Deeper In You (The Phoenix Series Book 2)

by David S. Scott

  “I’m sure none of that is true.” Her voice soothed me, calming my frazzled nerves.

  “Some was. Most is bullshit.”

  “What was true?”

  “Well, for starters, everything she wrote about my sister. She’d told me she found someone who knew Mandy, but also promised she’d never publish the story. Second… Faith, she’s not exactly wrong about the way I’ve treated women. That said, I haven’t been with anyone since her. Random hookups just seem meaningless now.” And freak me out like I have post-traumatic stress disorder or something. Not gonna bring that up, though.

  “Maybe you were just looking for the right woman.”

  “Maybe.” My voice was hoarse, so I cleared my throat. “By the way, I enjoyed the show. Thank you for asking me to see it.”

  She turned her whole body toward me and grinned. “Did you?”

  “Yes. You were great.”

  “What was your favorite part?”

  “That’s a tough question. I liked the whole thing, and all of you did an excellent job bringing the characters to life. I liked that they managed to take a story of a serial killer and make you feel for him. And your character, she was in love with him, but acted selfishly. You could understand where all the characters came from.”

  “My favorite part to sing is the one about the sea. Or the duet where they’re plotting. One of those.”

  “Those were both great. You’re very talented. Did you mean it earlier when you said Jacob wouldn’t come see you?”

  “Yes. He hates musicals.”

  “But you’re in it. Why wouldn’t he come to support you?”

  “Just not the way he is.”

  “I think you told me you’ve been together for almost a year. Is it serious, then?”

  Faith shrugged, toying with her hair and looking uncomfortable. I felt like a shit for putting that sad look on her face. We drove the rest of the way to Denny’s in silence.

  We settled into a curvy booth, the wall of silence still heavy between us. I couldn’t take it anymore. I set the menu down. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. Why would you think something is wrong?”

  “Because you were happy, and now we’re not speaking.”

  “Have you been avoiding me, Xander?”

  I hesitated. That wasn’t the response I had expected. “Have you been coming to John’s to see me?”

  “I asked first.”

  “So what?”

  “Have you been avoiding me?”

  “I… yes.” The last word was a whisper.

  “Why?”

  Fortunately, the awkward moment was broken by the waitress coming over to see if we were ready. We both ordered, and the menus were whisked away.

  “Why, Xander?”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and cringed. “Because you have a boyfriend, Faith.”

  “And that means we can’t be friends?”

  The air left my lungs in a rush. I didn’t want to have this discussion here. I didn’t want to have it at all. “I never knew they did flavored sodas here. Probably because I don’t drink them. Are they good?”

  A smile tugged at Faith’s lips. “Yes. Sweeter than regular soda, though. You’re so tense, Xander. So tightly wound.” Before I knew what was happening, her hand was on the back of my neck. She rubbed and massaged the base of my neck and the back of my head. I leaned forward, placing my elbows on the table and my face in my hands. Her fingers were tantalizingly cool, and I moaned in spite of myself. I was tense, and her hand on me felt so good. Too good. Her touch meant too much, and I found it harder and harder to remind myself that we could never be more than friends. This wouldn’t do.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I murmured. She needed to stop. I liked it far too much. My cock had instantly hardened in response to her touch. I was so turned on, yet knew it was wrong. I considered escaping to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and get a grip, but I knew if I stood, or even leaned back, she’d see my obvious erection. I was held captive here at the table. No escape from her touch.

  “I like doing it, though. You seem to be enjoying it, too.”

  “What?” I glanced at her, but her expression seemed innocent enough. Almost playful.

  “You’re moaning, silly.”

  “You have magic hands.” Did she ever. She occasionally scratched at my scalp with her nails. It was so erotic, so sensual. I wanted her to continue forever, while needing her to stop. My cock strained against my pants, so I didn’t dare move. I wished she’d massage that.

  “Were you worried what I would think about your ex’s article?” Her whispered voice so close to my ear startled me, sent goosebumps racing up my arms.

  “Yes.”

  “She can say what she likes,” she continued to whisper in my ear. “I won’t believe a word of the propaganda. Exes can be vicious, and the fact that your ex is a tabloid reporter makes it worse.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot…”

  The arrival of our food interrupted her erotic assault. She took her hand off me and arranged her silverware, completely oblivious to my internal struggles. My eyes darted around the restaurant, focusing on anything and everything non-sexy, trying to regain control of myself as I ate.

  I cleared my throat. “So have you done any other musicals? Tell me about them…”

  I walked into my home and ascended the stairs in a daze. This couldn’t be happening. I had done such a great job getting my life back on track, and now, with a single flash of green eyes, it was all undone.

  There was a time I’d thought I’d fallen for Lily. I truly had. I could see now that it was a farce. She and I had shared a harrowing experience that drew us together. Then, after I injured my back, she represented a shift in my priorities; a back-up plan. She had been right to leave, but I could never forgive her for the abortion or for the article.

