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chattered.!
!
Keely! frowned! and! tipped! her! head! sideways.! “What’s!
wrong?”!
!
“I! c6can’t! s6stop! shivering.”! I! grabbed! opposite! shoulders!
and!held!on!tight.!
!
She! pushed! herself! up! onto! her! feet! and! hurried! into! the!
bedroom,! returning! with! a! big! duvet.! She! wrapped! it! around!
my! shoulders! and! kneeled! next! to! me,! untied! my! shoes! and!
pulled!them!off.!Then!she!grasped!the!duvet!with!both!hands!
and!tugged!at!me.!
!
“Here,!come!sit!by!the!fire,”!she!said.!“It’ll!help.”!
!
I!slid!onto!the!carpet!and!shuffled!toward!the!flames!on!my!
knees.!She!guided!me!to!a!spot!a!few!feet!away!from!the!hearth,!
plumped!a!cushion!under!my!head!and!straightened!the!duvet!
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so! it! covered! me,! barely.! My! limbs! trembled! and! my! body!
shook!with!a!palsy!that!left!me!breathless.!I!rolled!onto!my!side!
facing!the!warmth!of!the!fire!and!drew!my!knees!up,!clutching!
the! down! comforter! under! my! chin.! Keely! rubbed! my!
shoulders! through! its! thickness,! trying! to! stimulate! some!
circulation.!!
!
“Are!you!getting!warmer?”!
!
“J6just!can’t!stop!shaking.”!
!
“Are! you! on! something?! Are! these! some! kind! of!
withdrawal!symptoms?”!
!
“N6not!on!drugs,!d6damn!it.”!
!
“Okay.!Just!asking.!I!don’t!need!you!dying!on!me.”!
!
“I’ll! b6be! all! right.! T6too! much! all! at! once.! Don’t! l6l6like!
being!shot!at.”!
!
She!stood!over!me,!her!reflection!in!the!glass!doors!of!the!
fireplace!watching!me!quake!on!the!floor.!She!shrugged!out!of!
the! warm6up! jacket! and! tossed! it! on! the! couch.! I! turned! my!
head!to!look!up!at!her!over!my!shoulder.!She!grasped!the!tank!
top! by! the! hem! and! pulled! it! over! her! head,! exposing! a! flat!
stomach!and!small!breasts!with!rosy!nipples!that!hardened!in!
the!chill!air.!
!
“What!are!you!d6doing?”!
!
“Shut!up.”!!
!
She! pulled! the! pajama! bottoms! down! to! her! knees,! let!
them! fall! around! her! ankles! and! kicked! them! off! to! the! side,!
leaving! her! in! only! a! pink! cotton! thong.! Bending! and! lifting! a!
corner! of! the! duvet,! she! slid! in! behind! me! on! the! carpet,!
wrapping!the!comforter!around!both!of!us.!She!pressed!herself!
into! me! and! wrapped! her! arms! around! my! chest.! Her! fingers!
worked!at!the!buttons!on!my!shirt,!helping!me!shrug!out!of!the!
sleeves,! then! fluttered! down! the! skin! on! my! abdomen! until!
they!reached!the!waistband!of!my!jeans.!She!deftly!unfastened!
the!belt!and!unbuttoned!them.!
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!
Straining!with!the!effort,!I!concentrated!on!controlling!the!
shakes!long!enough!to!raise!my!hips!off!the!floor!and!help!her!
push!my!pants!down!over!my!rump.!It!was!as!much!as!I!could!
manage!before!the!tremors!shook!me!so!badly!I!couldn’t!hold!
my! arms! and! hands! steady! enough! to! grip! the! fabric.! Keely!
worked! the! pants! down! my! legs! and! pulled! them! free,! then!
snuggled!into!me!and!held!me!so!tightly!it!was!hard!to!draw!a!
breath.!!
!
Gradually,!the!trembling!subsided,!leaving!me!drained!and!
limp.!Keely!lay!still,!silent,!but!I!became!increasingly!aware!of!
her,!of!the!heat!that!came!off!her!skin!in!waves,!radiating!with!
more! intensity! than! the! fire’s! glow! on! my! face.! Suddenly,! her!
touch! ignited! my! skin! as! if! I! was! soaked! in! kerosene,! and! I!
turned! wordlessly! into! her! arms,! into! lips! that! pressed!
themselves! hungrily! against! my! mouth,! the! tip! of! her! tongue!
flicking!against!mine!like!a!foil.!Her!fingers!slid!down!my!body!
and! grasped! me,! guiding! me! to! her! center,! already! hot! and!
slippery!with!ripeness,!the!filmy!patch!of!fabric!pushed!to!one!
side.!
!
