A Midwinter Promise

by Lulu Taylor

  ‘Thank you.’ Sally smiled. ‘I’m excited. Only two months to go now.’

  A shadow passed over Sally’s face and Julia said, ‘What is it? Is something wrong?’

  ‘Well, I can’t say my employers are thrilled about it. In fact, they want me to leave in a month.’

  Julia gasped. ‘Can they do that?’

  ‘I’m afraid they can. They’re not saying it’s because of my pregnancy, of course, but they’re a couple of old dinosaurs. They clearly disapprove heartily and think there’s no way I either could or should keep working with a baby.’ Sally sighed. ‘And I don’t know if I could in any case. A nanny is going to be out of the question on my salary.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘I’ll move back to my parents’.’ Sally smiled again but it was tight-lipped this time. ‘That will be fun, I’m sure. I’ll be looked after as long as I can take the daily moral lectures about what a disappointment I am and how I’ve blighted the poor child’s life by not being married.’ She sighed. ‘Anyone would think it’s the nineteen-fifties or something.’

  Julia blinked at her, her mind whirring. ‘Don’t be too downhearted. Perhaps we can think of something.’ She glanced at the bottle of Sancerre chilling in the cooler on the table, which had been meant to set off the quiche perfectly. ‘I don’t suppose you’ll be having any of that now.’

  ‘No. But you go ahead, I don’t mind.’

  ‘No. I won’t either.’ Julia felt herself redden slightly.

  Sally gave her a quizzical look. ‘Julia . . . do you have something to tell me?’

  ‘Well, I was going to mention it but your news rather took precedence.’

  Sally smiled. ‘So you’re pregnant.’

  ‘Yes.’ Julia felt oddly undercut. She’d thought her news would create more of a sensation, but Sally had sprung a much bigger surprise.

  ‘That’s wonderful too.’ Sally carefully ate a mouthful of salad and then said, ‘I just hope you’ve made the right decision. Considering what happened last time.’ She looked earnestly at Julia. ‘I’m only thinking of you.’

  ‘I know, I appreciate that.’

  ‘Did David put pressure on you?’

  ‘No!’ Julia thought about how the decision had been made. They’d done it together, although it had been David who had said it was time to think about another baby. Left to herself, she would have been content with Johnnie. She could understand, though, that a brother or sister would be best for him. David had said she could do it, and she was sure she could. The nightmares that had consumed her seemed so remote now, and hardly real. This time she would be able to stay in control and manage the whole thing rationally, knowing the outcome would be positive. She’d had a baby now. It was fine to do it again. David had said she could, and she was sure she could. ‘I want to do it,’ she said firmly. ‘Honestly.’

  ‘Just be careful. We don’t want you back in hospital.’

  ‘No. But that won’t happen. I’ve got Johnnie now.’

  ‘How far along are you?’

  ‘Oh, just at the start. Eight weeks.’

  Sally smiled, her expression merry. ‘Isn’t this fun? We’re both pregnant together! Our babies can be friends, won’t that be lovely?’

  ‘Lovely!’

  But Julia felt obscurely guilty that she had David and this house, and beautiful Johnnie, while poor Sally was all alone.

  ‘I think there must be something we can do for her,’ Julia said to David when he came back from London for the weekend. Sally had stayed for a couple of days’ holiday with Julia but she had not overlapped with David, heading back to town on the Friday morning for an antenatal appointment at the hospital.

  ‘She sounds determined to do it by herself,’ David said. They were sitting on the terrace after dinner, watching the sun sinking slowly into the distant sea. David had a cigar and was sitting downwind of Julia so as not to turn her stomach with the smell. She couldn’t face any tobacco when she was pregnant.

  ‘I know, but she isn’t looking forward to going back to her horrible parents at all. They’re so nasty and judgemental.’

  ‘Does she have a choice? It might be the best thing with a small baby, so she has help with it.’

  ‘It sounds miserable to me.’ Julia sipped her tea and shivered slightly in the cool breeze. It was still very early to be sitting outside. David saw it.

  ‘You’re cold. Shall I get your coat?’

