The World's Greatest Adventure Machine

by Frank L. Cole

  Doug appeared in the food court entrance. At first glance, Nika almost didn’t recognize him. Doug had broken character from his usual attire by wearing a dark blue suit and a necktie. He had pulled his floppy blond hair back into a man bun, and instead of sandals, he now wore black shoes. Upon closer examination, Nika noticed they were actually high-top basketball sneakers, but they still seemed fancy for Doug.

  “Are we all well fed and rested?” Doug asked as he approached the table, a noticeable chirp in his voice. He squeezed Cameron’s shoulders, causing the small boy to yelp in surprise.

  “Is it time for us to go?” Cameron asked nervously.

  “Almost,” Doug said. “We have to wait for my brother. He’s escorting Carl Stratton, a high-ranking member of the legal team representing the California Theme Park Approval Board, to the launch. Thus the suit.” He flourished his hand, pointing out his clothing. “This is where it gets a bit hairy.”

  “How do you mean?” Trevor’s mom asked.

  Doug shrugged. “Oh, you know, there’s little margin for error now. One or two hiccups, and this guy will terminate the whole deal. Life savings down the drain.” He whistled and twirled his finger, mimicking the flushing motion of a toilet. “I’m only kidding. Carl Stratton’s an old friend and an avid roller coaster aficionado.”

  Two more people entered the food court. Terry Castleton wore a light brown suit and carried a tablet, which he tapped on using a long silver stylus as he approached. The other was a man with black hair, heavily slicked back with mousse; pale, sallow skin; and thin, smirky lips. The man glanced at everyone at the table, his eyes skimming each of the children with little interest.

  “Everyone, this is my brother, Terry,” Doug announced. “Hopefully, you recognize him from the video. He hasn’t gained too much weight since we shot it.”

  Terry forced a smile at his brother and then shook everyone’s hands. “I apologize for not being present for the initial introductions.”

  “And this is…Who’s this?” Doug asked, referring to the other man walking behind Terry. “Is Carl not coming?”

  “Mr. Stratton is having his gallbladder removed,” Terry said. “So, no, he won’t be coming. This is Mr. Crones from the approval board.”

  “I take it you’re representing the board on Carl’s behalf?” Doug asked the greasy-haired man.

  “That’s right.” Mr. Crones reached up to wipe the corner of his eye, and in doing so, he revealed a sparkling, bejeweled bracelet that slipped down from beneath his sleeve. Nika marveled at the unusual piece of jewelry. Were those diamonds?

  Doug grinned halfheartedly but turned once more to Terry. “Stratton’s been here throughout the project. I wish I’d known sooner.”

  “Don’t we all?” Terry replied. “But gallbladder attacks rarely give sufficient warnings. Should we postpone the launch?”

  Doug appeared to consider the offer, but only for a moment. “Of course not. We can’t postpone.”

  “Are you sure? Because I’d be happy to do whatever you wish.”

  Doug narrowed his eyes at his brother. “We don’t have the luxury of postponing, Terry.”

  “Don’t worry, Mr. Castleton,” Mr. Crones said. “I understand the situation perfectly, and I can’t wait to watch the launch.”

  —

  The Castletons walked briskly through the halls of the facility with the chain of kids and parents trailing them like an odd family of ducks. Terry spoke to Mr. Crones at the front of the line, but his voice was too low for Nika to hear what they were talking about. Whatever it was, Mr. Crones seemed to find it quite humorous. He snickered and nodded and smoothed his hair against the side of his head with his palm.

  “We should all be able to squeeze in,” Doug said, once they arrived at the elevator.

  There was a murmuring among the group as they each tried to find an open section of floor in the tight space. Nika’s grandfather pulled her toward the back corner and acted as a shield between her and the others.

  “Everyone comfy?” Doug asked, before inserting a key into the elevator panel, revealing another row of hidden buttons. He pressed the bottom one, and the elevator began to descend.

  The elevator dinged as the cart came to a stop. When the door opened, a tall woman wearing a bloody apron appeared in the entrance. The nightmarish figure had pale, gaunt features; sunken eyes; and lips that hung in a permanent snarl. Her hair stood on end, a ratted mess clotted with more of the blood that had been splattered across her apron. She gripped a menacing meat cleaver in one of her gloved hands, which she jabbed at the crowded elevator.

