Mary Who’s she having a baby by, Kevin?
Kevin A couple o’saddos she met on holiday.
Rose Trollop. And her the size of a house.
Mary That’s my baby girl you’re talking about.
Rose Oh, listen to you. ‘She’s one of my kids!’ Another one you’ve adopted to make you feel better about Frankie.
Mary Nothing’s gonna bring him back, Rose.
Rose Good. Cos all he did was cause you heartache.
Mary Is somebody rolling a spliff or not? Where’s your dope box, Tony?
Tony In the living room.
Mary goes indoors.
Rose It’s true. But she don’t like the truth. Never did. Her and Rula Lenska.
Monica comes out and heads for the back gate.
Tony Where are you going?
Monica Out. I can’t bear the smell of all this burning flesh.
Kevin See you, lesbo!
Monica Fuck off poufter.
Rose Tell your mother she wants to learn to button her lip!
Monica exits.
Rose Is she lesbian?
Kevin She’d like to think she is.
Rose Does her mum know? She’ll go fucking spare.
Mary comes to the French windows.
Mary Where’s this bloody tin?
Tony (to Kevin) Go and show her.
Mary (to Rose) I’m not speaking to you.
Rose No? Oh, that’s a shame.
Kevin goes inside with Mary.
Rose He was always breaking her heart, silly cow.
Tony I know he was hardly an angel.
Rose All she ever did when he was alive was moan about him.
Tony Oh well. We all do things we regret in retrospect.
Rose Dunno why you’re defending her. She never had a good word to say about you. I had you down as a right monster.
Tony What? What did she say?
Rose How you was eating away at his money.
Tony Me? Frankie was a fucking bouncer. I’m management material!
Rose We all know he done funny things on the side. Bouncing never paid for this flat.
Tony No, I did! We put it in Frankie’s name cos I’m HIV. I’d never have got a mortgage.
Rose She never liked that neither. Case you gave it to him. At first she thought you was making it up, to snare Frankie.
Tony To snare him?
Rose ‘Oh, he’s always been a soft touch, my Frankie. Always been a glutton for a sob story. That boy’s got him just where he wants him.’
Tony Why on earth would me being HIV snare him? It’d put most people off.
Rose Oh am I being out of order? You can tell me. I can take it.
Tony No. No, you’re not. You’re telling the truth. If I’m to be honest I … My head’s pretty screwed up right now. I’m such a coward.
Rose What you scared of?
Tony People not understanding me.
Rose Oh, who gives a toss what other people think?
Tony I don’t understand me.
Rose If I’da spent me life worrying what every fucker thought about me, I wouldn’t have had half the fun I’ve had.
Tony Why does she have this hold over me?
Rose She makes people listen to her. And they do. Even if she is speaking crap. She used to tell people I was an alcoholic. It got back to me. I spread it round she had a false leg. Well it was when she was always wearing them suede ski-pants.
Tony Did she say any of that stuff to Frankie? About me. Not trusting me.
Rose That was all they used to row about. He came down the pub and had it out with her. ‘Stop coating my Tony you interfering bitch! You ain’t welcome round my house!’ Looked like he was going to punch her. She was hiding behind me Golden Wonder.
Tony He said she refused to come cos his dad wouldn’t let her. She only started coming after he left her.
Rose Siddie never stopped her going nowhere!
Tony I wonder why he didn’t just tell me.
Rose Oh, he was probably trying to protect you. You know her problem? She didn’t bond with him when he was a baby. Weren’t her fault, the … (Clicks fingers) didn’t click. That’s sad when that happens. There’s someone coming up your back passage. (Calls.) Who is it?
Off, we hear Iggy calling.
Iggy It’s Iggy!
Rose Iggy?
Tony Oh fuck, is it?
Rose Iggy? What sort of a name’s that?
Iggy comes in through the back gate.
Iggy All right, Tony?
Tony What time d’you call this? I thought we were supposed to be meeting in the club?
Iggy Better late than never.
Tony This is Rose. This is Iggy.
Rose Oh, it’s you.
Iggy Sorry?
Rose Ever been down the Elusive Camel?
Iggy Er, no.
