I had never been to the funeral of someone so young. It was something I hoped never, ever, to do again. The church was filled with young people, and their bewildered sobs could be heard throughout the service. I sat by myself toward the back and clutched my Kleenex, willing myself not to cry. It was all just so horrible, and I felt so helpless and hopeless.
After the ceremony, I found Lucy standing by herself in a corner. I hugged her tight as she clung to me. She felt like she’d lost weight even in the short time since Tina’s death.
“Oh, Lucy, I’m so, so sorry,” I murmured. “How have you been holding up?”
“Not great,” she admitted shakily. “The family isn’t doing very well. My mom is a wreck, and my aunt is barely functioning. She’s been on tranquilizers ever since we heard.” Lucy glanced over to where Tina’s parents were standing. “It’s a wonder that she’s even here. It’s the first time she’s even been dressed and out of the house since it happened. And poor Steven... God, I don’t know how he’s going to deal with all of this. He adored Tina.”
Soon, the family filed out to drive to the cemetery and witness as Tina was committed to the earth. As I watched them leave, I noticed a couple of people off to the side whispering. When I glanced over at them, they stopped talking and looked away. Were they looking at me? Were they talking about The Throttle? Had they recognized me as Lon’s daughter? Suddenly, I had to get out of there. Even if no one there knew who I was, what my connection was to the club, I knew. I would never get over feeling like my hands weren’t completely clean of Tina’s death.
I hadn’t managed to talk to Lon about the club’s role in the meth trade yet. It wasn’t that I’d been putting it off, exactly. It was that I didn’t know how to approach it. Even though I had initially gone to the clubhouse to confront him the day I had heard about Tina’s death, once I had calmed down I realized that talking to him in that emotional state wouldn’t have helped anything. Lon was a stubborn man. Coming at him with both barrels was a surefire way to get him to dig in his heels. If Ryker hadn’t stopped me that day, I would have eventually found Lon, and God knows what would have come out of my mouth. And Lon, I know, would have shot me down immediately.
I knew that even talking to my father at all about club business was risky, let alone when I was angry. If I was going to do it, I needed to do it when I was calm and rational. I couldn’t afford to be as emotional as I had been during our last conversation. And since I wasn’t calm yet, I had been avoiding him altogether. I’d been avoiding everyone, in fact, including Ryker. Hell, I had especially been avoiding Ryker. When I wasn’t at work, I found other places to be – places I knew he wouldn’t. I left the house early every morning, and came home as late as I could. I completely avoided the clubhouse and the garage, too. It wasn’t easy, and it had been damn lonely. With Lucy preoccupied with family, I barely knew anyone else in Cheyenne.
Randi had noticed something was up with me pretty quickly. She had tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I’d begged off, telling her I had been working overtime at the clinic and just needed sleep. She would nod sadly and let me go without pressing the issue. She was nice that way. I felt bad about brushing her off, but what was I going to say to her? That I was so angry at my father I could barely speak? That I was falling in love with my own stepbrother, her son? That part of me wished I had never come back to Cheyenne in the first place? Everything was so fucked up, and I didn’t know what to do about any of it.
Especially Ryker.
Since that day at the clubhouse – the last time I’d seen him – everything had changed for me. I could no longer pretend to myself that what I felt for him was simply a case of inappropriate lust. It was much, much more than that. Somehow, I had fallen for the arrogant, headstrong, sexy as hell biker. Did he feel the same? I had no idea. All I knew was that he had moved out of the apartment downstairs, just as he said he would. Much to Randi and Lon’s surprise, Ryker was now living in a house he was renting somewhere across town. I hadn’t seen him since the day I’d come looking for Lon and found him instead, so I hadn’t had the chance to ask him about it. In a way, I guess I should have been thankful to him for making it easier on me. But his absence was an empty place inside me that it felt like I’d never manage to fill again.
A couple of days after the funeral, I finally mustered up the strength and courage to go talk to Lon. I found him at the garage, barking at one of the prospects who had apparently fucked up a repair.