  “Hello, maggots,” the woman said in a deep, throaty voice. “I hope you’ve brought your bibs. Because it’s about to get messy!” She then released a bloodcurdling cackle.

  Nika felt her heart leap into her throat. She gripped the back of her grandfather’s sleeves and cowered from the imposing woman. Most of the other people in the elevator screamed, none louder than Cameron, though Devin’s father was a close second.

  “Nice one,” Trevor said, chuckling as if unimpressed. “I don’t know who you’re supposed to be, but you’re not fooling anyone with that glob of fake blood.”

  Devin vigorously clapped his hands.

  “What are you clapping for?” Cameron’s mom demanded.

  “That’s Shrill Parker. You know, star of The Butcher’s Bride,” Devin explained. “And that’s her famous saying. Bring your bibs!”

  Doug started to laugh, and the adults in the elevator instantly turned on him. “Now, hold on, folks. Allow me to explain. Shrill Parker’s an actress, a pretty famous one at that,” he said. “One we believe will connect with our audience and help with the advertisement of the Adventure Machine.”

  Trevor’s mom cleared her throat. “Excuse me, but what does this blood-covered woman have to do with your ride?”

  It was a cruel joke, if that was what Doug intended. Nika didn’t mind surprises, but she knew her grandfather was so close to ending the whole spectacle for her. She could see his jaw tightening, his eyes fuming with disapproval. What were the Castletons trying to prove?

  Doug’s forehead glistened with perspiration. “Since the Adventure Machine is intended to be a somewhat scary attraction, our marketing team thought it would be appropriate to have a spokesperson that people would associate with fear. Shrill seemed to be the perfect fit. I apologize, but I guess I didn’t expect there to be this much uproar over one of our actresses. Let’s just try and forget this ever happened. The Suit-Up Room is at the end of this hallway. If it would make everyone feel better, we can excuse Shrill for the remainder of the morning.”

  “It would make us feel better,” Nika’s grandfather agreed.

  “Oh, it’s okay,” Nika piped up from behind him. “If she’s just an actress she can stay.” The woman was only doing her job, and Nika could see the horror queen’s countenance instantly shift from an imposing force to one of embarrassment and shame.

  “If she stays, I think we’ll take the stairs,” said Ms. Kiffing.

  Shrill lowered her cleaver to her side, her cheeks flushing a deep shade of pink, which was impressive considering how much pasty makeup she had slathered on her face. “I’m so sorry!” she said. “I’ll just take my leave and go clean up. I’m really not a bad person, you know. I just play one on the screen.” She sounded quite different when not in character, with an almost nasal voice. Shrill bowed respectfully and then leaned in toward Trevor’s mom. “And may I add, I just adore your blouse. It is so lovely.”

  “Really?” Trevor’s mom’s eyes lit up with surprise as Shrill moved away from the elevator. “That was nice of her to say.”

  “Oh my gosh,” Devin groaned in disbelief. “Did the Butcher’s Bride just compliment your mom’s shirt? This is quite possibly the worst day of my life.”

  TWO DOZEN CIRCULAR blobs of shimmering orange cloth hovered suspended above a row of individual pedestals. Behind each of the pedestals, and connected to the back of the bl
obs, were vacuum-like contraptions swirling the air. The Suit-Up Room was brightly lit by several panels of lights along the ceiling. The walls were metal with enormous bolts riveted from the ground up. Trevor felt the strong suction against his skin as he approached the Outfit Terminal.

  “These are our suits?” Trevor asked, running his fingers against the bubble of cloth. “We’re going to look like Oompa-Loompas.”

  “From Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?” Devin asked.

  “I love that movie, don’t you?” Trevor could remember sitting in his living room giggling as he watched that one girl turning into a blueberry.

  “You mean the book by Roald Dahl?” Cameron asked. “Quite entertaining.”

  Terry pressed a button on the closest pedestal, and the circular blob floating above it began to rise high in the air. “If I can have our first volunteer,” he announced. Trevor shot his hand up well before any of the others. “Very good. What size shirt do you wear?”