We! consumed! each! other.! I! sopped! up! her! heat! and!
passion,! her! touch,! like! desert! sand.! Driven! by! hunger! unlike!
any!I’d!ever!known,!I!became!aware!of!every!movement,!every!
breath,! every! heartbeat.! She! filled! my! senses,! the! scent! and!
taste! and! feel! of! her! becoming! part! of! me,! her! body! and! its!
responses! indistinguishable! from! my! own,! until! I! heard! her!
tiny!staccato!cries!of! oh!*oh!*oh! !at!the!same!time!I!went!over!a!
cliff!into!a!freefall!of!pleasure.!
!
I!had!not!been!with!a!woman!since!my!divorce!from!Molly.!
As!Keely!and!I!lay!there,!spent!and!exhausted,!the!fire!quickly!
drying! the! sheen! of! perspiration! that! covered! us! both,! guilt!
poked!its!hooded!head!out!of!a!basket!and!fastened!beady!eyes!
on!me.!But!to!my!surprise,!it!wasn’t!Molly’s!face!I!saw!playing!
the! pungi,!it!was!Reyna’s.!Reyna,!the!naval!intelligence!officer!I!
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never!expected!to!see!again.!Reyna,!who’d!saved!me!then!gone!
back!to!her!life!in!D.C.!My!mind!raced!in!confusion.!
!
Keely! was! fast! asleep! when! I! wriggled! out! of! her! loose!
embrace!more!than!an!hour!later!to!find!my!clothes.!Her!naked!
body! posed! languidly! half! on! and! half! under! the! tangled!
comforter,!a!fistful!clasped!to!her!breast.!I!dressed!quietly!in!a!
corner!of!the!living!room,!retrieved!my!jacket!from!the!chair!in!
the!kitchen,!and!tiptoed!out!the!apartment!door,!easing!it!shut!
behind!me.!
!
Gray! light! on! the! street! in! front! of! the! building! and! the!
sound! of! birds! signaled! the! approaching! dawn.! I! zipped! the!
jacket,! hunched! my! shoulders! against! the! early! morning! chill!
and!waited.!!
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!
! Chapter(21(
!! A!cab!glided!quietly!to!the!curb,!one!of!the!newer!hybrids,!
tires! softly! crepitating! on! the! sand! and! grit! collected! in! the!
gutter.!The!driver!rolled!down!the!passenger!window,!leaned!
across!the!seat!and!asked!the!great!existential!question—was!I!
Sanders?!Nodding,!I!climbed!in!back!and!told!him!to!take!me!to!
the!airport.!I!craned!my!neck!for!a!glance!up!at!the!dim!glow!
coming!from!Keely’s!apartment!window,!then!turned!my!face!
and!thoughts!firmly!forward.!
!
Ninety!minutes!later!I!waited!at!a!gate!for!a!6:10!a.m.!flight!
out! of! Sea6Tac,! a! new! overnight! bag! on! the! floor! next! to! me!
packed! with! shirt,! slacks,! socks,! briefs! and! toiletries! freshly!
purchased! from! airport! stores! at! even! bigger! mark6ups! than!
traditional! retail.! The! thought! of! all! the! times! a! time! a! sales!
clerk!had!run!my!card!depleting!my!savings,!made!me!wince,!
but!this!qualifie
d!as!an!emergency.!
!
I’d! simplified! my! life! since! Molly! and! I! had! split,!
discovering! I! could! actually! live! on! what! I! earned! delivering!
papers! and! washing! dishes! as! long! as! I! bought! clothes! at!
Goodwill! and! augmented! my! food! budget! with! meals! at! the!
restaurant.!Some!of!my!asceticism!had!been!necessary;!Molly’d!
gotten!everything!in!the!divorce,!and!I’d!lost!my!well6paid!job!
as! a! public! affairs! consultant! in! a! scandal.! The! rest! was! my!
choice,!a!conscious!effort!to!make!a!smaller!footprint!and!keep!
out!of!the!world’s!way!in!general.!Recently,!I’d!added!a!cushion!
of! financial! safety! to! my! bank! account,! thanks! to! Midge!
Babcock’s!largesse!and!a!grateful!government.!I!still!chose!the!
relative! anonymity! and! quiet! of! the! graveyard! shift.! Trouble!
was,!I!could!run,!but!it!seemed!I!couldn’t!hide!behind!the!black!
cloak!of!night.!!
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!
Colorful! flotsam! ebbed! and! flowed! through! the! terminal,!
swirling!in!eddies!and!currents!as!travelers!made!their!way!to!
and! from! flights.! The! kaleidoscopic! scene! melded! individuals!
until!they!became!faceless,!indistinguishable,!something!more!
amorphous.! That! elderly! overweight! couple! at! the! ticket!
counter! appeared! the! same! as! the! one! sitting! in! front! of! the!
windows!overlooking!the!tarmac!down!to!the!Hawaiian!shirts!
on! the! gentlemen! and! the! poodle6cut! blue! hair! on! the! ladies.!
