by AJ Stern
CHAPTER 5
It didn’t feel like a long drive to Magoo’s on Friday afternoon because as soon as Elliott and I got in the car, we fell asleep. What did take a long time was waiting for Magoo to answer the door!
We heard her yell, “I’m coming!”
But then we waited and the door still didn’t open.
“Hang on! I’m almost there!” she called again.
Elliott and I looked at each other and giggled. Adults are really weird sometimes. We heard lots of messing around with the doorknob and finally Magoo opened the door.
Have you ever seen more than one really exciting thing at the exact same time and then you can’t decide which thing to look at first? That is the exact same thing that happened to me!
Here is the blur of what happened. When Magoo opened the door, the first thing I saw was a cast that went all the way past her knee and up her thigh! But before I could even study it, Bark ran past Magoo, put his paws on my shoulders, and knocked me over. Elliott backed away really quickly because he got scared, and that is not an opinion.
Bark licked my face over and over with his pink, sloppy tongue. I squinched my eyes and mouth and turned my head away because I do not like being licked on the face. I really hoped getting your face licked was not part of being a Veterinarian. I also hoped that Magoo and my parents didn’t see me squinching. I needed them to think I was a natural with animals. Dogs especially!
“Bark must have really missed you,” Magoo said.
My dad pulled me up and I tried to wait until Bark turned his head before I wiped his licks off my face. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Besides the licking that I didn’t like, there was so much about Bark I did like. A for instance of what I mean is that Bark has the softest hair and it feels just like fluff. He is white all over his body and has gray spots on the top parts of himself. He’s very shaggy and always looks like he needs a haircut, but he doesn’t. That’s the way his hair is supposed to look. I know that because once I tried to cut it off and Magoo caught me just in time to explain about shaggy dog hair.
“He’s a Labradinger, right?” I asked Magoo. Now was my chance to show her how much I knew about dogs!
“No, just a plain old sheepdog,” she said. She was certainly not right about that. I knew a Labradinger when I saw one. Then I remembered about introducing people.
“This is my best friend, Elliott.”
Elliott and Magoo shook hands and Magoo said, “Elliott, I don’t know if you want a job as much as my niece does, but if you do, you’re in luck.”
“I do,” Elliott said, excited, but then his face dropped a little. “But I already have a job. I’m Frannie’s secretary.”
My parents and Magoo laughed out loud, and Elliott and I looked at each other confused. Sometimes grown-ups don’t know the difference between funny things and not funny things.
“Well, if Frannie will let you, I’d like to offer you the job of special assistant to cats.”
Elliott looked at me and I looked at Magoo.
“Would he still get to be my secretary?” I asked Magoo.
“Absolutely,” Magoo told me.
I looked back at Elliott and said, “Okay, you can take that job.”
Then Magoo said, “Great, now come on in.” She opened the door even wider. And that is when I saw that Magoo’s cast was the most exciting one I had ever seen. It didn’t have one single drawing or name on it like when kids got casts. It was perfectly clean and white and actually very super extra professional-looking. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. But when Magoo took her crutches out from under her armpits and hopped to the side to get out of our way, I couldn’t take my eyes off the crutches! They were the most special crutches I’d seen in the entire world of America. They were not wooden like the ones kids used; they were metal, which meant they were silver! Everyone knows that silver things are Very adult.
Magoo’s cast and crutches made her look very official. I wanted to reach my arm out toward them, but my dad saw inside my brain because just as I was reaching out for them, he said, “Don’t even think about it.”
I quickly pulled my arm away.
“How in the worldwide did you know what I was thinking?”
“I have special mind-reading dad powers,” he said, even though I knew that was not actually a scientific fact.
We followed Magoo as she crutched her way around her house while we pointed out different things to Elliott. I had already been to Magoo’s house so I felt very smart about everything that was there.
“What are those?” Elliott asked, pointing to the wall of shelves where her dolls lived.
“Those are my sock dolls,” Magoo said.
“Oh yeah! Frannie has some in her room,” said Elliott.
“Would you like to see one?” Magoo asked.
Elliott nodded his head up, down, up, down, like it was a horse on the merry-go-round. Magoo crutched over to the shelf.
“A boy one!” Elliott requested.
She brought back a boy sock doll and Elliott studied it very closely, turning it around and around. He investigated the striped legs and polka-dot arms, the button eyes and the thick, brown nose stitches. He pulled gently on the thick, brown yarn that was cut short into boy hair. Then he looked up with an expression I’d never seen before.
“Are there any sock doll makers that are boys?” he asked Magoo.
“I believe there are, Elliott.”
“Well, could I be a special assistant to cats, Frannie’s secretary, and a boy sock doll maker?”
Magoo beamed. “I don’t see why not!”
“Elliott!” I said.
“What?”
“I think that is too many jobs ...”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because it is against the law to have so many.”
“Oh,” he said. I could not believe for the worldwide life of me that he didn’t know that.
He thought for a minute.
“Maybe I can be a sock doll maker and special assistant to cats on weekends, and then your secretary during the week?”
I thought about this for one point two moments and then I agreed to what sounded like a Very good deal.
