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features,! harder! planes! and! angles.! The! maturity! added!
subtlety! to! her! attractiveness,! the! difference! between! a! head6
stopping! Ferrari! and! a! more! carefully! appraised! Continental!
GT.!!
!
“Blake,”!she!said!softly.!“It’s!been!so!long.”!!
!
She! moved! in! to! embrace! me! and! rose! on! tiptoes! to! kiss!
my! cheek.! The! heather! cashmere! turtleneck! under! my!
fingertips!felt!soft,!the!body!beneath!it!firm,!athletic.!
!
“Hey!!Hey!”!Charlie!piped!up!from!the!bed.!
!
Sarah!pulled!away!with!a!smile.!
!
“What!are!you!doing!here?”!I!said.!
!
“Where!else!would!I!be?”!She!looked!up!at!me!expectantly.!
“Tim!and!the!kids!can!do!without!me!for!a!day!or!two.”!
!
“You’re!staying!at!Charlie’s?”!
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!
Her!smile!broadened.!“Don’t!even!think!of!offering,!Blake.!I!
know! your! place! is! a! lot! closer! than! the! house! in! Renton.!
College!was!a!long!time!ago;!crashing!at!your!bachelor!pad!just!
doesn’t!sound!as!much!fun!anymore.!Besides,!I’ll!be!here!at!the!
hospital!most!of!the!time.!Until!his!doctors!say!he’s!out!of!the!
woods,!I’m!okay!in!that!chair.”!
!
She!nodded!toward!an!easy!chair!in!the!corner!that!pulled!
out!into!a!flat!futon.!It!might!have!accommodated!about!two6
thirds!of!my!frame.!
!
“Bachelor!pad?”!I!said!weakly.!“Monk’s!cell,!you!mean.!And!
how!do!you!know!it!wouldn’t!be!fun?!My!landlords!upstairs!are!
a!hoot.!You’d!love!them.”!
!
“I’m!sure!I!would.”!She!smiled.!“Some!other!time,!maybe.”!
!
“Good!girl,”!Charlie!said!thickly.!He!tried!to!wet!his!lips.!!
!
Sarah! quickly! stepped! to! the! side! of! his! bed! and! handed!
him! the! cup! of! ice! water! sitting! just! out! of! his! reach.! She!
smoothed! the! hair! back! from! his! forehead! while! he! sipped!
through!a!straw.!
!
“Always! my! protector,! right,! big! brother?”! The! words!
sounded!strained,!despite!the!upturned!mouth.!
!
Charlie!rolled!his!eyes!up!to!look!at!her!face!above!his!and!
smiled!wanly,!unspoken!history!passing!between!them.!I!knew!
some!of!it—ancient.!Didn’t!want!to!know!more.!
!
She! turned! and! sat! on! the! edge! of! his! bed.! “How’ve! you!
been?”!!
!
I!hesitated,!not!sure!how!to!answer.!“Not!bad.”!
!
Her!neck!and!cheeks!turned!crimson.!She!let!out!a!nervous!
laugh!and!waved,!as!if!to!dissipate!an!offensive!odor.!!
!
“Sorry.!Dumb!question.”!
!
“No,! it’s! fine.”! I! leaned! against! the! windowsill,! braced!
myself! with! my! arms.! “Other! than! getting! shot! at?! I’ve! been!
good,!actually.!You?”!
!
An!infectious!laugh!erupted!from!her!throat!at!my!earnest!
attempt!to!sound!normal.!Tenseness!in!her!shoulders!melted,!
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the! twenty6year6old! college! girl! appearing! under! the! well6
turned! suburban! soccer6mom! façade.! The! chitchat! flowed!
freely! after! that,! light6hearted! banter! catching! us! up! on! each!
other’s!lives.!Superficial!enough!to!avoid!touching!off!potential!
landmines.!Cheery!enough!to!keep!Charlie!grinning.!
!
When! the! grin! disappeared! and! his! head! lolled! on! the!
pillow,!I!made!excuses!and!told!him!to!get!some!rest.!
!
“I’ll! walk! you! out,”! Sarah! said.! “I! need! some! coffee.! Need!
anything,!Charlie?”!
!
Charlie! shook! his! head! slowly.! “Just! need! to! get! out! of!
here.”!
!
I! patted! his! good! shoulder.! “Do! what! they! tell! you.! You’ll!
get!better!faster.”!
!
