Gator Baitin' (The Grateful Undead series Book 2)

by Susan Stec

  "We did escape," I said. "Way I remember it; you fell in the lake with the gator in question attached to your ass while we headed across the lake in the Pro-Line. And you still haven't answered my question." We did get captured eventually, so it was a moot point, but I was hell bent on ruffling his feathers—probably not a good idea.

  "I tried. You opened your insubordinate little mouth." Dorius lowered his chin, face all bothered.

  "I'd pay good money to see you wrangle with a gator, Susan." My mother wiggled her forehead. "You have the persistence of a pit bull with a retarded mental capacity. Now shut up."

  I shut up. Dorius continued. "We think an infected animal bit the gator's inner mouth when being attacked. That's the only way an immortal animal can drink from a gator, and since the gator is evidently swallowing the infected animal… well… you know the rest. And Susan, just for the record, under no circumstances will you ever hunt 'real' rogues until all of the immortal animals are under control. Do I make myself clear?"

  I bit my lower lip.

  Marcus, my blood-mate, pushed his words into my mind from somewhere in the compound. Darling, I think you should show my brother a little respect. I'd hate to resort to weekly conjugal visits when he locks you in the prison basement.

  Being mated gave us the power to communicate through our minds, even if we weren't in the same city. Not only that, but he could see me, mentally, no matter where I was. A real pain in my ass, that.

  Over my dead body, I mentally pushed back.

  Exactly. I heard his laughter roll around in my head, and if I could shut him up, I would. Unfortunately, I couldn't.

  Gibbie strutted along the table, all two and a half inches of him, wings aflutter, hand on the hilt of his sword. He had on cute little jams, brightly colored with orange flowers, a royal blue tank top, flip-flops, and a red bandanna tied around his waist with the sword hanging from it.

  He spoke in a high-pitched screech that always made me want to grab my ears. "That lump of mortar, Mort, isn't joining us, is he? 'Cause if he does, I'm springin' for a jackhammer." Gibbie winked at me. I smiled back.

  "Yesss, the troll will be monitoring surrounding waterways. And you will both behave yourselves. Do I make myself clear?" Dorius gave Gibbie a snarky smile.

  Gibbie darted straight up laying a path of red glitter then shot back down and landed on Jake's shoulder.

  Jake yelped, emitting a long flame that ignited the pencil and pad in front of him. Everyone scrambled.

  Christopher stood on his chair and pulled the fire extinguisher off the wall and doused the flames.

  Paul grabbed the smoking pad and tossed it in a metal trashcan.

  Lips pressed between her teeth, Jeni held a laugh.

  Dorius glared us all back to our seats. "Susan, you and Christopher will question the curator at Gatorland and—"

  "Wasn't Gatorland closed down?" I interrupted.

  Gibbie flew circles around my head. I had a vertigo moment.

  Mom pointed to the sheet of paper in front of me. "Keep up! I swear if I didn't watch you come out of my womb I'd think you belonged to someone else."

  Jake lifted his shoulders, slapped both hands over his mouth and whimpered.

  My eyes danced over the paper.

  "Gatorland is not closed and they even have a website," JoAnn offered.

  "Oh joy," Jeni said, "a whole theme park full of gators for you to demonstrate your exceptional critter controlling capabilities. You're gonna shine like the North Star on a clear night, Mommy Dearest."

  Comebacks rolled behind my eyeballs like a slot machine in Vegas.

  Dorius ignored the fiasco around him. "Chick and Jake will be on local critter control detail. I want as many as possible destroyed in the Leesburg area by next week. No need to send me the heads this time."

  Well, that put a smile on my face given the history behind those words; a little matter of a helicopter, hundreds of dead immortal animals and my favorite WKRP in Cincinnati's Turkey's Away, episode.

  "No side trips—no other missions," Dorius was saying. "I want you to go in immediately, find the immortal gator, touch base with the local Animal Control office, and get right back here for further testing."

  "How's the testing coming?" Jeni asked sweetly. "Did we find out how Aunt JoAnn changed vampire history?"

  "No, but it was not a fluke. JoAnn can indeed turn animals," Dorius answered. "A gift we have yet to find in another immortal. I'm sure it's in correlation with your demon and witch ancestry. We're still working with the original raccoon to see if we can manipulate it with mind control. So far we are unable to, so—"

  "Wow, that makes me kind of special," JoAnn said.

