Perilous Refuge

by Patricia Wilson

  'Oh, Helen.' He smiled down at her, his face gentle. 'How can you believe you're cold, frigid? What does that mean, for pity's sake? Almost from the first I could look at you and make your legs shake. A few minutes ago I was going out of my mind to be inside you, where you wanted me to be. Yes, you can blush,' he taunted softly as a faint colour flooded over her skin. 'Did that disgust you? Can't you bear to hear things like that? What if I tell you that I've wanted you right where you are now for weeks, ever since Paris, before Paris?' His fingers traced around her nipple, exciting it back to life. 'I wanted to do so many things to you. This, and this.' His dark head bent and gently he took the aching peak into his mouth, tugging until she murmured in agitation and arched against him desperately.

  'Helen,' he murmured, moving closer, accepting the way her hips rose to him. 'There are no frigid women, just damned bad lovers. Trust me, darling,' he whispered against her mouth. 'Nothing, but nothing is going to hurt you.'

  He kissed her tears away, his lips moving over her cheeks, over her neck, his tongue tracing the trembling line of her jaw.

  'Don't you know what a volatile mixture you are, how you make me feel? Black hair, blue eyes, the mixture of fear and defiance. I want to devour you over and over with no pause for breath and each time will be better than the last.' He gave a low sensuous laugh, his breath exciting her skin. 'You're not cold, Helen. You're burning me up. I only have to look at you to want to be here.'

  Fire stared deep inside her, his seductive words arousing her as much as his skilful hands, the kisses he placed on her heated skin bringing back the small wild sound to her throat. It was true. She didn't have to hide inside, not with Ross.

  She clung to him, trembling and aware, murmuring his name, a brilliant flame inside burning her to heated life, hungry life. Her hands slid over his shoulders, glorying in the feel of his skin, urging him closer.

  'Not until you're ready,' he murmured thickly, his head lowered as he began to kiss every part of her. 'I have to kiss you here and here.'

  He clasped her tightly when she twisted wildly against him, holding her and caressing her until her nails were digging into his brown shoulders, her body struggling to get closer, demanding and wild.

  Even when he parted her thighs the desperation raged inside her, no sign of the cold fear that had been her nightmare for so long.

  'Only what you want to give, Helen,' he whispered against her lips as he moved her beneath him. He seemed to be waiting, almost weightless above her, holding back the fulfilment she now so desperately wanted, and she cried out in frustration.

  'Ross! Don't stop! Please don't stop! Ross!'

  She gasped as he entered her, pain coming for one brief second, and then she closed silkily around him, moving with him, her breathing fast and wild, her hands clutching him urgently, her body moving to the same rhythm, his name on her lips frenziedly.

  'Now, darling! Now!' His voice was hoarse with passion and they rocketed off the world together as Helen spun into colours and light that were fulfilment, her body floating with Ross somewhere way above the night, her own cries of delight mingling with the flutter of a thousand wings.

  It took a long time to come back because there was a new kind of reality. There was the joy of release, the power of his arms, the feel of his lips trailing against her hot cheeks.

  'Well?' He lay above her, his hand tilting her chin, and she opened bewildered eyes.

  'I feel faint.' She looked at him with wonder in her eyes and he laughed softly, his breathing not yet quite normal.

  'Join the club. I couldn't move if I tried. I've a horrible suspicion I may never be able to move again.'

  His lips traced hers when she looked at him with wildly flushed cheeks, her eyes just a little anxious.

  'Don't ask me how you were, woman. You've knocked me sideways.' He took her head in two strong hands, shaking it gently. 'And don't ask me to leave you alone ever again. I can't. You've been forbidden fruit for far too long. From this night forward, we're married.'

  'I've never before ... I mean .. .'

  'I know.' He moved to lay facing her, lifting her into the curve of his arm. For a few moments they lay closely together not speaking and she knew he was letting her grow calm, letting her relive the moments and the wonder. She was alive again, alive for the first time since her parents had died.

  Suddenly she wanted to tell Ross how she felt, to confess her love, even if he felt nothing but desire. She turned to him, lifting her hand to touch him, but he caught it in his strong fingers, holding it fast.

  'Tell me about Gilford,' he said, no sign of passion left in his voice, just the same relentless determination she had come to know so well.

  'You know.' She wanted to move now, to twist away, to pull her hand from his, but he would not allow it.

  'Some things you've told me, some I've pieced together, but there's more, Helen. He bullied you, made you help him in a way that was anathema to someone as shy and sensitive as you. He beat you in bed and out of it. And yet you stayed. I can understand partly. I can understand your not wanting anyone to know. I can understand that you wanted help when you were alone, with Tina to take care of and you not much more than a girl yourself. And I can understand your being too frightened to leave. What happened to finally make you leave? Where did that courage come from?'

  'It was over a long time ago,' Helen whispered. She was perfectly still, all the joy dying out of her.

  'It will never be over until you tell me.' He moved, leaning over her, looking down into her face. 'Tonight we've almost freed you. Take the last step, take it with me.'

  Was that what it had all been about? To free her? She closed her eyes, too ashamed to face him as she spoke.