He!clapped!a!hand!on!top!of!mine!and!struggled!to!lift!his!
gaze.!He!opened!his!mouth,!but!nothing!came!out.!Questioning!
eyes!searched!my!face.!
!
“It’s!okay,”!I!told!him.!“It’ll!all!be!okay.”!
!
He!nodded!gratefully!and!closed!his!eyes.!
!
In!the!hallway!outside,!Sarah!took!my!arm!as!we!walked!to!
the!elevator.!“Buy!you!a!cup!of!coffee?”!There!was!nothing!coy!
in!her!expression.!!
!
“Sounds! like! a! fine! idea.”! I! needed! to! ask! her! the! same!
questions,!but!not!in!front!of!Charlie.!
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!
! Chapter(12(
!! We!sat!on!hard!plastic!seats!of!uncomfortable!steel6framed!
chairs!in!a!deserted!corner!of!the!hospital!cafeteria.!I!offered!to!
splurge!on!better!coffee!somewhere!else,!but!Sarah!didn’t!want!
to!stray!too!far!in!case!Charlie!needed!her.!So!we!settled!for!the!
remains!of!an!air!pot!that!tasted!as!if!they’d!been!brewed!hours!
before! and! took! our! paper! cups! to! a! small! table! covered! in!
plastic!laminate!made!to!look!like!maple!veneer.!
!
Sarah!toyed!with!the!stir!stick!in!her!cup!before!raising!her!
chin.!Tiny!pearls!of!dew!seeded!her!lashes.!Turning!her!head,!
she! blinked! them! away.! Looked! at! me! again! with! a! tentative!
smile!and!a!sniffle.!
!
“That!was!just!so!close,!you!know?”!!
!
I! reached! across! the! table! and! gave! her! hand! a! gentle!
squeeze.!“Take!a!lot!to!get!rid!of!Charlie.”!
!
The! corners! of! her! mouth! moved! higher.! “It! would,!
wouldn’t!it?”!She!grew!somber.!“Thank!you.!For!being!there.!I!
mean!being!there!for!Charlie.!Not!for!having!to!go!through!that.!
It!must!have!been!…!you!know!…”!
!
I!nodded.!!
!
“Are!you!really!okay?”!
!
“Hard!to!say.”!I!shrugged.!“I!think!so.!Doesn’t!feel!like!I!had!
much!of!a!choice.”!
!
She!sucked!in!her!lower!lip.!“It’s!all!so!bizarre,!so!unreal.!
What!are!we!going!to!do?”!Baleful!eyes!glinted!with!tears!again.!
!
My! lips! pursed.! “What! do! you! know! about! your! parents,!
Sarah?”!
!
She!straightened,!blinked.!“What!do!you!mean?”!
!
“I! mean! how! well! do! you! know! them?! You! call! them! by!
their!first!names.!What!about!their!friends?!Where’d!they!grow!
up?!What!were!their!parents!like?”!
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!
“What’s!that!got!to!do!with!anything?”!
!
“Those! weren’t! duck! hunters,! damn! it.! If! you! and! Charlie!
don’t! know! what! those! men! were! after,! then! you’re! going! to!
have! to! dig! deeper! to! figure! out! what! your! folks! did! to! piss!
them!off.”!
!
She!worried!the!plastic!straw!some!more.!
!
“Were! your! folks! dopers! in! college?! They! still! smoke! a!
little!weed!every!so!often?”!
!
Her! eyes! flashed.! “They! went! to! school! in! the! ’Sixties.!
Didn’t!everyone!smoke!pot!back!then?!What’s!your!point?”!
!
“They! could! be! running! drugs.! Help! a! little! with! their!
retirement.”!
!
Her! ponytail! whipped! side! to! side,! the! same! expression,!
same!vigorous!denial!her!brother!had!displayed.!
!
“What!makes!you!so!sure?”!
!
She!froze,!listened!to!some!inaudible!voice.!“I’m!not!totally!
naïve.!I!used!to!hear!them!giggling!sometimes!late!at!night.!And!
Connie’s!vanilla!sand!candles!never!quite!masked!the!smell!of!
something!else,!like!incense!at!church.”!
!
“Church?!Your!folks!don’t!strike!me!as!holy!rollers.”!
!
