Mia had had a brief chance to talk with her friend Rina Woodville, who was engaged to Ben’s brother, Rey, and who’d set up Ben’s visit to Parker’s Retreat, but despite Rina’s huge excitement over the fact he and Mia had married and were coming to settle on Isla Sagrado, Ben sensed a deep unhappiness behind Mia’s facade.
The knowledge he was personally responsible for that unhappiness had settled like a burr under his skin. He was willing to accept that he’d been hasty in his demands, forcing Mia to accept a marriage and relocation at practically a moment’s notice. He’d concentrated for so long on what he would not be able to do that when the proof he’d already succeeded had come into his life, it was all he’d been able to think of.
But his choices and decisions had been far-reaching and he’d failed to fully take Mia’s wishes into consideration when he’d made them. Hell, if he was honest with himself, he hadn’t even tried to take Mia’s wishes into consideration. The truth was a painful thing to face. He owed her everything—from the warm, living, breathing proof of his longevity currently squirming in his arms to the return of his sense of honor and integrity toward his family.
But what of his honor and integrity with respect to Mia? The knowledge that he’d failed her was a bitter truth to swallow and one he needed to face squarely. Face and make amends for.
“Come on, Jas,” he whispered to his son, “let’s give Mommy a lie-in and we’ll go and get dressed and find out what’s for breakfast today.”
“I’m very hungry,” Jasper informed him solemnly.
As Ben rolled from the bed and grabbed some clothes before going through to Jasper’s room to help him get dressed, he resolved to find a way to make this up to Mia. She had agreed—granted, under duress—to do as he’d asked. There had to be a way to give her back that sense of identity and pride he sensed she’d felt she’d lost along the way.
An idea occurred to him as he and Jasper entered the dining room of the hotel twenty minutes later. His lips curled in satisfaction and he reached for his mobile phone so he could start to put in action the necessary moves.
In the end, the process of acquiring his surprise for Mia took a couple of days to engineer to completion. Still, Ben was well pleased when things were concluded to his satisfaction. He was even more pleased when he discussed his plans with Elsa and she agreed to take Jasper for the night so he could surprise Mia with a quiet romantic dinner for just the two of them.
After his massage that afternoon, one that actually stuck to massage and not into the activity he usually enticed her into, Ben let her into his plans. Some of them, at least. He swung himself upright on the massage table and pulled Mia in between his legs.
“Wear something special for dinner tonight, okay?”
“Special? What kind of special?” Mia asked with her head cocked to one side.
“The kind of special you can wear in public.”
“Oh, I see—that kind of special. Do we have plans for tonight, then?”
“We do.” He nodded. “It occurred to me that we’ve never actually been on a date, so I’m going to do my best to remedy that situation.”
“A date? That’s a little late now, isn’t it?”
“It’s never too late, especially when your date is as beautiful and sexy as you.”
Ben punctuated his sentence with kisses along Mia’s throat and collarbone.
“Are we eating here?” she asked.
“No, I thought we could give the chef the night off and head into Queenstown. Something lakeside. Your mom said she’ll have Jas for the night. What do you think?”
Mia smiled and her green eyes lit with genuine joy that matched the smile on her lips.
“That sounds really nice. What time do you want me?”
“Ah, querida,” his voice deepened and he rocked her pelvis against his, letting her feel the incontrovertible proof that was there, “I always want you.”
Her breathing hitched and her eyes glazed, the pupils growing large and dark. It was another thing they shared. She, too, was as addicted to their lovemaking as he was, and enjoyed it with an abandon she never exhibited in her day-to-day actions. He shifted his hands and gripped her hips, gently easing her away from him.
“Go, while I can still let you go. Have a relaxing soak in the tub and take your time getting ready. It’s going to take me a while to be acceptable in polite company myself.”
“I could always do something about that for you,” she teased, her hands resting on the tops of his thighs, her fingers only inches from his aching flesh.
“Don’t tempt me. I’m saving myself for later.”
“It promises to be a special night, then.” She smiled and for a split second Ben regretted his decision to put her off for now.
“A very special night,” he concurred.
He looked at her and knew he’d made the right determination with his surprise. Beneath the generous lover he could see the signs of strain that told of the number of times she slipped from their bed at night to go over figures at the small desk in the main sitting room of their suite. He’d seen her often enough to know that despite the money he’d paid to her for his exclusive use of Parker’s Retreat, the hotel and spa were still very much in their earliest stages and as such were financially vulnerable.
Yes, he was absolutely certain about his gift, surprise, whatever you wanted to call it. It was all she’d ever dreamed of and more. The anticipation of being the man to give it to her was so sweet he could almost taste it on his tongue. And he couldn’t wait to see her reaction.
Queenstown’s lights glittered their reflection on the lake as they approached the main center. They alighted at the wharf and Ben drew Mia’s arm through his as they walked toward the restaurant he’d booked for the evening. It was only a short distance but the wind blew a freezing chill straight off the surrounding snowcapped mountains. For a moment Ben felt a deep sense of longing to be home again on Isla Sagrado’s sun-baked rock, but he consoled himself that it was only a matter of days now before he had his new family back where they belonged.