  ‘No, no, we can go inside in a bit. I’ll be fine.’ She hesitated, then decided to come out with the scheme that had been cooking in her mind all day. ‘I think we should ask Sally to live here, with me.’

  David looked over in surprise. ‘What?’

  ‘Think about it, David, it makes complete sense. Sally and I can be pregnant together. It’s not as though we haven’t got the room, because we have. Tons of it. And there’s Mrs Petheridge and Hayley to look after us as well. It’s completely obvious and I can only wonder why you haven’t already suggested it.’ She thrust out her lower lip obstinately. ‘Don’t try and tell me it’s not a good idea, because I know it’s a brilliant idea and that’s that.’

  ‘I don’t think it’s a bad idea,’ David replied, laughing. ‘Though I can see that you wouldn’t allow it if I did. I actually think it’s a stroke of genius. I should have thought about it myself when she told me.’

  ‘Told you?’

  David looked suddenly uncomfortable but quickly recovered and said lightly, ‘Yes, she told me in London. About the baby.’

  Julia stared. ‘You already knew? And you didn’t say anything?’

  ‘Well, she asked me not to – so that she could tell you herself.’

  ‘But when did you see her?’

  David shrugged. ‘I often see her in London, you know that.’

  ‘Really?’ Do I know that?

  ‘Of course. She works just near the palace and I see her occasionally for lunch, just like you used to when we lived in Kensington. That will all stop once she gives up the agency, I’m sure. So of course I noticed that she was having a baby.’

  ‘Noticed, but didn’t tell me.’

  David looked faintly exasperated. ‘I explained that, she didn’t want me to. She wanted to tell you herself. Besides . . .’

  Julia couldn’t help feeling hurt and affronted. She’d been deceived and made a fool of. She felt stupid. ‘Besides what?’

  ‘She was worried, and so was I. We were both wary of what might happen if you were exposed to pregnancy again. This is before you showed me how brave you are by deciding to have another baby yourself. The last thing we wanted to do was trigger another attack.’

  Julia looked away. Perhaps they were right. But something about the whole thing made her feel wary.

  ‘And . . .’ – David took a puff on his cigar, letting the wind take the long trail of grey smoke as he exhaled it – ‘don’t forget, I kept your secret from her too.’

  ‘Yes.’ She remembered how unsurprised Sally had been by the revelation that she, Julia, was also pregnant. ‘Yes, I suppose you did.’

  ‘So having her here is an excellent idea. The sooner, the better, I say. Call her tomorrow and find out what she has to say.’

  Sally thought it was a very good plan. So good that she made arrangements with her employers to leave at once, a suggestion they were only too happy to go along with, bearing in mind the advanced state of Sally’s pregnancy, which wasn’t looking good to the clients of the agency, especially in the absence of a wedding ring.

  Sally’s aunt, too, was relieved to be free of her heavily expectant niece and the looming threat of a baby in the house, and promptly promised Sally’s room to a young guards officer looking for lodgings.

  ‘So I’m afraid you may be stuck with me for a while,’ Sally said, arriving in her little car and only just fitting behind the steering wheel. ‘I really don’t have anywhere to go now, except my parents.’

  ‘You’re welcome for as long as you need, you know that.’
Julia kissed her cheek, and put a hand on Sally’s swollen stomach. It felt tight and full under her palm. ‘Gosh, you’re nearly there, aren’t you?’

  ‘Just a few weeks now. Apparently the bump will drop a little and then we’ll know the baby’s engaged and on its way.’

  Julia smiled, suddenly rueful. She hadn’t felt any such pleasure in her body’s ripeness when Johnnie was on the way. The only thing she could cling to in the torrent of confusion and revulsion was that she wouldn’t have to give birth. A chime of those feelings seemed to echo across time and sound in her ears. She quietened it down instantly. She didn’t want to let that happen to her again. It won’t. I forbid it.

  ‘You don’t have much with you,’ Julia remarked, looking at Sally’s small overnight bag.

  ‘David said he’d bring the rest; his car is so much bigger than mine.’

  ‘Yes, of course it is. Now come on. Let’s get you settled.’