The! young! brunette! with! the! stroller! by! the! trashcan!
resembled!the!one!on!the!moving!walkway,!who!looked!eerily!
similar! to! another! in! line! at! the! coffee! shop! across! from! the!
next! gate! down! the! terminal.! A! herd! of! businessmen! in! dark!
slacks! and! dress! shirts! stood! around! the! waiting! area! in!
various! poses,! some! with! newspapers,! a! few! with! cups! of!
coffee,! several! peering! intently! at! PDAs.! Others! appeared! to!
talk!to!themselves!or!imaginary!friends.!A!turn!of!their!heads!
revealed! the! earpieces! that! connected! them! electronically! to!
the!rest!of!the!world.!They!sported!the!bright!bits!of!metal!and!
plastic! like! diamond! stud! earrings,! a! fashion! statement! that!
came! and! went! in! the! ’80s,! reserved! now! to! hip6hop! and!
Hollywood!stars!on!awards!nights.!
!
Memory! seemed! such! a! fickle! construct.! It! should! have!
been!easy!to!blend!in,!to!disappear.! Is*that*man*at*the*counter*
the*same*one*who*stood*two*sinks*over*as*I*washed*my*face*in*
the* restroom* earlier? ! Change! the! way! you! dressed,! dye! your!
hair,!grow!a!beard,!adopt!a!limp!and!friends!might!pass!by!on!a!
busy! street! without! a! glimmer! of! recognition.! Had* Wink* done*
that?* Or* Clayt* and* Connie? ! Maybe! people! really! couldn’t! be!
found!if!they!didn’t!want!to!be.!Or,!more!likely,!maybe!it!was!a!
matter!of!finding!a!place!where!people!didn’t!pay!attention.!!
*!*!*!*!*!
!
Sleep! was! another! capricious! concept.! Tired! as! I! was,!
airplane! seats! weren’t! constructed! for! comfortable! catnaps.!
Even!if!my!knees!hadn’t!dug!into!the!seatback!pouch!in!front!of!
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me! as! if! searching! for! a! safety! card! or! barf! bag,! and! even! if!
beverage! carts! passing! by! in! the! aisle! hadn’t! threatened! to!
break!my!elbow,!my!brain!wouldn’t!shut!off.!I!tried!not!to!think!
about!Keely,!about!what!our!frantic!and!needy!coupling!meant,!
or! why,! if! it! had! been! a! mistake,! we’d! repeated! the!
performance.!I!tried!not!to!think!about!the!taste!of!her!skin,!the!
scent!of!her!hair…!Instead,!I!focused!on!who!wanted!me!dead!
and!why.!Running!down!the!list!of!possibilities!took!all!of!thirty!
seconds.! I! had! no! clue.! I! closed! my! eyes! and! let! my! brain! do!
what!it!did!best—wander.!
!
The! connecting! flight! out! of! Salt! Lake! got! into! St.! Louis! a!
little!after!one6thirty!local!time.!By!two!in!the!afternoon,!I!sat!
wedged! in! a! small! rental! car! headed! south! from! the! airport,!
already! sweating! in! the! new! clothes.! Recent! thunderstorms!
had!done!little!to!wash!any!humidity!from!the!air.!The!wet!road!
now!steamed!under!a!hot!sun.!I!turned!the!air!conditioning!on!
high! and! aimed! all! the! vents! in! my! direction.! Fifteen! minutes!
later! I! turned! the! fan! down! a! few! notches! and! caught! an!
interstate!east!toward!a!place!I!once!called!home.!
!
Centralia,! Illinois,! hadn’t! changed! much.! More! fast! food!
restaurants!and!newer!strip!malls!on!the!outskirts!of!town,!but!
time! had! stood! still! downtown.! Century6old! brick! buildings!
dominated!the!main!streets,!the!old!carillon!tower!in!the!park!
rising!high!above!the!treetops.!Substitute!old!jalopies!or!horse6
drawn!buggies!for!the!late6model!cars!and!recreating!a!bygone!
era!would!have!been!easy.!Pressed!for!time,!I!drove!straight!to!
the! library,! navigating! from! memory,! making! only! one! wrong!
turn.!!
!
The! Langford! house! turned! up! in! an! online! search! of!
property!tax!records!under!the!name!of!a!trust.!Wink’s!parents,!
Harry!and!Mavis,!had!set!it!up!so!the!place!would!still!be!there!
for! Wink! when! he! got! out! of! prison.! The! named! trustee! was!
James! Holden,! of! the! firm! Holden,! Skaar! and! Apley,! LLP.! A!
phone!book!look6up!placed!the!law!firm’s!offices!on!Broadway!
