“Well, I’m not,” I soothed. “I’m not going to die. I’m going to be here to fight with you today and tomorrow, if you let me,” I laughed slightly, but he scowled, not finding my joke funny. “Come with me.” I stepped out of the shower and began leading him into my bedroom. Water dripping from our bodies left a trail, but I didn’t care. I pushed him down to sit on my bed and climbed up beside him, wrapping my arms around him.
“Talk to me. Please let me in,” I begged again, but this time was different. This time he didn’t push me away. This time he finally began to let me in. He sighed and led me inside his heart— where his demons tried to tie him down to keep him from escaping.
Chapter 7
Jasen
14 years ago...
“Hurry up, man. We’re going to be late,” Jax growled as he paced in front of me. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, tying my shoes. I’d been contemplating backing out of this deal for the last several days. Jax’s debt was paid, or so I thought, but he was in so deep now, I didn’t think he’d ever want out. Si had gotten him hooked, and even though I’d offered him some of my college savings for rehab, he refused to go.
“I’m coming,” I grumbled. “What’s the big rush?”
“Tonight’s a big score.” Jax rubbed his palms together as an evil grin began to spread across his face. He lifted his sweatshirt up slightly to expose the revolver tucked in his waistband.
“Shit, Jax!” I hissed. “Is that one of Dad’s?”
“I took it months ago. He hasn’t noticed it was missing.” He bounced on his feet.
“Are you high?” I scoffed. “You can’t stand still.”
“I took a hit before I came to get you,” he shrugged. “No biggie. I needed it.”
“Jax,” I sighed as I rolled my eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You can’t fucking quit now. I gave my word you’d be there tonight. We need you for this job.” Jax looked away from me, and that move told me that something was up. Something I should know about, but I was being kept in the dark instead. “Now, come on,” he motioned as he moved closer to my bedroom door. Mom and Dad were over at a colleague’s house for dinner so I’d been able to let Jax in.
I shoved up off my bed and briskly walked after him as he made his way through the house. When we stepped outside, a dark sedan was waiting by the curb. “Come on,” he grabbed the sleeve of my hoodie and tugged me toward the back door. “We got a ride tonight.” His smile widened as the door opened and Si appeared in the back.
I swallowed and my throat began to feel tight as I slowly lowered myself into the car. I’d only come face to face with Simon a few times. Usually when he had a job for me one of his lieutenants would give me the orders. I’d been with him for six months now, and had slowly been pulling away. I wanted out. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and if my father ever found out, it would break him. I was supposed to be the good son.
“Nice of you to finally join us,” Si smirked as he appraised me. “You look like you need some of this.” He held out a small baggie.
“I’m good, thanks,” I shook my head as I watched Jax’s leg bounce beside me. I’d made myself a promise that I would never use even though I was dealing it for Si.
“You turning me down boy?” Si sneered.
“No, Sir,” I shook my head. “Just not in the mood tonight.”
“You’re not going to fucking take it, I will,” Jax snatched the baggie out of Si’s hand and stuffed it in his pocket.
Si chuckled as he looked over at me, “Your brother just added another two fifty to his tab.”
“What?” I gasped as my eyes darted between them.
“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” Si snickered. “At the rate he’s going, you’re going be working off his debt well into your twenties.”
“No, I’m not.” I crossed my arms over my chest as I narrowed my eyes on them. I’d wanted out of this mess for weeks, but each time I set my resolve, something would hold me back. Fear mainly, but enough was enough. Si was never gonna let Jax go, and I just had to face that.
“So you think you’re a tough guy now, huh?” He rubbed his chin before pointing at Jax. “You assured me tonight would go as planned. This little shit thinks he can call the shots now.”