“God! forbid.! Secularists! to! the! bone.! Agnostic,! I! guess!
they’d!say.!No,!church!was!my!idea.!A!phase!I!went!through!in!
middle! school.! Weekly! masses! at! Christ! the! King.! Just! to! see!
why! kids! I! knew! couldn’t! eat! meat! on! Fridays.! I! liked! the!
rituals.!Found!them!comforting!at!the!time.”!
!
The! hair! streaming! down! her! back! switched! again,!
brushing!unseen!flies!away.!She!chewed!on!her!nail,!inspected!
it.!Absently!twirled!the!straw!again.!
!
“What!about!some!developer?”!she!said.!“The!organization!
Mom! works! with! is! always! making! someone! mad.! If! not!
developers,! enviro6friendly! types! who! say! they! aren’t! doing!
enough!to!save!habitat?!Or!politicians!who!don’t!want!to!pay!to!
keep!the!environment!clean?”!
!
“Developers!who!carry!assault!rifles?”!
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!
She!bent!the!straw!in!half,!fingers!curling!into!a!fist!around!
it.! “I! don’t! know!! I! just! …! It! doesn’t! make! sense.! They’re! not!
violent.!They’re!not!criminals.!They’re!…”!Her!mouth!worked.!
Nothing!came!out.!She!closed!it.!
!
“So,! let’s! try! this,”! I! said! gently.! “Tell! me! everything! you!
can! think! of! about! them.! Maybe! it’ll! shake! something! loose.!
Give!you!an!idea!of!what!sort!of!trouble!they’re!in.!Let’s!start!
with!where!they’re!from.”!
!
“Canada,!some!place.”!
!
“Some!place?”!
!
She! looked! away.! Turned! rosy! under! the! light! coating! of!
make6up.!“They!didn’t!talk!about!it!much.”!
!
“Grandparents?”!
!
“Never!met!them.!Clayt’s!are!deceased.!Died!when!he!was!
younger.! His! mom,! a! cancer! victim! when! he! was! in! his! teens.!
His!dad!a!few!years!later!from!a!heart!attack.!Broken!heart,!he!
says.! Connie! says! she! didn’t! get! along! with! her! parents.! Left!
home!as!soon!as!she!was!old!enough!and!never!spoke!to!them!
again.!Doesn’t!know!if!they’re!alive!or!dead.”!
!
“Sad.!Normal!childhood?”!
!
She! rolled! her! eyes! and! made! a! show! of! looking! around!
her!chair.!“Where’s!the!couch?”!
!
I!smiled.!“Joke!all!you!want.!Doesn’t!sound!too!normal!so!
far.”!
!
“There’s! no! ‘dis’! in! your! functional! family?! Give! me! a!
break.”!
!
“I!didn’t!mean!anything!by!it.!Come!on,!Sarah.!Help!me!out!
here.! You! want! to! find! your! parents,! you! gotta! give! me!
something!to!work!with.”!
!
“You!knew!them.”!Her!stare!was!churlish.!
!
“A!few!holiday!dinners.!Get6togethers!when!everyone!tries!
to!put!a!good!face!forward.!I!didn’t!live!with!them.”!
!
She! sighed.! “Great! childhood.! Fun.! Crazy.! Spontaneous.!
Informative.! Clayt! and! Connie—well,! you! know! them—they!
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were! probably! pretty! lousy! parents.! We! didn’t! have! a! lot! of!
rules! growing! up.! But! they! were! incredible! teachers,! good!
mentors,!the!best!friends!you!could!hope!to!have.!I!just!wish!…”!
!
“What?”!
!
“Nothing.”!
!
She! stared! into! her! cup! for! a! moment.! Chuckled! at! some!
recollection.!
!
I! interrupted! her! reverie.! “I! still! can’t! believe! you! don’t!
know!where!they’re!from.!When!did!they!move!here?”!
!
“Right!before!I!was!born.”!
!
“Charlie!would!have!been!about!three?”!!
!
A!nod!and!a!smile.!
!
“So! Charlie! was! Canadian?! When! did! he! become! a! U.S.!
citizen?!Eighteen?”!
!
The!smile!turned!upside!down.!“As!far!as!I!know!Charlie’s!
always!been!a!U.S.!citizen.”!
!
“Then!he!was!born!here,!too.”!
!
“I! think! so.! Clayt! and! Connie! fell! in! love! when! they! were!
students.! The! story! I! remember! is! that! Mom! was! here! in! the!
States!on!a!student!visa!when!she!had!Charlie.”!
!
