He ran his hands through his hair, gripping his neck and bending forward. Why was this decision so tempting?
Pushing to his feet he began pacing the length of the small space. He’d go and talk to Pearl, but first he needed to gather his thoughts. He wouldn’t face her without a solid answer this time. He couldn’t afford to, nor was it fair to her.
Chapter 6
Pearl lay on the bed curled up in a ball. How could Charlie even consider leaving her and the baby? She vacillated between anger and sadness, frustration and sorrow. Her emotions ruled her for the moment, and she felt like she was sinking.
Thoughts of leaving New York, thoughts of Jim, and the fear of being alone all came at her from various directions. She felt trapped by the reality that she couldn’t change Charlie’s mind. She hardly knew him well enough to make a convincing argument on her own as to why he should stay. Aside from the fact that she didn’t want him to go.
Suddenly, sharp pain shot up through her abdomen. She groaned, wrapping her arms around herself. What was happening? Fear for the baby coursed through her.
Pushing herself to a sitting position, she was overtaken by another wave of pain that stopped her dead in her tracks. She squeezed her eyes shut, focusing on the need to keep breathing. She needed help. She had to get to Charlie.
She managed to stand before another flash of pain almost brought her to her knees. Pearl reached for the dresser to steady herself, knocking over the water pitcher until she was finally able to grab solid wood.
The pitcher lay at her feet, and she prayed that Charlie had heard the clanging noise when it fell.
Lord, bring him in here.
Heavy footsteps made their way toward the door.
Thank you, Lord!
“Are you all right Pearl?”
“No…” she managed, saddened that her voice was so weak. By now she was bent over, clutching her abdomen with one hand and the dresser with the other.
The door burst open and, just as she was about to collapse under another jolt of pain, Charlie was at her side.
“What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Don’t…know…” she managed.
He helped her back to the bed, practically carrying her there. He stood over her, looking anxious and uncertain.
“Pearl,” he said, leaning close to her. “What can I do? How can I help you? Is it the baby?”
So many questions. She wanted to tell him to be quiet and just hold her hand, but she knew she needed more than that.
“Doctor.” She managed.
He stood up but she reached out to him, stopping him before he could go. “What is it?”
“Don’t go.” She knew her words were the opposite of what he had to do, in direct but she felt so alone and scared.
“Let me go see if Ralph is still here, I can send him to town instead. But I have to go find him. Will you be all right?”
“Hurry,” she said.
He squeezed her hand once, then ran out of the room, the front door banging after him. She prayed Ralph was still there. She didn't want to go through this alone. Whatever this was.
As more pain overtook her, she curled back into a ball, burying her head in the pillows. She wanted the pain to stop, but she was also afraid. Why was she in pain? That was the bigger question.
She lifted up a prayer for the safety of the baby, the speedy arrival of the doctor, and that he would know what to do. She also prayed that Charlie would stay. It was a selfish prayer and the last thing that should be on her mind, but she didn't want him to go.
The door opened again, and she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“How are you, Pearl?”
She moaned, eyes closed. She had the strangest desire to have his arms around her, but that wasn’t what was important at this moment. Finding out if her baby was going to be all right mattered more than anything.
“Just pray…,” she gasped. “Pray he’s all right.”
Charlie felt fear course though him. Ralph had been outside when he’d gone looking for him, and he’d sent him to bring the doctor as fast as possible. They would be back soon, but that still wouldn’t be soon enough. He wanted them there now.
Well, if he was talking about what he wanted, he wanted Pearl to not be in pain and for the baby to be all right. Pearl had said he and Charlie smiled at the thought that it could be a boy. They wouldn’t know, of course, but when the little one came…
The thought stopped Charlie cold. What if he wasn’t there when the baby came? What if he was off at a rodeo?
No, he reasoned, Pearl had said she was due in December, so he would be around for the winter months. Still, being gone all the time would have its disadvantages as well.
He pulled the blanket up over Pearl as another wave of pain washed through her body. She tensed up, clutching her abdomen, and groaned. He hated feeling so useless. If only he could do something. But he couldn't.
Then again…perhaps he could. One thought came to mind.
“Say, Pearl,” he began tentatively, “There was this one time that I was taking care of a famous rodeo man’s horse. The man was called the Devil’s Own (the Devil Man? seems more believable) because he could ride any bull without getting thrown. He was a miracle, at least to my young mind. I spent hours grooming his horse and doing chores for him.”
She moaned and shifted under the quilt, displacing it. He fixed it and continued with his story, hoping it was taking her mind off of some of the pain.
“When Devils Own took to the arena one night, I stood there watching him. The stalls were crude, but I was able to get up on the wooden fence. Right before he rode, he turned to me and said words I’ll never forget. He said, ‘Son, someday this will be you getting ready to go out there. And when you do, always remember to give credit where credit’s due.’”
