Michael's Father

by Dallas Schulze

  * 'Digging for worms?''

  Kel's voice came from the other side of the fence, and Megan tilted her head to look up at him. He was sitting astride Dude—another thing that hadn't changed—looking at the two of them, his mustache quirked in an indulgent smile.

  "Don't suggest it," she said. "He'd probably eat any he found."

  She stood up, dusting her hands against the seat of her jeans. She looked better than she had two weeks ago, Kel thought, looking at her critically. There was some color in her cheeks and she'd put on a little weight. She was still too thin, and though she never said anything, he knew she still tired easily. But she was definitely on the mend and looking more desirable all the time, he admitted reluctantly.

  Her eyes met his and awareness flashed between them, the way it always had, the way he was starting to think it always would. From the start, she'd affected him like no woman ever had, and three years' absence hadn't changed that. Not even his anger over losing the first two years of his son's life could change that. He saw the color rise in her cheeks and knew he

  wasn't the only one to feel the spark of attraction between them.

  **Up." Michael's voice broke the tension between his parents. "Horse. Up." Just in case he hadn't managed to get the message across, he held his arms up toward Kel.

  "You're too little, honey," Megan said, bending to pick him up.

  "Daddy, up." He leaned out of her arms, stretching toward Kel.

  The first few days after they arrived at the Lazy B, Michael had kept a wary eye on Kel but he'd gradually figured out that, despite his size and the deepness of his voice, Kel was as much his slave as the other adults in his small world. Kel didn't know if the boy had any grasp at all of the fact that Daddy meant something more signii^cant than Gracie, but every time he heard the word, something melted inside him.

  "Let me take him up in front of me," Kel said.

  "He's only two," Megan protested.

  "I was younger than he is the first time my father took me up with him,'' Kiel said.

  She hesitated, her eyes flickering uneasily over Dude's large frame. Kel waited. He was Michael's father but he deferred to her authority when it came to the boy.

  "I won't let anything happen to him," he said quietly.

  "I know." But she still hesitated.

  Michael bounced in her arms, impatient with the delay. As far as he was concerned, there was no deci-

  sion to make. He wanted to ride the horse and it didn't occur to him that anyone might object.

  **Ride," he demanded.

  **A11 right." With an uncertain laugh, Megan lifted him. Kel leaned from the saddle, his fingers brushing against hers as he took the boy from her.

  The minute she felt Michael's weight leave her hands, Megan wanted to snatch him back. He was too little. What if the horse bucked him off? What if he bolted? The fact that Dude stood steady as a rock, placidly switching flies with his tail, did nothing to reassure her.

  She bit her lip, watching as Kel settled Michael in front of him. He looked so tiny atop the black horse, his father's big body behind him. He stared at the back of Dude's head, his eyes big as saucers. Kel had one hand against his chest and Michael's fingers clutched at his arm while he debated the results of his demand.

  He cast his mother an uncertain look, hovering on the verge of changing his mind, and Megan did her best to give him an encouraging smile.

  "What do you think?" Kel asked, his deep voice gentle as he leaned over the boy. The sound of Kel's voice seemed to reassure him. His response was nonverbal but quite clear. His tiny legs kicked impatiently. He knew horses moved, and now that he was on one, he wanted to do something besides sit. Grinning, Kel nudged Ehide with his heel and the big horse moved off at a slow amble.

  Megan stood next to the fence, her hands clasped against her chest, tears blurring her vision as she looked at the two people she loved most in all the

  world. Reed had been right. She could write a denial on a blackboard a thousand times but nothing would change the truth. She still loved Kel Bryan.

  That evening, after putting Michael down for the night, M^an wandered downstairs. She was too restless to read or watch television. Gracie generally retired to her own quarters as soon as the kitchen was tidied after supper. Not that Megan was much inclined to seek her out for conversation. In the past two weeks, they'd rubbed along pretty well together but they were far from being best buddies. There was a light on under the door to Kel's study but she was even less inclined to seek him out.

