A Midwinter Promise

by Lulu Taylor

  Sally blinked nervously. ‘He’s upstairs. He isn’t up yet.’

  ‘I’d like to see him. Can you ask him to come down?’

  ‘Why do you want to see him?’

  ‘I just want to have a quick chat, that’s all.’ Alex smiled blithely as though it was perfectly normal to turn up first thing in the morning to talk to her good friend Edmund.

  ‘Well . . . all right. I’ll ask him.’ Sally went slowly up the stairs, evidently nervous.

  Alex wandered about the hall, looking at the pictures in their silver frames: Mundo in his barrister gear, his little horsehair wig perched on top of his head. Mundo and Isabella in a variety of smart outfits depending on the season and the occasion. One of the bigger ones had them climbing out of a helicopter dressed for Ascot, clutching at their hats, their badges for the royal enclosure visible on their chests. Mundo everywhere, and if not him, then Sally and David – at the golf club, at a reception at the town hall, on the beach in Italy from when they went to Positano for a holiday. Two tiny frames held pictures of the girls and a set of photos of Johnnie’s boys were in a box frame on the wall – all sent by Johnnie and Alex rather than requested.

  It reminded her of the injustice they’d had to put up with all those years.

  Mundo told it exactly the reverse of the way it was. We weren’t spoiled, he was. He got everything and he can’t stand the fact that now it’s our turn.

  But, she reminded herself, she wasn’t here to command, rather to ask, even if that had only the remotest chance of succeeding.

  Sally came back down. ‘He’s just coming. I’ll make some tea.’ She disappeared into the kitchen and a moment later, Mundo came down the stairs. The first thing Alex saw was a pair of hairy calves and then he appeared in a short grey silk dressing gown which he was ostentatiously tying at the waist as if to emphasise that it might open at any minute.

  ‘Miss Pengelly – if that’s what you are again now you’re divorced – to what do I owe this pleasure?’ There it was – his little half-smile as though he could only spare a bit of the energy of a regular smile.

  ‘I’d like a chat,’ she said calmly.

  He reached the bottom of the staircase, and gave a massive yawn, rubbing his hand through his hair so it stood on end in a way she suspected he thought was endearing. ‘All right then. Although why you can’t wait until a civilised hour, I have no idea.’

  ‘It’s nine forty, Mundo.’

  ‘Exactly. Come in here, where we can be private.’ He led her into the dining room at the front of the house. It was pin neat, with the large table covered in a baize cloth for protection. A cabinet of china and ornaments stood against the wall. Mundo pulled out a chair and sat down, crossing one leg over the other. ‘Now. How can I help?’

  Alex looked away from where the silk gown seemed it might slip open at any minute. She felt sick and suddenly unsure of herself, reminded against her will of all the times Mundo had put her in horrible situations. She had promised herself it would never happen again, and here she was, of her own free will, in a room with him, alone, and he was wearing almost nothing.

  Just say what you have to say and leave. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how uncomfortable you are.

  ‘I guessed from what you said at the funeral that you intend to challenge Pa’s will. I want you to withdraw it.’

  He snorted. ‘Forget it. I intend to go through with it and use maximum force to disrupt everything. Why not? It’ll be fun.’

  ‘You and Sally won’t get your bequests either.’

  ‘Oh deary me!’ Mundo pretended to wipe his eyes. ‘I don’t get my ten thousand pounds? Boo hoo! Well, guess what, I don’t care. I’ll fund Mummy for as long as she needs me or has to go into a home – this place is rent-free, so I’ll only be paying the utilities, and that’s only if she needs it. She’s got a nice little pension of her own, and some stocks and shares. She’ll be okay.’

  ‘Then why are you doing this?’

  ‘Because I can,’ Mundo said, sticking his chin in the air and crossing his arms, his air of smugness infuriating as he no doubt hoped. ‘I don’t want you to win, and I don’t want Pa to win. So I’m going to throw a little old spanner in the works.’

  ‘What kind of spanner?’ Alex asked. ‘What on earth can you say to challenge it? Warburton thinks the will is genuine, there’s no evidence of a different will or any missing addendum or codicil. So what are you objecting to?’