  Faith occupied a place in my soul that Lily had never been able to touch. It would be my luck that the first person I’d ever completely and irrevocably fallen in love with would be off limits to me. I had felt it from that first night together at the Mexican place. Perhaps it was just because I couldn’t touch her, but I doubted it. My feelings for Faith felt deeper. They felt like more. Love. I had tried to deny them, tried to block them out, but they were there. And it was all for nothing. Her heart belonged to another.

  I turned on the television and flicked to the music channels. Pausing at the grunge station, I cocked my head to the side and started to laugh. “My Sacrifice” by Creed. Wasn’t this song almost fifteen years old? Why would it be playing now other than to mock me? I stood there and listened to the entire thing, rubbing at the sudden pain in my chest. Yes… my sacrifice. I would have to let her go. In the end, it would be better for us both.

  Faith…

  I missed her already, grieved like I’d lost her, and she’d never been mine.

  Never would be mine.

  Chapter Eleven

  Faith called me the next evening just to chat. Our easy banter covered everything from her play to our favorite foods. Because of her work schedule, she apparently didn’t head out to the League as often as I’d thought. A small, petty part of me was happy she’d called for no other reason than it meant she wasn’t with Jacob, wasn’t doing things with him that I wished she’d do with me. I fell asleep that night with a smile on my face.

  Monday morning found me calling Murphy, my lawyer. He urged me to listen to Sam’s advice and to let it go. Yes, there were grounds for a libel case, but he felt that making a big deal out of it would only serve to make them popular and make me look worse.

  I didn’t like that answer from Murphy any more than I’d liked it from Sam.

  Arriving at the CaS building, I took a moment to look around the parking lot. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for; Lily didn’t have a car when I last saw her. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, I entered the building and called for the elevator.

 
Everything was eerily similar. The same stark, boring walls. The same receptionist behind the clear glass window. I tapped the glass.

  “I have an appointment with Lily Campbell.”

  “Hmm…” She flipped through her books. “I don’t see anything on the schedule for Ms. Campbell. Let me check with her. Have a seat.”

  “I was surprised to hear from Ms. Campbell. I thought she didn’t work here anymore.” I flashed my most charming smile.

  “She just came back last week. Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll just let her know you’re here. I’m sorry, but what is your name again?”

  “Alexander.” She stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue. “That’s all. She’ll know who I am.”

  The receptionist looked like she wanted to say something more but thought better of it. I waited less than a minute before a confused looking Lily opened up the door. “I’m sorry, Mr–Xander!”

  She gaped at me, looking for all the world like she’d seen a ghost. I crossed the room to her. “We need to talk.”

  “How did you…? When…?”

  “Not here, Lily. Come outside with me.”

  That seemed to shake some reason back into her. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “You’ll come outside with me, or we can do this right here. Your choice.” The set of her chin told me she wasn’t going to budge. I held up my phone, which had been opened to the CaS website. “So many things I want to say about this. How dare you bring up my sister? Hadn’t I made myself crystal clear that she was off limits before? How could you? And the rest of this… we both know it’s bullshit. I want to know why you’ve gone on a one-woman crusade to try to ruin my career, which, by the way, won’t work. Not this way.”

  Her voice raised, clearly so others could hear. “I don’t know what you mean, Xander. Your sister’s death was public record.”

  “Fuck that. You know what I’m talking about. Don’t play stupid.”

  “You knew I had that info. I’d told you.”

  “You’d also promised not to go public with it.” My eyes narrowed. “And this other stuff. Addictive personality? Treating women like objects? Violent?”

  “I stand behind it. It’s an opinion piece and that is my opinion.”

  “So my proposing to you was a side effect of my addictive personality? Fuck you, Lily. Why now? Why…” I tapped the screen and held it up to her face. It was the picture of Faith and me outside the restaurant. “Where did you get this picture?”

  “Anonymous photographer. Are we done yet? Some of us have work to do.”

  “Not yet. Explain to me why you’ve done this. What is different about now instead of then?”

  Her hand went to her slender belly. The gesture wasn’t lost on me, though I didn’t think she was aware she did it. A tiny diamond chip sparkled from a ring on her left hand.

  “Needed the money. CaS was more than happy to pay me for the scoop.”

  “How much do they offer for backstabbing and betrayal these days?”

  “Dramatic much, Xander?”

  “I don’t think so. I told you over and over that my family was off limits. You disregarded that, and included bullshit lies about me.” I gestured to her ring. “Get a better offer?”

  Her small hand curled into a fist, then she hid it from my view. “What’s it to you? I’ve seen you with the redhead. Isn’t she like thirteen? Still has her baby fat. Maybe I should write about that next.”

  “Fuck you! If you ever write about me ever again, or about anyone I care about, you’d better make sure that every single word is true, or I will sue the shit out of you for libel so fucking fast your head will spin. No more making shit up.”

  “Keisha, call security. Mr. Phoenix is done here,” Lily shouted.

  “No need, Keisha. I have nothing more to say to this lying, conniving bitch anyway. I meant what I said, Campbell. You’ll be wise to remember it.” I turned to leave.

  “He’s just pissed because his new girlfriend was undoubtedly shocked when she saw the article. She probably dumped his sorry ass,” I heard her say as the stairway door closed behind me.

