Her rejection of his gift, of him, had cut far deeper than he’d wanted to admit and certainly deeper than he’d wanted to examine. But since sleep had proven completely elusive, he was forced to think about it and try to work out what exactly had gone wrong.
The evening had started so well. The dinner had been superb, the setting idyllic if a little busy for his tastes. But everything had fallen apart the moment he’d given her the papers. She’d accused him of not knowing her at all—with the implication that he did not care enough to learn about her, as if he was treating her like an expendable commodity. The very thought that she could come to that conclusion was as puzzling as it was infuriating.
He did care about her. That was why he had done what he had. To please her. To take care of her problems, the way he had promised himself he would. He had the advantage of money and being able to solve her financial difficulties. Why, as her husband, should he not do so? Her problems were sorted, allowing her to do with Parker’s Retreat every single thing she’d ever wanted to do. Wasn’t that what she wanted?
She’d given him so much—all he’d wanted was to give her something in return. Maybe she’d simply been taken by surprise. He had no doubt that when Mia had taken some time to consider the ramifications of his gift fully, she’d appreciate it better. Maybe all she needed was some space. Some time to consider what he’d done and why.
Yet as he finally drifted off into slumber a small voice at the back of his mind asked him why he still felt as if something was missing. Something vital and important. Something that lay just outside his grasp.
The morning didn’t bring any fresh answers with it except a desire to return home and get his life back on its even keel as soon as possible. He left Mia sleeping, and made the necessary calls. The charter company assured him a plane would be at his disposal at Queenstown Airport in two days’ time.
Two days. The thought that he’d be back home, back to normal in such a short period was invigorating. He loved the area here, but he also loved his mountains and valley. The vineyards he’d nursed to full production, the winery where he and his head winemaker explored methods to bring out the best in their grapes to produce award-winning wines year after year. Those were the challenges he looked forward to embracing once more.
Isla Sagrado meant family and tradition to him, but also, it was a place that was his. He’d made it and it was home. Most importantly, he was ready to be back there with Mia and Jasper. No more hiding away. No more facing the future alone.
A sound from the bedroom door stirred him from his reveries. Mia was awake. She came through to the sitting room, tying her robe about her waist and moving with an unconscious grace that sent a surge of longing straight to his groin. No matter what passed between them, their physical connection only grew stronger. It was more than most marriages had.
He decided to take the bull by the horns and let her know of their changed travel plans.
“I’ve confirmed our departure for Isla Sagrado. We’ll be leaving in two days.”
“Two days?”
All the color in her cheeks faded, throwing her green eyes into relief against the dark hollows that shadowed them.
“Yes. I was booked here for four weeks. That time is up and I have accomplished so much more than I’d imagined in that time. There’s nothing to keep us here any longer, and the sooner you and Jasper settle into your new home the better.”
“But I still have so much to do here.”
“Mia, I know you were expecting another week with Elsa to complete her training, but there’s nothing you can’t deal with from Isla Sagrado just a easily. Let her take over now. She’s itching to do so, and your being here is holding her back.”
Mia flinched as if he’d physically hurt her. Twin spots of color appeared in her cheeks.
“I’ve made her manager. I’m letting her take over everything. How could I possibly be holding her back?”
He stood up and caught her upper arms before she could wheel away from him. “Querida, I handled things last night clumsily, as I have handled almost everything between us since my arrival. I’m sorry for that, but can you blame me for wanting to take you and Jasper home and show you off to my family?”
“And can you blame me for wanting to make sure my business and my mother are taken care of first? You’re the one going home, Ben. I’m the one leaving the only home I’ve ever known—and now you’re saying I’ll be leaving it sooner even than we’d planned.”
Benedict sighed, but he refused to be drawn into an argument even though Mia was very obviously spoiling for one. “You are my wife, Jasper is my son. I want you both to become a part of my life, in my home country. Is that so hard to understand?”
Mia shook her head and her eyes emptied of all their fire. “No, it’s not hard to understand. It just doesn’t make it any easier to bear, that’s all.”
Mia went through the motions all day, showing her mother the online booking system, referring her to the manuals she’d had set up when the system went live if Elsa had a question—because goodness only knew Mia wouldn’t be available to answer them at the drop of a hat once they were gone. It was all well and good for Ben to say she could run her business via the Internet and phone calls, but Isla Sagrado was a good twelve hours behind New Zealand, which made scheduling meetings through Skype or other contact methods problematic.
Jasper had been over the moon when she’d picked him up this morning and told him that they’d be going to Isla Sagrado in only two more sleeps. Of course, he had no concept that going there would mean leaving all this behind, maybe for good.
She wished she had that innocent expectation about the life facing them in Isla Sagrado…but even more than that, she wished she had the simple assurance that Jasper had of being loved by Ben. But it was as if Ben had encased his emotions in ice—determined not to allow himself to feel anything for her except desire. He was holding back from her, and until he could crack apart that glacier that held his heart hostage, their marriage could never truly be happy.
