Charlie worked outside, lifting heavy bales of hay and doing yard work. Anything to keep his mind off of the fact that he now had a pregnant wife in his cabin.
He released a heavy sigh, leaning against a fence post and staring out toward the mountains that were dotted with trees. It felt like his life had taken a complete turn. It was one thing to get married and settle down, he’d been ready for that—so he thought—but this was a whole different level.
His hands gripped the length of rope he’d been using, and he relished the bite of the stiff, woven strands. It was a familiar feeling that brought to mind the adrenaline-fueled anticipation of bull riding and barrel racing he’d been famous for.
Famous. That was a joke. The last bull he’d ridden had had the last laugh for sure, kicking him hard enough to break his leg. His hip would never be the same again, either.
Instinctively, his hand slipped down to rub at the sore spot on his left hip. That life was in his past, but he still had doubts. Had he been right to leave it behind completely?
At the time he’d turned down any offers to stay on as a trainer or overseer, thinking it would be like swallowing a bitter pill of disappointment at every turn. Now he just missed the atmosphere of it all. Almost enough to second guess himself.
“Fine time for hesitation, Charlie.” He berated himself, running a hand through his hair, then shoving his hat back on.
He finished up his chores as the sun made its descent behind the mountains, then turned back to the cabin. It was time to get to know his bride.
Nervousness snaked through him, sending a thrill through him similar to that moment before the bull was released. A smile cracked his face. Facing the pretty, petite, pregnant woman in the house was nothing like facing a thousand pounds of angry bull. Yet the feelings were similar.
When he opened the door, the smell of something savory met him, causing his mouth to water. He closed his eyes and sniffed more deeply. Yep, he was definitely hungry, and whatever she had pulled together out of his meager supplies smelled amazing.
He placed his hat on a peg by the door and walked into the kitchen. The windows were open, providing a slight breeze, but still he saw Pearl, her back to him, fanning herself. Her hair was tied up in a bun, and in profile he could see that her cheeks were definitely red.
The sight of her in his kitchen, one hand on her hip, the other fanning her face, with the delicate bump of her belly filling out her dress clutched at his heart. The sight drew him in. Pearl was beautiful, no one could deny that. Her features, rounded with pregnancy, only made her more beautiful.
She turned then, starting when she saw him there. “You’re back.”
“Yes, sorry for startling you.” He felt foolish for having been caught watching her.
“Supper is almost ready. Should be done by the time you wash up.”
“Thanks. I will.” He went back out and washed at the water pump, rinsing away the grime from the day.
His thoughts remained with Pearl inside. He hoped they would be able to ease into life together. If he could keep this thoughts away from the fact that he missed the rodeo circuit, maybe he could focus on the here and now. On his wife. On their child.
Chapter 4
Pearl scrubbed the floor, the ache in her knees and back magnified by the extra weight she was carrying. The floor wouldn’t clean itself, though, and she figured she needed to do her best to keep up the housework now while she still could.
A knock sounded at the door and she frowned, wondering who it could be. Charlie’s property wasn’t too far out of town, but during the week she had been there no one had come by. The part-time ranch hand Ralph never came to the house either.
Pushing to her feet, Pearl wiped her hands on a towel, then smoothed her frizzy hair into place before opening the door. The man in front of her stood tall and solidly built. He had longer, dark hair that hung by his neck and piercing blue eyes.
“Um, howdy.” He frowned, giving her a suspicious glance; his eyes flicking to her stomach then back to her face. It seemed ever since she became pregnant that was all anyone noticed about her.
“Hello, how can I help you?”
The man shifted, fiddling with his hat in his hands. “I um, I was looking for Charlie.”
“He should be out in the barn or around here close by,” she said, peering behind the man into the yard. “He didn’t say he was going into town today.”
“Right.” The man stood there, staring at her still. He looked like he wanted to ask who she was, but instead he said, “I’ll look for him.”
She nodded, watching him turn back toward the yard. Who was this man and why had he come to see Charlie? He didn't seem to bring trouble or bad news, but she was curious nonetheless.
On a whim she decided to refill her water bucket in the yard, which would give her a chance to see if they were talking. She waited a few minutes, then took the already dirtied water outside. Tossing it into the yard, she made her way to the water pump. The heat beat down on her and she wiped her sleeve across her brow.
At the pump she hung the bucket and began to work the lever. There was a lot of resistance, so she put all of her strength into it.
“Here, let me.” Without warning, a hand eased on top of hers and she jerked back, heart pounding until she recognized Charlie.
He just grinned down at her and started to push and pull the pump vigorously. The man stood a few feet away, his eyes shifting back and forth between both of them.
“There we go,” Charlie finally said. “Let me take this inside for you.”
She smiled up at him, grateful for his help. “Thanks.”
“You want something to drink or eat, Hank?” Charlie asked the man behind him.
“Nope, I’m fine, thank you.”
“Why don't you take a seat on the porch? We can talk there.” Charlie indicated the shaded porch with two chairs. Pearl watched as Hank nodded once, and she followed them back to the house.
