A Lover's Wish

by Kadian Tracey

  Regrets.

  His body shook slightly until he felt as though he could not cry anymore. Dao was out of tears. Drying his face, Dao rolled to his side and closed his eyes. It took a while before he fell asleep, but when he finally did, it was not peaceful.

  The dreams that soared through his night were enough to make him crazy. His father was there, trying to tell him something, but no matter how hard Dao tried, he could not hear clearly what his father was saying. Frustration shot through him and from time to time, he woke up, jerking into sitting position and panting for air. Maybe that was the side effects of sleeping in the same room with a dead man that just ravished one’s mind with nightmares.

  Pushing into standing position, he grabbed a light jacket from his bag and exited the small house. He sat on the ground beneath a small tree and stared at the house. Staring, completely and overly confused, as to what his mother saw in the place. True it was peaceful, almost serene, but he wanted her to be safe. His father would have wanted him to take care of her. Dao wanted to take care of her, but she was too proud for that. What would he do? He couldn’t build her a new place in Xingping—there wasn’t any room. He knew that his mother wouldn’t want to move, especially after his father’s death. Her mother before her wouldn’t leave Xingping after her husband’s death.

  Rubbing a hand over his face, Dao moaned. He was so tired, but afraid to close his eyes. So much to do and he knew he didn’t have the knowhow or time to do it all in. Getting up, he paced toward the river. He stuck his bare feet into the water and stood there. It was cool against his flesh and sent a beautiful surge of bliss running through him.

  “Dao?”

  He turned around to face her. From somewhere deep down, he found a smile and it floated across his lips with much effort. “Hey, baby.” He walked toward her and took her hand to help her down toward him. When she was standing in the water, he pulled her into his arms and held on. Once she

  was there, he felt alright. Smiling, he kissed her head. “Didn’t I tell you to get some sleep?”

  Kianna laughed. “Did you actually think I’d be able to sleep?”

  “I should have known.” Dao chuckled. “Come sit with me. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Okay,” Kianna whispered.

  Leading her back to the rock, he once again took her into his arms and cradled her head against his chest. “My mother,” he began slowly. “I want to take her back with us to Scarborough. She won’t want to of course…”

  “Of course.”

  “She won’t want to leave Father and she’s in no condition to be here by herself now. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, you might want to talk to her.” Kianna shrugged against him. “See what she wants. If she doesn’t want to leave, then you’re going to have to accept that she’s an adult.”

  “But I don’t like the idea of her being her alone now. When Dad was alive, it was different. He was here to love her and keep her. But now, with the love of her life gone, who knows what is going to happen with her.”

  “I know you’re worried, and truthfully so am I. I know what happened once my father lost the woman he loved with all his heart. It’s not pretty

  so I’m starting to worry. But you can’t make her do what she doesn’t want to do.”

  Her words snapped him from his worry and he shifted so he could see her face. “What do you mean? What happened to your parents?”

  “My mother—she died. And then my father, couldn’t seem to live with the thought of not having her so he killed himself.” She shivered.

  Dao tightened his arms around her.

  “I didn’t mean to spring that on you, especially now but…”

  “It’s alright,” he assured her. “I asked. I’m so sorry, baby.”

  Guilin was silent. It was as though they sensed the death of a father and wanted to show their respects. As they drove through the streets toward the cemetery, it felt as though they were the only people on the planet. The burial was finally over for Dao’s father, but still an air of nostalgia lay over the small house. Kianna was sitting on Dao’s old bed, changing the film in her camera while Dao’s voice swam through to her.

  He was trying to convince his mother to go back with them to Canada. He wasn’t having very much luck. She could hear frustration in his voice and couldn’t say she blamed him. But Mrs. Zhi

  loved Lee very much, there was no mistaking that. Now that she loved Dao, Kianna thought about it and couldn’t see herself leaving if she was in Mrs. Zhi’s shoes. It just wouldn’t have happened. She would have stayed right where she was, by his side, in his spirit’s present until it was her time to die.