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only!a!few!blocks!away.!I!left!the!rental!in!the!library!lot!and!
walked.!!
!
A!breeze!brought!some!relief!from!the!warm!day,!snapping!
the! flags! flying! out! front! and! rustling! leaves,! some! still! tinted!
with!the!light!green!blush!of!spring.!The!air!had!the!weight!of!a!
Midwestern! summer! day,! a! humid! blanket! that! induced!
lethargy!as!effectively!as!a!dose!of!lithium.!As!kids!on!such!days!
we!rode!our!bikes!to!one!of!the!diners!or!drive6ins!for!sodas,!to!
the!pool!to!cool!off!or!over!to!Raccoon!Lake!to!fish!and!dangle!
our! bare! feet! in! the! water.! As! teens! we! found! relief! from! the!
heat! in! the! air! conditioning! and! dim! interiors! of! the! movie!
theater!or!the!bowling!alley!up!the!road!in!Sandoval.!!
!
Sometimes! Wink! would! hitch! his! dad’s! seventeen6foot!
runabout! with! the! Evinrude! 90! outboard! motor! to! an! old!
Willys! Jeep! and! take! it! over! to! Lake! Centralia! where! we’d!
water6ski.!Never!content!to!impress!the!girls!with!just!decent!
skiing,! Wink! had! converted! an! old! army6navy! surplus!
parachute!into!a!sort!of!paragliding!wing!he!used!to!do!aerial!
stunts!behind!the!boat!on!a!short!slalom!ski.!Years!ahead!of!the!
kiteboarders! on! the! Hood! and! Columbia! Rivers! or! kitesurfers!
in!California!and!Hawaii.!!
!
My!prowess!on!a!slalom!ski!didn’t!match!Wink’s.!I!wasn�
��t!
as!keen!on!trying!his!jury6rigged!contraption.!But!I!could!carve!
turns!that!threw!up!a!fifteen6foot!wall!of!water!and!laid!me!out!
with!my!shoulder!only!inches!above!the!glassy!surface,!so!close!
I!could!take!one!hand!off!the!towrope!and!let!my!fingers!trail!in!
the! water.! Or! catch! enough! air! jumping! the! wake! to! make! it!
over! the! wash! before! touching! down! in! the! curl! outside! the!
other! wake.! Showboating! had! landed! me! in! trouble! on! more!
occasions!than!I!cared!to!remember.!Never!Wink.!Always!me.!
!
Once,!with!me!in!tow,!he!buzzed!a!group!of!guys!in!another!
boat—Chuck! and! Ray! from! the! football! team,! who! we! didn’t!
care!for!all!that!much,!and!two!of!their!coterie!I!recognized!but!
didn’t!know.!They!laughed!and!shouted!at!Wink!as!he!passed,!
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their! words! lost! in! the! wind! rush! and! roar! of! the! outboard.!
Wink! yelled! something! back! and! Chuck! flipped! him! the! bird.!
Seeing! a! chance! to! promulgate! the! supremacy! of! roundball!
players! over! pigskin! lovers,! I! quickly! skied! across! the! wake,!
and!cut!back!just!before!I!reached!them,!carving!a!rooster!tail!
that! drenched! their! boat.! Glancing! back! over! my! shoulder! to!
see!their!reaction,!I!caught!an!edge!and!went!ass!over!teakettle.!
I!came!up!seconds!later!sputtering!and!wiping!water!out!of!my!
eyes.!!
!
Chuck! fired! up! the! boat,! a! cloud! of! blue! smoke! billowing!
from! the! stern,! and! rammed! it! into! gear.! His! cronies!
pinwheeled!backward!and!nearly!went!overboard!as!the!boat!
quickly!planed!and!hurtled!toward!me.!It!grew!steadily!larger!
until! Chuck! and! the! guys! were! no! longer! visible! over! the!
looming!hull.!Frantically,!I!fumbled!with!the!clips!on!my!jacket,!
slipped!out!of!it!and!went!under!feet!first,!using!a!powerful!arm!
stroke! to! push! me! toward! the! bottom! of! the! lake.! With! a!
churning! buzz,! the! water! above! me! boiled! white! as! the! boat!
zoomed! over! my! head.! I! kicked! to! the! surface! gasping! for!
breath,!head!wildly!spinning!to!see!where!the!boat!had!gone.!!
!
Chuck!wheeled!it!around!in!a!big!circle,!his!crew!lined!up!
along! the! gunwale,! eyes! hungrily! focused! on! me.! Wink! came!
around!at!a!right!angle,!and!now!both!boats!rocketed!toward!
me,! playing! a! game! of! chicken.! With! me! as! the! chicken.! They!
bore!down,!neither!willing!to!give!way,!closer,!faster.!I!floated,!