Rose Oh, well it ain’t you then. What are you talking about? Keep an eye on breakfast. I’m gonna have a kip.
Rose lies down on the sun lounger. Tony keeps an eye on the barbecue.
Iggy Are you trashed?
Tony I looked all over for you.
Iggy I’m a wanker. What more can I say? Did you cop for any one last night?
Tony No. You weren’t there.
Iggy What’s it got to do with me?
Tony Woulda been a bit embarrassing now.
Iggy I’d sit out here ’til he went away.
Tony D’you want a drink?
Iggy I’ll have this. (Takes drink off table)
Tony It’s not yours.
Iggy Is now.
Tony I should be really angry with you.
Iggy What you gonna do? Hit me?
Tony But I’m not. I’m too angry with someone in there.
Iggy I don’t mind if you’re angry. I’d be angry. I’d hit you.
Tony You? You’re a scrawny little fucker.
Iggy Is this yours? (Puts Kevin’ s hat on.)
Tony No. It’s Kevin’s.
Iggy Chuck us them shades.
Tony They’re not yours either.
Iggy I’m in disguise.
He sits there in the hat and sunglasses that Kevin was wearing earlier. He sits there, facing the sun.
I was gonna come down. But I went for a walk instead. Walked all over. Walked across that Tower Bridge. Felt like jumping off. Having a midnight dip.
Tony Why?
Iggy Don’t you ever feel like doing mad things?
Tony I once wrote to Jim’ ll Fix It asking to be the fifth member of Brotherhood of Man, but it’s hardly staring madness in the face is it?
Rose pipes up, still with her eyes shut.
Rose Isn’t it?
Mary and Kevin appear at the French windows. Mary is proudly holding up a massive joint.
Mary Look at the size o’that! Oh. Who’s this then? We’ve got a visitor, Kevin.
Tony This is Iggy. My new little friend.
Kevin All right?
Mary Iggy? Oh, that’s unusual, innit?
Tony The boy who stood me up.
Kevin You’re wearing my hat and glasses, mate.
Iggy Sorry.
Kevin Nah, keep them. For now.
Tony Kevin, this is the beautiful Iggy.
Iggy Oright, mate?
Tony And Mary.
Iggy Hi, Mary.
Mary So you didn’t come to the club last night.
Iggy No.
Mary It was fucking wicked. We was largin’ it, wasn’t we Ro? Rose, eh?
Iggy You went to Trade?
Mary I’m never out of that place. You’re probably wondering who I am.
Tony You’re Mary. He’s not deaf.
Mary I’m Tony’s mother-in-law.
Tony As was.
Mary You look tired, Tony. You should have a lie-down. He should have a lie-down. Tell him, Kevin.
Tony I’m fine, Mary. The elephant tranquillisers I took at three of the o’clock this morning appear to be kicking in.
Mary looks very sad. She sits on the step up to the decking and rests her head on her hand, staring contemplatively at the ground. Tony rolls his eyes.
Iggy You OK, Mary?
Mary I’ll be all right in a minute.
Kevin What’s the matter with you, Mary?
Tony As if we didn’t know.
Mary Oh, I was just thinking. It’s nothing. You all ignore me. I’ll be fine. Eventually.
Iggy You look dead sad.
Mary I’ve lost me son.
Kevin She’s so careless.
Tony giggles. Mary gives Kevin daggers then looks back to Iggy.
Mary I expect Tony’s told you.
She reaches out and holds Tony’ s hand, not looking at him.
Iggy Yeah he did.
Mary You’da liked him, darling. He was one of the best.
Iggy I’m sure. I’m sorry Mary.
Mary It was only six months ago. He ain’t even warm.
Tony Cold!
Mary Cold. It’s nice that Tony’s got good friends. His heart’s breaking every second of the day. Ain’t that right, Tony? Takes a long time to get over someone like my Frankie, ain’t that right, baby boy?
Tony (sarcastically) Years.
Mary nods her head, sagely.
Tony May I have my hand back?
Tony removes his hand from Mary’ s grasp.
Mary You ever had a mum, Iggy?
Iggy Yeah.
Mary You treat her good, yeah?
Iggy Yeah. I think so.