I waited until Lon was done reaming him out and then stepped into the garage. Lon seemed surprised to see me. I guess that wasn’t too strange, considering I’d barely said hello to him in more than a week. I asked him if I could talk to him in private and he took me outside.
“That fuckin’ prospect,” he muttered as we walked over to the edge of the parking lot so he could have a smoke break. “He doesn’t have the sense God gave a chimp.”
I laughed. “The poor guy looks like he’s about to pee himself, Dad. Maybe go a little easier on him.”
Lon scoffed. “Fuck that. He needs to man the fuck up.”
I felt sorry for the prospect. My dad was a force to be reckoned with when he was pissed off. But taking abuse and obeying was what prospecting was all about, after all. Lon was right in that way. If he didn’t man up, he’d be out, and quick.
We reached the edge of the parking lot and Lon grabbed a cigarette out of the pack he kept in his shirt pocket. “So, what’s up, baby girl?” he asked as he lit up.
I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing, I thought. “Dad, I wanted to talk to you about something kind of serious. I hope you’ll hear me out.”
“What is it?” he mouthed around the cigarette.
“Look. I don’t know if you know I went to a funeral last week. For the cousin of my friend Lucy.”
“Yeah, Randi said something about that,” he nodded. “Too bad.”
“The thing is, Dad,” I continued, “The girl who died... she overdosed. On meth.”
If I expected him to react in a certain way, he surprised me. “Uh-huh,” he replied. His voice registered no emotion at all.
“Dad,” I said softly. “I know the club distributes meth. And I know it’s almost a certainty that the meth Tina was using came through The Throttle.”
“What’s your point?” he said. His voice had become deadly calm. I recognized that voice. It was the calm before the storm.
“My point is, the club’s bringing something poisonous into this town. Do you really want to be responsible for that?” I persisted.
“Hadley.” His voice was a warning. “This ain’t your business.”
“She could have been me, Dad,” I said bluntly. “Lucy said that Tina had a bright future ahead of her. She could have gone to college. She could have had a great life. You sent me away because you were afraid bad things might happen to me. But no one sent Tina away, and she paid the price. What makes me better than her?”
“Goddamn it, Hadley, back the fuck off!” my father bellowed. “This is not your business, do you understand me? This is CLUB. BUSINESS.”
I had never seen him so angry with me. Too late I realized that I should have backed off when I saw him hollering at the prospect. It was stupid of me not to have waited until Lon was in a less temperamental frame of mind to bring this up. But it was too late; it was done now. All I could do was say what I needed to say.
“That’s just the thing, Dad,” I retorted. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I angrily brushed them away. I tried to keep my voice calm and even, though I could hear it shaking a little. “It’s not just ‘club business’. Not anymore. You’ve made it everybody’s business. You made it Tina’s business. You are making it Cheyenne’s business. And they have no choice in the matter. But you do.”
With that, I stormed out of the clubhouse. I heard him call my name, but I ignored it. I had nothing more to say. I knew Lon would never listen to me anyway.
As got in my car and rolled down the windows to let some of
the oppressive heat escape, I made my decision. I could no longer stay here. I had thought Cheyenne could be my home, but I was wrong.
Chapter 18
Ryker
Chapel that week was a pretty fucking tense affair.
Lon had been in a piss-poor mood for days, for one thing, and no one knew exactly why. I had my suspicions, which were only confirmed when Wrench mentioned that he and a couple of the other brothers had seen him and Hadley having an argument out in the parking lot a few days before.
For another thing, there had been an explosion and fire at one of the meth labs across the border in Mexico where most of our product came from. As a result, we had buyers that were pissed off. They were breathing down our neck, saying they had customers to sell to, that the demand needed to be filled. That didn’t bode well for us, especially when we knew the Chrome Warriors were all but beating down the doors of our territory. Predictably, this had resulted in Jimmy relaunching his campaign for us to start our own meth-cooking operation.
