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apart.”!
!
Heat! crept! into! my! face,! and! I! shifted! my! weight.! “It’s!
okay.”!
!
“What!are!you!doing!here?!What!do!you!want?”!
!
“I!need!Charlie’s!spare!gun,”!I!said!quietly.!
!
She! tipped! her! head! slightly! with! narrowed! eyes! and!
sighed,! swiping! away! the! tears! with! her! fingers.! “You,! too?!
You’re! mixed! up! in! this?! Of! course! you! are.! What! am! I!
thinking?”!!
!
I!started!to!object.!She!waved!the!words!away!before!they!
formed!on!my!lips.!
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!
“Wait! here,! I’ll! get! it,”! she! said.! “The! key’s! on! the! rack!
under!the!wall!phone!in!the!kitchen.”!!
!
I! made! my! way! to! the! kitchen,! nearly! unnerved! by! the!
quiet.! Charlie’s! presence! was! everywhere,! from! the! spit6
polished! black! brogans! by! the! front! door! to! the! sporting!
magazines! strewn! in! the! den.! An! open! suitcase! stood! on! a!
folding! luggage! rack! next! to! the! couch! in! the! family! room,! a!
reminder! that! Sarah! was! still! in! residence.! I! wondered! if! she!
was!taking!sides.!I!knew!better.!She’d!do!everything!she!could!
to!negotiate!a!truce!between!them.!
!
I! found! the! key! to! Charlie’s! gun! case! where! Babs! said! it!
would!be!and!waited.!!
!
Babs! returned! and! held! out! the! gun! safe.! “Charlie! knows!
about! this?”! She! quickly! waved! a! hand.! “Never! mind.! I! don’t!
want!to!know.!Take!it.”!
!
I!tucked!the!box!under!my!arm.!“Where!are!the!boys?”!
!
She!shrugged.!“Steve’s!at!a!baseball!game,!and!Chuck!went!
over!to!a!friend’s!house.”!She!paused.!“I’m!trying!to!keep!things!
as!normal!as!possible.”!
!
“It!must!be!hard.!I’m!sure!it’ll!all!work!out!somehow.”!
!
She!blinked!back!more!tears!and!reached!for!a!tissue!from!
a!box!on!the!counter.!!
!
“Is!there!anything!I!can!do?”!I!said.!
!
She!blew!her!nose!noisily!and!shook!her!head.!!
!
I!held!up!the!gun!box.!“Thanks!for!this.!I—”!
!
She!straightened!her!arm,!palm!toward!me,!and!turned!her!
head!to!the!side.!“Don’t.!I!used!to!be!proud,!you!know,!married!
to! a! cop.! Now…”! She! glanced! at! the! box! and! shivered.! “Good!
riddance.”!
!
I! turned! to! go! and! stopped.! “Babs,! where! was! Charlie!
born?”!
!
She! frowned.! “I! don’t! know.! Somewhere! in! the! Midwest.!
Does!it!matter?”!
!
“It!could!be!important.”!
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!
“I!think!his!birth!certificate’s!in!the!lockbox!in!the!den.!He!
doesn’t!trust!banks.!You!need!to!know!now?”!
!
“If!it’s!not!too!much!trouble.”!
!
She!hesitated.!“What’s!going!on,!Blake?”!
!
“Charlie! and! Sarah! asked! me! to! help! them! find! their!
parents.!This!could!help.”!!
!
“They!just!disappeared?!It’s!not!like!them.”!
!
I! hesitated,! but! she! had! the! boys! to! think! about.! “I! think!
Clayt!and!Connie!are!in!trouble,!Babs.!I!think!they’re!on!the!run!
from!something!in!their!past.”!
!
She!put!her!hand!to!her!mouth,!her!eyes!widening.!
!
I! shook! my! head.! “I! don’t! think! you! and! the! boys! have!
anything! to! worry! about.! Charlie! and! I! were! in! the! way! of!
whoever’s!after!them,!that’s!all.!They!won’t!bother!you.”!
!
She!didn’t!need!to!know!the!rest!of!it.!
!
“Are!you!sure?”!She!pulled!on!an!earlobe.!“Okay,!then,!wait!
here.”!
!
Gone!for!only!a!minute!or!so,!she!returned!with!a!piece!of!
paper!in!her!hands.!She!held!it!out.!I!took!it!and!unfolded!it!on!
the! counter.! Charlie! had! been! born! in! May,! 1968,! in! a! little!
town! in! Wisconsin.! Not! Madison,! but! close! I’d! have! bet.!