When he’d placed the water bucket in the kitchen, she turned toward him. “Who’s that man?”
“Oh, Hank?” He rubbed the back of his neck then shrugged his shoulders. “He’s an old buddy from the rodeo circuit I was a part of. We go way back.”
“Oh I see.” She didn’t know what he would be doing here in Haven, but if Charlie didn’t want to say anything she wouldn’t press for information. Yet. “Will he be staying for supper?”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know.”
She nodded, then turned back to the bucket of fresh water and her brush to scrub the floor.
“Pearl?” Charlie said, turning in the doorway, then waiting until she looked at him. “Take it easy, all right? You don’t have to clean the whole house in a day.”
A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “I know.”
He nodded again then left. She heard the voices of the men, muffled through the walls. Did Charlie miss his days in the rodeo? The way he’d talked about Hank, with a far off look in his eyes, made her wonder if he’d given up something more than she understood to be married to her. And if he had, was she enough to keep him there when his past came knocking?
Charlie still couldn’t believe that Hank was sitting on his porch. He hadn’t seen the man since that fateful night with the angry bull. He looked the same. Same brawny shoulders, piercing gaze, and roguish confidence.
“Why are you here Hank?” They’d talked about everything but the real reason for Hank’s visit. Charlie knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t waste his time talking about the weather and the state of his land for much longer.
“Well, before we get to why I’m here, I have to know,” Hank’s eyes pierced his. “Who’s that lady in there?”
Charlie laughed out loud. He was surprised it had taken his old friend as long as it did to ask about Pearl. Hank had never been one to ignore the ladies, although the fact that Pearl was with child might have shifted things dramatically for him.
“She’s my wife.”
“Your—your wife?”
“Yup.” Charlie nodded, as if trying to convince himself as well as his friend.
“When—how? The child—”
“Not my child.” Even as he said the words he regretted them. The child wouldn't know anything different, and in its eyes he would be the father. “Not my biological child.”
“How? I just don’t get it. I mean, you were taken out there for a while. I get that. Things happen and it changes a man, but what made you go off the deep end and get married? I mean, are you ready to be a father?”
He’d been asking himself that question, but he had no need to clue Hank in on his internal turmoil too much.
“I’m not sure anyone is ever ready. I don’t have a choice now either. We’re married and she’s with child. There’s no going back.”
“There’s always options.” Hank said.
Charlie didn’t like the tone of that one bit. “Well, there aren’t for me.”
“That’s a shame. I had a proposition for you.”
So that’s why he was here. “What do you mean? What kind?”
“I’ve got some folks interested in a new southwestern circuit. They’ve asked that I pull together a team of guys to head it up. It’s the chance of a lifetime, Charlie. Can you imagine? You’d get to be me, but in the southwestern territory.”
Charlie took in his friend’s words. Heading up a rodeo circuit in the southwest sounded like a dream come true. No real risks to his health, but all the benefits of being around the rodeo. Traveling to new locations. Spotting new talent.
“What are you thinking? Talk to me?” Hank pressed him.
Charlie didn’t want to voice what he was thinking. It seemed like a bad idea to admit to his longtime friend that he was seriously considering the idea, when he knew full well that he couldn’t. Not with a new wife and child on the way. And yet…
“I don’t know.”
“What’s not to know?” Hank leaned closer, his eyes penetrating. “You miss it. I can see it written in your eyes, but what I don’t understand is why you won’t fess up to it. Seems like you’d be jumping for joy at a chance to get back to the circuit, even if it’s in a different capacity.”
Hank’s words rang true, but Charlie couldn’t admit to that.
“It’s not that simple. I’ve got a family now—”
“So what?” Hank interrupted. “You’ve only just been married. Tell her you’ll send money to provide for her and go do what you want. You’re not obligated to stay. It’s not like you love her, right?”
Charlie hadn’t been ready for Hank to say love. He hadn’t even considered that word for the simple fact that it scared the living daylights out of him. He’d joined the rodeo at 14, helping with the animals and traveling from town to town. It had become his home after his parent’s death. But he had fond memories before that.
His mother baking a pie in the kitchen. His father kissing her on the cheek when he came inside. Meals around the table with his two brothers, now grown and with families of their own.
He’d wanted that. Wanted the love that he saw between his parents. If he were honest, he’d hoped to find that same love with Pearl…though he assumed that would come in the future.
But now Hank posed an impossible question to answer. Did he love her? Could he even know yet?
Chapter 5
The man Charlie had called Hank had been gone three weeks now, but Charlie was still brooding. Pearl saw the conflict in his eyes and wanted so desperately to know what the matter was, but the timing hadn’t been right to ask. Not yet at least.
Then again, if she hadn’t heard the man ask Charlie point blank if he loved her, she would have felt freer to prod into the discussion. It was really the only thing she’d heard of their conversation, that and his prior question about Charlie’s obligation to stay. She’d had to walk away then, not willing to hear his answer.
