Kevin Sometimes I read things into things that aren’t there. Stupid things. D’you know what I mean? And it all seems so real to me. I’m sat here and I’m convinced that you are this Brett geezer. Panicking about how I break it to Tony. I hate secrets. Listen to me. I get carried away sometimes. Great. I’ve told you something I should never have breathed to a soul. I can’t tell Tony, but I can tell a complete stranger. I know you hardly know him and that. But you can see he’s dead sound. You’re not gonna tell him, are you? I think it’s my guilty conscience.
Iggy No, mate. I won’t be telling him owt.
Kevin Frankie treated him like shit, you know. And he just took it. Monica thought he was a fool. I thought he had dignity. I’ve never had a relationship. Not proper. I dunno what I feel any more. But I know this much. I ain’t waiting for the grieving widow to turn round and tip me the wink. I just get confused cos I’m lonely. D’you ever get lonely?
Iggy Come on, mate. Calm down.
Kevin Do you?
Iggy Yes.
Kevin You’re called Iggy, aren’t you?
Iggy Yes.
Kevin You’re not Brett, are you?
Iggy shakes his head. Kevin sits there, crying. Iggy goes to get Kevin’ s drink and hand it to him. As he does, Monica returns, carrying a large bag and putting her mobile phone away. Iggy has his back to Monica at first.
Monica Hi, Kev! Look, I’m so sorry about earlier. Guess what? My really great friend Candice has just rung and there’s this new musical and they’re looking for really great black actresses who can …
Iggy turns round to see who it is. Monica stands staring at Iggy. They stay staring at each other.
Kevin Oh, this is Iggy. Tony’s new … friend.
Pause.
Kevin The bloke Tony was going on about. Iggy. Stood him up last night. This is him. He’s sound as a pound.
Monica What are you doing here, Brett?!
Pause.
Kevin What?
Iggy You two know each … ?
Kevin This is Iggy. It is, it’s Iggy.
Iggy You’re that bird from Mykonos.
Kevin You said. You fucking bastard!
He lunges at Iggy. He gets Iggy in the eye.
Monica Get off him! Kev, get off him! Oh God, he’s really drunk.
Kevin It’s him. The twat that Tony’s been seeing.
Iggy (to Monica) Why didn’t you tell me? I poured me heart out to you! (Winces.) Me fucking eye!
Monica Look. I never lied to you, Brett. I just … didn’t tell you the truth.
Kevin I was right. I was fucking right. And you made me think …!
Monica Oh, shut up, Kev, you’re pissed.
Kevin But …
Monica Drop it, Kev!
Pause.
Iggy Don’t look at me like I’m a piece of shit. I don’t have to explain myself to you.
Monica Fine. So I take it Tony knows who you are?
Pause.
Iggy You’re just as much a liar as I am.
Monica I didn’t follow you to Mykonos!
Iggy You should have told me.
Monica Well, that’s the pot calling the kettle black.
Iggy I didn’t plan this.
Kevin What did you plan? Come and stay in Dalston just to visit his grave?
Iggy And what’s so barmy about that?
Monica What’s barmy is you’re shagging his boyfriend.
Kevin You can’t tell him now. You’ve got to tell him but you can’t tell him now. He’s off his nut. It’s not safe. You’ll freak him out.
Monica I don’t quite believe this is happening. As if my life couldn’t get any worse. You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had.
Iggy I thought you were all right.
Monica I am.
Kevin She’s one of the nicest people she knows.
Monica How did you think you’d get away with it?
Iggy Frankie said no one knew.
Monica Oh, he couldn’t shut up about you. Not in front of Tony. Just.
Iggy I told you loads.
Monica I’m a good listener.
Iggy You don’t give a shit about Tony. Neither of you do.
Monica I love Tony. Tony’s, like, one of my closest pals.
Iggy So why didn’t you tell him?
Monica I thought he’d never find out. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt you.
Iggy Well, he wouldn’t, if you didn’t tell him.
Monica Why, Brett?