Charlie smiled at the memory. “He switched circuits after that but I never forgot what he said. He always thanked the Good Lord for keeping him safe. I took to the habit myself.”
She moaned again and he gripped her shoulder, letting her know he was there next to her.
“You’ll make it through this, Pearl. I know you will.”
She didn’t say anything, but he thought he felt her body relax a bit. Finally, the sound of horses outside drew his attention. Pearl hadn’t moved in several minutes, and he wondered if the pains were gone. Why had they come in the first place?
He left the room reluctantly and went to greet the doctor.
“Charlie,” Doc said, nodding his head once. “What seems to be the trouble? Ralph didn’t give me much to go on.”
“I don’t rightly know, sir. M-my wife is in there in a lot of pain. She’s with child and something’s wrong.”
“Wife?” Doc said, his eyebrows rising. “With child?”
“It’s not my child,” he explained. “She was pregnant when we married.”
“I see.” The doctor took his bag from the horse and made his way inside. “Why don't you give me a few minutes to check on her?”
Charlie nodded. Though everything within him wanted to be in there with her, he knew it was best for the doctor to do what he needed to do on his own.
“I’ll just be right here if you need me.”
“All right son,” Doc said. “I’ll be out soon.”
Charlie watched the door close and his thoughts flew everywhere. What would he find? What was wrong? Would Pearl be all right?
The questions assailed him, and he paced the length of the kitchen to keep his mind off what was happening. Finally, the door opened and Doc came out.
“What is it?”
“She seems to be resting fine now. I believe it was a form of early labor induced by stress. Has she been in stressful situations recently?”
Charlie felt a pang of guilt. “I…I guess you could say that.”
“Well, that needs to stop.” Doc stared him down. “I’ve put her on bed rest. That means no chores, no working, and no real movement of any kind. Do you u
nderstand that? She needs to rest—truly rest—if she’s going to carry that baby all the way through to delivery.”
Charlie swallowed, not liking the sound of Doc’s ominous words. “I understand. I’ll make sure she’s rested and doesn’t move.”
“Good man.” Doc closed up his black leather bag. “I’ll come back in two weeks to check on her, but send for me if she gets any worse.”
Charlie saw the man outside and watched as he rode off into the growing dark.
This changed everything—at least for now. He would have to stay close, to help her. He thought of the vows he’d made to Pearl on their wedding day not long ago.
In sickness and in health.
He’d said those words, but now he’d have to live them. Was he up to the task?
Chapter 7
Pearl took a sip of her chamomile tea, relishing the warmth as it slipped down her throat.
“Can I get you anything else, Miss?” The young girl smiled sweetly and Pearl shook her head.
“No, dear,” she adjusted her seat in the bed. “You can go on home.”
“All right. Rest well.”
The girl left, and Pearl felt alone again. Charlie had been so caring the last few weeks. He’d thought of everything, even having a sweet girl from town to come and help during the week when he was working on the ranch.
She was a dear and wonderful company, but Pearl looked forward to when Charlie would be home. They had taken to spending evenings by the fire, talking and reading. Mostly she read to him, but he had read to her a few times and she loved hearing his bass voice echo through the room.
He had been nothing but thoughtful, kind, and attentive. She ached when she remembered the conversation they had that had created the stress the doctor said was the cause of her attack.
The front door closed and she looked toward the door expectantly. True to form, Charlie stuck his head in her room, smiling as usual.
“How are you feeling today, Pearl?”
She managed a genuine smile. “I’m doing well. Wish I could get out of this bed.”
“Nope,” he said, grinning. “You’ve got to endure my cooking for a little while longer.”
She laughed. “I’ve had worse.”
“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel good about my skills.”
She looked sheepishly at him, “Sorry for that.”
He shook his head then stepped further into the room. “Do you want to move to the chair?”
“Yes please,” she said, nodding vigorously.
“Let me get it ready for you. One moment.”
He slipped out and she quickly patted down her hair and made sure her shawl covered her long nightgown sufficiently.
“Ready?”
“Yes,” she said, slightly breathless.
As he came closer, her heartbeat picked up, something that had begun happening since he’d started to carry her to and from the bed. There was something about his strong arms wrapped around her that made her feel safe and sent her insides to fluttering in a way she could only describe as quite exciting.
“All right, here we go.” He leaned over, sliding an arm beneath her legs and one around her back. “One, two, three.”
He lifted her effortlessly, though she knew she’d put on more weight with the baby, then turned back to the door. She smelled the outdoors on him, and Pearl briefly closed her eyes, savoring it.
The comfort and security she felt in his arms chased away all the other fears she had. The ones that said she should find out what he was planning on doing about the rodeo. The ones that said she couldn’t give her heart to him completely if he was just going to leave her.
But here, pressed against his chest and cradled in his strong arms, she was content to let those thoughts flee.
“Here we are,” he said, coming toward the chair. “Just one more foot…Oh!” He pretended to drop her, eliciting a screech then a laugh from her. “Sorry about that…guess I wasn’t paying attention.”
