“I’m sorry this hasn’t gone as well as you would’ve liked,” Marcus said, his expression serious. “Hopefully, Rebecca will understand the wisdom in staying here for security purposes. It might give you the time you need with Jordan to move forward and build some sort of relationship.”
“I hope you’re right,” Alex said. It was what he wanted more than anything at that point, but he understood that he might never have the sort of bond with Jordan that he wanted. Which was surprising, really, since just a few days ago he would’ve told anybody who asked him that he wasn’t interested in being a father. And while he now had the desire to be a father, he still wasn’t convinced that he deserved the title or the role.
“Well, if you need to talk again, you know where to find me,” Marcus said as he got to his feet. “I’m going to go give the FBI guy a call to see if anything has changed.”
Alex got to his feet as well and followed Marcus from the board room. When he got to the sanctuary of his own office, he checked the time again, wondering how long the lunch might last. Unable to just sit around and wait, Alex pulled out his phone and shot Melanie a quick text message to ask how it was going and if they were almost done.
Her reply came back quickly. Lunch is going fine. Mom is in love. Will text you when we leave the restaurant.
Knowing he had to be satisfied with that reply for now, Alex tried to focus on the results of the meeting and the things he needed to do. His thoughts eventually turned to what Than had shared about Justin during the meeting. While Justin had always been the embodiment of physical strength, it was now becoming apparent that he was also a man of emotional and spiritual strength. Alex wasn’t sure how much of that had already been in place before Alana’s kidnapping and how much was a result of growth since that time.
With his arms resting on his desk, Alex closed his eyes, took several deep breaths, and bowed his head. Too often he allowed himself to get distracted by how complicated things seemed to be. What Than had shared was a reminder he needed that no matter how messy and out-of-control things seem to be, God was still in control. God still had a plan. The devil thrived when they allowed themselves to be caught up in the panic of not knowing what was going on.
In the solitude of his office, Alex acknowledged the emotions within him that the devil could use — and was using — to bring in doubts. Fear. Anger. As his mind went over all the uncertainties they were facing, Alex reminded himself that he could only see such a very small part of the larger picture. God, however, saw everything. He knew where Alana was. And He was there with her. No matter what the outcome was, God would be there also for Justin and Caden and all those who loved Alana.
Alex took time once again to pray for Alana and Justin and also the situation with Jordan. Though he would never have wished that they had experienced all of the events of the past year, he couldn't deny that it was strengthening his faith. But it was moments like this when he was reminded how easy it was to fall back into his old habits of trying to control everything.
After going through a period where he felt like he had no control, Alex had welcomed the role of co-founder of BlackThorpe with Marcus. It had been horribly hard to not have any control when Melanie had been kidnapped. Then that had been followed by his time in the military where pretty much every aspect of his life had been dictated by someone else. The final straw had been everything that had happened with Rebecca and being so far away and not able to deal with it directly. Ever since that time, he’d done his best to keep control of his life and his business. God, however, had apparently decided to challenge that in a big way with him.
The situation with Jordan was challenging in different ways. In some respects, it was a bit easier to let that control go since he wasn’t convinced he had the right to be Jordan’s father. But it didn’t stop him from wanting to control what he could…like the lunch with his parents.
As if on cue, his phone chirped an alert for a text. Alex pulled it out and stared at the message there from Melanie.
CHAPTER NINE
EVERYTHING WENT FINE. Mom didn’t want him to go, but we’re on our way back to the house now.
Alex tapped out a quick message to thank her. Though Melanie had said everything had gone well, Alex needed to hear it from Rebecca. She knew Jordan better than anyone else and would be honest with Alex about how it had gone. Unlike Melanie, Rebecca wouldn’t care how it would make him feel if Jordan hadn’t enjoyed meeting his grandparents.
I think she wants to see him again soon so maybe we can plan dinner at the house?
Alex sighed. A dinner that he wouldn’t be part of. Sure. Sounds like a good idea. Go ahead and set it up with Mom and Rebecca.
Melanie didn’t reply so Alex set his phone aside to do a little work before he caved in and phoned Rebecca.
~*~*~
This time, when her phone rang, Rebecca recognized the number. She glanced over at Jordan where he sat on the couch with his tablet then walked into the bedroom as she tapped the screen to accept the call.
“Hello, Alex,” she said as she settled into the easy chair in the corner of the room.
There was a beat of silence before he responded. “Uh, hi. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing fine. You?” She rolled her eyes at the mundane chitchat. He just needed to get to the point of the call. They both knew what it was.
“I’m alright. Just calling to see how lunch went.”
Rebecca rubbed her hand along her thigh. “You didn’t ask Melanie or your mom?”
“Melanie texted me that it went fine, but you know Jordan better than either of them do. How was he?”
“It was a lot for him to take in, but I think that he’ll warm up to them. He’s not used to having grandparents who fawn all over him.”
“Really? Your parents aren’t involved in his life?”
