Dendera

by Yuya Sato

  “She’s alive,” Nokobi Hidaka said.

  “She is?”

  “We were able to use snow to cover, you know, below her stomach,” Makura Katsuragawa explained. “But the blood keeps coming and coming, so the snow turned red. And the warmth of her blood keeps melting it, and—”

  Growing irritated at the woman’s endless, graphic description, Kayu Saitoh cut in, asking, “And she’s fine like that?”

  “I wouldn’t say she’s fine. We’ve slowed her blood loss, but we can’t save her life.”

  “You all want to use her for bear bait, so you don’t need to save her life. If that’s all she is to you people, then end her misery. Why needlessly prolong her life? She must be suffering. She must want to die.”

  Kayu Saitoh punched the bars that separated herself from the two women, but all it did was make her hand hurt.

  “We have a message from Mei Mitsuya,” Nokobi Hidaka said, ignoring the display. “ ‘You will be released early next morning. I want you to join the ambush with haste.’ ”

  “I’d do that without being told. What I want to know is, is Kura Kuroi—”

  “Let me finish,” Nokobi Hidaka interrupted. Her voice carried the cool composure only possessed by those who had learned to let go of what they couldn’t change. “ ‘There is but one plan. Kura Kuroi’s body will be the decoy. The ambush party will hide in the hut with her and wait for the bear. When the beast comes for Kura Kuroi, we will charge the bear and stab it with our spears. Kura Kuroi consents to the plan with enthusiasm.’ ”

  Kayu Saitoh waited, but when the woman didn’t continue, she said, “Is that all?”

  “That’s all.”

  “I don’t understand. Why would Kura Kuroi be enthusiastic?”

  “Do you really not get it?” Nokobi Hidaka asked.

  “Huh?”

  “Then I pity both of you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kayu Saitoh asked, but Nokobi Hidaka didn’t respond, instead departing with Makura Katsuragawa.

  Kayu Saitoh thought about going back to sleep, but she wasn’t tired. On the other hand, she recognized that twisting in her thoughts inside the jail would be pointless. And so, without eating her potato, she sank back into the straw and closed her eyes.

  Things not wished for will come; Kayu Saitoh dreamed. Wearing a kimono of vivid reds and yellows, her younger self frolicked, her wanderings eventually leading her to the monthly hut that stood at the boundary between the Village and the Mountain. During menses, the women would be moved to the monthly hut, which stood a distance from the Village. When they moved in, they brought rice with them, and each day they worked the fields, returning at night to eat their cold rice as blood smeared their nether regions. Kayu Saitoh was of the age where her first menstruation could come at any moment. She hadn’t intended to walk here, and she regretted finding herself nearby the shack. But she felt that to leave would be like running away, so this time she purposefully approached the structure. The smell of blood grew heavy, and she could hear women talking. Their conversations were typical gossip: this man in that house was kind; this woman in that house was miserly; those sorts of topics. Kayu Saitoh found it distasteful that these women, who did nothing in particular to relieve their affliction, cheerfully chatted as if nothing were out of the ordinary, while they sullied their thighs and their plain kimono. She thought of how in the not too distant future, she would be inside there, chatting casually and shoveling down cold rice as her unclean blood flowed freely, and she reviled that future self. But back then, she hadn’t been able to think of what would come later. She couldn’t imagine what she would be like when her menses stopped coming and her teeth fell out from old age. All of the problems that came with dotage were tidily resolved in a turn of phrase: Climb the Mountain. Even as she gained in years, this remained unchanged. The only thing that changed this outlook—the thing that had forced her to change it—was her failed Climb and the beginning of her new life in Dendera.

  A voice awoke her, and she opened her eyes to see Kaga Kasugai, Tsuina Kamioka, Kyu Hoshina, and Makura Katsuragawa standing outside her cell. Kaga Kasugai announced that Kayu Saitoh’s punishment was over and then released the rightmost pole in the same manner as before, freeing her. Outside, the snow glittered under the morning sun. Kayu Saitoh bathed herself in the warm light and fresh breeze that had seemed long absent. She hadn’t walked for a while either, and her joints felt off, each step producing dull aches, and her hips throbbed painfully. But if anything, she enjoyed these sensations. Her body was in working order, such as it was—except from her neck up. Her head felt heavy with sharp, painful pressure, as if it were filled with muddy water sloshing about. She approached the hut where Kura Kuroi was to be used as bear bait, and when she entered, it wasn’t with a cheerful heart.