“That!must!have!been!a!relief.!Can!you!imagine!him!having!
to!take!a!citizenship!test!before!joining!the!service?”!
!
“He!wouldn’t!have!taken!it!well.”!The!smile!reappeared.!
!
“You!think!this!might!have!something!to!do!with!Connie’s!
job?!Has!she!ever!been!threatened!before?”!
!
“No,!not!that!I!remember.”!
!
“And!she’s!been!there!how!long?”!
!
“A!long!time.!Twelve,!fifteen!years.”!
!
“Never!had!a!problem?!Any!trouble!like!this?”!
!
Slow!headshake.!
!
“And!before!that?”!
!
“A!bunch!of!different!jobs.”!
!
I!waited!her!out.!
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!
She! laced! her! fingers! around! her! cup,! studied! it! for! a!
moment.!“When!I!was!little!she!went!back!to!school.!Dropped!
me!off!at!daycare—pre6school!later—and!took!classes!half!the!
day.!Worked!part!time!as!a!waitress.!Clayt!was!a!teacher,!so!he!
was!home!early!enough!to!keep!an!eye!on!Charlie!and!me!while!
he! graded! papers,! worked! on! lesson! plans.! As! soon! as! she!
could,! Mom! got! a! job! as! a! paralegal.! Worked! for! several!
lawyers!who!shared!space.!Earned!enough!money!to!take!night!
classes!and!get!her!law!degree.”!
!
“Then!what?”!
!
“Same!thing.!Worked!for!more!small!firms.”!
!
“Nothing!that!stands!out?!No!cases!that!might!have!made!
!
Her! head! wagged.! “I! don’t! remember! her! being! all! that!
enthusiastic! about! legal! work! until! she! took! the! job! with! the!
environmental! group.! Her! dream! job.! It’s! what! she! always!
talked!about,!what!she!always!wanted.!She!never!talked!about!
the!cases!she!worked!on!before!that.!It!was!just!about!a!decent!
paycheck.”!She!raised!her!eyes.!“She!and!Clayt!worked!hard!to!
provide!for!us.!Made!sacrifices.!They’re!good!people.”!
!
I!weighed!that.!“Has!she!said!anything!recently!that!makes!
you! think! someone’s! got! a! grudge?! Against! her! or! the!
organization?”!
!
She! shifted! in! her! chair.! “Well,! no.! But! I’m! not! around!
anymore,!Blake.!We!don’t!talk!all!that!much.!I’m!busy!with!the!
kids,! and! she! and! Clayt! have! their! life.! You! know,! retirement!
and!all.!Well,!Clayt!anyway.!I!don’t!know!when!Mom’s!going!to!
retire.”!
!
“And!Clayt?”!
!
“Enemies?! I! doubt! it.! He’s! opinionated;! you! know! that.!
Probably! rubs! some! people! the! wrong! way.! A! lot! of! people,!
maybe.!But!he’s!a!teddy!bear.”!
!
“No! causes! that! went! sour?! I! thought! I! remembered! him!
being!as!vocal!about!environmental!causes!as!your!mom.”!
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!
“Well,! yeah.! But! not! like! he! forced! his! viewpoint! on!
anyone.! He’s! passionate! about! things! he! believes! in.! Enough!
that! he! volunteers! for! stuff.! Writes! letters! to! legislators! in!
Olympia!and!the!other!Washington.!Joins!a!protest!or!walks!a!
picket!line!now!and!then,!and!marches!around!carrying!a!sign.”!
!
“Charlie! told! me! he! came! close! to! arresting! Clayt! at! the!
‘Battle!of!Seattle.’”!
!
“The!WTO!protests?!Sure,!he!was!there.!In!the!wrong!place!
at! the! wrong! time,! that’s! all.! He! didn’t! break! the! law! or! get!
violent.!He!just!got!caught!up!in!the!crowd.”!
!
“Anything! else! he! got! caught! up! in! that! might’ve! put!
someone’s! nose! out! of! joint?! Teachers! union?! One! of! the!
environmental!groups!Connie’s!organization!worked!with?”!
!
She! pressed! her! lips! together! tightly! and! swung! the!
ponytail!again.!!
!
“Nothing?! You’ve! got! to! admit,! Sarah,! your! parents! are! a!
little! out! there! compared! to! most! of! middle! America.! Maybe!
not!radicals,!but!pretty!left6wing.”!
!
She! leaned! forward.! “But! they! didn’t! push! it! on! anyone.!