  ‘I’m objecting to the fact that my daddy hasn’t treated me the same as he treated those other children.’

  ‘Because the properties and businesses are in the Tawray trust, which was my mother’s, and because he’s not your father.’

  Mundo smirked. ‘That’s what you think.’

  Alex gaped at him. ‘What?’

  ‘That’s right,’ Mundo said. He looked tremendously pleased with himself. ‘My mother is going to admit that she started her affair with Pa after Johnnie was born, or maybe even before. And that she got pregnant with his child – me – and I was born before you, but before she and Pa were a couple.’ He shrugged. ‘Easy peasy. See?’

  Alex stared at him in horror, unable to speak.

  ‘Yes indeed. He’s my father.’

  ‘Of course he isn’t!’

  ‘How do you know?’ Mundo shrugged. ‘I’m not tall, but otherwise I look quite like him – brown hair, blue eyes.’

  ‘They’ll make you take a DNA test.’

  ‘No. They can’t. I won’t agree and as Mummy is going to testify in my favour, we won’t need one. Come on, Alexandra. See it from my point of view. It’s going to be fun. Mummy will do and say anything I ask her to. And in any case, it’s probably true. We all know David and Sally were hard at it for years before they got together and became respectable.’

  A nasty swirl of nausea rose in her stomach. She felt faint. ‘Then all the times you exposed yourself to me. That terrible time . . . that thing you did . . . You’re trying to tell me that you believe now that you’re actually my brother.’

  ‘Yes . . .’ He made a face. ‘Spicy!’ Then he laughed. ‘Oh, come on, all teenagers experiment! You know that. We were finding out the facts of life a bit, that’s all. You were as willing as I was.’

  ‘That’s not true.’ She began to shake. ‘You know it’s not. You tormented me. You forced me.’

  ‘You liked the chase,’ Mundo said. ‘You’ve always been up for it, I found that out from your diaries.’

  Suddenly she noticed that his dressing gown had slipped open and she could see everything that lay nestled between his legs. It twitched and jerked lightly as he became excited.

  ‘Come on, Alex,’ he said, seeing where she was looking. ‘Let’s see how much you want that money, eh? A test for you. Touch my cock and I’ll know you don’t believe I’m your brother. But if you won’t touch it . . . well, there we are. We must be related. So, what will it be?’

  Alex closed her eyes, feeling her gorge rise. She was fourteen again, stuck on the roof with Mundo. He’d followed her up to the turret where she liked to hide and read on sunny days. He blocked the way out. He told her he would throw her off the roof if she didn’t do exactly as he wanted.

  ‘Oh God,’ she whispered. The feelings of panic, despair and fear came racing back as clearly as if they had happened that morning. It felt as if the walls were closing in, the floor was rising up to meet her. Oh my God.

  Mundo was standing up, he was coming towards her, his robe hanging open, his erection now in his hand. ‘Come on, Alex,’ he was saying, half laughing, half urgent. ‘Why don’t you touch it?’

  He reached for her hand and she snatched it away. ‘No,’ she said but she was frozen, helpless. She was fourteen, in the turret, and he was going to show her what it was all about. That’s what he said. I’m going to show you how it works – you want that, don’t you? Girls pretend they don’t, but they do. ‘Go away,’ she whispered. ‘Leave me alone.’

  ‘Can’t hear you!’
sang out Mundo. He was close to her now, almost pressing up against her. She could smell his fusty morning smell – unbrushed teeth, sweat – and her stomach churned again. ‘Don’t pretend you’re fussy.’ He reached out for her hand again. ‘You always used to like it, even when you said you didn’t. Remember? Come on!’

  ‘No!’ Alex cried. She tried to move away from him but he already had her hand in a vicious grip. ‘Not again! I won’t let you force me again!’

  The door to the dining room burst open and Sally stood there, her eyes blazing. ‘Stop it, Mundo!’ she screamed. ‘Stop it this instant! Leave her alone!’

  Mundo stood still, stunned for an instant, then dropped Alex’s hand, fumbled his robe shut and gave a feeble laugh. ‘We’re just fooling around, Mummy. Nothing real. Nothing serious.’