  Then it dawned on her, Jace had been right. The reason her father killed himself was because he couldn’t live without her mother. She felt like a spoiled little brat for only thinking of herself after the deaths. But even though it should be that a child buried his or her parents, Kianna still didn’t think it was right for her father to have done what he had.

  When the voices in the next room stopped, Kianna looked up from the camera. How long had they stopped speaking? She hadn’t noticed when the voices had stopped. Snapping the cover in place, she placed the camera on the bed and rushed from the room. She literally skidded to a stop in the room before Dao and his mother. It seemed as though they had been all talked out and were just sitting there. “What’s the verdict?” Kianna got out in Cantonese.

  “She’s staying here,” Dao explained in a tired voice.

  “Do not talk about me like I am not here. I am sitting right here!” Mrs. Zhi frowned as she smacked him softly against the thigh.

  Kianna chuckled and sat down beside Dao. There was a little light back in Mrs. Zhi’s eyes, but Kianna didn’t comment on that. “Well, Dao, you can always come visit,” Kianna pointed out. “You can afford to, right?”

  “That’s not the point!”

  “Can we not talk about this again?” Mrs. Zhi questioned.

  Kianna bit down on her lower lip and nodded. She glanced over at Dao and as he sat there, with his sexy self, she wanted too much to reach out and kiss his lips, to wrap her curves around his hard body and let him have his way with her. She wished she could tell him she loved him over and over with a touch, a taste, a flick of her tongue. But not in this house, never in this house. Inhaling deeply, she held the breath and stood. She squealed when Dao pulled her back against him.

  “I love you,” Dao whispered in her ear.

  He got up before she could reply and left the room on his mother’s heels.

  “Last chance to come with us, Ma,” Dao was speaking.

  “Go away, boy, you bothering me,” Mrs. Zhi tsked.

  Kianna giggled when Dao moaned like a six year old that didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas. Relaxing against the chair for a while, she wondered when they would be going back home. Jace must be worried sick about her since she couldn’t use Dao’s now dead cell phone to call home. Frowning, Kianna rubbed a hand over her face. Pushing from the chair, she figured she should at least help Mrs. Zhi fix dinner.

  “But I’m going to make sure you get groceries and a doctor every two weeks,” Dao was explaining while removing some peas from their pods.

  Kianna walked in silently and began helping him.

  “Ma, if you won’t come back with me, at least let me have the peace of mind that you’re being taken care of—can you let me have that one thing?”

  The older woman eyed her son warily before nodding. “Very well. I won’t like it.”

  “I don’t like you being here alone, but you’re going to do it anyway.” Dao spoke, irritation evident in his voice. He dropped the pod of peas he had in his hands and stalked from the room.

  Kianna watched him go and licked her lips before glancing over at Dao’s mother. The woman was silent, still as the grave, looking down into the pot before her. “I am trying so hard to understand

  this and I do not mean any disrespect. Why won�
�t you let him help? Can’t you see he just wants to be a good son?”

  She said nothing.

  Kianna felt ignored, but said nothing else. She kept on pulling peas from their sheath and letting them fall into the bowl on the counter in front of her. She wished she still had parents and Dao had one left and was doing his best. But Mrs. Zhi doesn’t seem to want his help. That angered her, but in the same breath confused her. Every other parent she knew always spoke about that day when they no longer had to work and when their children would care for them. They all stressed the point to their children of when I get old you will have to care for me, yet the mother she stood with did not want that.

  “He is a good son,” Mrs. Zhi spoke. Her voice cracked from time to time and her head bowed slowly. “But I love simple. My life here is simple.”

  Kianna walked to stand beside her. “I understand that. No one understands simple like I do, but you aren’t as young as you used to be,” she pleaded. “He worries about you, that you won’t be able to get help. He feels guilty…”

  “Guilty?”

