Blackmail Boyfriend

by Chris Cannon

  “I’ll share my turkey sandwich.” We both felt cafeteria food was an unspoken form of corporal punishment.

  “That’s okay. The mac ’n cheese isn’t bad.”

  The moment we stepped into the cafeteria, the volume increased. Everyone was probably speculating about my “relationship” with Bryce. The reality of what people were probably saying about me hit home, and I froze. My palms started to sweat.

  Jane grabbed my elbow and steered me toward our usual table. Random catcalls and unflattering comments floated around us as we crossed the industrial beige tile. Great. No one had noticed me before but now that I’d been dragged into Bryce’s orbit everyone had a comment.

  After depositing her backpack on our table, Jane said, “Ignore the idiots. I’ll be back.”

  I unpacked my lunch and bit into my turkey sandwich while I pretended to study my history notes. When the chair next to me was pulled out, I looked over to discover Bryce frowning.

  “We need to talk.” He gave an exaggerated sigh.

  “Okay.” I opened my bag of chips.

  “I’m sorry, but there’s someone else.”

  He wanted to break up with me in the cafeteria? Fat chance. I leaned toward him and touched his arm in a girlfriend sort of way. “If you planned to stage a public breakup with me, you can forget it.”

  Amusement showed in his hazel eyes. “Think you can stop me?”

  “Yes. First, I’m going to appeal to your sense of decency. I’m not a hook-up kind of girl. Thanks to you, the entire school thinks I am.”

  He snagged a chip and popped it in his mouth. “Do you even date?”

  Ouch. “It’s hard to have an active social life when you have two older brothers who chase everyone away, which is why I need you to stick around and stop that cycle.”

  “Sucks to be you.” He stole another chip.

  “If you don’t go along with Operation Boyfriend Bait, I’ll go with plan B.”

  His brows came together. “Ratting me out to Denny?”

  “After he pummels you into the ground, people will definitely believe you slept with his Haley and not me, so doesn’t it make more sense to play this my way? We both win.”

  Jane came back and took her seat. “What did I miss?”

  “He’s trying to break up with me. I gave him two options.”

  “You or dismemberment by Denny?” she guessed.

  “Exactly.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “What will it be?”

  “I pretend to be your boyfriend for a week, and you keep your mouth shut.”

  “Two months,” Jane chimed in.

  Bryce grabbed another chip. “One week and you can keep the Homecoming tickets.”

  “Five weeks and you can have the Homecoming tickets back,” I countered.

  “Two weeks,” he said. “And I don’t want the Homecoming tickets.”

  “Four weeks.” He reached for another chip and I smacked his hand.

  His mouth dropped open, and then he laughed. “That was not good girlfriend behavior.”

  I pulled the bag of chips closer. “Landing me in detention was not good boyfriend behavior.”

  He grinned all-knowingly. “You didn’t mind at the time.”

  My face heated. “Whatever. I want four weeks, the Homecoming tickets, and a double date with Jane and Nathan.”

  “Thank you.” Jane bounced in her chair.

  “Thought I’d share the wealth.” I smiled at Bryce. “And this should go without saying, but I expect you to play my monogamous boyfriend. When this is over, we’ll do a mutual breakup with no one to blame.”

  He sat back and seemed to weigh his options. “Three weeks, keep the tickets, one double date, and a no-fault breakup. Deal?”

  “Deal.” I wanted to high five Jane, but I sipped my soda instead.

  He pushed his chair from the table, snagged my bag of chips, and headed back to his normal seat. I knew when he told Nathan about the double date by the way his friend’s jaw fell open.

  Nathan glanced our way. Jane smiled and gave a small wave. He shook his head and went back to ranting at Bryce.

  …

  Bryce

  “How’d I get dragged into your mess?” Nathan asked.

  “Misery loves company.” I ripped open a packet of ketchup and squirted it on my burger.

  Nathan studied Jane over the top of his soda can. “You’re paying for the date.”

  “Fine.” I rolled my eyes. His family came from old money, so this was meant as a punishment. “It’s not like she’s hideous.”

  “No. She’s cute. That’s worse.”