At that moment, the car pulled up to a convenient store and stopped. “Here’s your way out,” Si chuckled as he stared at me. He pointed to Jax as he smiled evilly, “He’s doing it now. Give it to him.” I watched as Jax pulled the gun from his pants and held it out to me. I stared at it, blinking a few times before I shook my head no. “That clerk in there is a customer of mine. He owes me money. Now you’re going to march your skinny little good for nothing ass in there and collect what he owes me,” he jammed his finger in the air at me.
“What’s the gun for?” I played dumb. I knew exactly what he wanted.
“If he doesn’t have the money, you take it from the drawer,” he snarled. “Shoot him if you have to,” he shrugged at me before sitting back in the seat.
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m not fucking robbing someone.” I opened my door and started to climb out.
“Yes, you fucking will.” Si reached for me, but I was too quick and managed to get away from his grasp. I took off running as fast as I could through the side streets. I needed to hide somewhere. If I went home, he’d find me, and I needed to talk to my dad. I needed to tell him what I’d done and ask for his help. I wasn’t sure how to get out of this mess, but I knew that I couldn’t go on like this. Jax didn’t care about me. Not anymore at least, all he cared about was his next high.
I spent the better part of the night running as far as I could away from Simon’s usual haunts. I finally came to an overpass that wasn’t occupied, and climbed up under it as far as I could fit. I pulled my legs up to my chest and tried to ward off the chill as I wrapped my arms tightly around me. I was tired, scared, and lost. Not lost as in not knowing where I was, but lost as in not knowing what to do.
I’d thought about going to my dad’s station house several times, but had talked myself out of it. I’d thought about running away. I wouldn’t have to admit what I’d done. I was almost seventeen. I’d be an adult soon and could apply to the academy then. Nothing seemed plausible, and everything crashed around in my head as I sat for hours listening to the sounds of the night. Cars whirred overhead, and the city slowly went to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. My parents were probably home by now, but they wouldn’t worry yet. They would assume I was asleep. They wouldn’t look for me until I didn’t come down for breakfast.
When the sun began to rise on the horizon, I finally decided it would be safe to start making my way home. Simon wouldn’t grab me in the daylight. He’d follow me until it was dark, and then drag me off to one of his warehouses to punish me for not following his orders. I slowly uncurled from my position and began to stretch the kinks out of my muscles. I really hadn’t slept the night before, and I knew it was going to be hell at school today.
When I stepped into the early morning sunlight, I took a look around at my surroundings. I was on the far side of the city from where I actually lived. It was going to take me at least an hour to walk home. Luckily, I still had my wallet. My cell phone had gotten left behind in Si’s car, but money was all I was concerned about at the moment. If I could get far enough into town, I could get a cab home.
I kicked a rock out of the way as I made my way up the embankment and to the street. Morning commuters were just starting to make their way into the city from the surrounding suburbs, and I knew if I got a few streets over, I could easily catch a cab. Sure enough, after crossing over into the first section of businesses I was able to hail one, and as I rambled off my address, I slowly sunk back into the seat. It was the first time since I’d left home the night before that I felt like I could relax.
Ooooooooo
After making the drive over to my street, the cabbie paused, causing me to sit up and look around. I couldn’t tell much from whe
re we were, but traffic was backed up for some reason. It was rare in the area we lived in to have traffic accidents, but I could hear the sirens in the distance. “I can just get out here. It’s not too much farther.” I pulled my wallet from my back pocket and tossed a few bills over the seat. I wanted to get home, and if this accident was anywhere near my house, I knew my dad would be out there helping even if he was off duty.
“You sure, kid? It seems like it’s quite a mess up there.” The cabbie glanced back at me just as I was climbing out.
“I’m good, thanks.” I waved as I started jogging down the sidewalk.
The closer I got to my house, the more emergency personnel littered the streets and sidewalks. It almost seemed unreal. I’d never seen this many police cruisers at one scene. My feet kept moving, but when I saw where they were going, it felt like lead was in my shoes. It was my house. My house had men and women coming in and out of it. There was yellow tape everywhere. Men on walkies and flashing blue lights covered my front yard. I kept moving forward, but I wasn’t sure how. Where were my parents? Were they not allowed to be here during the investigation?