  "Bless your heart. You can create freaks of nature." I smiled.

  "__until we can manipulate them, your job is to extinguish all of them." Dorius tossed my smug smile right back at me.

  ~~~

  Chapter 2

  Come walk on the wild side

  ~~~

  I chipped off another layer of tooth enamel listening to Christopher snore in the seat next to me as the Suburban coasted down I-75 at eighty miles an hour headed for Leesburg. Dorius sending my younger daughter, Resi and her blood-mate, Zaire, to fight real rogues, rankled. My sister JoAnn, sitting in front of a computer in Miami, rankled. Hell, everything rankled.

  Mom sat in front of me in the passenger seat and jotting notes on a pad in her lap, she communicated with my sister and Jeni through the system mounted in the dashboard.

  Paul was driving, whistling the snappy little theme song to Mayberry RFD. That also rankled.

  "God, I'm over hunting vamp-animals. I'm ready for some real action." I scooted down in my seat and closed my eyes.

  "You made your bed, Susabella," Mom said, finally giving me something to yell about.

  "I absolutely did not! That would be the daughter you never should have had. The one that's frolicking in La La land with a juice box of blood in her hands while I get stuck killing the spawn of her immortality imbalanced fangs!"

  In the seat behind me, Jake had been calm up until now. He let out a long, loud, noxious fart.

  Paul's window went down.

  "Look, I'm just saying, it's not fair that Resi and Zaire get to go out with the other Rogue Hunters while we hunt frigging gators with fangs—that's all I'm saying."

  "Stop at the next drug store and I'll buy Jake some Beano," Mom said. "I need a tube of Preparation H anyway because my daughter's giving me a pain in my ass."

  Paul started humming and popping the theme song to Boston Legal.

  Jake let go with another one.

  Mom's window electrically slid open.

  I turned and glared at Jake, long curls blowing across my face. "Put a cork in it!"

  "Sorry. It's just that, well, you women are so… high-strung." Jake's cheeks flamed red. Purple scales flashed over his brows.

  "Take the frigging Valium I gave you," I snapped.

  "I did," Jake answered meekly. "Not the cork—the valium—it's not helping."

  Paul switched to Camp Town Races, drumming the steering wheel as he sang.

  My sister JoAnn's spiteful voice floated from the monitor. "Here we go a gator hunting, gator hunting, gator hunting…"

  I knew I couldn't demand that my mother shut off the Godforsaken communication system. First of all she wouldn't listen to me. Second, Marcus was probably in my head, listening to our conversation, and he'd only bitch at me to turn it back on. Damn, why the hell did I have to have him with me wherever I went?

  As if on cue, his freaking laugh fogged the back of my eyeballs.

  Marcus, don't even start! I mentally pushed. I'm not in the mood.

  I'm always in the mood, darling, he pushed back. Close your eyes. I bet I can make you smile.

  I was trying to think of a snappy response when Gibbie zipped up front from the luggage compartment, landing between Christopher and me.

  Something in your blood…

  "Susan," the fa
iry shrilled, hands on hips, "your attitude is getting old and it's not productive."

  La-la-la-laaa-la…

  "We have a job to do—deal with it." Gibbie fluttered around my head spilling silver sparkles. I think they're supposed to have a calming effect or something. It wasn't working.

  Vampires of the night… Neither was Marcus rendition of Strangers in the Night.

  Most of the fairy dust blew on Christopher's face. He opened his eyes and spit sparkles. "Jesus, it stinks in here. Who's arguing again?" He stuck his head out the window and all I could see was his Critter Catcher logo and the soles of his Spidey sandals.

  Jake squirmed in the back seat. "I can't stand it anymore. You're driving me crazy, Chick."

  "What now?" I asked, probably a bit too loud because Jake cringed. No flames, thank God.

  "Your mother is sucking her teeth. I don't like the sound. It makes me think of mice. I hate mice. Tell her to stop," Jake blurted.

  Blood-mates at first sight…

  "Mice?" I shot him a 'what the hell' look. "You can change into a frigging thirty-foot dragon, for crying out loud, and you're afraid of mice?"

