang out with people you normally wouldn’t. We didn’t know what Tase was doing then, so we couldn’t figure out why he was suddenly all buddy-buddy with people he made fun of. And he was always sneaking around. Didn’t want anything to do with us.”

  I nodded. “I remember. Some of that was about the Order of Castor, though.”

  The Order was a secret society made up of seniors in high school who were mostly from the Old Families. Sort of a younger generation of the Court, although the Order actually let Rocas in. Probably as rebellion against the actual Court, because that’s how the Order rolled.

  “Yeah, but now?” Adrian asked. “Because he’s doing it again.”

  “Sneaking around? That’s just Tase.”

  “The people he’s in with, though? What are they doing? It’s not drugs anymore, unless it’s big-time shit. And I wouldn’t normally give a flying fuck, but Tase needs to keep his nose clean before the Court comes up with a reason to off him. You know they’re looking for one.”

  Yeah, I did know. Especially if they sensed what Addie had.

  I dropped a bundle of metal rods in the bed and looked at him. “So who do you think he’s in with?”

  “I saw Ronan Bishop’s name pop up on his phone screen the other day.”

  “Uh-huh.” That didn’t surprise me. I knew it was no coincidence that I’d seen him in Vegas, in the same hotel at the same time. “Who else?”

  “The Bishops, Xan. Isn’t that enough?”

  The Bishops were like the shinier version of the Rocas. Just as bad, probably worse, but they could get away with more because they were the Bishops. While we’re both Old Families, they’re actually revered as such. It didn’t hurt that their magic was some of the most powerful in town. And that Roman Bishop was one of the most powerful people in town, with a seat on the Court and the High Council of the Luna Coven.

  If something went bad between Tase and Ronan, Tase would most definitely be the scapegoat, even if he didn’t already have a death sentence.

  I slammed the tailgate shut. “I’ll see if he’ll tell me anything. Try to talk him out of it.”

  “And what about Michaela?”

  I lifted a brow. “What about her?”

  “You can’t tell her. Not if she’s about to be sworn into the Court.”

  “Michaela is on our side. She’s family.”

  Adrian barked out a humorless laugh, then leaned toward me and growled, “She will never be family.”

  “She will be officially soon enough, if I can help it. Get used to it.”

  “No! I don’t trust her. Tase doesn’t. None of the family does. Except you. Which makes you a fucking moron.” He turned on his heel and strode off toward the house.

  I watched him leave, abandoning the work that I’d once again have to do by myself.

  Michaela and I had finally been able to forge a real relationship, seeing each other every possible moment over the last few weeks, but the closer we grew together, the further my family grew apart. At least, from me. At one time, I wouldn’t have cared. I’d never wanted the Roca way of life, anyway. My family brought on their own troubles. But we were all in this now, and by no fault of our own. Not even Tase’s. Not entirely. The curse went back nearly two centuries, before any of us were a thought in our parents’ minds. We were all tied into it, though. I just didn’t know how to convince my siblings that the Petrans—those who remained—were not our enemies. Dad’s beliefs were too deeply ingrained in them.

  Adrian never returned, so I hauled the load to the ski resort and unloaded it myself so we could begin prepping for the ski season next week. Then I headed to the Sun and Moon Academy to pick up Michaela. The driveway to the private-school campus wound for more than a quarter mile through the trees until it opened up to a circular driveway in front of an old two-story building that looked like it belonged in another century in the Old Country—any old country. The grounds were vast and well-kept, ending on the far side near the great falls themselves.

  Although in a different school and parking lot, sitting in my truck with the windows down and music playing took me back to the days when I’d picked Michaela up from Havenwood Falls High, after I’d graduated. I didn’t realize I was smiling about the memories until the grin slid off my face as my gaze focused in on two people standing on the sidewalk that led from the parking lot to the school, in what appeared to be a heated discussion. Tase. And Gabe.

  What in the actual fuck?

