Here Skies Surround Us

by Melanie Mcfarlane

  Waldorf was my partner at the Axis. There, he admitted to me he was the one responsible for reporting my mother to the Director. The guilt ate at him for years, and that’s why he injected himself with the virus: to get back at the Director. They had a meeting scheduled, and Waldorf wanted to kill himself, and the Director, for the death of my mother. Waldorf had loved her.

  But love doesn’t always mean you’ll make the best choices.

  I let out a sigh. People are worried about the virus being here, on the outside, which makes my dresser the worst place to hide it. Before going outside to work, I take the small box out of my drawer and hide it underneath my mattress. That will have to do, for now.

  “What took you so long?” Tassie asks, smiling, when I arrive at our dig site a few minutes later. Her long blond hair is perfectly coiffed, and her clothes are pressed. Meanwhile I’m in jeans and a plain shirt. Even though we’re here to dig dirt, Tassie looks like a model.

  “We don’t all wake up at the crack of dawn,” I say with as much sass as I can muster this early in the day.

  “Maybe if I had that hot piece in bed with me, I’d be sleeping in, too.” Tassie nudges me.

  My cheeks instantly flash hot. Tassie’s open sexuality makes me uncomfortable. I grew up with little affection, while my friend has always been overly comfortable with intimacy.

  A grin spreads across her face. “Or were you really sleeping in—”

  “We haven’t done anything like that!” My pulse beats so fast I can practically feel it trying to burst through my thin cotton shirt.

  “Don’t be such a prude,” she teases. “I hope some girl doesn’t swoop down and steal him away when he’s in Dome 569.” Tassie flicks her long blond hair over her shoulder and I can’t help but remember her former interest in Evan. At least, that’s how it felt to me, watching them laugh and joke around together.

  “How did you know he was going?” Jealousy pinches my insides. I used to hate seeing Tassie and Evan together. That was before Evan and I were an us, and before Tassie and Jak were the power couple. Once, I tried to kiss Evan in the woods, and he pushed me away. Later I saw him dancing with Tassie, and the thought of them together tore me apart. But Evan was playing a role, one to get himself deep inside our dome and find what he needed. Right now, the thought of him sharing his plans with her is a mild irritation.

  That and the fact that she thinks I’m a prude.

  “He talked to Jak about it, silly. We both think it’s a good idea.”

  “You and Evan?”

  “God, Nat. Me and Jak. What’s wrong, you don’t seem like yourself today?”

  Of course, I’m not myself, but I just mumble, “Whatever,” because what Tassie and Jak don’t know is that Evan wants me to come with him, and he wants me to bring the immune serum and Waldorf’s microchip. I bet Jak wouldn’t be so quick to let Evan go if he knew everything.

  Plus, who’s she to think I haven’t thought of Evan being with other girls? And I’m not a prude. I just have more self-control than Tassie. It’s not like I haven’t tried to get closer to Evan these last few weeks, but our schedules haven’t meshed well together. I know he’s busy, it’s just I was used to having him around all the time when he had to watch over me. Maybe now that the burden of babysitting me is gone, he’s grateful.

  “Stop overthinking, Nat,” Tassie says. “I can see it all over your face.”

  I know it’s silly to think like that. Evan has explained more than once that he has feelings for me. My old insecurities always resurface.

  “Nat,” Tassie laughs. “I was just kidding. Jeez, your grandmother sure did a number on you and your attachment issues. Evan’s infatuated with you. Why, I was just telling Jak the other night—”

  “How is Jak?” I ask, eager to change the topic.

  It works. I never let Tassie talk about Jak, and she’s a girl who likes to talk about everything. The floodgates open.

  “He’s good,” she smiles. “So, so very good. I mean, he’s not as cheerful as I’d like, always so serious, but that’s good for me. I mean, I’d say I’m cheerful enough for the both of us.”

  “As long as he makes you happy,” I say. I know he could never have made me happy. Too much control. That’s how you keep order. Jak likes order.