She’d noted a difference in him when he’d first arrived, a difference that had become more marked in the time he’d been here. It was as if he was skimming the surface of everything. Cautious about feeling too much. The only time she believed he was totally up front and honest was when they were in bed together. When, with his body, he didn’t hold back on anything.
Maybe that’s what she needed to do, she realized. Hoping the words she’d uttered last night could chip away at the barriers shielding his heart was futile. She needed to take positive action to make him face what she was certain was the truth.
She wasn’t a quitter and she wasn’t going to be a spineless bystander in her marriage either. She loved Benedict del Castillo, and one way or another she would make sure he knew it.
Ben had left a message with her earlier in the day to say that he wouldn’t be at the spa for his usual massage, as he was taking Andre into town for a farewell meal and a few drinks. Andre had decided to stay on in New Zealand a little longer and see a bit of the country while he could, so he wouldn’t be joining them on their trip to Isla Sagrado. Ben’s plans played into her hands nicely. By the time he returned to Parker’s Retreat he’d hopefully be feeling mellow and ready for what she had in store for him.
Making her preparations took a little time, but she knew it was worth it when she saw their bedroom transformed with numerous scented candles and the bed prepared for the very special massage she had planned for her husband. Jasper, tired from his second-to-last day at day care, had settled to bed early and she had no doubt he’d sleep the whole night through. All she had to do now was ready herself before Ben returned.
Mia had just finished smoothing her favorite scented body lotion into her legs when she heard the main door to their suite open. She stood up, letting the sheer rose-colored nightgown that was all she’d chosen to wear slide over her body. She put the lotion back on the dresser, her hands trembling with anticipation. Ben entered the
room and fixed her with a questioning gaze, his dark brows rising ever so slightly.
“What’s this?” he asked, his voice wary.
“You missed your massage today,” Mia said, moving forward to take his coat from him before throwing it over the squat Queen Anne chair in the corner. “I thought with the travel we have coming up that you’d be more comfortable if we stuck with your program. But first, a spa bath.”
She reached for the buttons on his shirt, undoing each one with painstaking care before pulling his shirttails from his trousers and casting the shirt to the floor. She leaned into him, inhaling softly. The scent of wood smoke—the smell most predominant in the air in town—clung to him and blended with the freshness of his cologne to make an almost unbearably sexy combination.
Taking him by the hand, Mia led him to their bathroom. More candles lit the tiled room, their reflection in the large mirrors on the walls adding to the glow of warmth and intimacy. Her hands made short work of his belt and trousers before guiding him to the bath. Scented bubbles danced on the water’s surface. Mia flipped the switch for the jets, and indicated to Ben that he should occupy the body-form-shaped seat so he could gain the most benefit from their therapeutic pulsation.
“Aren’t you joining me?” he asked.
Mia shook her head. “I have other plans. Tell me about your evening. Where did you go?”
While Ben told her about the pub meal he and Andre had shared, she poured a glass of red wine and sipped from it before holding the glass to his lips so he could drink from it also—his lips partaking of the ruby liquid from exactly the same spot her own lips had rested upon. He watched her like a hawk, a flush spreading across his cheeks as she licked a tiny droplet of wine from the edge of the glass before offering it back to him.
“What’s this about Mia?” he growled. “Last night you didn’t want a bar of me.”
Mia considered her words carefully. “I was overemotional. I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, refusing you last night punished me as much as you.”
“It’s no consolation at all. I still cannot understand why you were so upset. So angry.”
And that was the problem, she thought. He couldn’t conceive of the fact that making her own way here was so important, so vital to her identity and for her own need to make amends for the strain she’d caused her father. But had she been unfair, expecting him to automatically understand? He didn’t know what she had been through—and as much as she accused him of being closed off emotionally, she hadn’t fully shared herself, either. That would change right now.
“I think, for you to understand that, you’d really have to walk in my shoes over the past three and a half years. I went from having everything, and working for none of it—taking it all for granted—to having nothing and having to claw it all back.”
“Wouldn’t most people welcome the prospect of having all their worries solved for them?”
“Most people, yes,” she conceded.
“But not you.”
“No, not me, because for the first time in my life I actually appreciated how hard I had to work for things and I deeply regret how complacent I’d become over it all. Sure, it wasn’t easy, but it redefined me. Made me realize how shallow my life had been before. Having you hand everything back to me on a platter again, well, it just made me feel as if you still saw me as that girl you met the first time. Not the woman I am now.”
The woman who loves you. The words echoed in her heart, but she was too afraid to say them aloud.
There was a pause while Ben considered this before he replied. “I think I can understand to a degree. It’s probably why my brothers and I have chosen very different paths to expand in our family’s business portfolios. We complement one another, but we’re each our own master—we do things our own way. That way, we’re each able to make our own mark and know that our achievements are uniquely ours.”