  Trevor scrunched his eyebrows and stared down at his clothes. “How should I know?”

  “He’s an adult small,” his mom said.

  Terry typed the information into a computer next to the pedestal. “Thank you, Ms. Isaacs. And I’ll also need his preferred pant and shoe sizes.”

  While Trevor’s mom supplied Terry with the measurements, Doug directed Trevor over to a set of three steps rising up to the pedestal.

  “Extend your arms out to your sides like wings,” Doug instructed.

  As Trevor stuck out his arms, the blob lowered until it completely enveloped him in the fabric. His nostrils filled with the pungent fragrance of rubber balloon and baby powder. Within a few seconds, his head poked up through a hole at the top, while the rest of his body remained within.

  “I need you to stand perfectly still.” Terry pressed another button on the pedestal.

  Trevor held his breath as the vacuum suctioned out the air from inside the blob. The fabric clung to his body from just beneath his chin to the soles of his tennis shoes. Even Trevor’s fingers were covered in the orange, stretchy material.

  Doug squeezed Trevor’s bicep. “Is it a perfect fit?”

  Trevor stretched his fingers and picked up each foot, staring at the bottoms. “It’s like a superhero outfit.” He glanced down and saw Devin, Nika, and Cameron gawking at him in amazement. “But it’s a little tight around my armpits.” Before he could point out any other awkward areas, Terry made the adjustment on the computer, and a light burst of air flowed in from the vacuum. The suit loosened just enough to make Trevor comfortable.

  Trevor rolled his shoulders and gave Terry the thumbs-up. “Now, we’re talking. What is this stuff?”

  “We call it neotanium. It’s a hybrid of neoprene and malleable titanium,” Terry explained. “What you’re wearing is called the Cerebral Apparatus. Using sensors positioned at key points throughout the suit, the Adventure Machine computer connects the minds of all four participants to create a completely unique scenario each time you ride it.”

  “So does that mean even you don’t know what’s going to happen to us?” Cameron asked.

  Doug smiled and shook his head. “Not even in the slightest.”

  “And that’s safe how?” Cameron demanded.

  “You’ll be just fine. This is a ride, remember?” Doug said. “Just enjoy yourself.”

  When all four of the participants were in uniform, Doug led them to a conveyor belt that emptied into the wall. He picked up what looked like a barcode scanner from a grocery store and pulled the trigger. A bright red laser beam shot out, scanning Trevor’s head, and a black helmet with a clear Plexiglas visor appeared on the now-rotating conveyor belt. Like the adjusted suit, the helmet was a perfect fit and cradled Trevor’s head in a comfortable cushion.

  “Why do we have to wear…” Trevor’s voice trailed off as static crackled in his ears. A light blipped across his visor, and a series of numbers and words appeared.

  “Hello,” a robotic voice echoed from inside the helmet. “I will be your Virtual Interactive Companion for the duration of your ride,” the voice said. “But you may call me VIC.”

  “No way!” Trevor howled in excitement. “It’s like JARVIS from Iron Man!”

  With everyone now in complete uniform, Doug and Terry moved the four participants over to the entrance.

  “Through this door is what we call the Activation Room, which will be the last stop to allow your suits to come fully online. As you take your seats, you’ll be doused from our decompression tubes.” Doug glanced back at the row of adults. “It’s nothing more than dry-ice fog, just for show.” He then turned back to the kids. “Once the procedure is done, the next door will open and you’ll be greeted by one of our operators. Her name’s Candy, and she will be the one who escorts you onto the train.”

  “You’re not coming with us?” Nika cast a wary look back at her grandfather.

  “Unfortunately, no one’s allowed into the Launching Room without wearing a specialized neotanium suit.”

  “Why not?” Cameron asked.

  “It’s standard procedure,” Terry explained. “As of right now, there are only six suits allowed on the platform. Five of them belong to you four and Candy. The sixth has been coded to my signature, should any technical problems arise. We’ll be watching from the control room with your guardians. As is the case with any theme park roller coaster, you are to stay in the train at all times. And do not attempt to remove the restraints for any reason, or your suits for that matter,” he added. “It’s for your safety and we’ll be collecting data throughout the launch.”

