Gator Baitin' (The Grateful Undead series Book 2)

by Susan Stec

  "Not Dad!" JoAnn wailed.

  I shot her an 'uh-duh' look. "I don't know. Who do you want to talk to?"

  "What about Nanna's Mother?" Jeni asked all excited. "We've never met her and Nan says she was real sweet."

  Gibbie and Christopher had been real quiet during the whole thing. I turned to them standing outside the circle. "You guys still good with this?"

  "I'm in," Christopher said.

  "Me too," Gibbie squeaked.

  "I'm not!" JoAnn said.

  "Deal with it!" both Resi and Zaire said, getting a snicker out of Jeni.

  "Okay, here goes. Read me the last line, Resi." I gave JoAnn a 'stifle it' expression. She started moaning as she paced the floor by the front door.

  I glared at her. "Nip it! You're breaking my concentration!"

  "Don't forget to insert the name at the end; it's Mary, right?" Resi asked.

  I nodded, lit the candle, dropped blood, my heart beating wildly in my chest. "Beckoned from slumber, appear to me encumbered—"

  "Oh, God, I can't take this. It reminds me of poor Tootles!" JoAnn cried with an anguished sob.

  "Tootles? Screw Tootles," I yelled. "Will you just shut up about the frigging—"

  The room shimmered and Tootles fell through the ceiling in her cute little pink taffeta skirt, doggy paddling pink toenails at me as she hit the floor outside the pentagram by JoAnn's feet. She immediately began yapping.

  ~~~

  Chapter 23

  Knocking on heaven’s door…

  ~~~

  "Oh, hell no," Zaire said.

  "To-toot's! Mommy's baby! Oh Tootles, come to Mommy," JoAnn cried.

  "Hold it. Hold it just a damn minute!" I said. "She's got to go back! Anybody know how we send her back? She can't stay, JoAnn!"

  "Ohhh, yes she can! You will not kill her again," the idiot said, scooping up the barking dog. JoAnn scrunched her nose. "You smell moldy, Toots."

  "Can I get out of this circle?" I shrieked. "Will it lock her here forever if I do?"

  "I don't know, hang on a minute," Resi said, while Jeni laughed herself off the side of the couch.

  Marcus mentally tickled. Darling, you are a blessing and a curse.

  "Don't let that dog near me!" Gibbie squawked, loud enough to make me dizzy.

  Not a good time, sweetie, I pushed back.

  Christopher growled at the dog.

  JoAnn protectively held it in her arms, backing away from us.

  "Don't any of you come near me. Tootles stays!" JoAnn ranted, running into the kitchen. "Are you hungry, Toots? Can Mommy get you some chicken, sweet-ums?—and a bath, baby girl?"

  Tootles ferociously growled.

  "Is the damn dog real? Can it stay here or what?" I felt trapped in the pentagram.

  "I'm reeead-ing," Resi sang.

  "Don't make me phase into the Cyclops again. You put that dog on the floor and I'm gonna be its worst enemy." Gibbie hovered over JoAnn, sprinkling black dust.

  "What's that you're spraying? Don't you dare harm my baby," JoAnn wailed, slipping the dog under her shirt, its little pink toenails scratching at her neck. "Great! Now I'm smelly." She squeezed the dog to silence. "Not your fault, sweet-ums. Mommy will take a bath with you."

  "Just letting it know whose boss." Gibbie frantically dusted like a low flying airplane.

  "Okay, everyone just calm down!" My hands sliced the air.

  Jeni cackled, standing by the couch. "Oh, this is priceless."

  Marcus walked into the kitchen. "Fairy, that's enough. Back off before I send you flying."

  "Thank you, Marcus," JoAnn whispered, kissing the anomaly trying to dig its way out of the collar of her t-shirt again.

  "Can I get out of here?" I screamed.

  "Yes darling, you can," Marcus said, walking over to me.

  "Shit, I always hated that damn dog," Zaire said.

  "It’s a whimpering, aggravating ball of fuzz," Christopher said.

  Tootles yapped at him.

  "Aunt JoAnn, that dog is really a pain when you're around," Resi added, leafing through the pages of the book.

  "She is not! I love this dog, and no one, I mean no one, is going to take her from me again!" JoAnn entered the living room, spitting taffeta out of her mouth, as Tootles tried to wiggle out of her grasp.

  "Can somebody tell me if the damn dog is real? Will it live forever like us? Does it eat, piss, crap, and don't we HAVE to put it back?" I stood in the dining room, glaring at my sister, praying for the answer I wanted.