  My best friend’s logic was sometimes difficult to follow, but it was always entertaining. “Go on.”

  “Look at her.” He gestured in her direction. “No makeup. Hair in a ponytail. That is not a girl interested in hooking up.”

  “At least she’s showing some skin.” The short skirt she wore with her boots revealed toned legs.

  “True.” He perked up. “Your new, pretend girlfriend is covered from head to toe.”

  With her dark blond shoulder-length hair and blue eyes Haley was cute in a wholesome-girl-next-door sort of way. The sweatshirt, jeans, and tennis shoes she wore didn’t do much for her appeal. “Maybe she dresses that way because of her brothers.”

  Nathan sniffed. “Probably wears granny panties. Not like you’ll have a chance to find out.”

  That sounded like a challenge. Not sure it was a game worth playing, considering her protective brothers, I shrugged. “Sad but true.”

  “Going to be a long three weeks.” He grinned, enjoying my misfortune.

  “Yes it is.” I finished off the chips I’d taken from Haley, flattened the bag, and folded it in half.

  If I’d known the other Haley was in an on-again off-again relationship with a Roid-monster, I never would have touched her. Not that I was scared of Denny, but it wasn’t smart to fight a guy who choked people until they were unconscious for fun. And if my father heard I’d been fighting, that would make my life at home hell. The only perk to this whole fake relationship-blackmail scenario was it would get my ex-girlfriend Brittney off my back. In three weeks, she’d move on to some other guy and I’d be in the clear.

  I observed Jane and Haley across the room. Jane waved her hands around and made ridiculous faces while she told a story. Haley laughed so hard she snorted.

  “Can you imagine what your father would say if you behaved that way in public?” Nathan asked.

  Since I’d been old enough to talk, my father had drilled into me the Whatever-you-do-reflects-on-our-family speech. I’d memorized it by the time I was seven. “Snorting while laughing is number twelve on the list of inappropriate behaviors.” I shook my head. “Ever wonder what it would be like not to care about appearances in public?”

  “No.” Nathan ran a hand through his hair. “I enjoy being perfect.”

  Nathan would never admit to pressure from his family. At his house, everything was perfect at all times. Seemingly without effort. At my house, Mother and I worked to keep up appearances for my father’s sake. Sometimes it was exhausting.

  “Do you want to go to the driving range after school?” Nathan asked.

  “Can’t. I’m giving Mike Sway golf lessons.”

  “Isn’t he the freshman in the wheelchair?”

  “Yes. He has adaptive golf clubs. They’re pretty cool.”

  Nathan pointed across the room toward Haley’s table. “Looks like someone is moving in on your territory.”

  At Nathan’s comment I tuned back in to the situation at hand. Some thick-necked jock had taken a seat next to Haley. Did she know this guy? He put his arm around her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Her face turned red. She shoved him, but he didn’t budge.

  …

  Haley

  “Get off.” I pushed at the jerk, but it was like trying to move a wall. Sometimes being a small female sucked.

  “You should let go of her.” Jane’s tone wa
s calm, but her eyes were huge.

  The Neanderthal laughed and whispered not-exactly-sweet nothings in my ear, which made it sound like he watched way too much porn. My stomach churned. If I puked on him, maybe he’d lose interest and go away.

  Through clenched teeth I said, “My brothers are going to kick your ass.”

  “No need to involve your brothers.” Bryce sat next to the jerk and looked at him like he was a speck of dirt. “Go away.”

  “Make me.” The jerk laughed like this was a brilliant comeback.

  Bryce leaned back in his seat as if he didn’t have a concern in the world. “There are two ways this can play out. One, I pull your arm off her. You try to hit me. I break your nose. We both end up in detention, and you’re suspended from the football team. Two, you leave voluntarily because you don’t want me to tell my father to cancel the donation for the new football uniforms.”

  The guy’s arm slid off my back. “We’re getting new uniforms?”

  “If you apologize to Haley and tell the rest of your friends to stay away from her, you’ll get new uniforms.”

  The jerk pushed his chair back. “Sorry, I was only joking.” He sauntered back to the table full of jocks who cheered like he’d scored a touchdown.