  The interior remained largely unchanged from its state two days earlier, with the destroyed wall, the blood and flesh and organs strewn everywhere, the choking stench, and Kura Kuroi lying on the floor. The stump of Kura Kuroi’s torso had been wrapped in a white robe, but the cloth was stained black and—perhaps her bleeding hadn’t stopped—glistened wetly. In the sunlight that came through the opening in the wall, Kura Kuroi’s skin appeared as pale as clay. Her eyes were unfocused, and purple spots flecked her lolling tongue. At first glance, Kayu Saitoh couldn’t see if the woman was alive or dead. But then she saw the barely perceptible rise and fall of her chest, the singular substantiation of her survival.

  “Kura Kuroi!” Kayu Saitoh called out. “How can it be? You’re alive!”

  Kura Kuroi’s chin and mouth remained still, but her throat faintly trembled out the word, “Kayu.”

  “Incredible. You’re nearly a corpse, aren’t you. You’re bait.”

  “Is that a … compliment? I expect … we’ll fool that b-bear.”

  “Kayu Saitoh, you’re here!”

  It was Mei Mitsuya’s voice, but when Kayu Saitoh lifted her eyes, she couldn’t see where the chief was. Kaga Kasugai pointed to the ceiling. Kayu Saitoh looked in the direction and saw the chief and Hikari Asami lying flat on one of the ceiling beams.

  “You didn’t notice us!” Mei Mitsuya said with pride. “Hikari Asami, Hyoh Hamamura, Mumi Ohara, and I are hiding here.”

  Hyoh Hamamura and Mumi Ohara popped out from the mountain of straw piled in the corner by the entrance.

  “So this is your plan,” Kayu Saitoh said to the ceiling.

  “Exactly. The bear will come. When it does, we’ll strike at once and kill it.”

  “And you’ll sacrifice Kura Kuroi.”

  “Kayu Saitoh,” the chief said, “do you only see her as bait? Is that all you can see in her?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Kura Kuroi is part of our ambush.”

  Kura Kuroi moved her right arm just enough to reveal a sharpened, sturdy-looking stake, the same length and width as the arm that held it. “If that beast comes in,” the woman managed, so softly that it was hardly a voice at all, “and opens its big mouth to eat me … I’ll run it through. I don’t think bears … are so tough on the inside.”

  Kayu Saitoh realized she stood alone. Everyone else had prioritized their goals over sentimental compassion or kindness. For the women who longed not for the Mountain or Paradise, that choice came naturally. Whether or not she should choose to follow that course, Kayu Saitoh regarded herself a villain to have viewed Kura Kuroi only as bait, and she felt ashamed of her behavior.

  “All right,” Kayu Saitoh said, “what should I do? I’ll do anything.”

  “Hide in the straw and wait for the bear to come,” the chief said.

  A second pile of straw towered a few paces away from Hyoh Hamamura and Mumi Ohara’s hiding place. Kayu Saitoh watched Makura Katsuragawa, Kaga Kasugai, and Tsuina Kamioka take positions on the ceiling beams, then she plunged into the straw and found a woode
n spear waiting inside.

  Once Kayu Saitoh had situated herself, Mei Mitsuya explained the current situation. In the westernmost hut where they were, nine women waited in ambush, while similar groups—six in the adjacent hut where the funeral had been, and nine in the storehouse where the bear had first attacked—lay in wait around some of the remains as bait. Nine others watched Dendera from locations nearby. The chief had spared no women to forage for additional food, so they all had to live off their current reserves. They would hold their positions for as long as ten days. If the bear failed to show, they would lift the ambush and return to their lives. None had objected to the plan. Some had expressed concern over their dwindling provisions, but the plan was deemed far preferable to living under the continued threat of the beast.

