by Beth Michele
Because I’m not sure I believe them anymore.
I don’t know how long we sit here. Seconds turn into minutes as my eyes remain trained on the doors—waiting.
I’m about ready to jump out of my skin when I finally spot two nurses wheeling Evie into her room. It’s about damn time. I huff out a shaky breath, then nudge Zoey who fell asleep on me after I berated her.
“Zoey. She’s here. Come on.” She glides her fingers under her eyes, wiping away mascara stains, then I hook an arm over her shoulder and she stumbles along beside me.
My smile shows up for the first time since this whole ordeal began. Seeing Evie without all of the plastic tubing connected to her body, she seems to look so much better—more like herself. Maybe it’s just an illusion, but I’ll take it.
Without wasting another minute, I sit down on the bed, curling my body as close to hers as possible. My finger reaches up to gently stroke her cheek, careful not to touch the bruise that’s on its way to healing. I edge forward, planting a soft kiss to her chin.
“I love you, Evie. Keep fighting, okay? I’ll be here, waiting. I’ll wait forever if I have to.” Then a wave of exhaustion rips through me, unrelenting, my emotional state weakening my resolve to stay awake. The weight of this last week bears down on me as my eyelids droop and sleep washes over me.
“Dylan.”
Disoriented, I blink a few times. Jordan’s oversized head is in front of my face.
“Wake up,” he says, waving a bag back and forth in front of me. I rub the sleep from my eyes, the scent of French fries finding its way to my nose.
“You need to eat, Dylan. You’re wasting away. Not to mention the unshaven look isn’t suiting you. You look like crap.”
“Thanks.” I snatch the bag from his hands, digging into it to grab a French fry. The grease pulls a dissatisfied grumble from my stomach, but I’m not in a position to be picky right now.
“There’s a burger in there, too. And I got a few things for Zoey.” We both look over at Zoey, sound asleep in the chair at the far corner of the room. Her head is tipped back and she’s snoring lightly. “Well, that’s attractive.” His focus comes back to me, hesitation in his deep-set eyes. “Listen, I want to talk to you for a sec. Let’s go sit at the table. That way you can eat.”
Hesitantly, I leave Evie’s side, dropping a kiss on her cheek. “You trying to fatten me up?”
“Well,” he chides, sliding a chair out and sitting down, “you’re losing your brawn and that’s your biggest appeal. So,” he nods his chin at Evie, “she looks better. Any change?”
Poking a French fry into the ketchup, I swirl it around. “No.” His lips hit a snag, pulling in at the corners.
“I’m praying for her. And you know me, I don’t pray about anything.” That makes me laugh a little. Neither Jordan nor I are religious. We didn’t grow up attending services of any kind, yet somehow we believe in God. Given everything that’s happened in our lives, that might come as a surprise. Our mother did drag us to a church service once, but we were loud and complained the entire time. Needless to say she was irritated, directing most of that at me for being a bad influence on her favorite son. Although, she never did take us again.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” I suck a blast of sugary soda through the straw, the cold sweetness jolting me awake.
“Well,” he drums his fingers on the table, “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, you know,” he glances up at me, “about selling the diner.”
Sitting up straighter in his chair, he folds his hands together. “I’m sorry I got so defensive when you brought it up. I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear it or confront it. But you and Evie almost dying made me stop and take a hard look at things. I know you want so much more, and you deserve it, Dylan. And you were right about what you said. I want more, too. To be honest,” he smoothes his hand over a spot on the table, “I don’t know why I was holding on so tight. Anyway, Braden’s dad approached me a while ago about buying it and I shirked him off, but now I’m thinking it might be for the best. It’s time.”
I toss the French fry I was about to eat onto the napkin, licking the grease from my fingers. “Are you serious?”
“Yup. Very.” There’s an unwavering quality to his words, as if he didn’t reach this decision lightly. “I guess with everything that’s happened,” his shoulders lift in a shrug, “I don’t want to waste any more time. And I want you to go after your dream, Dylan.”