“No. At least not to the extent that your parents seem to want to be involved with him.” Rebecca turned her gaze to the window, staring at the bare branches of the trees. “You remember how strict my parents were.”
“Yes. That’s why we had to sneak around and hide when we got married.”
“Yeah. Well, the marriage was easy to hide, but the pregnancy wasn’t. By that point, in my mind, the marriage was over so when they assumed that I’d gotten pregnant out of wedlock, I didn’t tell them any differently.”
There was silence on Alex’s end for a few moments. “You didn’t tell them that I was the father?”
Rebecca slid down a little in the chair, resting her feet on the ottoman. Backtracking into the past really wasn’t something she wanted to do now that they had told Jordan everything. There was nothing left for them back there.
“To be honest, I didn’t consider you the baby’s father.” She heard his swift intake of breath but pressed on. “You had rejected the baby, therefore giving up your right to be its father. I told no one about you. About us.”
There was more silence from Alex before he said, “I understand.” He cleared his throat. “So do you suppose that Jordan would be willing to spend more time with my parents before you guys head back to Chicago?”
Clearly, Alex wasn’t any more interested in spending time in the past than she was. “I think he would be. Melanie mentioned something about decorating a Christmas tree this weekend. Perhaps we could combine the two.”
“I’m sure that would work. I’ll leave it up to you and Melanie to iron out the details.” Alex paused. “Thanks for letting me know how it went. I’ll leave you to the rest of your afternoon.”
After a quick goodbye, Rebecca was left with just her thoughts in the quiet room. It was so weird interacting with Alex now. He was different than the man she’d assumed he’d become. The overbearing, domineering man she’d imagined he would have turned into was nowhere to be seen. Not that he didn’t have a controlling edge to his nature—he did—but he seemed to be more in control of himself and knew when to let that side of him come out and when to rein it in. The fact that he’d
stepped back when Jordan had needed space had revealed that.
She let out a long breath and closed her eyes, letting her mind drift back to a time she hadn’t allowed herself to think of in years. Back then, she’d been so sure that they would make it. That they would be the ones who would prove to the world that just because they married young didn’t mean it wouldn’t work out. But something told her that even if they had agreed together to keep the baby, things would have required a lot more work than they might have been willing to give at that age.
In her head back then, she’d assumed that they had the kind of love that would make being married and having a relationship easy. She’d believed that the people who struggled with their relationships just didn’t love each other enough. So when Alex had turned into someone she didn’t know with his request that she get rid of the pregnancy, she’d begun to wonder if you could ever truly know a person. She’d trusted Alex with her heart. She’d thought they’d known each other so well. But when push came to shove, she hadn’t recognized the man who had made such a heartbreaking demand.
Rebecca supposed it was one reason why she had never gotten the divorce. She had no interest in a relationship when there were no guarantees that the person wasn’t hiding who they truly were. Experiencing that kind of hurt twice in her lifetime was just not going to happen if she could help it.
“Was that him?”
At the sound of Jordan’s voice, Rebecca opened her eyes and straightened, lowering her feet to the floor. “Yes. Alex wanted to know how lunch with his parents had gone.”
Jordan made his way into the room and sat down on the ottoman. “What did you tell him?”
“That I thought it had gone well and that you’d enjoyed getting to know your grandparents.”
Jordan’s head bobbed slightly. “They were really nice. I don’t think they cared at all that I wasn’t a baby.”
“I told you they wouldn’t.” Rebecca shifted in her seat. “So are you okay with spending more time with them?”
“Sure. Whatever,” Jordan said with a lift of one shoulder, his gaze on his phone.
Rebecca knew her son well enough to interpret that reaction as being as close to excited as he thought was cool for a teenage boy when it came to spending time with his grandparents. “Okay. I’ll talk to Melanie and figure something out.”
Over the next few days, Rebecca and Jordan fell into a pattern of sorts. One similar to what they had back in Chicago. Mornings were spent concentrating on school work for Jordan and writing for Rebecca, then afternoons Jordan spent swimming in the pool or playing on the gaming system that had mysteriously appeared in the apartment. She knew he missed his friend, Robby, but, at least, they were still able to do a few things online together like gaming.
She usually didn’t take much time off between publishing one book and starting the next. And that was even truer this time around. She needed the distraction of writing to keep her mind off the situation with Alex. And what a situation it was. Alex had managed to make himself scarce over the past few days. Apparently he had taken Jordan’s words to heart and had decided not to force his presence on the boy. And Rebecca was uncertain what to do about it.
Since she had never wanted Jordan to know his father, the current situation worked. However, now that Jordan did have Alex in his life, Rebecca knew that somehow they needed to forge a relationship, and Alex keeping his distance did not achieve that. As she stared at the blank page waiting for her attention on the screen of her laptop, Rebecca found herself contemplating how to best bring father and son together again.