Mother’s! name! was! listed! as! C.! Constance! Jones.! No! father.! I!
frowned.!Maybe!I!was!wrong.!Maybe!it!was!a!coincidence!that!
Clayt!and!Connie!Jones!from!Canada!really!had!gone!to!school!
in!Madison!at!the!same!time!as!the!Wilsons.!And!maybe!Colin!
and! Corinne! Wilson! had! just! happened! to! end! up! in! Canada!
when!things!got!too!portentous!for!them!here!back!in!the!early!
’Seventies.!!
!
And!maybe!I!could!sprout!wings!and!fly.!
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!
!
Chapter&31&
!
!
My!phone!rang!on!the!way!out!to!the!car.!I!tucked!the!gun!
case!under!an!arm!and!flipped!the!phone!open.!
!
“We!need!to!talk.”!Sarah’s!voice.!
!
“About!what?”!
!
“You!can’t!just!walk!out!like!that,!Blake.”!
!
“Sure!I!can.!I!did.”!
!
“Please,!Blake.!He!needs!you.”!!
!
“Like!a!sharp!stick!in!the!eye.”!
!
“We!need!you,!then.”!!
!
I! didn’t! have! a! reply! to! that.! My! phone! beeped,! signaling!
another!incoming!call.!I!ignored!it!and!let!it!go!to!voicemail.!
!
“What’s!going!on!with!you!two?”!Sarah!said.!
!
“He!didn’t!tell!you?”!
!
“Clammed! up! after! you! left.! Said! he! didn’t! want! to! talk!
about!it.!But!I!do.!Meet!me.!Please?!A!cup!of!coffee!somewhere.!
Five!minutes,!ten,!max.!You!can!spare!that!much.”!
!
“You’re!not!going!to!like!hearing!it!anymore!than!he!does.”!
!
“What?!Not!like!hearing!what?”!
!
“Are!you!still!at!the!hospital?”!
!
“Where!else!would!I!be?”!
!
I! gave! her! the! name! of! a! coffee! place! across! from! Seattle!
University,!a!short!walk!away.!
!
“I’ll!be!there!in!twenty!minutes,”!I!said.!
!
She! was! there! when! I! arrived,! sitting! at! a! table! in! back,!
chin! resting! on! her! palm,! staring! at! the! baristas! behind! the!
counter,!worry!etching!her!face.!She’d!let!her!long,!straight!hair!
down!out!of!her!usual!ponytail,!and!now!she!tucked!one!side!
behind!her!ear!with!her!fingers.!The!familiar!gesture!reversed!
time!for!an!instant,!revealing!a!glimpse!of!the!past.!She!gave!a!
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little!wave!when!she!saw!me,!the!sunshine!of!a!smile!hesitantly!
breaking!through!fast6moving!clouds!and!disappearing!again.!
!
I! sk
irted! a! table! of! students,! books! and! papers! spread!
across! their! table.! Two! girls! and! a! guy! leaned! in! over! their!
open! books! in! an! animated! discussion.! A! fourth! leaned! back,!
chair!tipped!on!its!back!legs,!his!sandaled!feet!propped!on!the!
edge! of! the! table,! an! open! textbook! resting! on! the! fleece! vest!
that! covered! his! belly.! He! scratched! his! chin,! fingers! lost! in! a!
tangle!of!scruffy!beard.!Blue!eyes!peered!out!of!a!face!as!pale!as!
a! Finn! in! winter.! Thick,! matted! dreadlocks! spilled! out! of! a!
colorful! Rasta! cap! over! his! collar.! The! itinerants! standing!
outside!the!day!labor!office!down!the!street!looked!cleaner.!!
!
“Thanks! for! coming,”! she! said! as! I! eased! into! the! chair!
across!from!her.!
!
“Not!like!I!seem!to!have!much!choice!with!you!two.”!
!
“What’s!that!supposed!to!mean?”!
!
I!shook!my!head.!“Nothing.!Look,!Sarah,!you!asked!me!to!
help!find!out!what!happened!to!your!parents.!I!thought!Charlie!
was!on!board!with!that,!but!he!doesn’t!want!to!hear!anything!
bad!about!them.”!
!
“What! do! you! mean! ‘bad’?! You! alluded! to! that! before.!
What’s!this!about?!What’d!they!do?”!
!
“I!think!they!organized!a!raid!on!a!research!lab!back!when!
we!were!kids.”!