“I can’t wait to show you how to make them!” Magoo told him.
Elliott handed the doll back to Magoo. “Thanks for showing it to me.”
“You can hold on to it for now, if you want.”
“I can?” Elliott could hardly believe his Worldwide luck. I didn’t feel badly because, like I said, I already owned three sock dolls.
We walked around Magoo’s house a little more. There’s always so much to investigate there because there are so many rooms. A for instance of what I mean is that she has a craft room, a sunroom, and a meditation room. That’s a room for being quiet. Elliott and I were not so interested in that room. Plus, she has a gift closet, a television room, a playroom where the animals sleep, and then all the usual rooms.
I can tell my mom likes the quiet room the best because she popped her head in and said, “Oh, Magoo. It’s marvelous what you’ve done with this space!”
Marvelous is a grown-up word, but it’s not for me. It’s very old-fashioned.
Elliott and I felt really lucky because we were going to sleep on couches in the sunroom. A sunroom is a room that is outside, like a porch, but has a screen on it, so that it is also inside. The sun gets to come into the room and that is the scientific fact for how it got its name.
The cats meowed and rubbed up against my leg. I looked down, but I was not going to pick any of them up because I could tell just looking at them that they were the extra slippy kind of cat. I also wanted Magoo to see that I was a natural with dogs—not cats!
“What are the cats’ names?” Elliott asked Magoo.
“Hester, Esther, and Lester,” she said.
See what I mean about slippy? Slippy names for slippy cats.
CHAPTER 6
After settling in, we had a meeting . It was the
most boringest meeting I’d ever been to. Elliott, too. I doodled in my head and passed notes to Elliott using just my brain waves. I knew he was doing it, too, because we got boringified at the same things. The only time it was not boring was when Magoo explained about the fancy top store person.
“She’s in town for only one day and she is very interested in looking at my sock dolls because she might want to sell them in her store.”
“It’s just so exciting,” my mom said. I could tell she really meant it because her eyes looked very sparkly.
“They have sock doll stores?” Elliott asked with his mouth wide open.
Magoo laughed. “It’s more like a store that sells lots of toys and dolls. They’ve never sold this type of doll there before. But they’re interested in looking at mine!”
Elliott and I looked at each other with WOW eyes.
“The point is,” Magoo said, “this woman is coming to town especially to meet me. Since my leg is broken, she’s offered to come here to see me instead of having me come to New York City with all my dolls. Now here’s the very important part ...” Elliott and I leaned in to make sure we didn’t miss the very important part. “The toy store woman is very, very allergic to cats. Because I have three cats, we have to start cleaning very early on Sunday . We need to vacuum everywhere and close the cats up in the TV room. We have to make her visit as comfortable and itch-free as possible. There can’t be cat hair anywhere.”
“Do we get to come to the meeting?” I asked.
“Unfortunately, no,” Magoo said. Unfortunately is a good grown-up word I needed to use more. “But, you are g oing to go in the car with your dad to pick her up on Sunday!”
“Fun!” I said. Elliott agreed.
“The most important thing is that there cannot be one single cat hair in this house.”
Then my dad talked and told Elliott how to feed the cats. His instructions sounded like this: Boring boring boring. Boring boring boring. A little more boring. Even boringer. One last time with the boringest of boring until finally, I your ears close shut so you never have to hear anything boring again.
“We all clear?” my dad asked. Everyone nodded yes. “Good, then let’s get to work. This house needs to be in tip-top order for Magoo’s big meeting, and Bark needs to be walked.”
That was my cue. While Elliott went into the kitchen to open the smelly bag of cat food, I went and got Bark’s leash from the front hall table. Then, I went over and clipped it to Bark’s collar like a professional leasher!
That is when Magoo said, with a big I forgot something in her voice, “Oh, shoot—Frannie!” I looked up. “I forgot to tell you your job title.”
I was so excitified to hear my title, I held my breath.
“I was so busy telling Elliott about his ob, I forgot to tell you about yours. You are the president of cats.”
Cats?
My mouth fell off my entire face.
“But, I am going to be a DOG veterinarian,” I said. “Not a cat one.”
“I know, sweetie,” Magoo said. “But Bark is just too big for you.”
“No, he’s not too big. He’s the perfect size,” I said. And just when I said that, Bark jumped up on me and knocked me down.
“Sorry, sweetie. Maybe next year when you’re bigger.”
Next year? Next year I wasn’t even going to want to be a dog veterinarian!
“Sorry, Bird,” my dad said, taking the leash from me. Bird is my middle name. Please do not tell anyone. It is a scientific fact that my dad is the only one who calls me by it.
I looked over at Elliott in the kitchen. He was lining up three boring cat bowls. I looked back down at Bark. If I wasn’t taking care of Bark, how would I prove that I was ready to be a dog veterinarian?
I dragged myself into the kitchen and helped Elliott pour the stinky food into the boring bowls. As my dad tugged on Bark’s leash, Bark looked over at me and I could tell by his expression that he wished I were the one taking care of him. His eyes were very droop, which meant he was sad, and his breathing was very fast and heavy, which meant he was getting sadder by the second! I looked over at my mom on the couch to make sure she saw how sad Bark was to leave me. But she was too unfortunately busy picking a piece of cat fur off her sweater to see the tragedy.