  I was brought to the dome because of Jak. He gave my mother’s notebook to the Director, which was nearly my undoing. The Director used this information to get to Evan and me. But Jak couldn’t leave it alone. He used all my weaknesses against me to make me his. It didn’t work.

  “He misses you, you know.” Tassie’s voice is soft now. “I can see it in his eyes.”

  I can’t help but look away. I miss him too. Just not in the same way.

  Tassie’s voice quickens. “But he understands why you need to stay away. We’re happy. I promise you. When it comes to you, he’s just—sorry, you know?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” I pick up my shovel. It still has AGRICULTURAL DIVISON scrolled into the metal of its handle. Thankfully, the farmers were willing to give up some of their materials in exchange for tools. “But I’m glad he’s doing well.”

  Tassie gives me a weird look, but I turn away and get back to work. The hairs on the back of my neck stand as if Tassie is still staring at me. It only takes a moment before I hear her return to digging.

  How do I tell her Jak is not the reason I’m worried? I’m afraid. I’m afraid to tell Evan that I don’t want to go with him to his home. I don’t know what’s out there, beyond our dome.

  Oh no. I’m starting to sound like Grandmother.

  “Hey, there,” Tassie says. “Someone’s here to see you.”

  I stop shoveling and imagine Jak, standing above us, with that look of sadness in his eyes that he always saves for me. When I spin around, I see a familiar figure standing next to the AGs outpost building, waving to me.

  “Grandfather!”

  I can’t believe it’s really him. Grandmother must be having a fit inside the dome, unless he didn’t tell her. My insides flood with happiness at how amazing this man really is, never afraid to be himself.

  I let go of my shovel, climb out of the trench, and start to run toward the outpost, but before my feet take more than a couple steps a loud BANG cracks through the air all around me, thrusting me forward, far from the trench, where my body crashes to the ground.

  The explosion rings in my ears and a cloud of dust blurs my vision, suffocating me with every breath. It’s all over my body, settling into every part of my being right up to my eyeballs, where it grates behind my lids when I blink.

  I call out for help, but my voice comes out broken and scratchy.

  I try to push myself up, but stumble back to the ground as debris continues to fall around me. My mind races so fast I can’t grasp the severity of what’s happening; I just keep scrambling to stand. Finally, I manage to pull myself along the ground a couple of feet, and gain enough traction to get my limbs working enough to push myself up. I falter across the debris-strewn ground, trying to find my footing.

  Where is everyone?

  What happened?

  My next step lands on thin air, and my body topples forward, falling until I hit the ground with a crunch. A soft whimpering gets past the ringing, and when I open my eyes, I see Tassie lying beside me, her eyes wide open.

  “What happened?” I manage to whisper.

  The whimpering returns.

  I reach over, pain searing in my arm, and manage to touch her cheek, but I can’t feel any sensation in my fingers.

  “Tassie, are you okay?”

  Nothing. For the first time since I’ve known her, Tassie stays quiet.

  Her eyes stare back at me, unblinking, void of any life. The pale blue orbs fade as the dust blankets her in this coffin-like trench we’ve spent weeks working on.

  Tassie dug her own grave.

  My body retches in pain, my insides twisting as I choke on my own v
omit.

  Tassie is dead.

  Will I die here too?

  That’s when I scream. My voice is mangled, like a tortured animal, screeching out of me with terror. It’s all consuming and I barely notice when two hands grab me.

  Through the dust, Evan appears in the trench, pulling me out of my grave—away from my first friend at the Axis—away from the horror of dying next to her. He sweeps me into his arms and rushes me away from the dust-filled nightmare.

  People run toward us.

  I want to scream that it’s too late to help.

  Instead, I lean against Evan’s chest and hear the whimpering again.

  It’s me. It was always me.

  “Are you okay?” He lets me go, pawing over my body as he examines me. I stand there, frozen like a doll, watching as more people run toward us.