Mary That’s beautiful.
Tony Actually, I think I will go to bed. Iggy?
Mary Oh, I was just beginning to enjoy meself then.
Tony Care to join me?
Mary Don’t go to bed, darling. We can all sit up and have a singsong. Does anyone know ‘Edelweiss’?
Tony We’ve been up all night. You’re no spring chicken any more.
Mary starts to sing ‘Edelweiss’.
Rose sits up and joins in.
Mary gives Rose daggers.
Mary Did I ask you to join in?
Rose I know her.
Mary I’ve got a lovely voice. Coulda been professional. A gypsy once crossed my path with silver and said she seen big things for me in the opera.
Rose Bollocks!
Rose lies back down again.
Tony Maybe we should all call it a day.
Mary Oh, Tony! I’m having too nice a time to go home.
Iggy D’you live near?
Mary No. I’d need to get the bus. What bout you?
Iggy I’ll walk you to the stop. I’m only round the corner.
Mary Oh. So you ain’t stopping neither?
Iggy No.
Mary Oh. Rose. Rose!
Rose sits up again.
Rose She’s another one with a mouth on her.
Mary Rose, we’re going.
Rose I said, ‘Bit of a comedown from jigging round that nunnery, you dirty strumpet.’
Mary Rose, Tony wants his bed, darling, and Iggy’s gonna walk us to the bus stop.
Rose What about my breakfast?,
Mary Give us a kiss and tell me you love me, Tony. See you, Kev. Tell Monica bye, yeah?
Tony See you. See you, Iggy.
Kevin Bye then.
Iggy I suppose you’ll be wanting these.
He takes off the shades and hat.
Nice meeting you.
Kevin gets the fright of his life when he sees Iggy’ s facefor thefirst time.
Mary Say goodbye, Kevin. Bloody hell, you’re so rude.
She links Iggy’ s arm.
What’s your mum’s name, darling?
Iggy Denise.
Mary Oh, that’s a pretty name. She a bit on the young side?
Iggy leaves with Mary and Rose. We hear them talking as they walk up the path.
Iggy Forty-three.
Mary Oh, she’s a baby. D’you hear that, Rose?
Rose What?
Mary Forty-three.
Rose Who?
Mary His mum. Denise.
Rose Well, if she’s anything like Denise Nolan she’ll be lovely.
Mary She’s just a baby. And how old’s your nan?
Rose There’s a bus. Leg it!
We hear them run off down the path. Kevin and Tony sit there a while.
Kevin Where did you meet him?
Tony The pub. Do I look disgusting or something?
Kevin Where does he live?
Tony Manchester. He’s staying at a B&B round the corner. He couldn’t bear to look at me for more than five minutes.
Kevin What did he say his name was?
Tony Why?
Kevin He just … reminds me of someone.
Tony Who?
Kevin I dunno.
Tony Don’t you think he’s cute?
Kevin He’s all right, yeah.
Tony Please don’t do a Mary on me.
Kevin It’s difficult, you know.
Tony Why is it difficult?
Kevin I dunno. It just is.
Tony Come here.
He hugs Kevin to him.
Kevin You’ll maybe never see him again, eh.
Tony Don’t sound so fucking pleased.
Kevin Stop touching me.
Tony Why?
Kevin Cos I can’t fucking bear it!
Tony lets Kevin go.
Kevin No. Don’t stop.
Tony hugs him again. Kevin closes his eyes and savours it. Iggy comes back in.
Iggy Am I interrupting something?
Tony Darling!
Iggy Well, that was easy. Bus was already there. She weren’t happy, was she? I kind o’got the impression that she didn’t want me knocking about with you. It was only a little white lie. Don’t mind that, do you?
Tony No. You played that really well didn’t you? Who’s a clever boy?
Iggy Are you ready for bed yet?
Tony Listen sweetheart, if I were gonna do anything, I need a shower. I’ve been dancing all night - certain parts of me are not smelling like roses. I won’t be long. You keep an eye on my Iggy, Kev? And keep your mucky paws off. I’ll be two ticks. (To Iggy.) He goes anywhere near you? Scream!