  Jumping out of the truck, I strode toward them. Gabe looked at me, blanched, then turned and hurried back into the school. Tase casually meandered toward me.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked when we were face-to-face.

  He lifted his chin. “Looking for someone. What’s wrong with you?”

  “Who would you be looking for at the Academy?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Rowan Bishop, if you must know.”

  Another Bishop. And he wasn’t even trying to hide it. “Why?”

  “That’s for me to know and you to fuck off.”

  I grabbed him by the collar and wrenched him toward me. “The Bishops will bring you down, Tase. All of us.”

  He shoved me off. “Thanks for the confidence, brother.”

  “What’s going on?”

  He started walking toward the parking lot, where I hadn’t noticed his car before, parked over by a passenger van with the school’s logo. “Business. Not yours. Just trust me.”

  “Trust you?” I scoffed. “You keep asking me to, but then you won’t tell me shit. How deep are you in with them?”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’ll all be fine.” He opened his car door, gave me a salute-wave, then dropped inside. After starting the engine, he rolled down the passenger window and leaned over to look up at me. “Just keep it between us, though, okay? Don’t be blabbing your mouth to your woman.”

  Bending over, I rested my forearms on the door and leaned into the window. “If any of this, whatever you’re involved in, comes down on Michaela … if you hurt her or her family again … you won’t have to worry about the Court. I will bury you myself. Do you understand that, brother?”

  “I’m only trying to help her and her family. Brother.”

  I cocked my head as I stared at him. “What were you talking to Gabe about?”

  He narrowed his eyes briefly, then played innocent. “Just asking him if he’d seen Rowan, but he hadn’t. Later, bro.”

  Gunning the engine, he squealed out of the parking lot, leaving the tang of burnt rubber in the air.

  As I turned back toward my truck, Michaela came striding toward me. The afternoon light angled over Miles Mountain to the west, lighting up her face and eyes. I met her halfway and scooped her into my arms. She returned the greeting with a deep kiss.

  “Mmm … I missed you.” I set her back on her feet and brushed my knuckles over her cheek. “Did you have a good day at school?”

  She laughed. “I’m not going to school. It’s just studying up on history and stuff, before I can take my seat on the Court.”

  “Does that mean you won’t dress up in the schoolgirl uniform for me?”

  Trailing her finger down my neck and chest, she smiled coyly. “Is that your fantasy, Roca? To see me as a schoolgirl again?”

  I leaned in and kissed her. “We do have some pretty great memories of that time …”

  “I never wore a school uniform.”

  My mouth trailed up her jaw until it reached her ear. “No, but you were pretty fucking sexy in that cheerleading getup.”

  My fingers ran up her thigh, and although she wore pants now, I had no problem imagining her in her short blue-and-silver skirt.

  She shivered under my touch. “I might still have
that.” She paused, and her voice lost its playfulness as her eyes grew dark. “At the house, though.”

  The moment over, she broke away and walked to the truck.

  “Do you plan to avoid the place forever?” I opened the door for her. “Because we could try to sell it. That’d be a lot of money you could use.”

  “I can’t sell our family home,” she said flatly.

  I shut the door and walked around to the driver’s side. I’d expected her response, but on occasion, I tried coaxing her into thinking about the family’s estate. Ignoring it—and everything else about her parents—wasn’t healthy. I didn’t want to push her too hard, but Addie and I had agreed we wouldn’t let her play ostrich forever.

  Now that I was sleeping with her—actually sleeping—I knew her subconscious never stopped dwelling on everything. She woke up regularly gasping for her parents, begging mine to stop, or just plain screaming. If Alina knew how much guilt Michaela carried over our parents’ deaths, she’d probably lay off. Maybe. Then again, it was Alina. Being mean was a sport to her.

  “I do need to check on it soon, though,” Michaela said once I joined her in the truck. “I haven’t in a while, and we probably need to do stuff before winter, right?”

  “I can help,” I offered.

  “There’s also something I want to look for. Something of my dad’s. The reading I’ve been doing for the Court has been really interesting, about our history—the moroi’s and the town’s.”