  Sally took over the main guest room, handy for the large bathroom next door, and when Julia popped her head in to see how she was getting on, she was impressed at how quickly Sally had made it her own. The furniture had been slightly rearranged to make it feel cosier, and lacy cushions decorated the two small armchairs. Her white candlewick bedspread covered the bed, along with some floral cushions, and the dressing table was neatly laid out with her brushes, potions and bottles of scent.

  ‘All I need is a cot,’ she said cheerfully.

  ‘You’ll want it in here, I suppose.’ Julia looked about. ‘You can get a Moses basket next to the bed quite nicely.’

  ‘Yes, that will work,’ Sally said. ‘But only for the first few weeks. Then I thought the baby could share with Johnnie.’

  ‘Really?’ Julia was surprised. ‘Don’t you want the baby with you?’

  ‘I don’t think so, not after it’s strictly necessary. Once I’ve got them on the bottle and sleeping most of the night, I’d rather they were in the nursery like a normal baby.’

  ‘Yes,’ Julia said uncertainly. She hadn’t thought about having Sally’s baby in with Johnnie. But, she supposed, it could do no harm.

  Sally turned and hugged her hard, her bump pressing against Julia. ‘This is so lovely, Julia! We’ll have such fun together. Thank you so much for having me here.’

  Julia felt warm and happy. ‘Yes, we will. Lots and lots of fun.’

  Sally settled in very quickly and soon Julia couldn’t imagine what life had been like without her. She was wonderful with Johnnie, acting almost like a second mother to him, taking him for walks, putting him down for naps and always singing and chatting to him.

  ‘He’s an angel,’ she would say to Julia, ‘and he looks just like his dada too. I hope my little one is as good as Johnnie is.’

  ‘It’s bound to be,’ Julia said. ‘Arthur was pretty good-natured, wasn’t he?’

  Sally shrugged. ‘Yes, he never frightened the horses, let’s put it that way. But it’s no guarantee, is it?’

  They got everything ready for the new arrival and sorted out the transfer of Sally’s care to a new set of midwives and a new hospital. The closer her due date came, the more nervous Julia felt of the responsibility of getting Sally to the hospital at the right time, but Sally’s own serenity helped. Nothing seemed to faze her. She was quite convinced that everything would go off without a hitch and that calmed Julia down, even though she woke sometimes in the night with a violent sense that things were about to go horribly wrong. She would be breathless and sweating, recalling how useless she had been the day her mother had needed her, and how awful, how gruesome it had been. In one terrible nightmare, it was the same as it had been with Mummy and the frightful sight on the floor, but this time Mummy had Sally’s dead-white face, and it was Sally’s terrified eyes staring into hers and Sally’s hands reaching out to her, red with blood. Julia had been unable to sleep for the rest of the night, shaking and afraid.

  ‘I’m going to be fine,’ Sally would declare. ‘And I’ve half a mind to check in to the maternity ward early, so I’m on the spot when it all starts.’

  ‘I don’t think they let you do that,’ Julia said doubtfully.

  ‘I’ll talk them round! Just you see.’

  Julia said half guiltily, ‘I’m sorry, Sally, I know you don’t have anyone else, but I don’t think I’m up to going to the hospital with you. To keep you company for the birth, I mean.’

  Sally looked astonished that she’d even considered it. ‘Don’t be silly, why on earth should you? I’ll be fine on my own. I’ll have a midwife and doctors on hand. I’m fully intending to have one of those epi-things in the back so I don’t feel anything. My dream birth is to be reading Jilly Cooper with a nice of cup of tea while everyone else is busy at the business end.’

  As it was, Julia didn’t have to worry. When Sally went into labour early one morning, she was so calm she didn’t tell anyone about it, and when she did, David was there to drive her slowly and carefully to the local hospital.

  Julia waited anxiously at home, while David called every few hours with any updates he managed to glean from the midwives, and at ten o’clock that evening, he rang to say that Sally had safely delivered a baby boy.

  ‘That’s wonderful!’ Julia said, overjoyed. ‘Is he all right?’