  Bryce scooted his chair closer. “Are you all right?”

  I nodded, afraid my voice would shake if I tried to speak.

  “Liar.” Jane came over and gave me a hug. “Your neck is red.”

  I took a deep breath and focused on happy things like my dogs, chocolate chip cookies, running the jerk down with my car and then backing over him again. That last thought wasn’t sane, but it worked. The muscles in my jaw unclenched.

  “Thanks for helping.” I smiled at Bryce to show him I was in control.

  “Good thing you had the uniform donation to hold over his head,” Jane said.

  “My father is always searching for tax write-offs. I don’t think he’ll mind.”

  “You made that up?” I couldn’t believe it. He’d been so smooth about the whole thing and it was nice of him to step up. He could have let that jerk harass me. Maybe he wasn’t a total mimbo.

  “My father says it’s better to out-think someone than to resort to physical violence.”

  “Sorry I wasn’t more help,” Jane said. “I considered hitting him over the head with my lunch tray, but I wasn’t sure it would do any good.”

  The idea of Jane beating on a football player with an orange plastic lunch tray made me laugh.

  “My work here is done.” Bryce put his hands flat on the table and stood and then his gaze flicked to the table of jocks. “Maybe I should walk you to your next class. What do you have?”

  “Physics, in the science hall.” Why did I say that? He knew science classes were in the science hall. Way to look like a dork. Maybe he hadn’t noticed.

  “I have Advanced Chemistry, which is also in the science hall. So we’re headed the same way.” With that, he left the table.

  So he had noticed. Not the end of the world.

  …

  When the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, Bryce and Nathan headed in our direction. Jane grinned at Nathan. He pretended not to see her. All four of us shuffled through the throng of students exiting the cafeteria.

  When we reached my classroom, I tried to think of something to say. “Thanks for helping back there.” Gee. That didn’t sound lame at all.

  “I did kind of drag you into this.” He reached out and brushed my hair behind my ear. His fingertips grazed my skin, sending a shiver down my spine. “Your neck’s not red anymore. According to Jane, that’s a good sign.”

  “It’s the family curse. Whenever I’m upset my neck turns red.” I shrugged. “It’s my dad’s fault.”

  He grinned like he’d thought of something funny. His hazel eyes lit up.

  I poked him in the chest. “What? You’re dying to make some sort of redneck joke, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I—”

  “Get away from my boyfriend,” a girl called out from behind us.

  I froze. “Is she talking to me?”

  Bryce ran his hand down his face. “Welcome to my nightmare.”

  Good to know I ranked somewhere above nightmare status. Maybe I was only a mild pain in the ass.

  Bryce placed his arm around my shoulders, and we turned in unison.

  A tall blonde with giant boobs, bright red nails, and crazy coming off her in waves, walked up to us. “Bryce, what are you doing?”

  He pulled me closer, as if to make a point. “Brittney, I broke up with you. Remember?”

  “You didn’t mean that.” She twisted a lock of hair around her finger and smiled. “We’re so good together.”

  Bryce sighed. “Brittney, we talked about this.”

  “Don’t you miss me?” She moved closer and whispered, “Just a little bit?”

  And suddenly this was all sorts of awkward.

  “I’m sorry, but we’re through. I’m dating Haley.”

  Brittney sniffled and blinked her eyes quickly like she was trying not to cry. “We were meant to be. You’ll figure that out soon enough.” She turned on her heel and strode off.

  “What was that about?” I asked.

  He dropped his arm from my shoulders and stepped back. “I broke up with Brittney three times this month.” He held up three fingers as if I might be unfamiliar with the number. “It didn’t take. Every morning she acted like we were still together. She started talking about where we should have our destination wedding and what we should name our kids. I tried being nice. I tried being mean. Nothing worked. Finally, I went for drastic measures. I figured once she heard about my weekend hookup, she’d take the hint and move on.”

  This threw a new light on Bryce’s weekend activities. “So you’re not a man-whore?”

  “Oh, no. He is,” Nathan answered with a serious face.