  “So school was good.” I turned the engine on.

  “Yeah. But I’m ready to be sworn in next week. I have way too much to do, like finishing up the inn and reopening for good. Our reservations are already starting to fill up,” she said excitedly. “Sindi’s been great, and she and Addie have talked me into putting my education to work, so I’m planning some special events at the inn, just like Mammie used to do. I want it all ready and beautiful before the holiday season kicks off.”

  I laid my hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze, receiving a giggle in return. I smiled. This was my Michaela—coming out of school, talking about friends, and planning parties and the future. This was what I’d missed for five years. What I thought I’d lost forever. What I couldn’t live through losing again.

  “So, was that Tase I saw leaving?” she asked as we turned onto First Street.

  Damn. I’d hoped she hadn’t noticed.

  “Uh … yeah,” I admitted. “Hey, is Gabe okay?”

  She gave me a puzzled look. “Yeah. I saw him as I was leaving. He said he needed to talk to a teacher, but he seemed fine. Why?”

  I shrugged. “Just wondering. Is he adjusting any better?”

  “I think so. He still misses his friends, but he’s made new ones. Hasn’t tried to eat anyone yet, so that’s good.” She stared out the window as we passed the cemeteries, and I hoped I’d succeeded at changing the subject. “So what was Tase doing at the Academy?”

  Shit. We’d promised each other no secrets, but Adrian had made a point. Michaela was about to become part of the Court, tying herself to the most powerful people in town. In a very different way than Tase had. Her knowledge of any connection between Tase and the Bishops could put us all at risk. I’d have to convince him to sever that tie, but in the meantime, I wouldn’t put Michaela in such a difficult position.

  “I don’t know,” I finally said. “He said he was looking for someone, but didn’t say who. He was in a hurry …”

  I felt her give me a sideways look as I watched the road and turned up the radio. A few minutes later, as we approached town square, she reached over and turned it down.

  “I don’t want to go home yet,” she said. I glanced over at her, and she gave me a smile with a gleam in her eye. “Let’s go to our place.”

  I returned her grin with a knowing one of my own and turned left on Eighth Street toward Havenwood Heights. Before we reached her property, though, I turned off one of the cul-de-sacs onto a maintenance road and climbed up the mountain until we were about even with the top of the falls. I parked where we used to in our high school days, at a point that looked over the whole town. It had a similar view to Fallview Tavern, but offered privacy that was difficult to find as teens—or as adults when our homes overflowed with people and responsibilities.

  As soon as I cut the engine, Michaela turned and slid onto my lap, straddling me, just as she used to do. My cock immediately jumped to life. Unlike when we were younger, when I never knew how far she’d let me go, I was pretty certain today what she wanted. Her body heat poured off her as she ground against my lap.

  “Fuck, Kales,” I murmured right before she leaned in and nipped my bottom lip.

  “Yes, you should.” She gazed into my eyes, rocking her hips against me while pulling her hoodie over her head. I was admittedly disappointed to see that she wore a T-shirt underneath it. But when she lifted my hands and placed them on her breasts, I realized it was the only layer left—she wore no bra. Her nipples pebbled under my palms as I squeezed the soft flesh. My cock grew harder. She shifted against it. Now I was almost in pain.

  “What’s gotten into you?” I asked, as she cupped her hands over my cheeks and rubbed her palms against the stubble.

  She answered by leaning in, her tongue swiping over my lips before pushing its way in. Not that I gave any resistance. I could never deny her. I couldn’t deny myself, not when it came to tasting her. She kissed me hard, and I devoured her in return, until both of our lips were sore and swollen and neither of us could breathe. She pulled back and slipped her hand between us, under the waistband of my jeans, and then my boxers. Her warm hand wrapped around me and gently squeezed. My head fell back, and I watched her smile sexily through hooded lids as she stroked me. It only took a few times before there just wasn’t room for her to move anymore.