  JoAnn turned to Marcus when he cleared his throat. "No, it doesn't have to go back. It's an immortal spirit. But you can send it back if you wish."

  "You mean it can stay with me forever?" the pain in my ass asked while Tootles yelped continuously.

  Gibbie hovered above JoAnn's head, his hand on the hilt of his sword.

  "But I thought you couldn't hold a spirit. I thought a ghost was just a vision, not substantial. Tootles is clearly not a spirit." Now I was whining.

  "You gave it the ability to become whole again when you called it, Susan." Marcus smiled at me.

  "So, anyone I call can stay here in this world?" I asked, thinking of all the possibilities.

  "Yes, at your command, until you choose to send it back. It's called necromancy, but it does come with certain drawbacks." He leaned on the kitchen counter looking at me with his sparkling eyes.

  "You are not taking her from me again, Susan. You just can't," JoAnn cried.

  Tootles bared her itty-bitty teeth.

  "Great," Gibbie said, hummingbird darting around JoAnn, "a fricken zombie French poodle in pink taffeta. Don't bother with the bath, JoAnn. That smell is never coming out."

  I ignored them both. "What kind of drawbacks?" As much as I was afraid to ask, I just had to know.

  "Well, you've seen what Erzsebet is capable of. You could send Tootles into a human body. However, I would be careful what host you choose, because we do not know the dogs thought pattern. Inside a human it will be able to communicate with you…verbally as well as physically."

  "Shit no!" Zaire said a bit too quick.

  "No one is putting Tootles anywhere. Do you hear me?" JoAnn cried.

  Tootles bit JoAnn's neck and shook. She slapped the dog's nose. "Stop it, stop it. No biting." JoAnn held the dog's maw shut.

  "Watch your brain, Jo," Christopher cackled.

  I was trying to ignore them as I contemplated this new information. "So if, say, the old man or Eval were coming at me I could what, throw Tootles into their body?"

  JoAnn ran to the trashcan by the kitchen counter and puked. Tootles frantically tried to get down.

  "Well, it's not as easy as that. It's a spell just like the one that brought her here," Marcus said, rubbing JoAnn's back.

  I took in a long breath and let it out. "Resi, you find anything in that damn book about any of this?"

  "Just says you can call forth a spirit, using it for aide in your endeavors." She laughed, creating a chain reaction that had the rest of the idiots in the room joining in.

  I looked at the dog, wondering what a five pound ball of fluff could possibly do for our mission, never mind what it thought or felt. I really wanted to put it inside of someone to see its mentality. I looked from JoAnn to Jeni.

  JoAnn watched me, and as if she knew what I was thinking, she said, "Tootles is not going inside anyone. Don't even think about it."

  "Mother, I will not share my body with Tootles," Jeni said between giggles.

  "Aw, come on, we have to use a mortal, and how bad could it be? Don't you want to talk to her JoAnn?" I begged.

  Jeni looked at me like I was nuts. "I'm not going to give my body up for a dog, Mother."

  "But we need to know how the dog thinks, and you're the best way to do that, Jeni. Resi, see if you can find the possession spell, and make sure you find one to reverse it after we talk to Tootles."

  "Oh, God, I'm so scared," JoAnn moaned, leaning over the trashcan as Tootles jumped from her a
rms, running for Jeni's lap.

  "Looks like the dog has something to say," Christopher sniggered.

  JoAnn wiped her mouth, walked toward Jeni, and looked down at the dog lovingly. "It would be fun to actually talk to her, Jeni." She glared at me. "But you are not putting her in anyone evil…ever!"

  Tootles enthusiastically licked Jeni's face.

  Jeni looked down at the dog. "Do you want to talk to Mommy, Tootles?" she asked.

  The dog jumped up and down, its cute skirt flapping across Jeni's chest. Jeni looked at me. "So I guess I get possessed by a dog in a taffeta skirt."

  "You always loved taffeta," I remarked, a little too eagerly.

  "Oh, this is going to be good," Resi giggled, marking pages in the book.

  Gibbie hovered in front of Jeni. "Yeah, and I want to talk to it too."

  Christopher laughed. "Great, and the last thing your Mother said is, 'don't even think about using the pentagram.' I can't wait until she gets home to find the formerly dead, family pet, pissing on the floor again."

  Tootles lowered he eye little lids and snarled at him.

  Marcus walked in the living room and stared at me. "Are you sure you want to do this, darling? I suggest you read up on your spell casting before you attempt it."

  Displaying my family's famous habit of acting without thinking, I brushed off his comment. "Let's set up the pentagram. I want to talk to the dog."