The wind whipped Mia’s hair across his cheek and he caught a whiff of the scented shampoo she used. The fragrance was so typical of the woman on his arm. Subtle and sweet and yet with a hint of musk that revealed the earthy lover who fulfilled him so completely. Yes, she had given him everything and tonight, in return, he would do the same.
The restaurant he’d booked was up a set of stairs and overlooked the lake with floor-to-ceiling windows. They were shown to a table with a clear view of Marine Parade and the bustling activities there. A resort town, Queenstown was a mecca to skiers and snowboarders alike at this time of year, not to mention those who came simply to drink in the wondrous natural beauty of the area or who preferred to seek their thrills in more extreme sports.
It suddenly shocked Ben to realize that he no longer classified himself in that category. Even immediately after his accident he’d been determined to regain his physical prowess so he could prove to himself he was just as good as before, if not better. He’d already ordered a new model of the car he’d crashed—beating his coast road time being in the forefront of his mind at the time.
But now he knew he’d never attempt that record again, nor would he willingly risk his life in the pursuit of yet another adrenaline rush. He had begun to understand what it must have been like for Abuelo to lose his only son and daughter-in-law in the avalanche that had claimed their lives, and how difficult it must have been to continue to raise Ben and his brothers with their penchant for fast cars and even faster women.
He had so much to look forward to with Jasper. He wanted to be there for all the key moments in his son’s life—and not run the risk of missing anything chasing some meaningless thrill. And he wanted to be a good example to Jasper. The prospect of his son taking the wheel of an overpowered metal monster and driving it full tilt along any kind of road set his heart in ice.
What an idiot he’d been, tempting fate and railing against th
e strictures of family. Even more so when he’d turned his back on the very dictates that made the del Castillos who they were. Honor. Truth. Love. He’d never understood them until now. But he had time to make things right. Starting with tonight. With his gift to Mia he could honestly feel as though he’d met all his obligations as a husband and father. It would give them all a fresh, clean start.
Mia loved this restaurant. From the location, the staff, the menu, the wine list—it was everything she enjoyed about dining out. Sure it wasn’t the highest of the high class but there was a welcoming sense of comfort in coming here and the massive square fireplace in the centre of the dining floor almost gave it the feel of being in someone’s home, rather than in one of Queenstown’s many eateries.
Ben was particularly solicitous tonight and she lapped up the attention. In fact, she almost started to believe they were a real couple. One with shared hopes and dreams for the future—right up until the moment he pulled a folded packet of papers from his pocket and laid them on the table between them.
“What’s that?” she asked, and wished the words unsaid the minute she’d uttered them. Some instinct warned her that what would come next was not what she really wanted to know.
“It’s my gift to you. I may have gone about our marriage the wrong way by forcing you to agree to my conditions, but I hope this can make it up to you and to Jasper. I want you to know that I will always be there to look after you both and to make your life easier.”
Easier? She didn’t want him to make her life easier. She wanted him to learn to love her. Why was it that whenever they talked about their marriage or their life together, love was never even mentioned? They were already immensely compatible in the bedroom and they certainly appeared to be on the same wavelength with regard to parenting. She knew they could make a decent go of things if he’d just let down his barriers and let himself love them both as much as they already loved him.
“Don’t gifts usually come in wrapping paper with bows?” she asked, trying and failing to inject a note of humor into her voice.
“Not this one, although I could order some champagne if that would make you feel more festive.”
Mia shook her head. “No, no more wine for me tonight.”
Ben pushed the packet across the table so it sat directly in front of her. “Then perhaps you should open this.”
Mia slowly picked up the packet and squeezed the sides, tipping the contents onto the placemat. A sheaf of papers, folded lengthwise, spilled onto the mat. She picked it up and opened them, instantly recognizing the letterhead of the leading law firm in town. She quickly scanned the letter, then, with disbelief, checked the papers behind it.
Like an automaton she folded them again and put them back into the packet.
“Well?” Ben asked, his eyes alight with pleasure.
“It’s the bank papers confirming my outstanding loan has been repaid in full,” she said woodenly, “and a copy of the deed to Parker’s Retreat showing the mortgage has been discharged. Why?”
“Why? I thought you’d be pleased. I told you I’d take care of you and Jasper, and I have. Parker’s is yours free and clear now. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Mia swallowed against the solid lump of disappointment that lodged in her throat. What she wanted? Of course it was what she wanted—in time. And on her own terms. She’d been prepared to work for that. She didn’t want things handed to her on a platter anymore. She’d finally learned, the hard way, the value of hard work and the sense of accomplishment that accompanied it.