!
Her! eyes! widened,! but! she! didn’t! flip! out.! “You! really! are!
nuts.”!
!
“Maybe.”!!
!
For! a! moment! I! considered! leaving,! walking! away! from!
everything.!Dumping!the!mess!in!her!lap.!She!was!right.!Charlie!
was! the! cop.! It! was! his! job! to! figure! this! out,! not! mine.! But!
someone! wanted! me! dead,! too.! If! anything,! a! sense! of! self6
preservation!should!keep!me!going.!The!impulse!to!quit!should!
have!warned!me!it!was!time!for!a!dose!of!meds.!
!
“Sebastian!Fitch.”!The!words!popped!out!of!my!mouth.!
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!
She!started.!“What!about!him?”!
!
I!stared!at!her.!“That!name!means!something!to!you?”!
!
“Sure.!Uncle!Sebastian.!You!remember!him.”!She!frowned.!
!
“Uncle!Sebastian?”!I!shook!my!head.!“I!don’t!think!so.”!
!
Her! brow! furrowed.! “Maybe! you! never! met! him.! He! died!
when! we! were! in! college.! My! sophomore! year! I! think.! I! was!
sure!you!must!have!met!him!at!some!family!dinner.”!
!
“Nope.!Never!heard!of!him!before!a!week!ago.”!
!
“Why?!Where’d!you!hear!his!name?”!
!
“Long!story.”!I!chased!thoughts!around!my!head!like!a!flea6
bit!dog!after!his!tail.!“He!wasn’t!your!real!uncle,!was!he?”!
!
The!corners!of!her!mouth!turned!up.!“God,!no.!Just!one!of!
mom!and!dad’s!good!friends.!I!knew!him!ever!since!I!was!tiny.!
He’d! come! around! once! in! a! while,! roughhouse! with! us! kids!
when!were!little,!talk!with!Clayt,!stay!for!dinner.!Clayt!always!
called!him!‘Uncle’!Sebastian!around!us.”!
!
“You!know!what!he!and!your!dad!talked!about?”!
!
Her! head! wagged.! “Their! private! talks! were! just! that—
private.!Around!us!he!didn’t!talk!about!anything!in!particular.!
The!usual!stuff—sports,!weather,!school,!whatever.”!
!
“Nothing!unusual!around!the!time!you!started!college?”!
!
Her!mouth!formed!the!word!‘no,’!but!no!sound!came!out.!
She! cocked! her! head.! “Now! that! you! mention! it,! I! saw! him!
around!the!house!a!lot!the!summer!before!my!freshman!year.!
Never!gave!it!much!thought.!Just!figured!he!was!bored.!Brought!
over!a!friend!of!his!a!couple!of!times,!too.!I!don’t!remember!his!
name,!though.!No,!wait,!it!was!Phil.”!
!
She! paused! and! focused! on! thoughts! that! hovered!
somewhere!over!my!left!shoulder.!!
!
“The!strange!thing?!That!fall?!He!got!religion,!I!swear.!Born!
again.!Always!talking!about!‘the!Word’!and!‘what!would!Jesus!
do?’! I! thought! it! had! something! to! do! with,! you! know,! what!
happened! to! me! freshman! year.! But! now! I! see! that’s! pretty!
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silly.!Something!happened—to!him,!not!me.”!She!stared!at!me,!
gaze!flicking!across!my!face.!“What’s!this!about?”!
!
“He!helped!blow!up!a!building!on!a!college!campus!back!in!
Illinois.!Looks!like!your!parents!were!involved.!Maybe!planned!
the!job.”!!
!
Her! hand! went! to! her! mouth! and! her! eyes! grew! wide.!
“Clayt! and! Connie?! They! wouldn’t! hurt! a! fly.! And! Uncle!
Sebastian?!He!was!a!big!teddy!bear.”!
!
“The! FBI! found! Fitch’s! fingerprint! at! the! scene.! Never!
connected! him! with! the! case,! though,! until! long! after! he! was!
killed.”!!
!
She! was! shaking! her! head.! “They! couldn’t! have! done! it.!
They!never!left!town!that!year.!Didn’t!even!take!a!vacation.!You!
know,! because! of! what! happened! to! me.! They! wanted! to! stay!
close,!just!in!case.”!
!
“I! never! said! they! were! there.! But! they! were! involved,!
Sarah.”!
!
A!grim!storm!clouded!her!expression.!“I!don’t!believe!it.”!
!