  Evan tries to pull me farther away from the trench.

  “It’s not safe here, Nat.” His mouth twitches as he bites his lip. “We can’t stay. I need to get you out of here, somewhere safe. You’re injured.”

  Am I? My hand juts up to my head and comes back red, covered in my blood. I step away from him, but stumble and fall to the ground. The rocky soil bites into the backs of my calves, but I don’t care. I’m suddenly exhausted. Evan quickly scoops me into his arms again, pulling me into his lap. He pulls off his t-shirt, turns it inside out, and uses it to clean me up.

  “Here, let me help you. Please.” His hands twitch as he tries to clean my face and treat my wound. His face lines with worry, made more defined by the creases of dirt on his skin.

  “She’s breathing!” a voice calls from the trench. Adrenaline beats through my body, pushing into my limbs and bringing back my sensations. With that feeling comes pain. At least Tassie’s alive.

  “Careful.” I cringe as Evan grazes a sensitive spot on my forehead. I reach out and take the blood-streaked t-shirt from him.

  “Can you help me up?”

  When I’m standing, I lean against his bare chest, letting Evan hold me up while I try to regain my balance. People start climbing out of the trench, and I watch as the emergency crew arrives and pulls Tassie out on a stretcher.

  Roe follows, looking almost as lost as Evan does. She was my former supervisor from the expedition program, and one of the rebels. She scared the crap out of me, especially when she came to my home one morning and ordered me to work in the Axis.

  “Roe!” I call out. The single word causes my skull to throb.

  “Nat? What are you doing here?”

  “I was down there, with Tassie,” my voice chokes on her name. “How is she?”

  Roe’s face drops and I feel like the world might collapse around me. “Nat, Tassie’s being taken to the dome. She’s non-responsive, so they need to help her—”

  “She’s alive?”

  Roe crosses her arms and softens her voice. “You need to understand that there’s a chance she may never wake up.”

  “She’s alive?” Those eyes, those pale blue eyes that stared back at me without any life in them. Could she really have been only unconscious?

  Because I know one thing’s for sure—if Tassie dies, Jak will never forgive anyone. Especially not me, the girl who survived.

  “They’re taking her back to the Health Center on Floor 2 in the Axis. That’s where they’ll be taking everyone.”

  “Are there others?”

  “There were two bombs. I haven’t been to the outpost yet. So far, Tassie seems to have gotten the worst. Really, you’re lucky it wasn’t you.”

  I grab on to Evan as my legs try to collapse.

  Roe’s face drops again, but I’m already falling apart inside. Could the explosion have been meant for me? Is it my fault Tassie’s fighting for her life? I push past Roe, toward where the explosion came from, but a blanket of dust covers the blast site, making it hard to tell what blew up. I crumble to my knees and retch out the remaining contents in my stomach.

  “They used the dynamite we made for when we reached the river. Only Agriculture had access to that; they’re the ones who made it with Engineering.” I look up confused, and see Roe’s now addressing Evan.

  “This isn’t good,” he says. “Samson warned me this morning, but I never thought it would get this bad this fast.”

  She says, “I need your help—”

  “No,” he insists. “I have to take care of Nat. I’m not leaving her.”

  I look over at Evan and for the first time see his injuries. Above his eyes is a gash, and his hands are scraped as well.

  I regain my balance, but my legs still feel ready to give out at any minute. I have to get out of here. I need to find answers. Everything is still so confusing. Two bombs. Two explosions. Who would do this?

  It’s then that I realize there’s someone I forgot.

  “Grandfather!”

  Evan chases after me as I weave around people, making my way to the outpost where I last saw Grandfather. My head throbs from its injuries with every step I take, but it doesn’t hurt as much as my chest does from panic as I wonder if Grandfather is still alive. The only reason he was outside was because I convinced him to be.

  The closer I get to the outpost, the more bodies I pass, wavering like ghosts, listless and confused, covered in so many layers of dust I can’t make out their faces. I push forward until the outline of the outpost comes into view, and instantly I see him, sitting on the ground, propped against the exterior wall.