  Without bothering to turn the light on, she drifted out onto the front porch and settled into her favorite spot on the glider. A three-quarter moon rode high overhead, casting light and shadow over the landscape. Megan rested her chin on her updrawn knees and let her mind wander.

  She had no idea how long sheM been sitting there when she felt the glider shudder as Kel sat down next to her. As usual, he hadn't made a sound but she wasn't startled by his arrival. She felt almost as if she'd been waiting for him.

  "You're very good with Michael," she said, without turning her head.

  "Thank you. It's not hard. He's a great little kid. Not afraid of anything."

  "He'd probably put his head in a tiger's mouth if he thought there might be something interesting to see," she agreed. She turned her head to smile at him.

  ** Probably." Kel's smile held both amusement and pride. "Another year or two and Fll have to see about getting him a pony of his own.*'

  Megan opened her mouth to protest that he'd be too young and then closed it without saying anything. There'd be time wiough to argue when the time came and she didn't want anything to spoil the peaceful moment. But Kel must have read her mind.

  **I won't let anything happen to him, Megan," he said quietly. "He's my son, too."

  **I know." She sighed, feeling her peaceful mood slipping away. "It's just that it's been just the two of us since he was bom."

  "What about Reed Hall?"

  "I've already told you that Reed is just a friend."

  "So you said." He didn't trouble to hide his doubt.

  "So I meant," she said firmly. "I've been the only one to have any say in Michael's life and it's not easy giving up even a part of that control to someone else."

  She half expected him to make some angry reference to the fact that she'd kept him apart from Michael, but he surprised her by nodding slowly.

  "I understand that. I know it's going to take time. For all of us. But I am Michael's father and I have every intention of living up to that responsibility."

  "I know." With a single word, he'd finished spoiling her mood. Responsibility. Why was it that, with Kel, she was annoyed by what she'd respect in anyone else? Because you want to be so much more than a responsibility to him, a small voice inside answered.

  With a sigh, she stood up. "I think I'll go in now."

  Kel rose to his feet as she walked by and she caught her breath as her arm brushed against his. She glanced into his face but the light was too poor for her to be able to see his expression.

  **G-good night," she said, her voice a Uttle too breathless. She squeaked, startled by the feel of his hand closing around her upper arm.

  **Maybe we should just get it out of the way," he said, his voice husky. He took hold of her other arm and turned her toward him.

  "Get what out of the way?" Megan had to clear her throat before she could get the question out. Her heart was beating much too quickly and she couldn't prevent her eyes from drifting to his mouth.

  "This," he said against her lips.

  It was just the way he remembered it. One touch and heat flaied to life between them. His tongue traced the fullness of her bottom lip, and with a sigh she opened to him, inviting him inside. It was an invitation he didn't hesitate to accept.

  Megan's hands came up, her fingers clutching his shirt for support as her knees weakened. This was what she'd been waiting for ever since he came back into her life. This was what she'd missed for the past t
hree years, this feeling of completion that she seemed to find only in his arms. Heat pooled in the pit of her stomach, a warm urgency that had her crowding closer to him as his tongue slid into her mouth, claiming her for his own.

  Kel felt her total surrender and groaned softiy. If he chose to lay her out on the porch floor and take her right then and there, he knew she wouldn't offer a

  whisper of protest. The image did nothing to cool the temperature of his blood.

  One hand flattened against her back, crushing her against his hard body. He'd never known anything like the hunger she created in him. Kissing her was Uke tasting a piece of heaven, like coming home, like finding a part of himself he hadn't known was missing.

  With a groan of protest, he dragged his mouth free and leaned his forehead against hers. They stood that way for a few seconds, Megan's body draped against his, the only sound the harsh rasp of their breathing.

  **If we don't stop this now, you're going to end up with your skirt shoved up and your legs around my waist," he whispered raggedly.