  ‘Don’t you touch her!’ Sally flew into the room, her expression furious, and delivered a hard slap across Mundo’s face. Trembling with rage, she confronted him, her fists clenched. ‘You think I’m a fool! I always wondered if you did anything to her. I saw the way she loathed you and couldn’t bear to be near you, and I wondered. But I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t believe you’d be capable of it!’ Her face twisted in a mixture of despair and revulsion. ‘Well, I was wrong. I’m ashamed of you, do you hear me? You’re disgusting. Disgusting!’ She was panting, irate, glaring at him with fire in her eyes. ‘I heard what she said, and I believe her. You’d be up for a charge in a heartbeat if Alex chooses to go to the police and where would your legal career be then? In the bloody gutter, that’s where! You idiot. You’ve always pushed for too much, you’ve never been satisfied with what you have. But to do that to her . . . to that poor child. I’m so ashamed. Get out!’

  Mundo was rubbing his face in amazement, his smirk gone. He turned and walked out, not looking at Alex or his mother.

  Alex took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Sally put her hand on Alex’s arm, concern and apology on her face. ‘He’s gone. I’m so sorry. I’m so terribly sorry.’

  Alex’s trembling began to subside. He’s gone. Sally stopped him. Sally slapped him! She felt as if she had been having an awful nightmare that had suddenly taken a weird blackly comic turn. Sally, slapping Mundo! Sally taking her part over Mundo’s! It was unbelievable.

  ‘I heard it all through the hatch.’ Sally pointed at the almost invisible pair of white shutters in the wall through to the hall. ‘I always hoped it wasn’t true.’ Her expression was penitent. ‘I don’t know what to say. I won’t stand in your way if you want to take it further.’

  Alex let out a long, shaking breath. ‘Thank you, Sally. That means a lot – in fact, I can’t tell you how much. Let me think about it. What I really want is for him to drop the challenge to the will – the grounds are so awful.’

  ‘There won’t be a challenge,’ Sally said at once. ‘And certainly not on the grounds that he’s David’s son because he isn’t, that’s for sure. But don’t let that stop you. If you want to complain, please complain. He can’t do that, Alex. He just can’t.’

  Unexpectedly, she put her arms around Alex and hugged her. She said again, ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Such simple words. But honestly meant, they are so powerful.

  The hatred for Sally unlocked, like a padlock with the right combination, and released her. Sally had atoned for all of it in this moment of listening, believing and supporting. She had put her beloved son’s comfortable life and prestigious job at risk, for Alex’s sake.

  ‘Thank you, Sally.’ She clutched the other woman’s hand and squeezed it. ‘That means more than you’ll ever know.’

  ‘We’re family,’ the older woman said. ‘It’s been hard at times, but we’re family. And I know what’s right. I couldn’t let him do that to you. I just couldn’t let him do it.’

  ‘There’s one thing I want, Sally.’ Alex gazed into her stepmother’s blue-green eyes. ‘Will you talk to me and Johnnie? Please? I mean, really talk to us?’ She squeezed her hand again. ‘That’s what we need now, more than anything.’

  Chapter Forty

  The atmosphere in Sally’s house was the most striking thing, Alex thought, as she and Johnnie sat down with her. There was no sign of Mundo and Alex suspected he’d gone. The aura was solemn, almost church-like. There was going to be a confession of some kind, a revelation, and she and Johnnie were both on edge, wondering what they were going to hear and what it would mean to them.

  I feel closer to Mum than I have since she died. Julia seemed to be with them, in the painting, in Lala, in the house. She’s in us all the time, we’re her children. As long as we’re here, she hasn’t left.

  And yet, she had gone, years before, ripped away from them for reasons they didn’t understand, and which no one had explained to them.

  Sally took them into the sitting room and they all sat down. She took a deep breath, knitted her hands in her lap, and began to speak, her tone low and calm.

  ‘Alex has explained to me that you want to know about your mother. What you need to understand is that Julia’s death was very difficult for David to handle, and he never wanted it spoken of. The wound went very deep, for so many different reasons. After Julia passed, he was destroyed and he blamed himself. We both blamed ourselves. It was easier to draw a veil over it and never speak of it. That’s what we did and I made sure it stayed that way because I wanted to protect him. But he’s gone now. So you deserve to know the truth.’