“Son, you can’t be here. This is a restricted area.” One of the officers, who looked like he couldn’t be much older than me, pointed for me to get behind the yellow tape. I don’t know how I’d managed to get so close, but I was nearing the front steps.
“I live here,” I mumbled as I motioned at the front door.
“You’re the son?” He grabbed my shoulder. I nodded numbly as he tried to turn me away from the house. “We thought you were missing.”
“Where’s my dad?” I pushed his hand away. “Captain Mike Stevenson. Where is he?” My voice was quiet as I blinked a few times. The rational side of my brain wasn’t functioning like it should; instead, I was a mere shell of a person.
“Jase,” another voice called from behind me. “Come with me,” I turned just in time to see my dad’s old partner, Jim. He tried to direct me away from the house, and that’s when my brain started working.
“No.” I shook my head as my feet turned and I took off, running up the steps. A few people grabbed at me, but I managed to get away as I burst into the house. The moment I stepped through the doors, the officers inside paused. There was blood everywhere. It was splattered on the wall in the kitchen and a white sheet covered a body on the floor. My stomach rolled as reality began to sink in. An officer tried to step in front of me, but I pushed her aside as I fell to my knees beside what I discovered was my mother. “Oh god,” I gasped as I rocked back and forth. I peered up just as a strong pair of arms began to lift me off the floor. “No!” I yanked away from him.
“You can’t be in here.” Jim tried to coax me out the door. “We can’t catch who did this if you taint the scene.
I blinked a few times, and that’s when I saw the paramedics roll a stretcher out the door with another body. It was strapped down, but I could see his feet sticking out. They were my dad’s shoes. “No!” I shouted again as I broke free and ran out the front door. I fell to my knees in the front yard as I emptied my stomach in my mother’s flower beds. This wasn’t happening. This was a bad dream. I felt a hand on my back as it tried to soothe me before Jim’s voice murmured something about my uncle coming to stay with me. I couldn’t really process what any of this meant.
All I was sure of was that my life was forever changed, and it was all my fault. I didn’t have any proof that Simon had done this, but I knew in my gut that this was payback for what I’d done the night before. I’d caused this. I’d gotten my parents killed. A well respected decorated officer and his wife were dead because of me. My mom would never get her tomorrows with my dad. I’d taken that from her, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to forgive myself. Why had I run the night before? Why had I let Jax pull me into this? How would I ever make it right?
Chapter 8
Jasen
14 years ago...
The days following my parent’s death all blurred together. I was numb, plain and simple. I went through the motions, but wasn’t really present. I’d folded in on myself, and no one could reach me. I’d changed. The simple choice I’d made that day in the school parking lot had forever changed my future.
I spent my mornings running. I’d get up before dawn, dress in my workout clothes, and run through the neighborhood until my legs felt like jelly. Henry, my uncle from New York, came to stay with me. We had a room at the Holiday Inn right on the edge of town, and as painful as it was, I still ran through my neighborhood every day. Looks of pity graced my neighbor’s faces. I kept my gaze straight ahead when I passed them, and I felt little pieces of me die every time I ran past my house.
The yellow tape remained barring the door for several days while the CSIs investigated. When we were finally able to return, I refused to go inside. I couldn’t look at the floor or the walls and not picture what I’d seen when I ran in that day. That day broke me, and I wasn’t going to be fixed easily.
Henry told me that he planned to take me back to New York to live with him. He said getting away from Chicago would help me heal. I actually believed him, but all it did was put a Band-Aid on the crack; it didn’t make it go away. He, along with several of Dad’s colleagues cleaned up the house while I sat in our hotel room staring out at the gray sky. They put it on the market a few days later, and the proceeds would be put into an account for me when I was older.