  Megan's gasp wasn't entirely one of shock at his blunt words. The image he'd painted added to the ache in the pit of her stomach, and for an instant she wanted nothing more than to find herself in exactly the position he'd described.

  You 're falling right back into the same trap, she thought. And it would end the same way it had last time, with her heart getting battered again. Only this time, she had to consider Michael. For better or worse, she and Kel were forever linked by their son. This time, she wouldn't be able to run away.

  *'I think I should go in now," she whispered, pushing away from him.

  "That's probably safest," he said, letting her go.

  She hesitated a moment longer. Safe wasn't exactly what she wanted right now. But what she wanted and what she could have were two very different things.

  With a last look at Kel, Megan turned and went into the house, hurrying up the stairs as if running away. Not that it did her any good, she thought as she slipped into the room she shared with Michael. Because she couldn't run fast enough to escape herself.

  Chapter 13

  JVLegan approached the kitchen a little warily. After their encounter the night before, she wasn't particularly anxious to see Kel, at least not before she'd had her first cup of coffee. She'd have delayed longer but Michael was awake and wanted his breakfast. With him perched on her hip, she eased her way through the kitchen door. Grade was standing at the sink, her back to the door and there was no sign of—

  "He's long gone so you can stop sneaking around," Gracie said without turning.

  "I wasn't sneaking," Megan said. She came into the kitchen and settled Michael into his high chair. "And I don't have any reason to avoid Kel."

  She did her best to look unperturbed as Gracie turned from the sink, drying her hands on the towel she wore looped through her apron strings.

  "Suppose you got that whisker bum running into a wall," Grade said, her faded blue eyes shrewd.

  Megan immediately put her hand to her face. She'd thought the slightly pink tone of her cheek was un-noticeable. But she should have known better than to think she could get anything by Grace Cavenaugh.

  "Did Kel or Colleen ever manage to get anything by you?" she asked ruefully.

  "Not much. There's coffee in the maker. You look like you could use a cup. I've got the little one's cereal ready. Sit yourself down."

  Megan did as she was told. While she was getting her coffee. Grade set Michael's cereal and half a banana on the tray. Megan sat down and took a sip of her coffee, shuddering as the thick brew hit her palate.

  "Coffee too strong for you?" Grade asked.

  "Got a horseshoe I can try floating in it?" Megan's smile was rueful. "The first time I met Kel, he said that was the test of good coffee."

  "Ought to be strong enough to put hair on your chest," Grade agreed, pouring herself a cup and sitting down across from Megan.

  "Strong as this stuff is, I ought to look like Tom Selleck pretty soon."

  It was the first time she'd heard Grade laugh. The sound was much hghter and more girlish than she would have expected. Megan smiled, feeling her mood lighten a bit. Maybe she and Gracie would end up friends after all. A moment later, she wasn't so sure.

  "You still planning on leaving in a couple of weeks?"

  "I... assume so/' Megan took another sip of coffee and fixed her attention on Michael, as if she wanted to learn the secret of mashing bananas with a spoon.

  * Taking the little one with you?"

  **Of course!" She shot Gracie a quick look, surprised she'd even ask such a question.

  Gracie nodded. She picked up her coffee cup, lifted it partway to her mouth and then set it down again, staring at it a moment as if not sure how it came to be in front of her. From what Megan had seen, such indecision was not normal for the other woman.

  *'Kel ever tell you about his mother?" The question appeared to be a non sequitur, but Megan was sure Gracie had a reason for asking it.

  "No. Colleen told me she left when Colleen was just a baby. Other than that, I don't recall any mention of her."

  "There wouldn't have been." Gracie stared into her coffee cup and Megan had the feeling that she was holding some sort of debate with herself. She appeared to come to some decision because she sighed and began to speak.

  "Truth is, the only good thing that woman ever did in her life was have those two children. I came here right after they were married because Susan was too delicate to take care of this house. DeUcate." She snorted. "Woman was about as delicate as a barracuda and had a temper to match. Beautiful, though. Red hair, green eyes—if a body wanted to paint a temptress, Susan Bryan would have made a good model."