  "I don't," Zaire added.

  "Why? What did you do to Tootles that you're afraid she'll tell me about?" JoAnn asked.

  "Well, let's just say I never liked the damn dog and leave it at that," Zaire said.

  Resi giggled. "Don't worry; I'm sure she forgives you for the peanut butter thing."

  Zaire curled back her lips.

  "What peanut butter thing?" JoAnn wanted to know.

  "Ever put peanut butter on the roof of a dog's mouth?" I asked.

  "Oh, poor To-Toots," JoAnn whined.

  "Let's do this," I said.

  Resi wiggled her brows. "I wonder when Paul's getting back. I bet he'd love you as a French poodle, Jeni."

  Jeni shot her a nasty look. "I think that was inappropriate, Resi."

  We set up the pentagram and Christopher typed out the spell for reversing the possession as soon as we talked to Tootles. I had it in my hands as I recited the incantation, ready to pull the dog from Jeni's body if anything went wrong. Everyone sat around waiting in anticipation.

  The minute I finished, Tootles disappeared and Jeni fell to the floor in a heap.

  "Oh, God, is she dead? Do something! Bring Tootles back this instant!" JoAnn ran for Jeni. "Tootles, are you in there? Are you okay, baby girl? Talk to Mommy!" she cried, shaking Jeni.

  Jeni grabbed her by the hair and yanked hard. "You're an annoyin' bitch—ya know that? Eah? Do ya? An' I friggin' hate taffeta! It itches, fa Christ's sake. Now get the hell away from me," she spat, in a kind of Jewish, New York accent, pushing JoAnn across the room. Jeni, clearly not herself, sniffed the air. I smell a dawg. Whe'a is it?"

  "Umm, that would be Paul. He's out hunting," I answered meekly.

  "I need ta take a leak. Be right back," It was funny as hell hearing Jeni talk. Not only that, but she was swinging her arms around.

  "Use the toilet and then we need to talk," I said. Everyone had hands over their mouths.

  Jeni turned to me with eyes I'd never seen before. "No problem, shit fer brains. You and I got some bi’ness ta settle, anyway. Ya hea!"

  "You mean the incident in the car?" I whimpered.

  "Hell yes! Ya have any f’n idea what it's like floating around in purgatory, no one givin’ a shit? I didn't think nothin'ed be worse than walkin' 'round in friggin' pink taffeta—" She shook one of Jeni's fingers at JoAnn. "—an' pink toenails, neva mind shovin' me in a friggin' purse, fer Christ's sake." She turned back to me, eyes hooded, not looking anything like my older daughter. "But it damn sure is!"

  "Who would've though?" Resi cackled. Zaire shook her head, a big grin on her face.

  "Sorry. It wasn't my fault!" I pointed at Christopher.

  "He didn't bite me, bitch. You did," Tootles yelled, and curled back Jeni's lips.

  Christopher burst-out laughing. "Oh man, this is choice! Can we keep her? She kind of grows on ya. And God knows she fits right in with you guys."

  Resi laughed harder. Zaire rolled in hysterics beside her.

  Jeni turned on Zaire. "Ya know, I'd shut the hell up, I was you, Cuz. If ya don't, I go find a jar a that peanut shit. Ya want that? Eah? Eah? Screwed the pooch with that one, bitch."

  "Well, you look cute in the skirt, and you seemed to like it." JoAnn tried to get into the conversation, but as usual, was still on the previous page.

  "Would ya like bein' treated like a circus animal? Eah? No? I didn't think so!" Jeni's lips animated disgust.

  Christopher slapped his hand on the chair. "Amen, sister! This pup is hanging with me from now on. Maybe we can get up close and personal, Toots. What do you say, babe? I'll even let you pick out the body."

  "And that's another thing. My name. Can it be any more obnoxious? It sounds like a prissy fart. The five pound nappy haired body is enough of an embarrassment. Ya know? I like this one however," she said, running Jeni's hands over bulbous breasts then strutted around the room like she was born to give shit. She smiled at Christopher. "You can call me Babe, sugar."

  "Yeah, dawg fits the Stech-bitch criteria." Zaire laughed.

  "Peanut butter, bitch. Peanut butter," Tootles sang from Jeni's lips. "Ya know?"

  "I told you," Resi sang then smiled at Zaire.

  "I think I like you, Babe," I remarked.

  "Great. Now I can never look at my sweet little dog the same way. Thanks Susan," JoAnn huffed.