When my dad and Bark left for their walk, Elliott and I finished feeding and watering the cats. Then I harrumphed around and Magoo taught Elliott how to make sock dolls.
That night before we got into our couch beds, I did something to show Magoo how thoughtful and responsible I was. I hoped it would make her change her mind and switch my job with my dad’s job.
Sometimes when you go to Disney World and stay at their hotel, the housekeepers turn down your sheets and put a mint on your pillow. I decided I would do that for her, also. Except I couldn’t find a mint. I looked all over the house for something sweet, but there wasn’t anything. Finally, I grabbed a jar of strawberry jelly and put that on her pillow. Then I folded down her sheets.
Magoo would probably give me my dad’s job caring for Bark the second she saw what I did!
CHAPTER 7
Elliott and I woke up on Saturday to the sun kissing us on our noses. We still couldn’t believe our luck that we got to sleep inside and outside, almost. We shuffled into the kitchen just as my dad whistled for Bark to come take his walk. He came running with his big tail wagging.
Dad clipped the leash to his collar and I couldn’t believe that even with the turned down bed and strawberry jelly on Magoo’s pillow, I still had to take care of the Stinky cats. Dad said if Elliott and I wanted to come along, we should hurry up and feed the cats and put on our coats.
Outside, I memorized how he held the leash just in case his wrist stopped working and I needed to take his place. Then I memorized exactly the streets we walked down so that I wouldn’t get lost when I finally got to take care of Bark myself.
“You are such a good Labradinger,” I said to Bark. That is when Elliott pointed to the little dog rounding the corner running toward us. Then not even two seconds after, another person with their dog rounded the corner and then even more.
“What is going on over there?” my dad asked. “It’s like an animal parade.” Then a rabbit on a leash appeared. And then a cat on a leash! We walked really fast to the corner and, when we got there, we saw even more people with their pets.
“Maybe it’s an audition for animal TV!” Elliott said.
“Anything’s possible,” my dad said. We got closer. Finally when we got close enough, I read the sign. You will never in one million decades guess what it said.
VETERINARIAN’S OFFICE!
My dad looked me right in the eyes and that’s how he knew exactly what I was thinking .
“Don’t even think about it, Bird.”
“Just for one half of a centimeter of a second?” I begged him.
“No. We have way too much to do. There are vets in Chester. You can wait until we get back home.”
We weren’t getting back home for another entire full day and a little! That was nearly foreverteen hours!
I dragged my feet and hung my head extra low on the walk back so my dad would know just how sad I was.
When we got back to Magoo’s, Elliott and I saw her crutches leaning against the wall. We looked at each other. Maybe she was healed? Then two seconds later, Magoo rolled down the hall. She was in a wheelchair!
That is when I stopped breathing almost forever. I could not believe my worldwide eyes! Elliott was freeze-tagged into place.
For a second I thought Magoo broke something else, but then she explained that she just needed to get off her foot for a while. Also the crutches made her armpits hurt. I knew that I would never get hurt armpits if I had crutches.
I thought walking on her silver crutches would be the most fun thing in the world. But when I saw the wheelchair, I changed it to the second most wonderful thing in the world.
Pushing Magoo in her wheelchair would be the most extremely,
honestly, number one-tastic, most offficial thing that I ever did. If I showed Magoo how natural I was at pushing a wheelchair, she would know how good I was at taking care of people. And if I was good at taking care of people, then I’d probably be good at taking care of dogs. People are bigger than dogs.
“Do you need me to push you somewhere?” I asked her.
“No, I’m good where I am, sweetie. Thanks, though.”
“Oh,” I answered, disappointed. “Maybe you need me to walk on your crutches so they don’t get stale?”
She laughed. “I think my crutches are okay.”
“Because I know for a scientific fact that if you leave things out for too long they can go stale.”
“Frannie,” my dad warned.
“What?”
“You know what.”
“I don’t! I don’t know what!” I argued.
“Aunt Magoo’s wheelchair and crutches are off-limits,” my mom called from the couch where she was reading the newspaper.
Oh yeah, that what.
“Don’t you worry about my crutches. I think they’ll be just fine on their own.”
That is not a fact I agreed with.
I walked over to the wheelchair and stood next to her. She was busy making a sock doll and wasn’t pacing so much attention to my please can I wear your crutches expression. Or even my I’m probably the best wheelchair pusher-er in the world face.
Elliott sat on the other side of Magoo, working on his own sock doll. They were being very concentrate-y and quiet. They were also being boring .
I put my hand on the handlebar part of the chair.
“Well, if you did need someone to push you, I bet I’d be really good at it,” I told her.
Magoo looked up and smiled. “You know what? I would love it if you could push me into the kitchen so I could get a glass of water.”
“OKAY!” I said. I was almost as excited as I was when I got to drive a bumper car. I got behind Magoo’s chair and pushed it very slowly into the kitchen. It was much heavier than I thought it would be, but still, I was a very good wheelchair roller. I stood next to Magoo as she drank her water and then I pushed her back to the exact place she had been before.