  Jeni's voice came through the Suburban's speakers. "We have the coordinates on Gatorland…"

  …bonded forever…

  Will you shut the hell up! I mentally screamed and covered my ears.

  JoAnn cut Jeni off. "I'm so into this, Susan! A vamp-gator! This is so exciting!"

  Jeni jumped back in. "Aunt JoAnn, you're supposed to be setting up perimeters, sweetie, remember? I'm going to man the communications today for both teams, okay?"

  Hm-hm, hm-hm-hm…

  "I know," JoAnn said. "I just wanted to let them know we're on it."

  Mom pushed the call button on the dash. "JoAnn, I have a farting dragon with tooth sucking issues, and your mother's bad attitude, so just shut up and mark the perimeters!"

  Dooby-doooby-do…

  All the doors had a communication button on the armrest. Totally ignoring the elevator music in my head, I hit the nearest red button. "Yeah, not all of us are sitting in an air-conditioned room with a good ventilation system, JoAnn."

  "Susan, nip it, unless you have something useful to say." Mom glared at me between the seats.

  La-la-la-laaa-la…

  I mentally shouted, Marcus, I'm going to find a long wooden stake, sharpen the hell out of it, cuff you to the bed and—

  Oh, aren't you the wicked little vamp. Shall I bring fur lined cuffs, love.

  * * * *

  An hour later we finally arrived at the house on the lake in Leesburg. It was conveniently placed in the center of the state. Kissimmee being the target, Leesburg was just an hour drive from Gatorland. The girls and I had a four bedroom, tri-level home on Lake Harris with a nice rock garden where Gibbie lived. Mort, the troll, resided under our boat dock where cypress trees shaded the area and algae colored the surface with green swirls.

  "Are you two going to Gatorland tonight?" I pulled my suitcase out of the back of the Suburban and handed Paul his duffle bag.

  "Yep, you and Christopher can head out with us, since the curator's house is on the property." Paul hefted my mother's suitcase out and started toward the house.

  Gibbie hovered in front of my face. "I'll put my stuff up and then talk to the troll. Leave the kitchen window open so I don't have to go through the air-conditioner ventilation system," he said then headed toward the lake.

  Jake cringed, holding his hands over his ears. "Chick, you're sucking again."

  Mom leered at Jake. One side of her mouth went up and she sucked obnoxiously.

  "I'll bed down in Jeni's room," Paul snorted, mounting the front step.

  I growled a response. He turned and favored me with a smile as he stepped through the door.

  * * * *

  "So what's the plan?" I asked as Paul sauntered into a cluster of trees by the entrance to Gatorland.

  Guys, we don't see any immortal animals anywhere in the park. JoAnn's booming voice made me rub my temples.

  "Isn't Jeni supposed to be communicating with us?" I hissed into the walkie-talkie.

  Sor-ry, Jeni's out at the moment." She sounded excited.

  "I'll phase. Gibbie and I will check the grounds. You two go keep the curator busy. His name's David Parsons." Paul hung his pants over a low slug branch, bare butt disappearing behind the trees. I noticed his walkie-talkie was tucked in one of the pockets. Easy for him to be so businesslike; he didn't have to put up with my sister tonight.

  Christopher and I were back in the Suburban, heading for the cottage. He was in deep thought, eyeing the communication system.

  "Don't even think about it."

  "About what?"

  "Anything!"

  Christopher sighed. "Didn't you see the gator in front of the church on the way here? Faith World? It's right off Highway 441. It must have come out of the lake behind the church. It looked like it was headed for the buildings across the street. I figure maybe we should check it out later. I was thinking about asking JoAnn if she could do a search of the area. If the vamp-gator got out, it could have been him."

  "We still don't know if the gator got out. Hell, this is Florida. Last year a gator found its way into someone's bathroom, Christopher. But if we come up empty-handed, checking it out might not be a bad idea. Give Jeni a buzz on the monitor and ask her to have a look."

  "JoAnn is supposed to be on the perimeter thing." He shot me a fang-filled grin.