  Babe, AKA Tootles, growled, lips curled back over her upper teeth and looked very odd in Jeni's body. "How 'bout I start lookin' at you different, bitch? Dress you in taffeta and a rhinestone collar? Eah? Call you Piddles. You like that? Eah? Eah?"

  "Alright, we get the message. So let's discuss what you can do for us," I said. "Let's talk about our mission."

  Babe slowly turned Jeni's head toward me. "Yeah, 'bout that. Been watchin' from the other side and yous guys could use my help. Ya really screwed things up. Do with me what'cha will. Just remember, I may look like a poodle but underneath all the fuzz—" She looked straight at Christopher. "—there's a Doberman waitin' ta be let out." Jeni winked at Christopher, lip cocked up on one side.

  "Tootles, I really thought you liked your little pink toes. You always licked them when you came home from the groomers," JoAnn whimpered, still on page one.

  "What the hell? Christ, lady, give it up. I was tryin' ta get the shit off! Back up, bitch, 'cause ya come at me again with that pink shit, I bite'cha-ass. Got it? Eah? Eah? And the name's Babe!"

  "What's going on? Jeni looks pissed," Mom asked as she walked in the door behind Dorius.

  "Meet Babe, AKA Tootles," Gibbie said. I noticed he wasn't giving Babe any shit. He'd been real quiet up until now.

  "You used the goddamned pentagram. And what? To bring back another pain in my ass? And how the hell did it get in Jeni's body? Put the frigging dog back in its damn grave right now!" Mom stuck her finger half way up the side of Jeni's nose.

  Jeni slapped her hand. "Ay! Look old lady…nice new body by the way," she said, looking Mom up and down before she continued. "If ya think I was a pain in yer ass then, just keep bitchin'. An' unless ya wanna lose that finger, get it outta my damn face."

  "We don't have time for this. Pastor Julie is missing. Turn the television on," Dorius said, stepping through the door, his eyes on Jeni.

  "No shit, Sherlock," Jeni said with way too many hand gestures. "The cops screwed up. She ain't kidnapped. She's wit' the old man. They want ya ta look fer Julie, Dorius, so they can try ta kill ya, but Julie doesn't look too happy about it. They have her tied up."

  Everyone looked at Jeni…er, Babe. "Anybody got gum?" she asked.

 
Dorius grabbed her by the arm, but Mom beat him to the question we all wanted to ask.

  "Jeni…Tootles, ah…Babe, whatever…what the hell are you talking about? Who else is in on this?"

  Dorius glared at Jeni. "Who the hell are you?"

  "Ya don't have ta get pissy, man."

  "Like Gibbie sa-aid, meet Ba-abe, JoAnn's dead do-og," Resi sang.

  "Yeah, and get your fingers off her arm," Christopher said. "She's taking Buster's place. You won't send this one away. Got it?"

  Dorius hated Christopher's last dog, a German Sheppard, Buster. The dog felt the same way about him. Christopher woke one morning and Buster was gone—kind of a payback for messing with Angel, Dorius' possible mate. Christopher killed Angel before Dorius could turn her.

  "I'll be a horse's ass. You're all really pissing me off," Mom said on her tiptoes, peering into Jeni's eyes.

  "Aya, bitch. Ya wanna get yer face outta mine 'for ya lose a nose?" Jeni so uncharacteristically snarled.

  Christopher giggled. "Damn, I love this girl."

  "Dog! She's a dog, idiot," Mom spat.

  Marcus joined his brother in front of Jeni. "Do you know where they took her?"

  "No! Shit fer brains ove'ere," she said, pointing Jeni's thumb at me, "pulled me over before I got the whole picture. They was in a skiff, headin' down some goddamned river, me after 'em, and poof, I was here on the floor."

  Paul came through the front door, nostrils flaring. "What did you do with Jeni? This isn't her."

  "No, this would be Tootles," I said, "in possession of Jeni's body for the moment."

  "Not any more. We're callin' me Babe now, remember?" Jeni's lips snarled.

  "Sorry, Babe." I winced at Jeni.

  "Are you responsible for this? Get it the hell out of her!" Paul simmered, two inches from my nose.

  "Wolf, we have a few questions first," Dorius said.

  "I have a few questions for you too, Dorius." I gave it right back. "Like what the hell is Erzsebet and how did the demon get her?"

  ~~~

  Chapter 24

  It's just another friggin' nervous breakdown

  ~~~

  We sat around the living room with the news playing on the television. Pastor Julie's disappearance was all over the fifty-four inch screen. The police believed it was the serial killer at work again.