  'It was what he said.' There was no tone to her voice, only a small thread of sound that had his eyes narrowing. 'It was the night...the night I got the scar. He called me all the things he was so used to calling me. Until then I'd taken it and said nothing.' She gave a funny little laugh. 'I believed him anyway. He just looked down at me as if I were nothing and he said...he said that Tina was more of a woman. He said she was growing into a very interesting girl and that he would see how she liked him next night.'

  'What did you do?' When she looked up at Ross, his face was white, his mouth edged with fury.

  'I fought him. I scratched and bit and screamed. I pulled his hair and hurt him. That was when he hit me and got really violent. I couldn't do anything then. I was trapped. He was lying on top of me with his hands round my throat, shaking me and shouting. Tina thought he was going to kill me.'

  'Tina?'

  'She had heard me scream and she came in. She had a pretty good idea of what was going on but I'd never admitted it. I'd never screamed before, though, I don't know how long she'd been standing there but she certainly heard the last part and she could see the terror I was in. There was a big vase. Before I knew she was there she was hitting him with it. She just let her temper take over. She didn't stop. I had to pull her away finally. For a minute I thought she'd killed him.'

  He stroked her face gently, seeing the agitation that was still there as she lived it all again.

  'Then what?' he asked quietly.

  'He was all right. People like Miles are always all right. He was too groggy to retaliate though and we crept away and made our plans. When it was light, we left. After that I didn't see him except with my solicitor and I never told all the truth. I agreed to an amicable arrangement because I didn't want Tina mentioned or anything like that. If I hadn't agreed we wouldn't have him coming here now.'

  'He won't come again,' Ross assured her tightly. 'I can promise you that.' He pulled her into his arms. 'I know it took a lot of courage to tell me that, but it's all over. Now you're better, no secrets between us. No worries or hurts.'

  No one except Donna, none except the fact that he didn't love her as she loved him, but in an odd sort of way she was happy. She smiled and felt him relax, the tight temper draining away.

 
'From now on you can forget him. A man like that is totally inadequate and cruelty gives him some sort of status in his own mind. Men like Gilford are emotional cripples. They can't care for people. They don't even like women. Forget him, Helen, all he will ever do is hurt and hurt. All your wounds will heal; he's like that for life.' He pulled her against him as he turned, settling her in his arms. 'Go to sleep. Do you know it's three o'clock?'

  'Are you staying here?' she asked quietly, wanting him to with an urgency that shook her.

  'Am I welcome?'

  'Yes.'

  He tightened his arms around her and in a few moments he was fast asleep. He had called her darling, so many times, been passionate and gentle. If that was all there would ever be she was more blessed than many other women. She loved him deeply, his sleeping face, relaxed and calm, the dearest thing she could think of.

  CHAPTER TEN

  In the morning Ross had left before Helen awoke. For a long time she lay in bed, reliving the previous night, her pulses racing. There was the imprint of his head against the pillow to assure her that that it had not been some wild erotic dream, and as she showered and dressed she realised that she didn't even want to leave this room, this place where happiness had been given back to her. His name was ringing round in her head like the chimes of a shining bell. It was impossible to keep the smile from her face.

  There had been a heavy fall of snow in the night and when she went down to breakfast she found Tina already there, Tansy at the window, watching the snow with excited eyes.

  'We can sledge again,' Helen said cheerfully, feeling about sixteen and looking it had she but known.

  'Sorry, chief. No sledging. Orders from the boss. At least, as I recall we can go out with the sledge but we're not to take it on the hill unless he's here. He reminded me rather forcefully of your twisted ankle.' She glanced at Helen out of her eye corners. 'What does it feel like to be wrapped in cotton wool?' She grinned as Helen blushed brightly. 'Aha! I believe I have you at a disadvantage.'

  'Let's build a snowman!' Helen said with breathless enthusiasm, turning to Tansy to hide from her sister's knowing expression.

  'I've got some big old buttons that will do nicely for eyes,' Mrs Hill promised, coming in with Helen's breakfast. She beamed at Helen. 'This is such a lovely, happy house, Mrs Maclean. My own little quarters are so snug and warm. It's nice to have my own furniture around me after so long in other people's rooms. I expect that little addition to the house was meant to be a Granny flat?'

  'I think it probably was, Mrs Hill.' Helen smiled. 'I'm glad you're happy here and like the annex. We don't have a granny.'

  'Well, there's Deirdre,' Tina mused wryly as Mrs Hill went happily away. 'As grannies go, however, she's sadly lacking. Hope she's securely back in New York by now.'

  'I feel a bit sorry for her,' Helen said quietly. She felt a bit sorry for herself too when she thought of Donna but she pulled herself up quickly. 'Let's get to that snowman,' she reminded them.

  It took all morning, and by the time they came in for lunch they all had rosy cheeks and a giant snowman stood in front of the house, shiny blue buttons for eyes, coal for the nose and an old cap and scarf belonging to Tina to keep him warm. Tansy was almost frantic with joy, happier than Helen had ever seen her, so relaxed and carefree in this house.

  They curled up by the fire and Helen found herself glancing frequently at her watch, her cheeks brighter than ever when she realised she was counting the hours to Ross's coming home. A few days ago she had been so frightened and now she was wanting to be in his arms with a longing that made her tremble.