Tony goes in. Kevin watches Iggy. He sits down and knocks back his drink. Kevin is staring at him. He shuts the French windows.
Iggy Have I got a welly on me head?
Kevin What did you say your name was again?
Iggy Iggy.
Kevin Does anyone ever call you anything else?
Iggy Like what?
Kevin Like your real name?
Iggy Ignatius?
Kevin No. (Beat.) Brett.
Iggy looks at Kevin.
Blackout.
Act Two
Scene One
Sunday morning.
Kevin and Iggy sitting there. Kevin is knocking back a drink. He’s quite pissed now.
Kevin I’ve seen a photograph.
Iggy People look alike. (Takes a swig of drink.)
Kevin Don’t you fucking drink that! What game are you playing?
Iggy I’m not playing any … ! Who’s this Brett fella?
Kevin You can’t pull the wool over my eyes!
Iggy Was Frankie having an affair then?
Kevin Hah! Did I say that?
Iggy Does Tony know?
Kevin No. Keep your fucking voice down!
Iggy But you do. And you never told him. What sort of a friend are you?
Kevin Not half as fucked up as you are. Shag the dead one, get the live one. You sick or something?
Iggy I’m Ignatius. You’re mistaken.
Iggy makes to go in. Kevin bars his way.
Kevin Leave Tony alone.
Iggy Why should I? What right have you got to tell me what to do?
Kevin Because I’m a grown-up, you’re a kid, and he’s my mate.
Iggy I dunno what the fuck you’re talking about, mate. Now can I go in, or do I have to hit you?
Kevin What d’you wa
nt? Money? I’ll give you money. (Goes in pockets.) How much d’you want?
Iggy What d’you think you are? The Mafia?
Iggy tries to push past Kevin.
Kevin Leave him alone!
Kevin wrestles him away from the door and on to the decking. Iggy easily brushes him off, as he is so pissed. Kevin sits on the decking and starts to cry. He gets up, sits at the table, trying to hide it. Iggy watches this.
Iggy You know, Tony was right about you. You’re fucking barmy, mate. Listen. Let’s not say owt about this to Tony. If Frankie was having an affair. He doesn’t need to know, does he? And as I’m not this … Brett character. I’m gonna go in, and forget this conversation ever happened. You’re drunk, Kevin.
Kevin Drinking doesn’t make me stupid, you prat!
Iggy Well, it makes you fucking paranoid! What’s the difference?
Kevin Musta been strange. Meeting Mary. The woman who gave your lover life.
Iggy Are you on tablets? I think you should take some.
Kevin No I’m not on fucking tablets! For Christ’s sake, where do you get off?
Iggy Look, I don’t want a slanging match. I just wanna be with Tony, yeah? I certainly don’t wanna fall out with his mates.
Kevin Why? Why are you doing this?
Iggy I’m down for a couple o’days. I meet a guy in a bar. We have a bit of fun. I go home. There is no ‘why’ about it.
Kevin Nobody stays in Dalston.
Iggy It’s cheap.
Kevin Unlike you, you’re free.
Iggy Jealous?
Kevin Of what?
Iggy That I’ve got Tony?
Kevin Why would I be jealous?
Iggy You’re just making up stories to try and get rid of me. Cos you want him for yourself.
Kevin Why does everyone think I’ve got a thing for Tony?
Iggy Well, you seem a bit obsessed with him.
Kevin He’s my friend.
Iggy If you want. (Makes to go in.)
Kevin Oi! I’m not some sad alcoholic because I’m in love with Tony! I’m a sad alcoholic cos I’m not in love with anybody. And what you’re doing is fucked up!
Iggy You’re so wrong. About me.
Kevin Brett was from Manchester.
Iggy A lot of people are.
Kevin You’re the fucking image of him. You’re his doppelgänger!
Iggy Look. I’m sorry, but I’m not him.
Kevin I hate all this.
Iggy What?
Kevin Lying. It’s not right.
Iggy So Frankie was seeing someone else?
Pause. Kevin stares at Iggy.
I won’t tell Tony, if that’s what you want.
Kevin Yes.
Iggy How long for?
Kevin It doesn’t matter.
Iggy What a bastard.
Out in the Open Page 5