  Alex’s heart was pounding and she could see that Johnnie was alert to every sound Sally made.

  Sally went on: ‘Have you heard of tokophobia? It’s a fear of pregnancy and childbirth, and in its extreme forms, it can cause psychosis. It’s not as well known as post-natal depression. I’m afraid, for reasons we never understood, your mother suffered from it very badly. When she was pregnant with Johnnie, she was hospitalised until the birth. She couldn’t face natural childbirth, so she had a Caesarean. Afterwards, she appeared to recover completely and she was adamant that she could manage to have another child. I was living with her by then, looking after her, and you, Johnnie, when David couldn’t. At first, she seemed to be able to cope, but the illness came back worse than before with you, Alex. And she never fully recovered. It left its mark on her and she became mortally afraid of getting pregnant, so much so that she forbade your father her bed.’ Sally swallowed, evidently uncomfortable. ‘And I’m afraid that was when your father sought comfort elsewhere and we began our affair.’ She darted quick looks at both of them. ‘You’ll no doubt think that was a terrible thing to do, and it was. All I can say is that I loved your father and I hated to see him in pain. I didn’t wish to break up the marriage and I honestly thought that Julia might even prefer that he slept with me and stayed with her. That’s what I understood. But we never talked about it, so perhaps it was wrong. I was in the cottage by then, and we stopped being such close friends.’

  Alex could see it as she talked: Pa, slipping away to see Sally because he needed relief from Mum’s emotional problems. It wasn’t right, but it was perhaps understandable. He couldn’t know what it would mean. At least, she hoped not.

  Johnnie only said, ‘Go on.’

  Sally hesitated, then said, ‘This is the hardest bit to tell you. I’m sure you understand why. Julia and David attempted a reconciliation and it was a disaster; she was unable to be a wife to him ever again. Her phobia was just too great. So David and I resumed our affair. That summer, Julia changed again. Not outwardly. David told me afterwards he had no idea that she was so depressed, so down. But from what happened, she must have spiralled down into the worst despair of her life.’

  Johnnie said sharply, ‘Was it because she found out about you and Dad? Was that what drove her to it?’

  Sally looked helpless. ‘I don’t think so, Johnnie, I really don’t. I think she’d known for some time that David was finding comfort with me. And what you have to understand is . . . she told him to do it.’

  ‘What?’ Alex said, stunned.
‘Mum told Pa to have an affair with you?’

  Sally blushed. ‘Not with me, perhaps. But she told him to sleep with other women because she couldn’t do it. It broke his heart.’ She looked down and then up again at her stepchildren. ‘I’m under no illusion about this. If Julia had wanted David back, she could have had him with a flick of her fingers. He never loved me one tenth of the way he loved her. If she’d told him to drop me, he would have. Just like that.’

  They both stared at her.

  I never thought I would hear Sally say such a thing, Alex thought with amazement. It was completely out of character, a sign of a humility she had never before displayed. It must take a great deal for her to admit that. She felt a rush of happiness at the idea that Pa had loved Mum so much all along, and then bitter sadness followed, at how it had all turned out.

  ‘Did you intend to steal Pa away from her?’ Johnnie asked sharply. ‘Was that always your plan?’

  Sally’s blush deepened and she hesitated before she answered. Then, with a quick glance at Alex, she said in a small but firm voice, ‘No. It’s true I always hero-worshiped him. I was impressed by his job, his contact with the royal family. He was older than Julia and me, and so handsome and glamorous. I probably made it obvious how I felt about him. But I never dreamed he would leave Julia for me. Why would he? She was very special, I knew that. A man like David would never choose me over her. I didn’t think I had a hope. Even when he started sleeping with me, I knew it was only the crumbs from Julia’s table.’

  Johnnie frowned, still outwardly stony, but Alex could see a flicker of something like compassion in his eyes. He was touched by Sally’s humbleness too, just as she was. It was so unlike her, and what she said helped make sense of everything. ‘Then you didn’t want her out of the way?’

  ‘Of course not,’ Sally exclaimed, evidently appalled by the suggestion. She looked at them both, her eyes suddenly clear and candid. ‘I loved her. She was my friend. I loved her, and I loved you too.’