The irony of life never ceases to amaze me. I want to laugh, scream, and cry all at once. I actually have to remind myself that this is what I’ve wanted. But there’s no joy in it right now. Because the biggest part of my dream is lying in that hospital bed.
“That’s… great.” I try to sound enthusiastic, but fail miserably.
“Listen, I know this is probably too much to think about now, but I thought it might help ease the burden, you know?” He smiles, running a hand through his cropped hair. “Braden’s dad is pretty keen to move this along quickly.”
“Wow.” I take a bite of the burger, more grease dripping down my chin. “I don’t know what to say.” I lick my lips, then drag a napkin across my mouth.
“There’s nothing to say. Mr. James is really interested. He just has the restaurant and wants to branch out. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I like the idea that it will stay close, if that makes sense,” he admits, shoving a couple of fries in his mouth.
“Yeah, it does.” I push the bag of food toward him. “Have the rest. I’m really not all that hungry.”
“Dylan, you need to build your strength for when Evie wakes up. She’s going to need you.”
I glance over my shoulder, expelling a long, heavy breath.
“Yeah, when she wakes up.”
NIGHT IS FALLING, and Evie and I are finally alone. She had a lot of company today. Even her friends from the salon came by, and her room is now filled with the most fragrant flowers. The lilacs I had delivered are right beside her bed. I want her to see them the moment she opens her eyes.
Open your eyes, Evie.
I snuggle in next to her, my head lightly resting on her shoulder, arms tucked in by her side. I caught shit from one of the nurses earlier for being so close, but I think I managed to charm her into submission. Either way, they’d have to pull me away kicking and screaming because I’m not moving.
“I’ll never forget the first time I saw you, Evie,” I whisper, my breath hitting the hollow of her neck. “You were giving yourself to the sky. Your ponytails were flapping in the breeze as you twirled. I think I even heard you giggling from across the street.” I smile. “I knew you were special even then.” I blink away the wetness gathering in the corner of my eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever gone more than a day without seeing you smile, hearing your voice, your laugh.” Those sounds that I long to hear now more than I want to take my next breath. Because I’d gladly give up breathing if she would open her eyes.
“I need you, Evie. Please come back to me,” I plead, my tears tracking down her chin. “I don’t want to do this without you. Don’t you see? It’s always been you. There was never a choice for me.”
Maybe because I’ve loved her my whole life… maybe even longer than that.
TIME IS PASSING too quickly now when all I want to do is slow it down. Another two days has gone by and still no change. I’m trying so hard to keep it together, but inside I’m crumbling. The devastation rooting itself in my chest is dwarfing the hope I’ve been attempting to keep alive.
The doctors have nothing to offer me. I’m tired of hearing ‘the longer this goes on,’ bullshit speech. If you don’t have anything positive to say to me, keep your fucking mouth shut.
“Hey.” Jordan walks in, right in the middle of my mental plot to off the doctors. “How ya doing?”
“How do you think?” I bite back, anger and frustration grabbing a firm hold of my neck and not letting go.
He steps closer, but maintains a safe distance
to stave off a potential attack. “I thought I could come by and sit with Evie for a while so you can go home and take a shower, get something to eat? Gran is making lasagna.”
“No.”
“Dylan, you haven’t showered in days. You need to be taking care of yourself. We’re all really worried about you.” He tips his head, nodding toward the door. “Go on.”
“I’m not leaving her. I can’t.” My gaze drifts to Evie’s face, almost peaceful in sleep. “What if she wakes up while I’m gone? I need to be here.”
Jordy holds his palms up in surrender. He knows better than to argue with me now. “Okay, okay.” He takes his eyes from mine, scanning the room. “Where’s Zoey?”
“She had a really bad headache and I told her to go home. She knows I’ll call her if there’s any change. Maybe you could have her come to dinner. I think that might help.”
“Yeah, sure. Oh,” he points a finger toward the chair, “I brought you some clean clothes just in case you were belligerent, which of course you were.” He lowers his head, chin to chest, staring at the floor. “So, I’ll check in with you later then.” Without another word, he pads toward the door.