  I didn’t take the bait. The only thing it would have accomplished would be getting me kicked out. Sam would be pissed if he found out I’d confronted her, but I didn’t give a shit.

  I decided to go home and lay low. I didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want to talk to anyone. I pushed myself into my workout regimen as if working hard enough would make all my troubles go away. Sam didn’t question my motivation, luckily for me.

  When Faith called that night, I tried to get off the phone, claiming I wanted to watch a movie. She harassed me until I named one, then complained she had never seen it before. Despite my bad mood, I found myself inviting her over to my place. I popped popcorn, and we sat on the couch to watch together. By the time she went home, I still had no idea what the movie had been about. My thoughts had been consumed by daydreams of Faith and me. It had been all I could do not to pull her to my chest and kiss her, but somehow I’d managed to behave myself.

  Jacob was a lucky bastard. I wanted to beat the shit out of him out of spite.

  Faith continued to call me over the next couple of evenings, but Thursday night I found myself missing her voice. She never called.

  She had phoned every evening for the last four nights. Where did she go? I rifled through my old CD collection and found what I was looking for: Best of Creed. I popped it into the Blu-ray player and wondered if it would be able to read the ancient, scratched disc.

  Finding my song, I sat down on the couch and brooded. When it finished, I started it again. My Sacrifice… yes. I had to stop thinking about her; she wasn’t mine. I turned the volume down and hit repeat on the song. Lying on the couch, I let the music wash over me.

  The ringing phone startled me awake. When had I fallen asleep? I grabbed the remote and shut off the still-repeating song. I glared at the phone. Two in the morning.

  I grabbed it. “Faith, are you all right?”

  “I’m great, Xander.” She paused. “Did I wake you?”

  “Yes, but it’s okay. I’d wondered where you were.”

  “I just wanted to say goodnight before I went to bed.”

  I couldn’t help smiling. “Did you?”

  “Yes. I had the best night.”

  “What happened?” Silence answered me. “Faith?”

  “You sure you want to know?”

  No. “Of course. Tell me.”

  “Jacob finally told me he loves me. I’m so happy.”

  Words failed me. Logically, I knew I had no right to be upset. Her heart wasn’t mine. Never had been, and never would be. But my heart and brain didn’t feel like being logical right then, so I said nothing.

  “Xander… Xander? Are you still there?”

  “I… yes. I’m here.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  Is she actually this fucking dense? “Nothing, Faith. I’m so… um… happy for you. I’m happy you’re happy. Yup. Happy.” Great. Now I’m rambling like an idiot. A manic idiot. My sacrifice… my sacrifice… the words repeated in my head.

  “I–” Faith sounded as much at a loss as I felt.

  “I’m going to go back to sleep, Faith. I’ll talk to you some other time, okay?” I hung up, but instead of going to sleep, I got up and foraged through the kitchen for a drink. “I’ll see you in my dreams.”

  I was on my third beer when a pair of headlights lit up my entryway. Who in the hell would be here at three in the morning? When the lights were shut off, I was able to make out the shape of Faith’s car. I opened the door and waited, the breeze raising goosebumps on my naked chest and arms.

  She approached me slowly. “Xander?”

  “Everything okay?”

  “I came to check if you were okay. You sounded strange on the phone.”

  “You are aware what time it is, right?” The look of hurt and humiliation of her face made me relent. I’d put that look there. She’d been
happy less than an hour ago. I sighed. “Come inside, Faith. You came all this way.”

  I held open the door and waited while she passed me. Why was she here? What did she want? Was she here to rub it in even more?

  Fuck that. Maybe it was the third beer I had just finished, but I was tired of acting like a pussy where she was concerned. Here she was, three in the morning, in my home. She came of her own free will… to see me. This was my sign.

  I shut the door behind her and set the bottle down on an end table with a thump. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why are you here?”

  “I was worried.”

  “About what?”

  “You.”

  I continued to watch her, my gaze impassive.

  “Xander, why are you looking at me that way?”

  “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

  She walked up to me, close enough I could smell the delicious scent of cherry blossoms. “You could never make me uncomfortable.”

  My growl rumbled deep in my chest. Before she could move a muscle I was on her. I grabbed her in my arms and backed her into my front door. Pressing my mouth to hers, I demanded her surrender. She felt stiff in my arms, hesitant. After a moment, though, she relaxed and opened her mouth. My tongue plunged inside, taking no prisoners.

  My arm wound around the small of her back, pulling her flush against me, letting her feel my cock harden even more by the second. Her tongue stroked mine. Her mouth tasted fresh and cool, like she’d recently brushed her teeth. Everything felt so right. This was where she belonged.

  She was mine. Not Jacob’s. How could she be? My entire body tingled with the intensity of our connection. She had to feel it, had to feel how right we were for each other. How could she not?

  Her moans vibrated through my lips, spurring me onward. This was all too much. I broke away first, gasping for breath.

  “Faith…”

  There she was, trapped against the door in front of me. Her lips were swollen by the passion of our kiss. She’d never looked more beautiful. Her brilliant green irises glowed, just as I’d always imagined them.

  “You are so beautiful,” I finished.