  “Grandfather!” I skid to a halt and drop to his side. His breathing is erratic, but his eyes flutter open to meet mine.

  “Natalia,” he wheezes, “I came to see you.”

  I try to wipe the dust away from his face. “Are you hurt?” I quickly scan his body, unable to find any sign of bleeding.

  “My chest,” he says, still struggling to catch his breath. “It burns to breathe. What happened?”

  “Shhh. Try to relax. There was an explosion. I’m going to get help. Don’t move.”

  Without waiting for an answer, I jump up and start yelling for help. The louder I cry out, the more voices join me. How many people were hurt? Who’s going to help us? We haven’t prepared for anything like this. I don’t even know how far the damage reaches. What’s going on?

  “Nat!” Evan’s voice breaks through the cries.

  “Over here!” The desperation in my voice is evident. I run toward the sound of his voice, and we find each other among the chaos that surrounds us.

  He embraces me so tight it feels like he’s squeezing the life out of me. I don’t care. I never want him to let me go, but that’s not an option. Grandfather needs help.

  “I found him,” I say, pulling away. “He’s over here, but he’s hurt.”

  Evan looks Grandfather over. “It looks like you might have a couple broken ribs, Mr. Greyes. Maybe a concussion too. It would be best for the emergency crews to take you in.”

  At least he’s better off than Tassie.

  The thought of her name brings her face back to me—her blank and distant eyes—and I choke on my tears, turning away as if that could lessen my grief.

  Evan knows me well.

  “It’s going to be okay.” His hand warms my back as he rubs between my shoulder blades, as if I were a baby that needed soothing. Right now, I don’t care about looking strong.

  “Help will be here soon.”

  “Not soon enough.” Evan pulls me back toward him, but I resist. I don’t have time to get lost in his comfort. I need to stay clear-headed.

  “I need to get you out of this place,” he whispers. “It’s not safe.”

  “Out of here, what do you mean? Somewhere like Dome 569?”

  “Exactly.”

  My body goes rigid against his and I can feel his embrace tighten. I can’t be confined—not by the dome, not by the Order, and definitely not by Evan.

  “No.”

  He lets me go and steps back, his hands now holding my upper
arms. “What do you mean no? We have to talk about this.”

  “I’m not leaving. You can do what you want, but I’m not leaving now.”

  He lets go of me completely and throws his hands in the air, taking a few steps away in frustration. “I can’t believe this. You’re not even going to listen to reason?”

  “I’m not going with you.” The old Nat might have. No, she would definitely have gone with Evan, because the old Nat didn’t know how to do anything but take orders. She was a good resident of Dome 1618. But the old Nat died the moment she stepped outside the dome. The new Nat can make her own decisions.

  Evan turns toward me with hurt in his eyes. I don’t shy away. I offer him a compromise and a piece of what I know he really wants—me.

  “Please stay with me.” My voice starts to shake. I know it’s what I really want. I look away and fumble with a thread hanging from my shirt. “I want to make sure everyone is okay. Grandfather. Tassie. Everyone.”

  Evan’s jaw clenches and then let’s go. He pulls me close against his bare chest. “I’ll stay,” he promises. “But you have to promise me, if it gets really bad here you need to take leaving seriously.”

  “Deal.”

  He loosens his grip and grabs my hands. They’re scraped up from when I was thrown to the ground by the explosion. Sensation rushes back into them, and it doesn’t feel good. Dots of blood have seeped through the dust.

  I look back at Grandfather, still slumped against the wall, half-awake. The lines where I tried to clear the dust from his face look like war paint. We might need some of that when Grandmother finds out what happened.

  Evan and I sit with him. I hold Grandfather’s hand while Evan holds me on his lap. My cheek rests against his chest, and the beat of his heart reminds me how exhausted I am. A few times Evan nudges me to stay awake.