  ‘Fine. A thumping great boy too, very healthy. Sally’s fine, it was all very straightforward, just as she said it would be. I’ve seen her, and she’s blooming. I’m going to come home now. Sally will be in for a few days at least, I should think. If there’s any soup or something going, I’d be very chuffed – the food here is atrocious.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll heat something up. Oh, and David, does she have a name for the baby?’

  ‘Yes, she wants to call him Edmund.’

  ‘Edmund. Yes, that’s nice. Little Edmund.’ Julia sighed. ‘The happiest days are when babies are born.’

  ‘Yes,’ David said. ‘Yes, they are.’

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Sally’s return and the arrival of the baby was a joyful occasion and Julia was nothing but delighted to have them back, both healthy and almost rudely blooming. The baby was fat, much larger than Johnnie had been at the same age, and had a pair of crystal-clear blue eyes. He also had a strong pair of lungs and bellowed out his desire for food every three hours on the dot, whereupon Sally would let him suck down a bottle of creamy formula milk and he’d sleep, satisfied.

  ‘I couldn’t do the breast thing,’ she explained to Julia. ‘I tried but it didn’t work.’

  ‘Thank goodness for bottles then,’ Julia replied. ‘It certainly makes him sleep well.’

  ‘It’s heavier in the stomach, or something.’ Sally looked curiously at Edmund. ‘I think that’s what – who cares, if it helps him sleep!’

  She was a hands-off mother in some ways, wanting to get the baby into the nursery as soon as possible, and onto a strict routine of naps, walks and meals. But she also wanted only the best for her boy, and soon parcels and packages of all sorts were being delivered from London: beautiful baby clothes, handmade toys and crisp white linen for his cot.

  ‘It’s just that I think quality matters,’ Sally would say gravely when another expensive little outfit appeared. ‘And I also think he really notices! He’s got very high standards.’

  Julia felt disloyal laughing about this behind Sally’s back, but she couldn’t help it. She told David all about the various standards that Edmund had. ‘Very high for someone of less than six weeks,’ she said, giggling. ‘He doesn’t like plastic toys, nylon or outfits that are too garish. He does like the colour mauve, and anything with cats on it. He’s on the fence about pirates – bit violent – but we’ll see how he goes with that one. Beatrix Potter is the clear favourite so far, original Frederick Warne editions if possible, obviously.’

  David laughed too. ‘I have a feeling he’s going to be spoiled.’

  ‘You could be right.’

  Julia started calling the baby Mundo, short for Edmund, but also as a private joke wi
th David. Mundo meant ‘world’ in Spanish, and it was quite clear that he was going to be Sally’s entire world from now on. She worried constantly that he might be too cold and was always wrapping him in layers of coats and blankets; or she was nervous about his insides working properly and she inspected his nappies with a forensic interest before throwing them away. She hated that he might be unhappy; if he cried, she would do anything to soothe him.

  ‘Mundo is going to be a handful if she goes on like this,’ Julia remarked, but that wouldn’t be her problem. He was still so tiny. By the time he became a toddler, Sally would have made other living arrangements for the two of them.

  In the meantime, Johnnie found a new baby in the house a strange addition to his life, and he was quieter for a while, and much more clingy than he had been. For a period he couldn’t bear to be away from Julia, and cried all the time, begging to be picked up. So she took him out to the garden with her and the two of them would spend happy hours together, Julia digging, weeding and planting, and Johnnie making mud pies and collecting snails or stones or whatever took his fancy.

  While things were outwardly harmonious, Julia tried to push away the growing sense of unease she was feeling. After her last experience of talking to the doctor and having her concerns dismissed so easily, she hadn’t even considered asking about her options for a Caesarean, and no one so far at her appointments had mentioned it, so she was steeling herself to manage the ordeal of childbirth that must, inevitably, be her lot. The fact that Sally had had such an easy birth and a healthy baby was a cause of pleasure for her, and yet at the same she had an awful feeling that Sally had somehow got all the luck and that meant there was none left over for her. She was doomed to agony and disaster.

  Don’t be so bloody stupid, she told herself crossly, when she woke in the night, afraid. Of course she didn’t take all the luck. And anyway, your baby isn’t due for months. Plenty of time for the luck to refill, even if that were true. Which it isn’t.