Iggy All I wanted was to put flowers on Frankie’s grave. Look at the flat he lived in from the outside. Go to the pubs he drank in. Look at it from my point of view. I loved him. And I didn’t even know when his funeral was. All I get’s a message on me machine saying. And Frankie didn’t know any of my mates. So it’s not like I can gab to them about him. I didn’t know any of his. I just wanted to feel close to him. Then I meets a bloke in a pub and he chats me up. And he tells me his name, and I think … nah, can’t be. Can’t be. So I asks him what street he lives in. And I know. And he invites me back. For a coffee. But I know he wants to fuck me. Everyone wants to fuck me.
Kevin Bit full of yourself, aren’t you?
Iggy Frankie never. He liked me for me. I’m not a cunt, Monica. You know that. So I thinks, will I? Won’t I? Shall I go back? What do I do? So I says to Tony I need a crap. So I goes to the bog in the pub and I think, if I stay here. If I just stay here for half an hour, he’ll fuck off. He’ll think I’ve got off. So I sit there, on the bog. And I smoke a fag. I hears his voice. Asking me if I’m all right. I said, ‘I’ve got the squits.’ I’m thinking, if he thinks I’ve got a shitty arse he won’t want me to go back with him. He goes, ‘I’ve got Dioralyte back at my place.’ This bloke ain’t giving up.
Monica You should have gone home.
Iggy I wanted to see what Frankie’s flat was like. I reckon I can come back, have a drink, and get off. Have a quick butcher’s. So I’ve got a picture in me head. Then scarper. Nobody’s hurt nobody. And we come back. And he makes me a Dioralyte. To stop me crapping. Only I’m not really crapping, but I drink it anyway … and that makes me feel ill. Well, he’s not letting me go home now. He’s gonna take care of me. Next thing I know this guy’s telling me about his dead boyfriend. And he’s my dead boyfriend. And I can’t tell him. I want to. I want to grab hold of him and say I know exactly how you feel. I feel so close. Then I’m lying in Frankie’s bed and Frankie’s boyfriend is making sure I’m OK. And I think fuck it. Why shouldn’t I stay? He’ll never know. I didn’t set out to hurt Tony. Tony’s all right. I can see why Frankie was with him. And I hate meself that I mighta come between Frankie and him.
Monica If you didn’t set out to hurt him, you’ll just go now.
Iggy And what excuse would I give? I can’t.
Kevin Easy. Say the usual crap blokes say. You’re not ready for this. Christ, he can’t be ready for this, won’t be like you’re speaking a foreign language.
Monica I knew something like this was going to happen. I’m quite psychic. No, really. The way I kept bumping into you in bloody Mykonos. I saw you at the Kastro Bar. You ordered a drink and then left.
Iggy How did you know?
Monica I saw a photo of you. When you went to Belgium. All those photos he took.
Iggy Have you still got them?
Monica He put everything with you on it. Photos. Address books. Keepsakes. Letters.
Iggy I never sent him letters. I sent him emails.
Kevin He used to print them out and keep them.
Iggy Did he?
Monica If I could just finish! He put them all in left-luggage at Paddington.
Iggy Where are they now?
Monica We don’t know. .
Iggy But there’d be a receipt? The ticket for the left luggage. He’d have a ticket for that, wouldn’t he?
Monica He kept it in his wallet.
Iggy And where’s that? What if Tony found it?
Kevin When Frankie d
ied. The guy who. The guy who stayed with him ‘til the ambulance came. We don’t know who this guy was. And. The police seem to think he. Well, they know. He went through Frankie’s pockets. His wallet was missing. And his house keys. Tony had to get the locks changed.
Iggy That’s fucking sick. Robbing from a dead man? I wish you’d told me you knew him. What were you thinking?
Tony opens the French windows, dressed in a towel, fresh from the shower. Iggy and Monica look round.
Tony Ah! My three pals bonding! This is what I like to see. Isn’t he gorgeous?
Monica Yes but what a shame he’s got to get off so quickly. Oh shit. Sorry. You haven’t told him, have you? I put my size sevens in it again!
Tony What?
Iggy Tony. There’s something I’ve gotta tell you. I’ve. I’ve gotta go back to Manchester tomorrow.
Tony I thought you were going back on Tuesday?
Iggy I know but. I found out today I’ve got a job interview Tuesday. So I need to get back up tomorrow. It’s a pisser, innit?