“I’m telling you, this is the perfect solution,” he said, looking around the table for support. “There ain’t no reason we can’t cook our own. Eliminate the middle man, increase our profits... What’s stoppin’ us?”
There was some skepticism around the room. “And what, that fire that happened in the Mexico lab can’t happen to us?” Wrench challenged. “Two guys died. Why the fuck do we want that kind of risk? That’s why we pay to have the shit made somewhere else in the first place.”
“If we can’t hold our market, you know the Chrome Warriors are sure as shit gonna come in,” Jimmy countered. “They ain’t havin’ any problem meeting demand, from what I can see. Shit, stands to reason maybe they’re cookin’ themselves,”
“Leave ‘em to it, then,” I said. “They’re stupid enough to bring that kind of heat down on themselves, more power to ‘em. They’re just givin’ the feds an excuse to come investigating and bust up their club.”
Jimmy turned to me with a look of barely concealed contempt. “The fuck, Ryker?” he sneered. “You’ve changed, man. I thought our VP had some balls. Whose pants you tryin’ to get into with this pussy shit?” His eyes locked on mine, and I froze.
Jesus. I didn’t know how much he knew, but it was clear from the look he gave me that he suspected something. He’d been sniffing after Hadley since she got here, and the fact that she wouldn’t give him the time of day lately had been severely pissing him off. I had caught him watching me a couple of times when Hadley came into the clubhouse, but I had mostly brushed it off, knowing that he couldn’t possibly have seen anything. But that had been before what had happened in the back apartment. Had he heard something? Did he know?
My mind raced, but I force myself to calm down and look at things objectively. If Jimmy had something on me, he wouldn’t hesitate to use it against me. I knew that. But he wasn’t the brightest bulb, either. I wasn’t sure he had the sense to sit and bide his time if he had a card to play. If he knew what had happened between me and Hadley, it stood to reason that he would have already told Lon about it. He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain, from telling Lon that his VP and stepson had been fucking his daughter behind his back. Never mind that it wasn’t just fucking. Never mind that I was in love with her. Jimmy didn’t know that. And Lon wouldn’t believe it, anyway. He’d shoot first and ask questions later. Maybe literally.
In the absence of any other solution, I decided to call Jimmy’s bluff. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” I said. “And there’s a difference between balls and smarts. What you’re proposing is just plain stupid.”
“Who’re we gonna get to cook all this meth, if we start makin’ it ourselves?” asked Rev.
“I dunno,” Jimmy retorted. “That’s what prospects are for, ain’t they?”
“No,” Lon barked from the head of the table. He had been quiet during the whole exchange, sitting back in his chair and listening to the back and forth. “We ain’t cooking. Not near Cheyenne.”
Jimmy opened his mouth, then closed it again. He knew better than to challenge Lon. He shot me a look and narrowed his eyes.
“We’ll just have to put off the dealers for now,” Lon continued. “Tell them more product is coming as soon as we can get it. And remind them of our business relationship. Meantime, let’s keep an eye on the Warriors. Make sure they don’t get wind of the situation and try to take advantage.”
“Pretty sure they already know,” T-Bone, the sergeant-at-arms, muttered next to me. I glanced at him and nodded once. We were gonna have to watch the Warriors closely.
After chapel, I headed out into the bar area and grabbed myself a beer. I had a feeling Jimmy was gonna pay me a little visit, and sure enough, when I turned around, I saw he had followed me out.
“What the fuck, Ryker?” he called after me. I ignored him and took a swig of my beer. When I didn’t respond, he tried again.
“I know about Hadley,” he sneered.
That stopped me mid swig.
“What about her?” I asked coolly.
“I’ve seen the way you look at her when she comes in.” He went behind the bar and pulled a draft for himself. “You think she’s gonna give you the time of day?”
Inwardly I breathed a sigh of relief. Dumb fucker didn’t know anything.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, brother,” I replied. “Sounds like you’re just pissed because she hasn’t jumped into bed with you.”