Ben fell silent and Mia wondered whether she’d said too much, or even too little. She passed Ben the wine goblet and watched as he took another sip before taking it back, then she hit the button that stopped the jets in the spa bath.
“I think that’s enough for now,” she said and stood to get a large fluffy white towel for him.
Ben stood and she watched the rivulets of water run off his body and into the tub. Once he was out of the bath she moved closer and began to dry him off, taking her time, stroking the thick toweling in firm sweeps across his back and down over his buttocks before drying the backs of his legs. Then she gave her attention to his chest, his abdomen, his groin.
He was fully aroused by the time she was finished, but when he reached for her she gently shook her head.
“Not yet. As I said, I have plans for you. Come over by the bed,” she whispered with a smile before pulling away.
She guided him facedown onto the bed and then straddled his legs and reached for the lotion she’d prepared earlier, one infused with heady, exotic scents. She stroked the lotion into his skin in long, flowing movements that started at the base of his spine and worked up his back.
As her hands smoothed over his shoulders, she felt the tension knotted there and doubled her efforts, working into the tissue before lightly skimming away, replacing her hands with butterfly light kisses before returning again with her fingers. Once she was satisfied he was completely relaxed she shifted to the foot of the bed and gave his legs the same attention. As she bent to kiss behind his knees she finally allowed herself to acknowledge the slow, steady burn uncoiling from deep inside her.
With each forward motion her breasts swung against her night gown—fuller, heavier. The sheer silk caressed her nipples with the softness of a lover’s touch, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted more. She wanted Ben. She forced herself to calm down, to focus on what she wanted for the long term, rather than what she wanted right now.
She rose up onto her knees, shifting her weight fully off him for the moment.
“Roll over, Ben,” she instructed, surprised to hear the strain in her voice.
Slowly he turned over, baring his body to her, all of his body. She kept her eyes very firmly on his, knowing how he felt about the scars that crisscrossed his abdomen, understanding on an unspoken level that, more than anything, it was their constant reminder of his mistake that made him hate them so.
Ben’s eyes were dark, the blackness of his pupils consuming his irises, the flicker of candlelight reflected in their bottomless depths.
Again Mia straddled his thighs, teasingly avoiding his arousal. She leaned forward to massage his chest, her hands still soft with lotion, and felt his erection buck against her as her nightgown stroked his sensitive skin.
Still she maintained eye contact, although it became more and more of a challenge to her with every movement she made. Avoiding his abdomen completely, she shifted her hands to the top of Ben’s thighs, trickling her fingers higher until they coasted along the shape of his hips then behind to his buttocks and back again.
Without letting her gaze waver she lowered herself until her breath shimmered over his swollen shaft. He’d never allowed her this intimacy before. Every time they’d been together he’d been all about her pleasure before taking his own. With his hands and his tongue, he’d wrought the ultimate pleasure upon her. Now she wanted to do the same for him.
Fully expecting a protest, she kissed the tip of him. A bead of moisture appeared and she instinctively darted her tongue out to taste him. Ben groaned at the head of the bed, indistinguishable words spilling from his mouth, his hands fisted in the sheets.
An overwhelming sense of power and control suffused her, together with the knowledge that she was only doing this with the gift of his permission. That he wanted her to be with him, to do this to him, as much as she did herself.
Mia let her lips skim the smoothly swollen head, each time following up with the barest of touches with her tongue. He writhed beneath her, and she took his stretch of control as her signal. She closed her mouth over him, swirling her tong
ue around him and tasting his essence. She changed her position slightly so she could take him more deeply, driving him nearly wild with the alternate swirling and sucking of her tongue and mouth.
She felt his shaft thicken even more and became aware of her answering moisture pooling between her legs. She ached for him, ached to take him inside her and drive them both to completion. Mia let go of him and arched herself upward, pulling off her nightgown as she did so.
Ben’s eyes flew open as she positioned herself above him, felt the hard nub of him at her entrance. She eased her hips forward and back across his sensitive flesh, coating him with her moisture, driving herself mad at the same time.
His hands unfurled in the covers and gripped her hips, halting her teasing. She placed her own hands over his and slowly lowered her body, taking him inside her in a slow, steady glide. She gasped as her body stretched and filled. This was more than sex, more than making love. It was a total unity of body and spirit.
Could he feel it, too? Did his heart swell and contract in time with the movement of their bodies the way hers did?
She braced her hands on his shoulders, felt his hands reach up and cup her breasts, his thumbs abrading their taut peaks, his finger gently kneading the full soft flesh.
Her orgasm took her by surprise, convulsing through her in a streak of lightning, making her body tremble, her inner muscles repeatedly clench and release. Beneath her, Ben thrust his hips upward, a harsh groan rippling from his throat as his body reached its zenith and triggered off yet another burst of pleasure to pulse through her body.
She collapsed, boneless, onto his prone form, her heart thudding in her chest. As aftershocks continued to pulse through her she found the courage to say the words her heart had held hostage.
“I love you, Ben.”
For the Sake of the Secret Child Page 14