  The sound of a car just before tea time had her running to the window. It was half-past three, not yet dark at all, and she felt her heart sink as a fast sports car drew up in front of the house. Deirdre Maclean got out, wrapped in furs, as smart and glossy as ever, but it was the driver who held Helen's dismayed glance. Donna Street

  was here without invitation and looking smugly pleased with herself.

  'Oh, my hat!' Tina stood beside Helen at the window and then turned quickly, gathering up her things and Tansy's. 'I'm sorry, chief. I can't face those two, you're on your own. Tell them that Tansy is in the nursery with her nanny and, if they want to come up, we've got measles.'

  Even before the bell rang she was on her way upstairs, Tansy clutched against her, and Helen went across the hall alone to face them, her heart sinking. It could only mean trouble and she was not yet secure enough with Ross to face that.

  'Oh, Helen. You look so colourful.' Deirdre forced a smile at the sight of Helen in her jeans and bright red sweater. 'All that blue-black hair. It's quite astonishing really.'

  Obviously she was talking to summon up courage for something, and Helen led them to the drawing-room. Donna hadn't thought it necessary to even say hello. 'You're just in time for tea,' Helen managed calmly, ringing for Mrs Hill.

  'Yes. Tea. Of course, the English take afternoon tea, don't they?' Deirdre murmured distractedly. 'I...I wanted to talk to you, Helen. That's why I'm here.'

  'That's why we're both here,' Donna put in with a wintry smile.

  Helen ignored her. 'What can I do for you?' she asked Deirdre when Mrs Hill had left the room.

  'I want you to persuade Ross to go back to New York.' Deirdre's words tumbled out in a rush. 'He's not going to be happy in this little place for very long, Helen, and it means a lot to me. If Ross goes back to the States then Tom will give up the idea of moving over to England permanently.'

  'Ross seems to like it here,' Helen began, but Donna chipped in ruthlessly.

  'Novelty! That's what all of this is, simply novelty. He'll go back home finally because I just can't hang around her indefinitely and when I go, of course, Ross will follow. We've never been separated for long so it's only a matter of time and, in the meantime, Deirdre is unhappy. You should think about that.'

  Some of the lovely colour faded from Helen's face.

  Well, this was certainly laying it on the line, and Deirdre hadn't said a word of contradiction. Helen felt anger rising swiftly. She would fight for Ross, but she could only fight if he wanted her enough.

  'Ross will do exactly as he likes,' she said as calmly as possible.

  'He certainly will.' The deep, dark voice from the doorway had them all jumping guiltily, and Helen sprang to her feet feeling a wave of agitation as she saw Ross standing just inside the room, his eyes glittering as he took in the scene. None of them had heard him arrive. As usual he just seemed to appear when she needed him, but she had no real idea of his feelings. Wanting her was not enough to keep him here if he loved Donna.

  His power silenced them all and then he was walking across the room, his eyes on Helen, running over her from her black shining hair to her suddenly pale face.

  'So you built a snowman without me?' he taunted softly, his arm coming around her slender waist. 'I don't like being left out. Later there'll be punishment.' He could feel her trembling and he drew her closer, tucking her against his shoulder and turning to face the visitors.

  He ignored Donna, his eyes impatiently on his mother. 'We're off again, are we?' he rasped, the indulgent teasing immediately gone from his voice. 'Let's get one thing straight right now. I live here and I'm staying here and that's permanent. If I go to New York it will be for a visit only and my family will go too. Dad and I have had this move planned for a very long time. He wants to come home, back to England, and I reckon it's about time he had some happiness.' He glared at his mother. 'He loves you! All these years of pointless jealousy. If he finally takes up with another woman I wouldn't blame him in the least. Why he's put up with your insane jealousy for so long I'll never know.'

  'Ross!' Deirdre looked at him pitifully but he was totally unmoved.

  'What? You think I shouldn't speak about this in front of Helen? Helen is my wife. We don't have secrets. You had the nerve to come here and try to pressurise her and that gives me carte blanche. Get it fixed in your mind that nothing will get me back to
New York permanently. Dad will come here and if you've any sense, any feeling for a man who loves you, you'll come too.'

  'You don't know your father...'

  'Don't know him? I've worked with him for years, seen him miserable and lonely, listened to him over drinks in some bar while you've been entertaining and telling yourself he was out with another woman. More often than not he was out with me. You don't know him, and if you continue like this for much longer you'll lose him.'

  Deirdre started to cry and Donna looked at Ross angrily.

  'Now look! You shouldn't speak to her like that.' Her face suddenly softened as she saw his dangerous looks. 'I understand, though. You're all upset, undecided. It doesn't matter, you don't have to rush into anything. I'll be staying in England.'

  'It's a free country,' Ross commented sardonically. He looked across at his mother and then moved to pull her to her feet. 'I know it's been hell,' he said quietly, 'but it's been hell for Dad too and there's no reason for it. Go upstairs with Helen and pull yourself together a bit.' She nodded, giving Helen a rather shaken glance. 'If I could powder my nose?'