Tony Better make the most of you while I’ve got you then. Come on.
Tony makes to head back in. Kevin and Monica are looking at Iggy, wondering what he is going to do. Tony looks back, wondering why he is not following.
Iggy That’s the other thing. I’ve gotta phone the bloke about the job tonight. Well, he’s phoning me at the B&B, so I’ve gotta get off.
Monica I’m going to get a drink.
Kevin shakes his head. Monica goes inside.
Tony What’s the job?
Iggy It’s not very interesting.
Tony What is it?
Iggy Old-Time Portraits. Folk come in and dress up in Victorian clobber. Or Wild West. Or 1920s gangsters and have their pictures taken. Sepia wash. There’s a new one opening near us and they need a photographer.
Kevin Oh I’ve seen them, yeah. Oh, I always wondered what sort of people worked in them places.
Iggy It’ll keep the wolf from the door. Get me through college a bit.
Tony Kev, would you mind?
Kevin gets up to go inside.
Kevin It was nice meeting you, mate. Good luck with the job.
Iggy Cheers, mate.
Kevin exits.
Tony Well, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you to stay. Can you come back later? After he’s phoned?
Iggy You’re mashed.
Tony Phone him from here and give him this number.
Iggy I ain’t got his number. A mate o’mine’s sorted it out. I better go really.
Tony So do I not get to see you again?
Iggy D’you want to?
Tony Course I fucking want to, Iggy. Course I fucking do. Does that scare you?
Iggy I’d love to see you again, Tony. I just don’t know that it’s right.
Tony Well, it’s not wrong, is it? How is it wrong? Is there something you’re not telling me?
Iggy There’s nothing wrong about it, it’s just. I dunno. I don’t know.
Tony You don’t fancy me.
Iggy It’s not that.
Tony So you do fancy me?
Iggy I’ve got to go.
Tony Come round tomorrow. Before you go. Come round for your lunch.
Iggy is crying.
Tony Don’t cry. There’s no need to cry. My cooking’s not that bad.
They kiss. For a long time. Monica comes to the French windows filing her nails. She watches them. They stop kissing.
Iggy I’ll see you tomorrow.
Tony Great. I’ll take the day off work.
Iggy nods and leaves. Tony watches him go. Monica steps out.
Monica Hey, you’ll never guess what. I’ve got an audition tomorrow. My really great friend Candice phoned earlier. There’s this new musical, and they’re having trouble finding really great black actresses who can ice-skate. I said, ‘Look no further, Candice.’ I love that Candice, you know. She’s quite fit actually. Great tits.
Tony Lovely.
Monica Oh, look, I’m sorry it didn’t work out with little … thingy.
Tony I’m a bit mixed up about all this, you know. This isn’t what I’d planned. When I went the pub the other night. I didn’t think that. Two days later I’d be. So confused. Nice, isn’t he?
Monica Is he?
Tony Isn’t he?
Monica Whatever. Yeah, I guess he’s kind of … sweet.
Tony Eh?
Monica Truth?
Tony Go on.
Monica I don’t trust him.
Kevin comes out.
Kevin Neither do I.
Tony Why not?
Kevin I dunno, I just don’t.
Tony You’d say that about whoever I got off with next.
Monica I mean, what was all that bullshit about having to go to a job interview? I mean, come on! That was just like … so invented!
Kevin Did you think so?
Monica Believe me. I know when people are improvising. And improvising badly.
Kevin Maybe he’s just trying to let you down gendy. He’s only a kid.
Tony Why don’t you trust him, Mon? Cos he’s a scally?
Monica No. I’m really into auras and he has got such a disturbing one. It’s a colour I’ve never seen before.
Tony Oh, shut up.
Monica Look, don’t lose your heart or anything to him, babe. Yeah?
Tony I’m only having a bit of fun. I. If I’m honest, it doesn’t feel right.
Monica See, I knew it. I’m probably just picking up some of your vibes, you know. Anyway he’s going to be out of your life soon enough. That much I do know.
Tony But every time I look at him, I can’t help myself. I want to hate him. Cos he’s not Frankie. But I don’t.
Kevin His eyes are too close together.
Tony His eyes are perfectly positioned thank you!