“How do you know she hasn’t?” he retorted. I almost laughed out loud.
“I don’t,” I lied. “But judging from the way she looks at you, seems to me like a pretty safe bet.”
Jimmy’s eyes flashed with anger. “You know, Hadley asked me about the meth thing a couple weeks ago,” he continued. “She was pretty pissed to find out the club was distributing. Tried to convince me The Throttle shouldn’t be involved in that shit.” He eyed me. “Seems like quite a coincidence that you’re against it now, too.”
“I’m against setting up a fucking meth lab outside of Cheyenne,” I corrected him. “Whether the MC keeps distributing is a club decision.”
Jimmy scoffed. “Yeah. Club decision.” He took another mouthful of beer and eyed me. “I see what you’re doing, you know.”
“Yeah? What am I doing?” This should be interesting.
His chin jutted out. “You think if you get Hadley into your bed, you’ll have a better hold as VP,” he sneered.
Jimmy had never been all that smart, but this floored me, even from him. How in the hell could he be so stupid as to think Lon would be happy if Hadley and me got together? Shit, if Jimmy had a brain in his head he’d be trying to get us together, hoping that he could expose us to Lon, who would lose his shit and remove me as VP, or worse.
“Jimmy, all I can say is, you’re a fuckin’ idiot,” I laughed and shook my head. If I had been worried before, now I realized that this was all just typical Jimmy bullshit.
His eyes turned dark. I knew he was itching for a fight. And he was tapping on my last fuckin’ nerve. Who knows? I just might give it to him.
“Yeah, well, if you get in there, good luck with my sloppy seconds,” he taunted. “Anyway, she might act all high and mighty now, but down deep she’s just a fuckin’ whore. Always has been.”
I gotta say, the feeling of my fist connecting hard with Jimmy’s jaw was just as satisfying as I always thought it would be.
Chapter 19
Hadley
Two days later, I had my first shift at the clinic since my failed argument with Lon. Time had only made me more determined in my decision to leave. I had run into Lon back at the house, and he had given me such a cold look as he passed through that even Randi had been left speechless. When she asked me what had happened between us, I simply shrugged. “I think Lon’s the person to ask about that,” I told her. I was through trying to talk to him. My opinion didn’t matter. I was just his daughter, after all. Just a woman. Club business was not my busi
ness.
I walked into the clinic about twenty minutes before my shift was scheduled to start, and found Barbara on the phone in her office. As I stood in the threshold, she put up one finger, signaling for me to wait as she finished the call.
“Yes, I think that will work out best,” she said into the receiver. “Let’s try to meet to talk about it further next week. All right. Yes. Thanks. Bye.” She hung up the receiver and motioned me in. “Hadley, come in. Did you need to see me about something?”
I swallowed and sat down in one of the chairs across from her. This was going to be harder than I thought. I liked and respected Barbara, and up until today, I would have liked to think she respected me, too. I hated to imagine what she was going to think of me after this. I took a deep breath. Well, may as well get it over with.
“I came to tell you I have to put in my notice. I’m going to be leaving town in a few weeks.” Barbara’s shocked expression made a cold lump of ice form in my stomach. The rest of my planned speech came out in a rush. “I know this is sudden, and I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t know when I took the job that I’d have to do this. I’ll stay on as long as it takes for you to find a replacement, of course.”
I exhaled and looked at her expectantly. I had been bracing myself to face the brunt of her anger. After all, I had only been working there a little over a month. It was only logical that she would be upset. What I was doing was completely unprofessional and irresponsible. But instead of anger, she sat back in her chair and gave me a look that was both kind and concerned.
“You haven’t been yourself the last week or so, Hadley. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” she said softly.
The gentleness of her voice was the first gesture of real kindness I’d had from anyone since before Tina’s funeral. I’d been holding myself at such a remove from everyone that it took me by surprise, and I felt myself choking up.
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