  Here, Kayu Saitoh began her new life, with slaying the bear her priority. But her foe was an intelligent living being, so it would not simply act as she expected. The beast didn’t come. When the designated messengers Ate Amami and Inui Makabe arrived bearing potatoes and water, they reported with bitterness that the bear hadn’t come to the other locations either. Kayu Saitoh ate her potatoes amid the stench of rotting flesh. Kura Kuroi no longer possessed the strength to eat, but she had the women moisten her lips. Night came, but in order for the ambush to work, the women had to remain alert at all times, so they slept in shifts. When dawn came, Kayu Saitoh hadn’t yet had her turn to sleep.

  With the second day, this new life became routine. She had just about gotten used to the way of things, except for her empty stomach. In the Village, she had been no stranger to hunger, but it had been a long time since she faced such naked starvation. Her thirst was so severe that just by swallowing her saliva, she could feel her guts churn about to reclaim the moisture.

  When the next day came, Kura Kuroi hardly moved at all. She ceased talking, and her breathing became faint. Kayu Saitoh called out to her again and again, but received no response.

  Kayu Saitoh stuck her head out from the straw and said, “Kura, Kura Kuroi, she’s—”

  “I don’t care if you talk, just keep hidden,” Mei Mitsuya admonished from the ceiling.

  “She’s not moving.”

  “I can see that,” the chief snapped. “Hey, Kura Kuroi. Are you still alive? If you’re alive, give us a sign.”

  Incredibly slowly, Kura Kuroi moved her head, but that was all.

  Mumi Ohara said, “I can’t say I have high expectations for her attack.”

  “Nonsense!” the chief barked. “Moving or not, alive or dead, Kura Kuroi is doing her best. I won’t allow you to talk about her like that.”

  Silence enveloped the room.

  The listless quiet persisted through the day. When darkness joined the torpor, tension, hunger, and stench that permeated the space, Kayu Saitoh was no longer in any condition to think about anything; she simply imagined her body melting into the shadows. Only her stomach carried on its workings.

  The next morning came with a change.

  Kura Kuroi’s energy had returned.

  “Wow, I feel really good today,” the woman said with a gentle smile. “It must be sunny outside. I bet that’s it. I feel like my old self again. If I still had my legs, I’d go for a walk.” She kept on talking. “You know, I’ve never taken one step in my whole life. I always wished I could walk just once before I died. But I won’t be walking now. I’ll die without being able to. I think that’s wrong, you know—for a person to die without ever having walked. I wonder. Maybe I’m wrong about that.” And still she talked. “To walk, yes, to walk. None of that for me. The only parts of me that work are my belly and my mouth. I guess that’s why the Village was so cold to me. I only caused trouble for my parents and younger brothers. If only I could have walked. If only I could have moved. I wanted to work. Kayu, are you there?”

  Kayu Saitoh responded, but Kura Kuroi seemed not to notice, continuing to ramble as she pleased.

  “You know, you were just about the only person I knew in the Village. Why were you such a good friend to me, Kayu?”

  Again Kayu spoke, but Kura Kuroi again didn’t notice.

  “I really did want to die,” Kura Kuroi said. “I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be no more. To vanish without a trace. After all, I’m a nuisance, aren’t I? I was a nuisance to the Village. So when I turned seventy, I was happy. I was happy to repay my debt to the Village. My younger brother carried me up the Mountain on his back. I was so joyful that I cried. Then, when I was waiting to die on the Mountain, I was saved. And when Mei explained everything to me, I again cried tears of joy. And I realized that the tears I was crying in Dendera were better and more precious. Kayu, I wanted to live in Dendera forever. I didn’t want to die.”

  Kura Kuroi spoke with more conviction and spirit than Kayu Saitoh had ever heard from her in the Village.

  “But now I’m in this state,” Kura Kuroi continued. “It’s a shock. I never thought anything like this could happen to me here in Dendera. I thought I’d be able to go on enjoying life. But I’m fulfilled. You might not believe me, but I’m fulfilled. I can finally die. And I can do it while helping Dendera, not the Village. I’ve never felt this good before. But Kayu, you’re still alive. Live life embracing death, and keep life in your thoughts until you die.”

  “Don’t die!” Kayu Saitoh said, leaping from the straw. “You’re making no sense. Do you want to live or do you want to die? Which is it? And don’t feel fulfillment at dying! That’s not what I meant when I asked you. Why can’t you understand that? You’re happily dying, and you don’t even understand.”