“Believe!what!you!want.”!It!came!out!more!harshly!than!I!
intended.! I! had! an! impulse! to! shake! her! until! she! started!
making! sense.! “Didn’t! you! ever! think! your! parents! were!
weird?”!
!
She!blinked.!“Not!really.!A!little!eccentric,!I!suppose.”!
!
“Come! on,! Sarah.! You! can’t! believe! all! that! hippie6dippie!
shit!is!normal.”!
!
“Just!because!they!love!nature!and!have!eclectic!taste?”!
!
“I’m! not! just! talking! Connie’s! earth6mother! act! or! Clayt’s!
lectures!on!how!all!of!today’s!political!problems!wouldn’t!exist!
if! the! Boomers! hadn’t! capitulated! and! bought! into! the!
Establishment! instead! of! continuing! ’Sixties6style! activism.!
They’re!strange!people,!Sarah.”!
!
The!heat!lightning!of!a!summer!storm!of!anger!flashed!in!
her!eyes.!“It’s!all!relative.!Weren’t!your!parents!weird!in!their!
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own!way?!We!had!a!lot!of!reminders!around!the!house!of!those!
days.!Books,!record!albums,!artwork…!So!what?”!
!
“Your!parents!also!read!stuff!like!Che’s!diary,!Mao’s!‘Little!
Red! Book,’! Eldridge! Cleaver,! Civil* Disobedience,! Guerilla*
Warfare,!all!those!Yippie!manifestos!…”!
!
“For! God’s! sake,! Blake.! They! also! read! Ken! Kesey,! Tom!
Wolfe,! Timothy!
Leary,! Hunter! S.! Thompson! and! a! bunch! of!
other! drug! culture! books,! but! they! weren’t! druggies.! And! tell!
me! you! didn’t! read! Kurt! Vonnegut,! or! CatchH22,! or! Trout*
Fishing* in* America! when! you! were! in! school.! Does! that! make!
you! a! counterculture! revolutionary?! Are! they! left6leaning!
liberals?!Sure.!Do!they!believe!passionately!in!causes!like!clean!
water! and! clean! air?! Absolutely.! We! all! should.! Do! they! vote,!
and! write! letters! and! advocate! for! alternative! energy,! better!
schools!and!healthcare!coverage!for!people!in!minimum!wage!
jobs!who!can’t!afford!it?!You!betcha.!!
!
“But! did! they! ever! tell! us! the! way! to! achieve! energy!
independence,! or! equal! rights! for! women! and! minorities,! or!
more! public! transportation! was! to! bomb! buildings! or! foment!
revolution?! No! way.! They! never! suggested! that! freedom! of!
speech,!or!fighting!for!what!you!believe!in,!involved!use!of!your!
fists! or! physical! confrontation! of! any! kind! that! might! harm!
another! living! being.! Or! property,! for! that! matter.! They! don’t!
resolve! disputes! with! violence.! They’re! good! people,! Blake.!
What’s!the!matter!with!you?”!
!
“You!never!heard!them!talk!about!a!campus!bombing?!Or!
Southern! Illinois?! Or! a! research! lab?! Coal! gasification!
experiments?!Nothing!like!that?”!
!
“No,! damn! it!! The! only! times! I! heard! them! talk! about!
things! like! that! were! in! reference! to! the! antiwar!
demonstrations! during! Vietnam.! Like! history! lessons.! They!
were!in!Canada!then,!anyway.!They!didn’t!get!mixed!up!in!all!
that.”!
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!
“They! never! told! you! about! Uncle! Sebastian?! About! his!
SDS!activities!back!in!the!day?!The!fact!that!he!was!an!agitator!
at! demonstrations! here?! And! back! at! the! University! of!
Wisconsin?”!
!
“No,!never.!He!was!just!a!guy!Clayt!knew!at!work.!A!friend,!
that’s!all.”!
!
“Charlie! lied,! Sarah.! I! asked! him! about! Fitch.! He! said! he!
never! heard! of! the! guy.! Why! would! he! lie?! He! knows!
something.! Trying! to! protect! your! parents! maybe.! Whatever.!
Clayt! and! Connie! are! in! this! thing! up! to! their! necks,! and!
whoever!shot!Charlie!wants!them!dead.”!
!
“Why?! That’s! crazy!”! Her! eyes! darted! back! and! forth,!
reflecting!panic.!She!swallowed!hard,!calming!herself.!“I’m!not!
saying!I!believe!it,!but!even!if!they!did!something!stupid!back!