  “Yes.” She looked at Kianna now and Kianna smiled.

  “Guilty for what?”

  “He hasn’t said anything, but I feel that he feels guilty for not getting here faster,” Kianna explained. “I look in his eyes and I see it. I think the bottom line is, he doesn’t want that to happen a second time. So please, if you’re not going to go home with us, at least let us have groceries and a doctor come out here to you. That is not so unreasonable, is it?”

  Mrs. Zhi watched her silently for a while. Kianna felt as though she wanted to scream.

  The silence was beginning to drive her crazy. “What?”

  “You really love my son!” Mrs. Zhi sounded shocked at that.

  Kianna was about to screech, to clench her teeth, tightened her fist and scream what’s love got to do with it, but the utter disbelief in Mrs. Zhi’s eyes caught her attention. “Of course I love him.” Kianna relaxed then, watching Mrs. Zhi and came to the conclusion that Mrs. Zhi deserved to know what was happening. “I haven’t had time for men all my life, but when I met, Dao, I couldn’t stay away…do you understand?”

  Mrs. Zhi nodded. “It is an unbelievable pull that you just cannot understand. An urge that tugs from somewhere deep inside and you just cannot ignore it.”

  Kianna nodded her head shyly.

  “I understand very well. That is the way I felt for Dao’s father since the very first moment I saw him across from me in our marriage room.”

  “In your marriage room? You mean, you didn’t meet him before?”

  Mrs. Zhi chuckled good heartedly and walked back to her pot on the stove to stir it. “No, my dear. Lee and I were arranged to be married even before I was born.”

  “Wow, I couldn’t imagine. I would hate him just because…”

  Dao’s mother laughed. “I had made up my mind to hate Lee. But there I was, standing with my veil over my face, trembling—I was so young and so terrified. But Lee, tenderly lifted my veil, pushed my chin up so that I could see his eyes. He was so handsome. He had these brown eyes that smiled down at me and I felt it that moment. Our first kiss—” she stopped and went silent.

  Kianna rushed to her side. “Are you alright?” “Dou je.” Mrs. Zhi nodded. “I am fine. But Lee

  has loved me from that moment. I could see the moment he fell in love with me dance through his eyes. Then he gave me this smile that left me breathless and then took me into his arms while I sobbed. I cried—” Mrs. Zhi laughed— “I actually cried. But he just held me, whispering things to me.” She took Kianna’s hands and patted them, “My son, is a wonderful person and ever since he

  was a young boy, he loved with all his heart. He’s never once brought a woman home, but he brought you. It is safe to say that he loves you and I can see now that you love him. There’s something I want you to have.”

  “Mrs. Zhi I can’t…”

  “It would be disrespectful to me if you do not accept it.”

  “Could I at least give you my presents first?” Kianna pleaded.

  Mrs. Zhi laughed. “Very well.”

  Kianna walked to her bags and grabbed her present, then returned to find Mrs. Zhi waiting for her. She smiled and sat down. Holding the present, beautiful candles, in both hands and offered it. Mrs. Zhi thanked her taking the present with both hands. She sniffed the candles. “My favourite scent. Thank you.”

  Kianna absolutely beamed.

  Mrs. Zhi pulled out a box and opened it. Gently, she pulled out a golden necklace with a beautiful, heart-shaped pendant, “I want you to have this.”

  She held up a hand when Kianna began shaking her head again.

  “Listen, this necklace was given to me, by my mother when I got married. She told me to one day give it to my daughter when she falls in love.

  But as you can see, I have no daughters and at my age, will not have one. So I want you to have it.”

  Tears flowed down Kianna’s face, blurring the lovely piece of jewellery that meant so much to the Zhi family. With shaking hands, she took the gift with both hands and felt along it since she could no longer see it.

  “Let me,” Mrs. Zhi spoke.