  Without answering, Kura Kuroi closed her eyes.

  Thankfully, the woman’s chest continued to rise and fall. But Kayu Saitoh couldn’t accept a single word her friend had said.

  That night, all of the women sensed the animal smell that had worked its way into the air.

  Each in their places, the women tasted a thickly simmering stew of fear, tension, anticipation, and unease as they awaited their moment. They knew the bear was near but couldn’t predict if it would truly come, which hut it would enter if it did, or what actions it would take upon arrival. Inside the straw pile, Kayu Saitoh tightened her grip on the wooden spear, her palm moist with sweat.

  She didn’t know how much time passed like this, but eventually two noises approached: the rustling of thick fur and the crunching of footsteps in snow. Suddenly concerned that her own breath might be audible outside, she held it. Her heart pounded and cold sweat ran between her sides and her arms.

  The outside thing cautiously circled the hut three times, then returned to where it had started and put its head inside. Kayu Saitoh again held her breath. The bear’s head was so massive that she couldn’t tell how far away it was; but either way, the beast was incredibly close. It was close enough that if she jumped, she could have reached it. The beast stepped its front legs inside. Without any light, Kayu Saitoh only saw the outline of its head and forelegs, but that was enough to make her more aware of the beast’s mass and weight than she cared to be. The stench of its breath grew oppressive.

  Again the bear moved, advancing its bulk into the room. Passing in front of Kayu Saitoh, its body moved with real grace, the fur on its back vivid and red. Despite the darkness, Kayu Saitoh saw the crimson fur more clearly than when she had faced the beast in the Mountain. She fought to keep her strength from draining out from her feet.

  As she stared at that red fur, she wondered if the women could really win, though it was far too late for such doubts. The answer came to her almost immediately. We can’t win. We can’t win. We can’t win. We can’t win. We can’t win. No matter how many spears we prepare, no matter how many women we bring together, we can’t win. But even as quickly as the answer came to her, the time to escape had passed. She desperately tried to banish her despair, renewing her grip on the spear—the spear, she told herself, that very well might be the one to kill the bear
.

  Having squeezed itself into the room, the beast focused its gaze on Kura Kuroi. The bear’s hindquarters blocked the view from Kayu Saitoh’s hiding place, and she couldn’t see what was going on. But she knew Kura Kuroi was going to be eaten. She heard joy in the bear’s fierce snorts and enthusiastic grunts. The grunts built into a fierce roar. Kayu Saitoh recoiled, but the movement hadn’t drawn the beast’s notice. Instead, the creature raised its head, ready to fling itself onto its feast.

  Kayu Saitoh didn’t know what had happened, but the bear suddenly collapsed, landing on its rear, while Kura Kuroi’s body was hurled against the wall. Along with the sound of the woman’s impact, Kayu Saitoh heard someone shout, “Now!” It was Mei Mitsuya’s voice. Simultaneously, Kayu Saitoh saw the chief, Hikari Asami, and Tsuina Kamioka leaping down, spear-tips first, onto the bear. Kayu Saitoh joined the charge. She ran ahead without thought. The beast’s red fir was visible even in the dark, and that was where she thrust her spear. At least, that was where she tried to thrust her spear. Instead, she bumped into Hikari Asami and Tsuina Kamioka.

  The battle was in turmoil.

  Cries that could have belonged to either beast or woman echoed in the space.

  Quickly, she got back to her feet. The first thing she saw was Mumi Ohara and Tsuina Kamioka’s heads flying off. Next, claws pierced through Kaga Kasugai’s back. With a flick of the bear’s arm, the woman tumbled to the floor.

  “Kill it!” Mei Mitsuya was shouting. “Kill it!”

  Whether the bear was reacting in panicked surprise or in calm measure, Kayu Saitoh couldn’t tell; either way, the beast swung its paws again and again. Each swipe generated a gust of wind sending Kayu Saitoh’s hair and robe flapping. Makura Katsuragawa fled through the open hole with tears and sweat running down a face contorted in terror. Reacting to the sudden movement, the bear turned, and its eyes and Kayu Saitoh’s eyes met. At least she thought they did. A chill crept along her spine. She checked her grip on the wooden spear and flung herself forward at the bear’s face.