  Megan's coffee sat untouched in front of her as she listened, fascinated by this sudden spate of information.

  ''My husband and I hadn't been married long and he came to work for Kel's daddy same time I came to work in the house. It was obvious pretty quick that the boss's new wife wasn't particularly suited to Uving here. She wanted clothes and parties, to see and be seen. Nothin' wrong with that, I guess," she added, obviously attempting to be fair. "But a working ranch ain't the place to find that sort of thing."

  She stopped and Megan waited, hardly breathing, afraid that she wasn't going to hear the rest of the story. But after a moment, Gracie went on.

  **Kel loved her, of course. She was beautiful and glamorous and fond enough of the boy, 'specially since he worshiped her. He was about five the first time she left. She was gone a year or so, came back for six months, long enough to sink her claws into the two of them and then took off again. That's pretty much the way it went for the next six or seven years. She was gone more often than not, but just about the time you'd start to think she was gone for good, she'd turn up like a bad penny."

  "It must have been very difficult for Kel and for his father," Megan said, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a parent like that. She wondered if the total abandonment she'd experienced might not have been kinder in the long run. At least she hadn't had her hopes raised again and again, only to see them dashed.

  "It was pure hell," Gracie said bluntly. "Colleen was bom a few months after one of Susan's visits. She

  brought the baby home, stayed a few weeks and then took off again. She didn't visit as much after that, every few years, maybe. Colleen hardly knew her and didn't seem to mind it much. I think it was harder for Kel.

  "Last time Susan came home, Colleen was eight or so. And this time, Patrick, KeFs daddy, he told her not to come back again, that he was filing for divorce and that she could stay the hell out of all their Uves." Gracie shifted the coffee cup back and forth between her hands, watching the motion.

  **I guess she never thought he'd get to that point, and she was madder than a wet hen about having her httle game ended. Ran into Colleen on the way out of the house and told the girl that Patrick might not be her real father. Did it out of pure spite, trying to get back at Patrick."


  Megan gasped, finding it hard to believe that any woman could be so cruel to her own child. She reached out to touch Michael's shoulder, more to reassure herself than him. He looked at her and gave her a toothy, mashed-banana-and-cereal smile that only a mother could have loved.

  "Colleen was upset but Patrick told her she was not to think about it. She was his daughter and that was that. She was young enough, I guess, to accept his word for it. But Kel never forgave his mother. She showed up for Patrick's funeral a few years later and Kel threw her out, told her if he ever saw her again, he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions."

  "I can't blame him," Megan said.

  "No. But it's hard on a boy to hate his mother like that, even if she deserves it. And then he upped and

  married a girl who was Susan's spitting image. Oh, not her malice. There aren't many women who could match Susan there. But Roxanne was no more suited to living on a ranch than his mother had been. Pretty as a picture and useless as tits on a boar hog," Grade summed up bluntly.

  "Was he... Did he love her very much?"

  "No." The flat answer brought Megan's eyes to the older woman's face. "I think he was just as glad to see her go as she was to be going. But she didn't do anything to make him trust his own feelings when it comes to women."

  Megan kept her eyes on Michael, who was happily smearing cereal from one end of the metal tray to another. When the silence continued to stretch, she sighed and looked at the older woman.

  "Why did you tell me this?" She thought she could guess the answer.

  "Because I thought it might help you to know the reasons if Kel isn't very good at saying what he's feeling. I don't normally gossip, but that boy means as much to me as if he were my own son, and I'd hate to see him lose out on a chance for happiness just because he doesn't have the sense to ask for what he wants."

  She didn't seem to expect an answer, which was just as well because Megan wasn't sure she could have come up with one. She stayed where she was when Grade got up and lifted Michael out of his high chair, muttering about him wearing more food than he ate. Michael grinned at her, well aware that Grade was his adoring slave.