I know this is hard for him. He’s always been the one to fix things for me, and now, well, there’s nothing he can really do. I wish there were.
“Hey, Jordy,” I call out, and he stops, peering back at me.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks, bro,” I say quietly, and he forces a weak smile before shuffling out of the room.
“It’s just you and me again, Evie,” I whisper, running my fingers down her cheek before settling in beside her. I scratch at my chin, the skin beginning to itch from a week’s worth of growth.
Taking Evie’s hand, I press it against my chest, staring up at the ceiling tiles. “I have another confession to make,” I proclaim, a nostalgic smile forming on my lips. “Remember when Kirsten Greber was bullying you in school, threatening to beat you up when you walked down the path by our houses? You told me you wanted to be brave and you were going to stand up for yourself. You wouldn’t even let me walk with you for a few weeks. Well…,” I grin at the memory, “I followed you every day at a distance, hiding behind bushes like a stealthy spy. I knew you would’ve been mad, but I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
My mouth falls open into a wide yawn. It’s only five thirty, yet it feels like midnight. I can’t keep my eyes open and find myself drifting in and out of sleep.
The next thing I know, Carol, one of the nurses who I’m now on a first name basis with, is in the room checking Evie’s vitals and changing the IV nutrition bag.
“Mr. Reid,” she speaks softly, “why don’t you take a rest on the reclining chair? You’re running yourself into the ground.”
“Have you been talking to my brother?” I half-tease, and she squints at me.
“What?”
“Never mind. Thanks, but I’m fine where I am.”
“Okay,” she concedes, crossing the room after jotting something down on Evie’s chart.
Checking my phone, I scroll through a variety of missed texts from Braden and Nora, and a few voicemails as well. I skip the messages, but send responses letting them know I’m fine, which of course, is a lie. They were here this morning, and not much has changed.
A subtle tapping against the window draws my attention, and my head instinctively turns to observe a light coat of drizzle falling from the sky. I watch, mesmerized, as I hold onto Evie, so close, so tight, so afraid she’s slipping away.
The rain picks up, and soon fat raindrops are smacking against the pane. All I can see is Evie with her arms out, welcoming the sky, spinning, dancing, living. Tears find their way from my eyes and roll down my cheeks, leaping onto her skin in silent acceptance.
“Evie, look,” I whisper through my grief, “it’s raining. Open your eyes, baby, please… open your eyes.” I gently hold her in my arms as my voice turns to nothing but dust. “The sky is waiting, and… so am I.”
I USUALLY DON’T remember my dreams. Sometimes I don’t think I dream at all. But not tonight. Tonight I wake disoriented, chest heaving, struggling to get back to my dream. A girl in a white dress, barefoot, her red hair floating on the summer breeze. She was holding out her hand to me, laughing, goading me to chase her. She was almost within my reach. I was inches away from twining our fingers together. Now, my heart is beating too fast, my shirt soaked with sweat, and all I want to do is climb back into my dream.
I slide off the bed, plodding to the bathroom while trying to be exceptionally quiet. It’s a ridiculous notion because Evie can’t hear me. My fingers fumble for the light switch and I flick it on, squinting at the fluorescent bulb that’s way too bright. It reminds me of something you’d find in a dark basement or an interrogation room. I shake my head a little, memories of Braden and me pretending to be captured spies flooding my subconscious.
The hint of my reflection in the mirror makes me take a pause. Jordy is right. I look like absolute shit. He didn’t say it in those words, of course, but he might as well have.
I plant my fists at the edge of the sink as I take a closer look. My eyes are narrow slits of brown, my cheeks and chin covered in a thin beard, my hair a flattened mess. The sad part—I couldn’t care less. I let out a long breath, rinsing my face with warm water then patting it dry before I click off the light.
I’m wide awake now, my limbs as restless as my brain. I wish I had some paper with me. I suddenly have the urge to write. Instead, I make my way to the window, sit down on the sill, and gaze out at the darkness as I try to find solace. And that’s when I hear it.