~*~*~
“Are you planning to be here tomorrow?” Melanie asked as Alex poured himself a cup of coffee from the coffee maker on the counter. “After we get the tree, we’ll spend the afternoon decorating it and then have supper together with Mom and Dad. Do you think you and Adrianne would be able to make it?”
“I don’t know about Adrianne, but I’ll probably be tied up at the training compound.” Alex took a sip of the black coffee, relishing its hot, slightly bitter taste.
Melanie leaned back against the counter, her arms crossed. “Do you really think none of us have noticed that you haven’t been around at all this past week? I thought things were going well between you and Jordan, but you’ve pretty much just disappeared.”
“Things were going well,” Alex agreed. “But Jordan insisted on knowing what happened between Rebecca and me, and why I never knew about him. That revelation cast me in a bad light—as it should—and he’s decided he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“So he’s holding what happened all those years ago against you?” Melanie frowned. “But surely he can see that you regret what happened.”
Alex set his cup of coffee on the counter and rubbed a hand over his face. “That doesn’t seem to matter to Jordan.”
“I understand that you might feel giving him space is the best thing, but I really think it’s not. He may choose not to speak to you, but I think you need to remain a presence in his life. At least for as long as they’re here.”
“I just didn’t want to make the situation even worse. Jordan was pretty adamant about going back to Chicago, which to me is a pretty clear indication that he wants nothing to do with me.”
“He’s a teenager, Alex.” Melanie rested a hand on his arm. “I have a feeling that over the years he imagined what having a father might be like. The reality hasn’t been what he likely wanted, but he can’t go back now. Neither of you can. So I think you need to step up and show him that you’ll be there for him regardless of how he feels about you. Show him the unconditional love you have for him, not by putting distance between the two of you but by being there. Being present in his life and being there for him.”
Alex considered Melanie’s words. It was true that there was no going back. They knew about each other now. Father and son. Nothing would ever change that connection. He wanted to show Jordan that he cared about him, that he would always be there for him, just like Melanie said. His guilt had convinced him that giving the boy space was the right thing to do because it had been what Jordan wanted. But now he could see that space would only make the issues more difficult to overcome—should Jordan ever decide to try to overcome them.
“Okay. I will be there tomorrow.” He picked up his mug of coffee and took another sip. “What Adrianne will do, however, I have no idea.”
Melanie’s brows drew together and her lips tightened at Alex’s words. “She’s been as absent from the house as much as you have been these past few days. I have no idea what’s going on with her.”
“I’ll check in with her at work to see what’s going on. I’ve been so distracted with my own stuff, I haven’t been paying attention to what she might be dealing with.” Alex drained the last of his coffee and rinsed the mug out before setting it in the dishwasher. “I’ll let you know if anything comes up while talking to her.”
“Sounds good.” Melanie pulled on her jacket and gathered up her laptop bag. “You could actually start things off by being here for supper tonight. Tyler and Ryan are both coming, and Rebecca said something about making lasagna.”
“I’ll see what I can do, but I make no promises.”
Once at work, Alex dumped off his coat and briefcase in his office and went in search of Adrianne. She didn’t usually beat him to work, but for the past few days, she’d been arriving before him and leaving after him. He had asked her about it in passing, but she’d said something about a project for a fundraiser that needed her attention, and he hadn’t pushed further for an answer. There had been no reason not to take her explanation at face value, but clearly something was bothering Melanie about how their sister was acting.
“Hey, Annie.” Alex settled himself into the chair across the desk from Adrianne. “How’s it going?”
Adrianne glanced at him over the top of her glasses before looking back at her computer monitor. “It’s going fine. How about with you?”
“I’ve been better
.” Without waiting for her reply, he went on to explain what had transpired over the past few days with Rebecca and Jordan. “So that’s been my excuse for coming into the office early and staying late. What’s yours?”
“What do you mean?” Adrianne’s gaze held his for a little bit longer this time, then she looked away, her expression unreadable. “I told you I was working on a project for an upcoming fundraiser.”
“I know what you told me, but I find it rather strange that this project has come up at the same time as Rebecca and Jordan appearing in our lives. There’s been no mention in our weekly meetings of anything that would demand this amount of your time.” Alex leaned back in his chair and rested his hands on his stomach. “Do you want to tell me what your problem is with them?”
Adrianne shot him another quick glance. “Honestly, like I told you before, I have no problem with either of them. In fact, I think it’s great that you have a son. He seems like a really neat kid. And from the way Mom’s been talking, it sounds like she’ll be backing off of me. For a while at least.”
“So what is it, Annie?” Alex bent forward. “I know something’s bothering you. I just wish you felt comfortable enough to talk about it.”
Adrianne shrugged and this time when their gazes met, she didn’t look away. “It’s just something very personal. If I do decide to share, you’ll be the first to know.”
“I know it seems that I have a lot going on right now between the situation with Alana and with Jordan, but just know that I’ll always be there for you. If you need anything at all, if you need to talk, you know where to find me.”
Proof of Life: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 4) Page 10