  “But don’t worry,” Doug said, chiming in. “You guys are going to have the time of your lives. Just sit back, enjoy yourselves. Are there any questions before we send you in?”

  “How long is this ride going to last?” Devin asked.

  Doug curled his lip in thought. “You know, it depends.”

  “Depends? Ridiculous!” Cameron threw his hands up in frustration. “You should know the exact operating sequence of your equipment. Standard roller coasters can take anywhere from thirty seconds to four or five minutes, tops. How long is it?”

  “This isn’t a standard roller coaster, Cameron,” Doug said patiently. “What you’ll be experiencing is unlike any ride ever ridden. Your adventure will take as long as it needs to take.”

  “But—”

  Doug held up a hand, silencing Cameron’s outburst. “If it makes you feel better, I don’t expect the ride to go longer than thirty minutes.”

  “Thirty minutes?” Cameron gasped. “That doesn’t make me feel better at all.”

  “Seriously!” Trevor pumped his fist. It was like a dream come true. “Thirty whole minutes? Awesome!”

  “Yeah, until you spend a half an hour with vomit in your helmet,” Cameron grumbled.

  “Hush now, dear,” Cameron’s mom said, patting him on the helmet. “I’m sure vomit will wash out of that neo…whatever it’s called. Just keep your clothes on. No one wants to ride a roller coaster with a pasty naked boy.”

  Cameron flared his nostrils and tugged at his collar.

  “You’re sure you want to go through with this?” Mr. Pushkin asked, approaching Nika and touching her arm as if to inspect the strange, sleek material. “There’s no shame in backing out. We could be on a flight this afternoon.”

  Nika gazed up at her grandfather. “I will be fine, Dedushka.”

  “She’s never been safer, Mr. Pushkin. Of that I can assure you,” Doug said.

  Nika’s grandfather frowned at Doug, his eyes steady and determined. “You had better be right, sir. For your sake.”

  Trevor’s mom walked over and squeezed Trevor in her arms. “Be careful on there, okay? Don’t do anything foolish.”

  “I won’t,” Trevor said.

  “I mean it. I want you to stay strapped in at all times. Follow Mr. Castleton’s instructions to the letter. This is not an opportunity to show off or forget where you are.”

  Trevor
shrugged her away. “I got it.”

  Devin grinned at Trevor. “Your mom really doesn’t trust you, huh? You must get into trouble all the time.”

  “You have no idea,” Trevor muttered.

  “Well, Son, happy trails,” Devin’s dad said. “Make me proud and all that.” Trevor then noticed Mr. Drobbs lean forward and discreetly slip his cellphone into Devin’s hand. “Film everything,” he whispered. “And bring it back to me in one piece. You hear?”

  Devin didn’t look too eager to accept the phone, but he nodded tersely and concealed it behind his back. Trevor was actually impressed. Sneaking a recording device onto the secretive launch was a bold move. Would the Castletons actually allow it?

  “Okay. You’ve all said your goodbyes, and you feel good, correct?” Doug asked, taking no notice of Devin’s piece of contraband. Doug beamed and flourished his hand behind him. “Right this way, my friends. ‘ “Will you walk into my parlor?” said the spider to the fly.’ ”

  “That statement seems a tad inappropriate, don’t you think?” Cameron asked, looking longingly back toward his mom. Ms. Kiffing merely smiled; then the four participants stepped through the door together.

  MULTIPLE ROWS OF light beige chairs lined the Activation Room. It resembled the waiting area of an airline terminal, with every four seats broken up into separate sections.

  “I wonder why there are so many seats in here?” Cameron said, filing in behind the others. He squished next to Trevor, eyeing the rows of oddly shaped chairs inquisitively.

  “You’re hugging me, you know that, right?” Trevor asked, glancing down at Cameron.

  “Not hugging. Cinching.” Cameron moved back an inch. “I’m just making sure we don’t get separated.”

  “Sounds to me like someone’s a little nervous,” Devin said from the rear. “Having second thoughts? There’s the exit if you want to back out.”

  “Leave him alone,” Nika said. Cameron felt her hand press softly against his shoulder. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”