  I laughed and headed into Physics lab to catch Jane up on the latest chapter in my new reality-TV-worthy life. “You came into the room way too early.” I told her about Brittney and my secret hope that Bryce wasn’t strictly a hit-and-run kind of guy.

  “I think you might be giving him too much credit,” she said.

  Since this was my fake relationship, I chose to believe my smoking-hot pretend boyfriend was not a man-whore. Hey, it was my delusional world. Why not go for broke?

  Chapter Three

  Haley

  “Do you know what people are saying?” Jane asked as we changed for PE, our last class of the day.

  I’m not a big fan of having deep conversations while changing clothes. I was still waiting for a miraculous growth spurt in my chest area. While I was stuck in A cups, everyone else had moved further down the alphabet. Lack of cleavage made me self-conscious.

  After changing into the hideous blue polyester shorts and horrendous polyester gray shirt mandated by the district, and pulling my dark blond hair up in a messy bun so it wouldn’t fly around and hit me in the face, I was ready to talk. “Let me guess, half the school thinks I’m pregnant.”

  Jane shook her head. “I’ve heard that, but only from a few people.”

  I tied my tennis shoes and groaned. “Great. What’s the big rumor?”

  “You and Bryce have dated in secret for months, because he knew his parents wouldn’t approve.”

  Slamming my locker shut, I spun the lock. “That’s ridiculous. I’m an honor student who volunteers at an animal shelter. What’s not to love?”

  “You’re the girl from the wrong side of the tracks who snagged the rich boy. He’s afraid his parents will think you’re after his money, so he kept you a secret.”

  We continued the absurd conversation as we headed outside to walk around the stupid football field for half an hour. You could jog it twice, or walk for thirty minutes. If you jogged, Coach made you play basketball in the gym. At five foot three inches tall I’m no fan of basketball, so Jane and I walk every day.

  “First off, it’s not like my family i
s poor. Second, there aren’t any railroad tracks in this stupid town.”

  A bounce appeared in Jane’s step. “No one cares about small details. The meat of a good rumor is conflict.”

  Pounding footsteps sounded on the ground behind us. We moved to the outside lane to keep the joggers from mowing us down. “You read too many romance novels.”

  “Who doesn’t love a happily ever after?”

  Time to remind Jane of the facts. “Dating Bryce is supposed to counter-act stupid rumors, not create more of them. And none of this is real. I just need him to stick around and diffuse my brothers’ anti-boyfriend landmines. It’s probably best if I don’t become attached.” Because Bryce was the kind of guy a girl could fall for, hard. And since this wasn’t real, I needed to avoid that trap.

  “Haley Patterson, what’s happened with every stray animal you’ve agreed to foster?”

  “Are you comparing Bryce to a three-legged dog?” I had two three-legged dogs, a one-eyed cat, and a one-eared bunny. Once I’d agreed to foster the hard-luck-cases, I’d fallen in love with them.

  “No, I’m saying you will become attached. There’s no avoiding it, but who’s to say he won’t become attached, too. This could turn into the real thing.”

  Right. Jane and her boundless optimism. In my mind, I ran through the list of girls Bryce had previously shown interest in. While they all had monster cleavage and black belts in hair tossing, I did not. Besides, I only needed Bryce to do two things: convince the male population I was datable, despite my brothers’ insistence to the contrary, and prove I was respectable girlfriend material rather than a one-night stand.

  After PE, I changed back into my regular clothes, and set out to face the first detention of my life. Jane walked me to the designated detention area, the cafeteria, with instructions to call her later and tell her what happened.

  Inside the cafeteria, the system seemed simple. One or two people sat per table. Most of them stared off into space. Some doodled in notebooks. Half of them looked up when I walked in. My shoulders tensed. I might as well have had “Good Girl Gone Wild” tattooed on my forehead.

  Coach sat up front reading Sports Illustrated. Did I check in with him, or take a seat? What was proper detention protocol? Not wanting to stand out any more than I did, I picked an empty table. When I pulled my chair out, it scraped across the tile like nails on a chalkboard. So much for maintaining a low profile. Coach glanced up, spotted me, and then checked something on his clipboard. He must’ve seen my name on the list, because he went back to his magazine. Thank God he didn’t ask why I was there.