Kevin I’ve met lads like him before. That’s all I’m tryina say, mate. And that sort are only after one thing.
Tony All right, so you can’t stick him. I think it’s up to me who I see. Don’t you? You can’t just cling on to the idea that I’ll never get over Frankie. Cos I will. I have to.
Monica Does he know you’re positive?
Tony That’s none of his business!
Monica Er, hello? He’s having sex with you?
Tony Safely. Anyway I’ve got an inkling he knows. He must have seen the pills in the bathroom. He’ll either think I am or Kev is.
Monica What, you don’t talk about shit like that?
Tony Do we have to talk about everything all the time?
Kevin What d’you see in him?
Tony Isn’t it obvious?
Kevin He’s cute, yeah, but …
Tony Don’t you think I like the danger?
Monica So you agree he’s dangerous? That’s a good word for him actually.
Tony Maybe I’m dangerous. Maybe what I feel for him is dangerous.
Monica Right.
Tony Christ, I’ve only known him since Friday night. And I’m all worked up about him. I took one look at him and said, this guy’s trouble. But I don’t care. You’re right. He’s too cute.
Monica Oh, pass me the sick bag. Cute?! What’s cute? Bunny wabbits? Furry little kittens? Yukola, Antonio McBonio. And remember rabbits crap everywhere. And cats, yeah, cats have claws.
She thinks she’s been terribly profound. Tony rolls his eyes and goes back inside.
Blackout.
Scene Two
Monday afternoon.
Tony sits at the table drinking a glass of wine. A bowl of salad on the table. Two plates. The remnants of a meal. Iggy’ s sports bag on the ground. Kevin sits on the back step wearing a Blockbuster Video uniform. He is putting on a pair of trainers and a funny voice.
Kevin ‘That’s due back Wednesday before eleven o’clock. That’s due back Wednesday before eleven o’clock. That’s due back Wednesday before eleven o’clock.’ That’s all I’ll say for the rest of the day, you know. I could bring a bottle o
f wine back tonight. You might be feeling a bit funny.
Tony Why?
Kevin Well, he’s getting off inn’e? He’ll be out of your life for ever. Sort of thing.
Tony Kevin, why do you have to make it sound so dramatic?
Kevin Dunno. I’m just thinking of you really. He’s taking his time. Is he having a crap?
Tony I don’t know, we didn’t go into details, I was still eating.
Kevin It’s just I wanna get in and use the ear things. Last week me boss said I had dirty ear holes. Waxy.
Tony Well, why don’t you ask him how long he’s going to be?
Kevin I don’t like to put people on the spot.
The back door goes and Monica comes in, beaming. She is carrying a pair of ice-skates.
Tony What are you doing here?
Monica Antonio? Audition? I don’t want to tempt fate, but I really think that job is mine!
Kevin That’s what you said after Mamma Mia.
Monica So?
Kevin Well, that was months back, and you still haven’t heard.
Monica Yeah, but they still haven’t said no!
Kevin You poor deluded fool.
Kevin goes indoors. Monica can’t believe Kevin’s cheek.
Tony Well, he’s kind of got a point. I’m not saying you’re deluded. Oh, I’ll shut up.
Monica Do you want me to be stuck in that caff for the rest of my life? My first audition in seven months, and you have to be vile about it. Thanks a lot, Tony. Nice one, buddy!
Tony How did it go?
Monica They really liked my voice. They were fucking hooked actually.
She swipes his wine and knocks some back.
And I’m pretty sure the director was a lesbian. Fuck did she enjoy touching me.
She laughs cocfdly and takes one of his cigarettes.
Tony What’s it about?
Monica It’s really interesting actually. It’s about this really fierce girl gang in Nottingham, and they hang out at this ice rink. I said, ‘That is so uncanny, Pam, cos I spent the majority of my puberty at the Silver Blade in Basingstoke. It’s in fact where I first realised I was a lesbian.’ Well, you’ve gotta flirt. My character’s called Trish. And she … God this is so exciting … she dies at the end! I love dying. And my blood slowly seeps over the ice of the rink. And the other gang members gather round and sing this song called ‘The Red Rink’. That’s the name of the show. The Red Rink.
Tony What did they say?
Out in the Open Page 6