What was it he’d said earlier—that he’d wanted to make her life easier? Didn’t he realize that she didn’t want an easy life? She’d had an easy life before—a life of extravagance without a thought to the real cost. She thought Ben had noticed that she wasn’t that girl anymore. She didn’t want “easy.” She wanted difficult and challenging and worthwhile, so that at the end of the day, she’d know that she’d earned everything she had. Instead, this made her feel as if she’d been bought. Was this just another way for him to keep her under his control?
This wasn’t the action of a man who was even contemplating love. It was a stamp of ownership, pure and simple.
Mia laid the packet down on the table and looked up to meet his eyes. She saw confusion reflected there, but nothing else. No hope of pleasing her. No expression of tenderness. And inside, her own hopes suffocated and died.
Ben’s brows drew into a straight line, a sure sign of his displeasure. What had he thought she’d do, she wondered—leap into his arms and thank him effusively for his generosity?
“You aren’t pleased,” he stated across the table, the rift between them far wider than a couple of feet of polished wood.
“That I’m now indebted to you? No.”
He made a sweeping movement with one hand, slicing the air as if he could negate her denial as easily. “You are not indebted to me. This is a gift. My gift to you. I owed you this, if not more.”
“You owed me? Funny. That’ll explain why it doesn’t feel like a gift. Ben, did you really think you could buy me and Jasper by buying out my loans?”
“Buy you?”
“Yes, buy me.”
“Rest assured I do not consider you bought. I had no obligation to give you anything, Mia, but I understand how important your financial security is to you. I thought it would bring you pleasure to know you don’t have to struggle anymore. To know that nothing and no one can ever threaten what you’ve built up.” He shrugged. “It seems I was wrong. Either way, what has been done cannot be undone. The place is yours. Do with it what you will.”
His dismissive tone brought tears to her eyes. All right, so he hadn’t intended his surprise to be another tie of obligation, but it was clear it hadn’t truly been meant as a gift. He’d chosen to throw money at the problem rather than making the effort to truly understand how much making a success of Parker’s had meant to her. His “gift” showed no understanding of her—or even how much she’d consented to walk away from when she’d agreed to marry him and accompany him to his home. As far as Ben was concerned he’d done his part and that was all she’d ever get from him. And she’d learned the hard way, money didn’t buy you everything. Least of all the one thing she really wanted.
Her husband’s love.
Their journey back to the hotel was completed in strained silence.
In their suite Mia missed Jasper’s presence with a physical ache, but she would have to put up with waiting to see him in the morning. She went through the motions of getting ready for bed in a state of numbed shock. All of this was really hers. Lock, stock and two smoking barrels. Yet it would never feel hers again. Ben had taken the pride of making it on her own away from her, without even stopping to consider what he’d done. All he’d seen was a way to salve his own conscience.
She slid into the cool sheets on their bed as he went through to the bathroom. He’d dimmed the bedroom lights while she’d readied for bed—setting the scene for seduction, for the coupling that had become their only common ground since their wedding. But tonight she wanted none of it.
She realized that she and she alone was to blame for the situation she was in. She’d allowed Benedict to believe that she was prepared to settle for this and only this in their marriage. It was time she put things straight.
When Ben slipped into the bed behind her and reached to pull her into the curve of his body, she resisted.
“No,” she said quietly.
“No?” Ben questioned, his hand sliding over her hip and up to cup her breast.
“I don’t want to make love with you.”
“Your body makes a liar of you, querida,” he said, and she could hear the smile on his face.
She put her hand over his and deliberately moved it off her body before rolling over to face him.
“My physical response is one thing, Ben. But my emotional one is something else. You showed me tonight that you don’t really know me at all, and when I tried to explain tha
t to you, you simply pushed my feelings aside because they weren’t what you wanted to hear. I’m sorry for you, Ben. For me, making love is not something purely for physical release—not anymore. It’s supposed to be something special. Something shared by two people in love.”
“Our lovemaking is always something special,” he insisted.
“It’s still just sex, Ben, and it’s not enough for me. For some reason you think that if you throw enough money and charm at a situation it’ll be okay. But there’s more to life than that. We could have more than that.
“I’m not going to let you close yourself off from me in every way that truly matters and then compensate for whatever it is that you’re putting yourself through by trading off with solving my financial situation and making me climax every night.”
“I haven’t heard you complain about the climaxes,” he said, his voice lethally even, his dark eyes glittering in the semi-light of their room.
“No, I haven’t. But they’re not enough, Ben.”
She rolled over in the bed and presented Ben with her back.
“Good night,” she said, her voice muffled in the pillow into which she burrowed her face.
She couldn’t let him see the tears that had begun to streak her cheeks, couldn’t let him know that even as disappointed as he’d made her feel tonight, she still wanted him with every breath in her body. But she was worth more than that. She was worth his love, and she wasn’t going to give up until she had it.
Thirteen
Ben lay still in the darkness. It had been a couple of hours since Mia’s breathing had settled in the deep, slow rhythm of sleep. She’d been crying—he knew it and he couldn’t do a darn thing about it. Didn’t know where to begin.
For the Sake of the Secret Child Page 13