A whimper.
It’s so subtle, I almost think I imagined it. My whole body stills, head cocked to the side, listening. Until I hear it again. Something builds inside of me, my heart booming as I scramble to get to the bed, knocking over a chair along the way.
“Evie?” I call out into the air, holding my breath in silent prayer as I lean over her.
“Dills?”
It’s the softest sound but it echoes in my ears, explodes inside my chest like a sunburst of color—bringing me back to life.
“Oh God.” I cover my mouth with my hand, my whole body trembling as tears streak down my skin. Her eyes do a slow blink, adjusting to being awake. When they open fully, I let out a sound. A mixture of a wail, a laugh, a cry, as I drop my head to her chest.
“Hi,” she says, her voice like gravel.
“Hi.” I tip my chin up and stare into her eyes, my heart no longer barren. “It’s okay now. You’re going to be okay.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to reassure more, her or me.
“What happen—”
“Shhh… don’t talk.” I press the call button for the nurse who rushes in not more than a minute later. I back away reluctantly when Carol calls for the doctor so they can examine her.
“Welcome back, Miss Carmichael.” She smiles and glances over at me. “I need you to step out for just a few minutes, Mr. Reid. Then you can come back in.” The last thing I want to do is walk out of this room, afraid she might slip away again. As if sensing my hesitation, Carol adds, “She’ll be right here waiting for you.”
I nod, then kiss Evie on the cheek. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” I whisper, and she smiles against my jaw. And it feels amazing.
In the hallway, I yank my cell phone out and call everyone, beginning with Zoey, to let them know Evie is awake. My fingers are still trembling as they touch the number pad and I have to stop and inhale a big breath, telling myself on repeat that she’s going to be okay just to calm the tremor.
After a few impatient minutes, the doctor and nurse make an appearance, chatting quietly in the doorway.
“How is she?” I ask, and the doctor, someone I don’t recognize, addresses me.
“I’m Dr. Naden, Mr. Reid. Given the duration of time Evie was unconscious, she seems to be doing well. She’s fairly responsive. She is cognizant of who and where she is. Most of the details of the
accident are fuzzy, but that’s to be expected. There is pain in her limbs, but that’s also not surprising. We’ll need to run some more tests in the morning.”
“Thank you.” I huff out a breath as relief sloshes around in my stomach. Part of me wants to get down on my hands and knees, thanking God. To me, this is nothing short of a miracle.
I walk past them and back into the room. The dim light is on above Evie’s bed and the corners of her lips curl when she sees me. My heart starts to beat again. It’s like seeing sunshine for the first time in days. I take a seat beside her, as close as possible. “Hi again.”
“Hi.” She reaches out and drags the back of her hand over the rough stubble on my jaw. I close my eyes, relishing the touch that I missed so much. “You look exhausted.”
“You look beautiful.” I press my hand against hers and sigh. “I love you, Evie.”
A tear sneaks out from the crease of her eye and she smiles, whispering, “I know.” Her eyelids droop against her skin, head lolling to the side as she drifts off again.
Fear bangs around in my chest, worry that she’s sinking back into an unconscious state. But I push it away with an expiration of breath and lie down beside her.
Minutes pass as I stare at the ceiling. My ears acutely aware of every breath, every sound. Awakening with a groan, Evie calls my name in the soft light streaming through the window.
“Dylan?”
“I’m here.” My lips brush her temple and she wheezes. “Are you in pain? Should I call the nurse?”
Sleepily, she mumbles, “No. I-I just needed to know you were here.”
“I’m not moving from this spot. So, just close your eyes and get some rest, baby.”
“Okay,” she mumbles, sleep beginning to overtake her limbs again.
I don’t know if she can hear me, but my thoughts freefall into the atmosphere, needing to be released. “Every day, Evie, I was dying a little bit more inside. Terrified that I’d never be able to look into your eyes again. That all I’d have left were the memories. It was like being plunged into the worst kind of darkness.”