At sixteen, I didn’t think anything in life could be harder than trying to get good grades and play football at the same time, but picking out flowers and helping plan your parent’s funeral is downright debilitating. I remember those last three days in Chicago like it was yesterday.
I selected a dark oak casket for them both. They seemed fitting and regal in a way. I wanted to do right by my dad. He deserved as much respect as I could give him. I’d handed over his dress blues, and my mother’s best Sunday dress for them to be laid to rest in. The murders had been so brutal that we’d chosen to have a closed casket service.
I placed a wedding photo and one taken at a family reunion several years back on top of the caskets along with the flowers. The CPD had filled the room with flowers to match the flag that covered my father. When I stepped into the funeral home that night, and saw the outpouring of love for my parents from the community, my legs almost buckled. An officer remained standing at attention by my father for the entire evening as hundreds of officers and their families paid respect to the beloved captain. I couldn’t tell you how many hugs and handshakes I received from some who I hadn’t seen in years. The line had to have wrapped around the outside of the building because it was way past calling hours before I was able to leave. Henry had stayed by my side all night in his NYPD uniform as he fielded questions that were sent in my direction.
Everyone wanted to know what I planned to do. Where I planned to go. If I was staying to finish out the school year. Stupid crap that wasn’t important. All I wanted to do at that moment was disappear. My family had been slaughtered because of me, and no one seemed to understand that.
oooooooooo
The next day it rained as we approached the gravesite. Small droplets at first, but as the pallbearers pulled the caskets from the hearse, the clouds opened up. The heavens were crying for the family that was being ripped apart because of a stupid teenager’s reckless decision. I kept my eyes downcast when the caskets moved past me. The words from the priest faded into the background as my mind drifted back once again to that morning I walked in on them.
Blood everywhere, the house torn apart like someone had tried to make it look like a robbery gone wrong. The obvious struggle my parents had faced all because of me. I never said a word to anyone about why it had happened. I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell them that it was my fault. I could barely face that myself let alone admit it to someone out loud. An investigation had been launched and Jax had been questioned. He was the obvious choice in the authority’s eyes, but nothing could be proven. I knew the truth though, and I vowed rig
ht then to get my revenge in some form against Simon before I died. Simon would pay if it was the last thing I did.
I jumped when the first shot went off. Seven officers lifted rifles and fired into the air. It signaled the end of the service as well as an honor for my father. Six more stood in two lines as they went about folding the flag that had been draped over his casket. My heart nearly stopped when they paused in front of me to hand it over along with their condolences. A “thank you for his service” didn’t seem like enough, but it was all they said.
A lump formed in my throat as I nodded and held the flag to my chest. The officers had lowered their rifles at this point, and as the entire CPD saluted my dad, he and my mother were lowered into the ground. It was surreal, and my mind hadn’t really processed that they were gone. I was still waiting for my dad to hug me and tell me that everything would be ok. I needed him there so he could help me when I got into the academy. I wasn’t going to have him around for all the important things I still planned to do with my life.
“Let’s go.” Henry wrapped an arm around my shoulders as he led me over to his car. My feet felt heavy, and the tears I’d been holding back most of the day began leaking from the corners of my eyes when I looked back one last time. I sniffed as I wiped my sleeve across my face, and my shoulders shook in silence. It was the first time I’d let myself cry over the situation, and now that I started, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop.
ooooooooo
After leaving Chicago, I moved in with Henry. He upgraded to a bigger apartment so I’d have my own room, and as the weeks turned into months, which in turn turned into years, things began to get better. I graduated from George Washington High School and enrolled in the Academy immediately. Henry pushed me to succeed, and when I graduated from the Academy, I was put into a unit that was for promising UCs. Life was falling into place as well as it could; I buried my past so far down that no one could reach it. I’d made it clear to Henry that I didn’t want to talk about it, and he’d respected that.
Promise Me Tomorrow: Book 3 in the Witness Series (Volume 3) Page 7