Was he going to leave them?
Her hand automatically went to her abdomen, and she felt a reassuring kick that brought a smile to her face.
“No matter what, little one, I’ll keep you safe.”
She let out a sigh and pulled her shawl a little closer around her. It was as if the weather automatically knew fall was just around the corner. September had come and with it cloudy skies and rain storms. It was drizzling, and Pearl assumed Charlie would be back early today.
They had worked into a routine of sorts. Conversation had become easier, for which she was thankful, but she still didn't feel as if she knew the real Charlie Ackerman. He was kind, helpful, and funny with the stories he would tell in the evenings.
They had relaxed into a type of friendship that she was grateful for, but yet she found herself studying his profile when he wasn’t looking. Her heartbeat quickened when he was in the room, and she felt acutely aware of him at all times. At first the feelings had felt like betrayal to Jim, but as she prayed and sought out the truth, she’d come to a realization.
Having feelings for someone else aside from Jim didn’t lessen her love for him at all. It only showed the Lord’s gracious kindness to allow humans to love more than one person in a lifetime. She wouldn’t call what she felt for Charlie love…at least she didn't think so yet.
The door opened and she turned around to see Charlie, dripping wet from the rain, standing in the doorway. His brows were furrowed; like he was working on a problem only he could see.
“Welcome back,” she said coming up to him with a towel. “You look like a drown cat.”
He laughed, shaking his head back and forth. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Take it however you’d like. I started a fire earlier to ward off the chill. Why don't you go hang your things to dry while I fix some more coffee?”
“That sounds nice. After that, Pearl,” he said, gently catching her arm with cold fingers, “I was wondering if I could talk with you.”
“Of course,” she said, suddenly feeling anxious. “I’ll be right in.”
He nodded and stripped off his sopping coat before she turned to head back to the kitchen, moving the almost boiling water back over the hottest part of the stove.
What did he want to talk about? To start a conversation like that always made her nervous. What was it about? What had he been thinking of these last few weeks?
The water boiled and she dumped in coffee and waited for it to finish brewing. When it was nice and strong, the way Charlie liked it, she poured a cup for him and steeled herself for what he would have to say.
“Here you are,” she said, handing him the mug and a thick slice of bread with butter. She knew he would be hungry, though dinner wouldn’t be ready for some time. It still surprised her that she knew him this well.
“Have a seat, Pearl.”
She liked the sound of her name on his lips but kept that to herself, sitting in the chair next to him. The warmth of the fire he had banked while she brewed the coffee provided some warmth for her.
“Say what you have to say, I don’t like waiting.” The words tumbled out in true, blunt fashion, but he only smiled.
“Remember when my friend Hank was here?”
“Of course,” she said. She remembered it all too clearly.
“He’s asked me to go back to the rodeo circuit. He wants me to travel with them.”
“Are you going?” Her heart raced at the thought of him leaving her here…alone.
He leaned forward, balancing the hot cup on his knee. “I don’t know.”
Charlie felt like the tension, which seemed as thick as the slathered butter on his bread. He wished he had a knife to cut through what stood between them, to get past how awful it sounded that he was considering leaving his bride.
Was he really thinking leaving her?
At first the answer had been a flat-out no. But the more he’d thought on it, the more Hank’s words started to make sense. He could travel, send money back to Pearl, and have the best of both worlds.
“You wa
nt to go.” Her words were low, but took away none of the intensity of her meaning.
“I do.” There, he’d said it. His true feelings were out in the open.
“I can’t believe it.” His eyes darted to hers, their blue color shining in the firelight.
“I’m not saying I'm going to go, just—”
“Why in the world did you bring me out here if you were going to leave?”
“I didn’t say I was leaving. Just that I wanted to go and—”
“That’s the same thing.” She leaned forward, her shoulders bunched up.
“It’s not,” he assured her. How could he explain to her that he just needed to talk this through? Then again, he was leaning toward going. Guilt twisted in his stomach.
“You have to figure out what you want, Charlie. Right now you have a wife and a child on the way, but if that’s not something you want, then…”
Her voice broke and her hand flew to cover her face. Tears filled her eyes and broke Charlie’s heart. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he felt his attentions stretched between his two options.
“I’m sorry Pearl.” He dropped his head to his hand, unable to look into her tearstained face any longer.
“Me too.” She said, standing. “If you’ll excuse me.”
She left the room before he could stop her, but he knew it was better to let her go. He wasn’t sure what he could say to her. He wanted to assure her that he would stay, take care of them, and everything would be fine, but he’d still be able to take care of them if he rejoined the rodeo. It would just be from a distance.
The particulars of it flew through his mind. He’d have Ralph stay longer at the ranch during the week to help with the upkeep and anything else Pearl would need. He wouldn’t be gone the whole year, so he’d come back and finish up projects, see Pearl and the child and…
That’s where his plans began to break down. Sure, he’d have the best days of his life back—his rodeo days—but was he really willing to sacrifice time with his wife and child for that?
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