  She leaned to the side, sliding her leg off of me, but still holding me in her hand, taking me with her. I undid my button and zipper, and she moved the fabric down until I was free. She lay back on the seat, stroking me with one hand while removing her pants with the other. Naked from the waist down, she bent the knee closest to the seat while letting the other fall open. I swallowed hard, appraising her beautiful body, not knowing where I wanted to touch her first. She moved her hand between her legs, showing me.

  “Fuck, Kales,” I murmured again.

  “Yes … please,” she said breathily, as her hand slid down to the base of my shaft, squeezed, then slid back up.

  I dove in at her neck, nipping and scraping my fangs over her smooth, soft skin. I could practically taste her blood as her vein pulsed against my tongue. She tasted like coconut, and smelled both sweet and spicy. I had to keep moving, or I’d take her too soon. I pulled her shirt up enough to expose her breast, lifting it and appreciating its full heaviness in my hand as my thumb rubbed over her rock-hard nipple. I flicked my tongue out, tasting her again. She moaned throatily. I curled my tongue around it, and she pumped my cock harder. My mouth closed over her breast and sucked, and she squeezed and pulled in response. I was about to come all over her fist.

  My other hand joined hers between her legs, moving it to the side. My fingertip brushed over her as I sucked on her breast again. She bucked against me. I stroked downward and slid inside her wet opening, my thumb pressing and circling her clit as I curled my fingers.

  “Fuck, Xandru,” she whispered.

  “Yes, please,” I responded against her breast.

  She suddenly pushed me up, back into sitting position. She straddled me once again, and I was barely ready when she came down hard around me. We both gasped. She was so fucking soft. So fucking wet. So fucking perfect.

  Her breasts pressed against me as she kissed me hard while lifting up slowly and slamming down. My hips moved with her, thrusting deeper within. Our rhythm picked up quickly, and I palmed the flesh of her ass, moving her ever faster. We didn’t even have a chance to draw blood before we both suddenly came. I threw my head back, barely feeling the thunk against the back window,
and squeezed my eyes shut as I exploded within her. Her voice moaning my name echoed in my ears as she quaked around me.

  I opened my eyes as I came down from the high, finding her watching me with a small but satisfied smile. She leaned in and delivered a slow kiss, sucking on my bottom lip as she pulled away.

  “Sorry,” she whispered, as a sweet blush filled her face.

  “Don’t ever apologize for that.” I cupped her cheek and pulled her back in for another kiss.

  “I just … I had memories of you picking me up from school and coming up here … and, well …” She pulled her lip between her teeth. With her hair a little disheveled and her shirt halfway up her stomach and the rest of her naked, she looked sexy as fuck. My dick was already responding again. “It made me horny as all get out.”

  I chuckled as I brushed my knuckles over her breast. “Like I said, don’t ever apologize for that.”

  She slid her hand around my neck, cupping it as her fingers teased my hair. As she watched me, her expression changed to one I wished I could capture forever.

  “I love you always, Xandru Roca,” she whispered.

  My throat tightened, and I tried to swallow, but couldn’t. I hadn’t heard those words, exactly like that, in years. I wasn’t sure I ever would again. And they, along with this perfect image before me, were too much. My lungs seized, needing air.

  She tilted her head, studying me. “And he says …”

  Somehow, I managed to breathe, then swallow, and then finally find my voice. To give her the response I’d always given before, since the first time she told me she loved me. I’d never thought the phrase big enough for how I felt.

  “You are my world, Michaela Petran.”

  Chapter 11

  Michaela

  The smell of old books, leather, and lemon engulfed me as I sat at a polished mahogany table under the domed ceiling of the Academy’s library, a twenty-pound monstrosity of a book laid open in front of me. “A little light reading,” as my favorite witch would say. Well, my favorite after Addie and Saundra and the other Beaumonts. Oh, and Gallad Augustine, who sat across from me as my Court-appointed tutor. Okay, so my favorite fictional witch has been known to say that. Gallad was quickly becoming my favorite male witch.