  Kianna bowed her head while Mrs. Zhi attached the necklace around her neck. Then she couldn’t help herself, “I can’t help it, can I give you a hug?”

  “Sure, my dear.” Mrs. Zhi smiled. “Everything alright?”

  Dao’s voice flowed over her and Kianna sat back while drying her eyes. “Perfect.” She fondled the necklace around her neck.

  “Dao come here,” she called to her son. Kianna sat up straight.

  Mrs. Zhi placed Dao’s hand into Kianna’s. “I will be fine.” She pressed a kiss to Dao’s head. “I know you worry about me. I really know that. But you do not have to. I have that phone you sent me. Plus I can call my neighbours for help and the groceries will be coming with the doctor…”

  “So you’ve agreed to let that happen?” Dao questioned.

  Mrs. Zhi nodded and that was where the conversation ended.

  Chapter Fourteen

  A

  fter a heartfelt goodbye to Mrs. Zhi, Dao scooped Kianna into his arms and carried her to the boat. She giggled and blushed because Mrs. Zhi was waving at them with a knowing smile. Once her feet were placed securely on the boat, Kianna waved to the old woman on the banks while Dao climbed onto the boat and wrapped an arm around her waist. She watched as he blew his mother a kiss and the boat began moving. There, in the same spot, the two stood and watched Mrs. Zhi until she was a tiny speck in the distance. Only then did Kianna look up into Dao’s face.

  “You miss her,” Kianna spoke.

  “She’s all the family I have left, Kiki.” Dao smiled down into her face.

  Kianna pulled into his body, trying her best to soothe him. She pressed her face against his shoulder and kissed him. She began going over in her head her own fear of losing Dao and that caused her arms to tighten around him. She

  whimpered and pressed her face into his chest. She was terrified that he only wanted her because of his father’s death—because he was in mourning.

  “I have a surprise for you.”

  Dao’s voice caused her to lift her head. She titled backward slightly to peer into his eyes. “Really?”

  “I know that this wasn’t really the kind of trip to China that you were expecting,” Dao spoke and his hands began caressing up her back before resting against the small of her back.

  “Dao, I am just happy that I came here.”

  “But you haven’t had a chance to do anything. You were in mourning with me for a man you didn’t know. You’ve been my rock through all of this—”

  “And I’d do it again.” Dao smiled.

  Kianna wanted to dance. He was so utterly beautiful. At that moment, Kianna made a decision. She decided that if Dao was going to be it, she was going to enjoy him for as long as possible. She would inhale every bit of good that he could give her, the kisses, touch
es, lust. She would take it all. He confessed his love for her and that had caused her heart to fly, but as she stood there, she wasn’t sure.

  “So before we go back to the plane I’m taking you somewhere.”

  Kianna smiled. “Alright.”

  The first stop, Dao pressed his hand over her eyes and she laughed. A feeling of freedom and love surged through her as he led her off the boat and down a slight slope. She felt the change in the land. They stopped and Dao’s hard, muscular body pressed against her back. His mouth licked and nipped against her ear and Kianna shivered.

  “Ready for your surprise?”

  His hot breath blew against her flesh and Kianna moaned. Her head fell to one side. “Yes.” Her voice was breathy.

  Dao moved his hand.

  Kianna fell down slightly. His arms tightened around her hips to keep her on her feet. Before her was the Big Banyan Tree. It was said to be the oldest Banyan tree that existed anywhere in the world. “The Tree of love,” Kianna whispered. She ached to move forward to touch the bark, but didn’t think she was worthy. Her hands flew to cover her mouth in utter, blissful shock.

  Tearing her eyes from the tree to glance up at Dao, she looked back at the tree as tears began sliding down her cheeks. She had to delete it from her list of places to go during her planning of her China trip. She didn’t have enough money for it.

  But then she had to give up the money for the funerals and she thought she didn’t even have a chance to float by the tree. “Thank you.” She turned to press her lips to Dao’s.