She shook her head as he safely delivered her to the chair by the fire, then stepped back to drape a blanket over her legs and swollen stomach. He paused, leaning over her, and his eyes found hers.
“I’d never drop you.”
She fought every urge to reach up and touch his cheek, then spoke gently. “I know.”
He grinned then stood up. “Time to make dinner.”
She watched him go to the kitchen and focused her attention to the flames flicking up off the dried wood. She wanted this to be their life. Not her being ill, but the closeness that drew them together. The reality of them being husband and wife and loving one another.
If only Charlie could see that’s what was best—not just for her, but for him too.
The fire crackled next to him and he shifted his seat in the chair, enjoying the warmth, but finding his eyes drawn to the woman sitting beside him, causing him to ignore the book in his lap. She dozed, closing her eyes closed, her face shining in the glow of the flames.
She was beautiful. He hadn’t realized how much so until they’d started spending these nights together. Before he would have counted them as friends—as foolish as that sounded for a man and wife—but now, now there was something more in her look. There was something more in his heart.
“Tell me another story about the rodeo.” Her eyes met his, which had been focused on her, and he quickly looked away.
“What type of story?”
“I don’t know,” she said sleepily. “How you came to it maybe? I don’t know that story.”
She didn't, but neither did most people. He didn't share those details with many.
“Let’s see,” he thought back to the year he turned fourteen. “I was young, but I worked my family’s ranch alongside my father. It was in the winter when they both caught scarlet fever.”
“Oh no,” she said, drawing his attention. Her blue eyes were wide and full of compassion.
“They both died that winter.” The flames drew his attention again. “I could have joined any number of families in town or set off to join one of my brothers, but I wanted to seek a life on my own.”
He stared into the fire, slipping into the memory completely. “I rode for a few days and came to a larger town. I saw posters for the rodeo, and having nothing better to do, I simply had to know what it was about. I saw the horse riding, the roping, the bull riding—all of the things that make a rodeo great—and I was hooked. I begged my way onto their crew and was with them up until my injury last fall.” He absentmindedly rubbed his sore hip.
“You love it, don’t you?”
“I did,” he admitted, not looking up. “But things change.”
He looked up into her eyes and tried to read her expression. He couldn’t, but he wanted to know what she thought of his story.
“Do you want to go back?”
He searched her features for any sign of a challenge or anger, but he saw none. She genuinely wanted to know.
“Some days yes, other days no. But my life has changed now, it’s not something I can go back to.” He said the words, realizing they were true.
“I’m sorry you got injured.” She looked down at her hands, which rested peacefully on her distended belly.
“Me too, but mostly for the ache in my darn hip,” he said with a smile.
She changed the subject, asking for a funny story, which he obliged, but he wondered what she thought. Did she understand how he could be conflicted?
Then again, he’d made up his mind. He wouldn’t leave his wife and unborn child to fend for themselves. He realized now that -- even if he wanted something, it didn’t mean he should have it.
There was something to be said for following through on promises and vows made.
Chapter 8
Pearl stood at her window looking out over the cold landscape. She’d sent the girl away early that day and, knowing Charlie was coming in later that night, she steeled herself for what had to be done.
Taking in a deep breath, she tested hers
elf by walking back and forth. She felt fine. Maybe better than fine after weeks of rest. Yes, her abdomen had grown even larger, but she didn’t feel the twinges of pain she’d felt in the past. The Lord had answered her prayer, though it wasn’t the answer she wanted.
Every night she had sat with Charlie, listening to his rodeo stories and the realization had come over her more powerfully every night. She couldn’t let him give up on his dream to stay and care for her and the baby. He had found life and happiness in the rodeo circuit, and she wanted him to be happy more than anything.
The feelings had shocked her at first. She’d been so overwhelmed by them that she’d denied it, but the more she saw his heart and what type of person Charlie was, the more she wanted his happiness more than her own.
She’d gotten this way with Jim, sacrificing for things that he wanted. It was the most glorious feeling, though she hadn’t had to give up the man himself. This was a first.
Carefully, she bent down and pulled out the small bag she’d packed the night before. Wrapping up in a warm coat that didn’t quite fit around her stomach, she left the hastily scribbled note and went out to the barn. Thankfully, Ralph had left a horse saddled as she’d requested, saying something about her helper needing to ride to town for her. She hated the lie, but she had to do what she could.
Climbing up, she prayed for direction the whole way in. She went slowly, but thankfully felt no pain.
The church came into view as she reached the edge of town, and she slowed the horse, sliding ungracefully from the saddle. Heart heavy, she made her way inside, collapsing on a pew near the back. Her head dropped to her hands and she began to cry. She didn’t know where she was going to go, but she knew she had to pray first.
The sound of light footsteps drew her attention, and suddenly she saw a woman. Her brown hair was piled on her head, and she had a warm smile that lit her whole face.
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