  Christopher was still talking with JoAnn when we pulled up in front of the cabin. Giving her something else to do had her a bit chatty as she widened the perimeter to encompass a ten mile area outside of Gatorland. I sliced my fingers across my throat, giving him squinty eyes. He dropped his fangs and backhanded a middle finger before ending the conversation. The gesture looked so terribly wrong coming from a six-year-old.

  A few minutes later I knocked on the door of the cottage.

  "So, I'm supposed to be your kid, right?" Christopher grinned at me.

  "Don't mess with me, mister." I glared at him. "This is business. Just let me do all the talking."

  The door opened and an old man, smelling like whiskey and cigarettes, stood before us with his hand wrapped around a thirty-two ounce bottle of Jack Daniels. "Yeah?"

  "Mr. David Parsons?" I asked.

  Susan, we see several red orbs floating just outside the back fence of the park! And Christopher is right—immortal animals are by the church as well, JoAnn exuberantly said.

  I winced. Christopher giggled adjusting his earplug.

  "Yep," answered Mr. Parsons, "and who the hell are you?" The man's hair, a nicotine yellow, stuck to his forehead. He grinned showing three missing teeth over a week's worth of stubble.

  "Susan Stech, Animal control. I hear you have a critter problem on the grounds." I took out my card and handed it to him.

  He was busy reading it through alcoholic eyes when Christopher decided to make our job more colorful.

  "Can I see the gators, Mommy? Pleeease?" Christopher pleaded.

  "Not now, sweetie." My voice took on a bit of an edge. "Mommy has to talk to this nice man, okay?"

  "Why not? I don't want to wait while you talk to this smelly old man. I want to see a gator!" Christopher stomped his Superman tennis shoe on my foot.

  I hopped around for a few seconds, glaring at him while I rubbed my foot.

  "If you’re a good boy we can come back tomorrow and have a look around, honey. It's too dark tonight," I said through clenched teeth, and then grabbed him by the back of his coveralls, giving him a good shake.

  "I'm not scared of the stupid dark! I brought my flashlight!" He yanked free, took out a neon blue penlight, and shined it in the man's eyes. "See?"

  "Christopher!" I tried a flabbergasted expression for Mr. Parsons. "Sorry, the babysitter pooped out on me tonight." I snatched the flashlight from Christopher and shoved it in my pocket.

  "Hey, that's mine! Daddy gave it to me before you bled him dry and t
ossed him out! Give it back!" Christopher kicked me in the shin. "I hate you!"

  I dramatically sucked in a long breath for Mr. Parsons' benefit. He chuckled, took a big swig off his bottle and stumbled into the door jam. "Seems ya got a right good education, lil' man." He winked, sloshing the liquid in the bottle when he waived it by Christopher.

  "Sheese, first she tells me I can't tickle my penis anymore then she tells me I can't see a gator. What can I do?" Christopher spit on the porch and then stomped down the steps.

  "Damnit, Christopher! Get your ass back here, now!" I shouted, staring at his fading coveralls.

  Susan, where is Christopher going? JoAnn screeched in my ear. I wondered what the hell Jeni was doing.

  "Lady, I think ya should go after yer kid," David Parsons wheezed. "There's flesh-eatin' gators out 'ere. I ain't gonna be 'sponsible for 'im, I tell ya." David grabbed the doorjamb as he shot me an inebriated leer.

  "He's just going to the car. Since his father…left, he's been quite a handful. I try to give him some space," I lied, thinking I was going to give him space, alright; I was going to kick his ass into the next galaxy as soon as we finished here.

  Marcus tweaked a few brain cells. Susabella, my love, you and your family are a constant source of amusement to me.

  Just what I needed, and he's using that dreaded nickname.

  Darn it, Susan. Are you there? JoAnn yelled.

  Marcus, I hate that name and I can't carry on an intelligible conversation while you and my sister assault me at the same time. I was starting to get a headache.

  "I think ya should check on the kid, lady." The old man swayed, looking a little too tense as he squinted in Christopher's direction.

  I changed the subject. "Can you tell me what's going on with the wildlife around here?"

  "I sure-assss hell can an' that boy's not safe out there. Go get 'im!"

  I let out an impatient breath and turned to go get the little monster when a light illuminated the Suburban and the door chimed.

  I turned back smiling. "See, he always does that when he can't get his way." The car door shut, leaving Christopher in darkness.